Author: Life kicked my butt this year..Sorry I've been MIA, so enjoy this story! I do not own Inuyasha or it's characters except for the ones I made up!


Kagome paced around her room, night had fallen and she was feeling nervous, she wasn't sure on how to approach kouga, she had a small speech prepared on how thankful she was for his hospitality, but she also felt like she was overstaying her welcome, especially with Ayame, not that she would mention that part. As much as she wanted to deny it, she knew Kouga still had feelings for her, and she felt that it was her time to go. She bit her lip, and decided a walk would do her good, maybe she would find the courage along the way, somehow.

The cool air felt soothing on her thoughts, the wind gently prickling her skin drew goosebumps, she enjoyed the breeze, the type that didn't feel cold nor too warm. She wandered around and spotted a small patch of grass that seemed flat and laid down stretching out her arms, her eyelids felt heavy. How would she tell him? A few more fuzzy thoughts entered her mind until she fell asleep curling up into a ball.


Kouga had been walking around with ayame, they had gotten a message from the elders, requesting their presence for a festival, a celebration of past elders, this time being hosted by the yuki tribe in the snow mountains, the trip would be at least a few days, and the journey was not an easy one, it was cold and dangerous at times.

"Well, we can set out tomorrow morning and go at our pace and be there on time so we aren't in a hurr-"

"No," he quickly interrupted, "maybe in the evening or morning after, but not tomorrow morning.."

Ayame's brows furrowed, "we might have to rush it though, and risk being late, tomorrow morning would make more sense, why ar-"

"Kagome's friends are coming tomorrow morning,"

Ayame nodded at him slowly, "when did they reach out to you?" looking up at him, even in the dark sky she could see a faint blush rise to his cheeks.

"I reached out to them, and they agreed, she's been really upset with the half idiot"

She stopped walking, "Kouga? Can I ask you something?" she looked at him with a blank look," And I want you to be honest?" There was hesitation in her voice, as if she knew the answer, no she knew the answer, but finally she wanted clarification.

"Of course," looking down at the petite redhead, there was a blank expression on her face as he tried reading her, was she about to pick a fight?

"Do..do you still have feelings for kagome?"

Ah there it was. The question. The elephant in the room was finally being acknowledged.

"Ayame, ca we... not do this now?" he replied slowly and unsure, afraid of his answer.

"Just answer the question kouga, I need to know. Please. Just tell me" still her face remained unchanged.

"If this is about me talking to her friends, I would do the same fo-"

Now she cut him off, still with an emotionless expression, she answered, "no, no you wouldn't do the same for me, I could be upset and the most you could offer me is a small hug, not even a hug a friend hug, but you…" she took a deep breath, "you go out of your way for her, you go see her friends, you make sure she's okay..but with me, you would never do that, you wouldn't do that, and-" she paused, she felt herself tremble, she felt brave but heartbroken at the same time.

"And?"

"And I see the way you look at her, the way you look at her is completely different from the way you look at me and have ever looked at me. So just answer the question, do you still have feelings for her?"

"And what if I do?"

"well…I'm not sure…but I want an answer. Kouga stop avoiding it, just… tell me. Please" she pleaded softly.

He felt his chest tighten, it was now or never, "Yes…I-I still have feelings for her." he said quietly.

She looked down nodding, "okay."

"Ayame?" worry lines etched his forehead, this was the most quiet she had ever been, she was so serious.

She looked up with a small sad smile, "I understand…I thought that eventually…after years you would want me and forget kagome, but you would wait forever if you had to, even if it's one sided… you would wait, even to be just by her side as a friend you would wait." she nodded again, biting down on her lip.

"Ayame…I-" he wanted to hug her, but felt that it would shatter her more. She sensed his internal conflict and flung her arms around his torso, hugging him tightly, and he hugged her back kissing the top of her head. Her eyes watered, threatening to spill fat droplets.

"Ayame…I'll always care for you..I'm sorry that it's not in the way you wanted me to. You deserve better. I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you."

She shook her head against his chest, trying to keep her tears away. "hey you were really good to me, even if you had to fight me off most of the time…I think I'll be okay. I accept it…will you…will you pursue her?" finally breaking away from him.

He sighed, "I'm not sure, I don't want to disrespect you, because we are still united and also she's getting over dog breath, she's still very vulnerable plus she sees me as a friend, I have to respect that she'll never see me as a companion… wait you're not mad? You don't want to kick her out?"

Ayame looked at him in horror, "No! Of course I would never want to kick her out! How little do you think of me that I would want to throw her out," she sighed, "but I did think about it" she mumbled looking down at the ground.

"Can we still be friends?" he asked, if she said no he would have to respect it.

Her smile wavered, "I-I need time kouga, but yes eventually we can be." but not right now because you were my first love, I need to get over you.

He nodded, "after Kagome's friends come by we can leave. Thank you ayame," he grabbed her hands and squeezed them and let go, she nodded and smiled. He turned away and smelled the fresh tears that she had been holding back, guilt gnawed at him, but he knew it was for the better.


Kouga decided that he wasn't quite ready to go back inside, he was sure that some of his people had heard, and didn't feel like getting interviewed. Maybe a good night's rest outside would be good for him, it had been a while since he enjoyed nature at night, the quiet buzz of crickets and cicadas screeching, maybe he could in his yokai form it had been a while.

His eyes glowed and long thick fur grew, paws stepped out instead of feet or hands, he whined in relief it had felt like forever to be truly himself, he shook his body and stretched out. It had been a long day, his focus now had been to go to sleep and walked to his spot, her scent becoming stronger as he neared.

Kagome? What was she doing out so late at night?

He cocked his head and followed it.

Oh.

She was sleeping on her side, legs curled up. Should he wake her? It probably wasn't too comfortable, humans were quite delicate and needed special bedding, but he supposed that kagome might be different, after all she had traveled a lot on their search for naraku, and would sleep in a weird closed cocoon. He was conflicted, on the one hand he wanted to wake her up, but on the other- well she looked so peaceful.

She grumbled quietly and moved, she was cold , her tired eyes slowly opening to a wolf and screamed. This was no ordinary wolf, it was huge, large dark blue eyes staring down at her, and fur as black as night, it was bigger than all of the wolves she had seen, was this a stray possibly? The wolf, hearing her scream, jumped away in fear? Did it feel fear? He was massive compared to her, what could she possibly do to it? He let out a few quiet barks Everything is okay and whined at her.

The simple solution would be to change back into his normal form, but his attire was't nearby, and he doubted his nakedness would make anything better, he shuddered at the thought.

Kagome cocked her head, this wolf didn't seem like it wanted to hurt her, it was just massive. She clutched at her chest trying to calm down her heart. If he had wanted to eat her, it would have, right? She looked at this wolf, it was slowly approaching her, she took a deep breath as its snout neared her. She reached out a trembling hand, and his snout lowered it to it, pushing a wet nose against her. She smiled, it was friendly! Or at least it seemed that way.

"Aw, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scream, you just scared me!" she said petting around his snout, while getting up.

He sighed in relief, at least she wasn't scared anymore. He whimpered at her.

"What's wrong? Do you want pets?" she ran her fingers over his sides and gently scratched him.

He wasn't sure if he felt flattered or humiliated at being treated like a dog, but at least she wasn't afraid of him anymore, so he would bear it. But if ginta and hakkaku saw, he would kill them. He laid on his front as she continued to pet him, listening to her quiet ramble.

"You're so cute, sorry I scared you," she smiled, "I'm glad you woke me up, or else I would have been cold all night. I don't know if you're part of kouga's wolves but I'm sure he would let you stay nearby as long as you don't do anything bad. He's really kind, even if he acts stubborn, but he's a good person"

I am?

"Well, I don't know if you can go inside, but I'll stay with you for a bit, okay? You can lay down here" she patted down at the ground and he scooted over.

"I hope you don't mind if I lean against you, i'm a little cold and I-" she stopped, he got up and laid around her, putting his tail near her front as if it were a blanket, "oh thank you." she brushed his fur once more and gently leaned against him.

Kouga thanked the gods that he was in wolf form, because if not he would have been red all over. She was leaning against him and using him as her blanket and he loved it. He turned to look at her and gently pressed his snout against her head, she was already asleep. He laid his head down and listened to her breathing and went to sleep.


When Kagome woke up she felt an ache over her body, more specifically her back, it had been a while since she had slept outdoors but she welcomed the new ache, it had been the best sleep she had ever gotten in a while, and the wolf…the wolf! Confused she looked around, she hadn't dreamt it had she? She remembered passing outside and then the wolf sleeping nearby, had he taken her back inside? No, she hadn't recognized him but then again she hadn't been staying long enough to know everyone. She silently thanked him.

A small thump against her wall got her attention.

"Yes? I'm up sorry!"

"Kagome? Can I come in?" it was ayme's voice.

"Oh yes..one moment!" she ran her fingers through her hair to make herself presentable, she got up and went to greet her.

Ayame smiled as soon as she saw her, but she felt a pang when she smelled kouga on her, she spotted a few furs stuck on kagome's kimono, ah so that's where he had gone, he slept outside with kagome. She had heard the rumble he had given out, and had gone back to sleep.

"Good morning! I just wanted to talk…and to ask you something."

Kagome cocked her head, what could possibly be so urgent in the morning, nevertheless she nodded, "of course, what can I hel-"

"Do you have feelings for kouga?"

"I uh- I'm sorry what?" she said stumbling backwards as if she had been slapped.

Ayame swallowed the small lump in the back of her throat, and smiled again, " do… you have feelings for kouga? Just answer it."

Kagome stayed quiet for a minute, and slowly shook her head, "no, I don't ayame, I'm sorry if I've given any indication that I have but I-trust me I don't have any intentions with hi-"

Ayame cut her off, "it's okay if you do…" bitting her lip, "because…" her eyes welled up, but refused to let tears fall off.

"Ayame? Are-are you okay?" unsure of what to do, kagome gently grabbed ayame's hand and led her to her bed and helped her sit, "what's wrong? Have I done something? I'm so sorry if I have, I promise I don't have any intentions and I haven't done anything I…"

Ayame took a small breathe of air and rasped out, "we're over. Me and kouga..our union" she trailed off.

"oh ..ayame I'm so sorry." she hugged her, gently stroking her back "I promise I didn't do anything…I'll-I'll talk to him!"

She got up ready to go find him and talk sense into him when ayame grabbed her hand

"No don't! We-we made up our minds I just.."

"But what about the babies and-"

Ayame shook her head, "no…he doesn't want children with me..he sees me as a friend and…has feelings for someone else…"

"Then I'll leave." kagome looked down at her friend, "I'm sorry that I caused this…ayame." pain and guilt panged at her heart, great, she did this to a woman, when the exact same thing had been done to her, what kind of monster was she?

"No!" ayame grabbed her hand again, "no, kagome it is not your fault, i decided it, okay? I love him but he's not in love with me and I've come to terms with it… I just wanted to tell you because soon we'll be making the announcement to everyone that we are no longer together…"

Kagome nodded, "but…wasn't your union also a part of an alliance between your tribes?"

Ayame nodded, "yes but there are ways to undo it without it being anyone's fault, since Koga and I have not mated or had pups that's a way to show we are not meant for each other, as long as the tribes keep being friendly there will still be an alliance, and I will vouch for kouga of course and his tribe, I have nothing against them…but..you miiight be brought into this."

Kagome pondered, why would she be dragged into this? Before she could ask, ayame got up wiping away her tears, "don't worry about it, they might just ask you questions. I h-have to go, go back to bed okay? Sorry I woke you up so early." without another word she turned and left.

Kagome laid back down on her bed staring at the cave's ceiling. Sadness and guilt panged at her chest until she felt like she would suffocate. This was her fault, even if ayame denied it. Everyone always said kouga had feelings for her, and while it had been innocent and cute when she was younger, right now another person's feelings had been involved, and they had been hurt. She grabbed what seemed like a blanket and dragged it over her head and groaned. She should get up but a cramp stopped her, 'stupid period' she thought, in just a few more days it would be gone.


"Kagome? Hey-" she heard a man's voice call to her, she groaned and rolled onto her side. The voice paused, "kagome? Wake up," kouga's voice gently called to her.

"Kouga…" she mumbled pulling her blanket closer to her.

He grinned looking down, she was so cute sleeping, her friends were nearby and he wanted to surprise her.

"Ka-gomeeee," he whispered loudly near her ear. She turned to look at him, her eyes full of sleep until she registered it was him.

"Whaa-waa!" she sat up, what was he doing in here? It was still morning, right? Another cramp hit her, but she ignored it. Kouga was standing over her with a small smile plastered on his face, was this man ever not smiling?

He laughed, "get up, I-" he stopped, should he tell her he had a surprise? Should he tell her it was her friends, "I need to show you something."

Her thoughts went to Ayame, and the guilt gnawed at her even more.

"Oh, uh okay yea um give me a minute to get ready and I'll be right out I need to change." she nodded, getting up, she felt awkward around him.

Kouga sensing her awkwardness nodded and waited outside her space, he could hear them just below the waterfall, he had told his friends not to risk sango coming up. He wondered how kagome would react to seeing her friends. He was sure she would be happy since she had left without telling them goodbye.

Kagome stepped out, wearing a new kimono, and he smacked himself mentally, he had forgotten to give her her things! He would give them to her later, after she met up with her friends.

"Kouga?" her voice was small and unsure.

"Come this way," he said leading her out of the cave, kagome was confused, didn't he have to show her something?

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, I need you to close your eyes and get on my back, it's down near the waterfall…"

"Shouldn't I close my eyes after I'm on your back?" she teased

"Ahh yes…in that order," he flushed, she laughed and climbed onto his back.

"Okay I'm ready, I have my eyes closed."

"Okay, hold tight," he jumped down trying to land gently on the few small ledges that he could get to, he felt her heart quicken but knew it wasn't out of fear. He saw her friends look up at them as he gently came to a stop near them, he raised a finger to his lips, motioning them to be quiet.

"We're on the ground now kagome, I'll help you down but don't open your eyes yet okay."

"Okay" she felt confused and slightly dizzy, maybe he was about to strand her at the bottom, maybe he was tired of the drama and wanted her gone.

He led her over to her friends, "okay now"

She opened her eyes and burst into tears with a wobbly smile, small sobs wracked her body as sango stepped out and hugged her as tightly as she could with what her belly could allow. The monk stepped forward and hugged her too, gently patting her back.

"Oh my gosh guys! I-" she bit down on her lip, they knew of course why right? "I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye." she cried.

Sango smiled and rubbed her back, "hey it's okay, we understand…I'm so sorry you went through that." she said. Kagome nodded at her, of course they would understand.

"I…I don't know when I'm coming back, kouga has been-kouga! You set this up didn't you! How?" she turned to look at kouga who had hung back to let her reunite with her friends.

Sango turned and grinned at him, and turned back to kagome, "he came by yesterday and asked us to come by, and he also came by to grab your belongings."

"Belongings?" he hadn't given her anything, raising an eyebrow she looked at him, as he gave her a sheepish smile .

"I uh…forgot to give them to you, I was going to then something kinda happened…" he trailed off, he had meant to give them back but it had crossed his mind after the ayame situation.

"Oh!" sango perked up "I forgot we brought him with us." she waddled over to the norimono and opened it, "hey we're here." she said, shaking something, after a few seconds shippo popped his head out and beamed at the sight.

"Maaa-kagome!" he screeched, running at her, and jumped onto her open arms.

"Oh shippo! I'm sorry I left you," she sniffed trying not to break down again, and stroked his hair as he sobbed into hers, he clutched her hair with his tiny fists and tears streamed down his face.

"Ka-go-me," he cried, "why…did…you..leave…me?" he blubbered out.

"I'm sorry shippo, something happened and I…I couldn't stay." she said, feeling her heart shatter into small pieces listening to his cry," I felt like I had to go and I…well maybe I'll come back but I need time honey." she said, sighing and setting him down.

Shippo stomped on the ground, "stupid half breed dog," he huffed, "he ruins everything." he looked down at the floor, he knew he wasn't supposed to mention it but it just came out. Kagome smiled.

"Hey it's okay," she said ruffling his hair, "eventually I'll come back but not right now okay? I just need some time for myself to think and to be away, have you been behaving?" she asked.

He nodded but stopped.

"welll.. I did kick inuyasha when I saw him last but I haven't done anything else." Although he had considered throwing a statue on inuyasha to trap him, but had decided against it.

"Shippo," she bent down to look at him, "i know you're upset but don't do anything to him anymore okay? You behave and be nice to everyone."

He sniffled looking down at the ground, "okay" he mumbled.

She smiled and hugged him again, shippo was not her child but she always felt motherly towards him, ever since she learned his parents were killed she felt like it was her duty to protect him and teach him how to be a good citizen.

"Can…can I stay with you?"

"Stay? Here?" she turned to look at kouga, who had walked closer, "I don't know about that shippo this isn't my ho-"

"Of course you can stay! But not today little one, I uh…there's this trip that we're taking and I was wondering if you wanted to come?" kouga said looking at kagome.

"A trip?"

"Yea, we're going to visit another pack soon, we'll be gone for a while, not sure how long but it'll be in the snow region, I should have asked you when I found out, sorry but it would be nice to have someone who knows medicine to come with us," he said awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

"Of course I'll go. I would love to help the packs in any ways I can but…will the others be okay with me going? I am a human, a human miko afterall."

"Don't worry I'll be there, they'll have to accept it."

Kagome nodded and looked back at her friends, who nodded at her.

"When do we leave?"

"Today, preferably in a bit, but take your time."

Sango looked at the two of them and smiled to herself, he was still infatuated with her, her brows crinkled, wasn't he with ayame though? She swore she heard that they had gotten together, but perhaps it had been for show? Afterall, lords always did that to secure alliances, maybe it was the same for him.

"Actually we should probably be leaving, the baby is kicking and this trip was a little tiring even for the little walking that I did." sango rubbed her belly, she was at the point in pregnancy where she just wanted the baby out.

Kagome went up to her and hugged her gently, "thank you so much for coming to see me."

Sango nodded towards kouga, "thank your boy…ahh thank kouga for that, I'm glad you're safe and taken care of, whenever you feel ready our home will be open to you okay?" she said hugging her back.

"Thank you" kagome whispered before letting her go.

Miroku stepped up and hugged her, murmuring a small prayer, "lady kagome" he bowed, he walked over to behind the carriage and pulled her bike out from the shade, "we brought you this, hopefully this will be helpful ,and like sango said our home is open to you."

Taking the bike from him, she thanked him, she pulled out the kickstand with her leg and looked down at shippo, taking him into her arms again, he hugged her tightly.

"You behave okay? When I come back, kouga said you can stay okay, but just for a little bit okay?"

He nodded against her hair, "okay"

"Oh! Wait, I forgot we brought one more thing," sango went back to the norimono and grabbed it. It was her bow.

"Here you probably need this."

Kagome smiled,. "Thanks sango, I've missed it."


Kagome and Kouga waved to the trio as they left, when they were out of sight she threw her arms around him.

"Thank you for doing this." she said, smiling against his chest.

Kouga flushed, gently patting her back "of course, I'm glad I could help you." he said, unsure of what to do with his hands, he thought about it and decided to gently pat her back. Kagome pulled away from him.

"So about this trip, how long will you, I mean we be gone? And how long will it take?"

He scratched his head, "hmm it will take a few days, maybe five at the most, we'll leave in a few hours, everyone has mostly packed the essentials like some food and clothing, it'll be a cold stay over there."

Kagome's brows furrowed, she did have a few warm kimonos that she could layer, but not many.

"Don't worry about the cold, I have a cloak you can use, I hope you like the color blue."

"Where did you get it?"

He shrugged, "it used to be mine but I got a new one, so you can use it, I stole it a while ago…before I met you!" he clarified.

"Okay, but no more stealing!"

He nodded, "no more stealing."