An AU for season 3, around the time Alex is brainwashed by Amanda. What if Alex yelled all those bad thoughts she had about Nikita to her face.
Nikita and Alex shared a lot with one another; it was the perks of being best friends. They shared clothes. They shared makeup. They shared food, and blankets, and everything else. But mostly, they shared thoughts and feelings they didn't express to anyone else. They knew darker thoughts and worse fears than even Michael and Sean knew. Alex and Nikita's similar experiences and stories lent a hand in that. No one understood them like they did. The two were sisters in everything but blood.
Which was why it hurt so much more when they were fighting.
No one else used the old sparring gym besides the team of former rogues. That had its advantages; whenever they wanted to be alone, they could. However, if two people wanted to be alone and pummel a punching bag to destress at the same time, they were stuck without reprieve from one another. Usually, that'd be perfectly fine with Nikita and Alex. They loved to spar together, catch up on their crazy lives. Yet they had been at each other's throats lately. The two couldn't go two seconds without arguing. It was almost as though they were pulling away from each other- like they weren't friends anymore.
It wasn't without Nikita trying, though. She attempted to talk to Alex, break the weird tension that had formed between them after Alex was kidnapped by Amanda. But it never worked. Even then, the attempt at a joke blew up in Nikita's face. She had walked into the old gym and instantly spotted Alex beating the shit out of a punching bag. The quip flew out of Nikita's mouth before she really thought of it- maybe Alex would be less bitchy if she did meditation with Birkhoff again.
Normally, when the two best friends taunted one another with harsh language, it made them laugh. They knew the name calling was all in good fun. And it managed to shock them out of their bad moods, making them break into giggles. Not that time, however. Nikita's joke caused Alex to snap. She stopped punching the bag to turn her fiery gaze to her friend. Her words were like venom as they dripped off her tongue, "At least I never had to rely on other people to know what love is. A guy never had to be inside of me for me to know he liked me."
"What?" Nikita stepped back in shock. Alex's response seemed to have come from nowhere. It didn't relate at all to what Nikita had said. It was as though she had been looking for an excuse to berate her friend. She was simply screaming to scream. The fury was ripe in her mind, and Alex had to let it out.
That wasn't what made Nikita take another step back, however. She had told Alex those thoughts in confidence. She had once quietly told her that she wasn't certain what love really was until Daniel, and that sometimes she feared Michael didn't even like her unless he was kissing her. They were stupid thoughts to have- Alex had told her as much. She had comforted her, and told her she was always loved. She took back her words then, however. She threw Nikita's fears in her face, rubbed them in, and kept attacking with more.
"You control everything and everyone around you cause you're so desperate for people to love you. And the second someone breaks free of you, you believe something's wrong with them. You never stop to think that something is wrong with you. That your need for people to love you is crippling," Although Alex didn't move closer to Nikita, her shouts were enough to force her to take more steps back. The assault was unrelenting. She couldn't understand it.
"Alex, what are you talking about?" Struggling to keep the hurt out of her voice, Nikita begged Alex to at least tell her why she was yelling at her. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe after all she had done, she deserved to have her best friend use all of the dark thoughts she had shared with her against her. But she wanted to know what brought it on. Why would Alex just snap.
"You're so unable to be loved that you force people into it. But you twist it and make it perverse, cause you don't know what love is. Not unless someone is fucking you," Alex wouldn't listen. She simply screamed. It didn't matter what Nikita said or did. All Alex was going to do was vent whatever was in her mind. She lashed out and harmed her friend, needing to cut with her words.
Tears swam in Nikita's eyes. She tried to fight them. She knew crying would make things worse. Yet it was so hard not to quiver and cower when her best friend was repeating the dark thoughts she had once negated. Either Alex had lied in the past, or she was beginning to see her for the monster she truly was. Both options frightened Nikita, "Stop."
"Why? Cause you can't bear to hear the truth? You run away from everything that's hard. I was forced to take drugs, but you chose to. You chose to be so high you killed a man just cause you didn't want to deal with Gary. Was foster care even that bad? Or were you just too weak to handle it?" Stalking closer to the former rogue, Alex pointed an accusatory finger at her. She kept closing the gap between them, even when Nikita backed so far away her back hit the wall. Alex didn't want her running away. She had to hear every hurtful word.
"What are you doing?" Finding at least some of her strength, Nikita demanded. How could her quip about Alex's bitchy attitude turn into that. Was her own attitude so bad that Alex had to call her out. Or was something else going on. Was she really that unlovable.
"Someone has to tell you the truth," Alex spat. The tears repapered in Nikita's eyes. She tried to turn away from Alex; she wouldn't let her see. But it was too late. She scoffed at Nikita, nearly laughing caustically, "What? You're too much of a bitch to handle it? God, you're pathetic. Get over yourself, you solipsistic junkie."
The slap shocked Alex as well. It just happened so fast. One second she screamed at Nikita. The next, she hit her. She knew she messed up the second she struck her. After she dealt the harsh blow, she quickly drew her hand away and stepped back. Wide-eyed, Alex stared at her best friend. She wanted to apologize; she had to apologize. But Nikita turned to her, holding her stinging cheek, fear and hurt simmering in her eyes. She blinked, and that pain instantly became anger. It was at that moment that Alex realized Nikita had never been angry with her. Upset and disappointed, yes. But never angry. Until she crossed the line.
Nikita had been hit by Alex (and Michael) before. But those fights were different. They sparred in practice, or they fought tactically to subdue one another. The slap was something else. It came from a place of rage. It expressed intense fury and hatred. It was born from the need to belittle and abuse. That was why Nikita snapped. She couldn't help herself. She couldn't stop herself from responding to the abuse. She could only lunge at Alex and attack.
Tackling the young woman to the ground, Nikita just whaled on her. There was no form. There was no technique. She just threw punches and kicks without ceasing. Alex was able to remember her training during the assault. She flipped Nikita off her, but the move didn't last long. The former rogue continued to attack her. So, she fought back just as viciously.
For far too long, Nikita's and Alex's only aim was to hurt one another. Their hits and blows were beyond harmful- but no more than their intentions. The two didn't care about each other's wellbeing. It was all about their own pain. Who cared about the other.
Alex and Nikita had been missing for a while. Michael and Sean were growing concerned. They hoped the women were making up for their recent fights. But the longer they were missing, the more the men doubted it. Sean and Michael had to go looking for them. They started with the levels of Division they knew Nikita and Alex liked to hang out in. It didn't take long for them to hear the women in the old gym. And as the men got closer, it didn't take long for them to hear the screams.
The two Navy men burst into the room, prepared for the worst. Except, even that didn't prepare them for the sight they saw. Nikita wrestled Alex to her back and slammed her head into the mat. Alex clawed at Nikita to make her stop, but it was of no use. Hurriedly, Michael and Sean rushed to the women. They didn't care if they were struck by a rogue fist, they simply had to stop the two from killing one another. Michael managed to wrap his arms around his fiancée's waist and roughly yank her off her best friend, "Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Come on."
She continued to kick and scream despite being dragged away. Nikita wouldn't relax. Even in Michael's arms, she was feral. Sean ignored her as he helped Alex to her feet. She was sluggish, which forced him to frantically examine her for any injury. Alex waved him off, yet he wouldn't let her go. Sean was far too concerned. The overwhelming feeling quickly morphed into fear- and rage. Sharply, he turned to Nikita and shouted, "What is wrong with you?"
Nikita went rigid in Michael's arms. She looked like she was going to scream and fight and be all kinds of hostile. Instead, as Sean's words sank in, she froze. She stared at her best friend in horror. Alex stared back at her, self-hatred burning in her gaze. Nikita couldn't take any more of it. She broke free of Michael's arms and ran for the exit. Alex thought of following. Yet Michael had that covered. Sean had to turn his girlfriend away from the retreating couple to make her focus on herself instead, "Alex, are you okay?"
"Just keep Nikita away from me," Alex's voice was hollow. She refused to look at Sean; her gaze was firmly locked on the ground. He tried to comfort her, but she pulled away. Slowly and stiffly, she left the gym. She drew in on herself. Conflicted thoughts screamed and muttered inside her head. She couldn't shake them loose. She didn't know what was wrong with her.
While Sean attempted to settle Alex, Michael chased after his fiancée. He knew where she'd go to hide and be alone. No doubt after the fight, she wanted to be away from everybody. He still rushed to her, though. He had no idea what was happening. Nothing he thought would explain why Alex and Nikita attacked each other. He was almost afraid to find out.
He entered the abandoned shooting range regardless. Nikita sat on the shelf in one of the booths, curled tightly into herself. As Michael neared her, he could hear her choking on sobs. He immediately stopped trying a gentle approach. He just rushed to her and wrapped her in his arms. She was stiff in his hold, but he still held her and cradled her head to his chest. When she winced, he pulled away to examine her. One of her brown eyes had a long, deep scratch running underneath it. He couldn't help but gasp, "Nikita? Oh, God. Nikita, what happened?"
'Solipsistic junkie' kept repeating in Nikita's head. It was the only thing she could concentrate on. It played over and over and over again, the only thing changing was the tone. One sounded like Alex- harsh, angry, and followed by a slap. The other belonged to Amanda- caustic, biting, and surrounded by fire. The phrase wouldn't leave her mind. Not after two drastically different people had spat it at her, "She sounded like Amanda."
"So you hit her?" Gently, Michael tried to make Nikita look at him. All he wanted was to understand what happened and to help her. He couldn't do that if she pulled away from him. However, just tenderly touching her cheek didn't cut it. She was determined to shove him out.
"I didn't want to. She just hit like Gary first," Barely above a whisper, Nikita admitted. She hated what she had done. She never wanted to hurt Alex. Everything she did was in an effort to protect her. But all she ever did was lead to her best friend's pain. All the things Alex had said about her were true. She chose that for herself. She chose to be a monster.
"Why?" Michael tried to compose himself. He studied the gash under her eye, connecting the dots of the fight. Nikita was good at protecting her face and head during fights, unless she was caught by surprise. Based on how Alex fought, if she was ever going to injure her best friend's eye, it would be with an unsuspecting slap. But why would Alex ever strike Nikita. What kind of argument could they have had beforehand.
Shrugging, Nikita pulled away from Michael again. She didn't want to delve into Alex's motives. They didn't matter. Nikita had been the awful one in the fight. She shouldn't have lunged, "Cause I deserved it. She didn't say anything that wasn't true."
"That can't possibly be true. You don't deserve to be hit," Michael was extremely soft as he reached for Nikita again. Although she was curled in on herself, she let him into her space. He helped wipe her tears, soothe her wound, and comfort her. None of his gentle words had an effect on her, yet she stopped pulling away. He'd take that as a good sign until she was ready to talk.
The couple wasn't given the time to patiently wait for her to open up, however. Soon, Sean found them in the target range and stormed in. Alex never said more than a few words to him after the incident. She just kept running away. So, he turned his sights on Nikita. He was all rage as he approached her, desperately needing to know why his girlfriend was so hurt, "What the hell is wrong with you? Alex speaks her mind, and you attack her?"
"Your girl hit first," Instantly, Michael argued, blocking Nikita from Sean's warpath. The Seal stopped dead in his tracks. Noticing the cut on Nikita's eye, he knew Michael was telling the truth; the wound came from a dirty blow. The fact that it did explained why Alex wouldn't talk. And why she wouldn't look at him. The attack wasn't that simple.
Sean didn't like to think of it like that. He didn't want to add conspiracy to it. The fight between Alex and Nikita had to be taken seriously. He couldn't think little of it with his baseless idea. However, ever since he got Alex back from Amanda's clutches, she hadn't been the same. It wasn't just from being kidnapped and held by the bitch for days. Something else was wrong. He knew it. Her starting a fight with her best friend was just an extension of it. She wasn't herself, "I knew something was off with her. But this?"
"You think Amanda did something when she captured her?" Michael easily picked up on Sean's thoughts. Nikita claimed Alex sounded like the bitch before she hit her. What if Amanda said something to manipulate her when she held her captive.
Nikita was the only one left shaking her head. They couldn't assume Alex was manipulated because she yelled at her and hit her. It was out of the ordinary, but it wasn't completely unfounded. Alex simply came to her senses and realized Nikita wasn't worth loving. If only others would do the same, "Michael, just cause Alex told me off…"
"Yeah. I do. When we went back for Larissa I saw that chair you found Owen in. Alex denies being in it. But I think she just doesn't know," Sean interrupted Nikita. He should've told the team what he had seen earlier. But Alex had denied being strapped to the chair, and he had believed her. In hindsight, he shouldn't have. Owen didn't remember being in Amanda's chair, after all. Alex wasn't in control of herself. She thought she was, yet she was simply pure rage. Amanda must've had her claws deep in her.
"You believe Amanda brainwashed her?" That was a step above manipulation, but Michael was right there with Sean. The more Nikita thought of it, so was she. Owen's memory had been wiped by Amanda. Who was to say she didn't do something similar to Alex- just twisted her thoughts around until she was angry and vicious.
"It would explain a lot," Sean agreed. He really didn't want to think that because Alex was angry and brash there was something wrong with her. Except, she was different. He knew she was. She pulled away from him. She wouldn't talk about her feelings, just how irritated she was with Nikita and Division. She hurt her best friend, and wouldn't let her boyfriend comfort her. Something was wrong. Alex needed help.
Nodding, Nikita finally hopped down from the shelf in the shooting booth. A part of her continued to believe that Alex spoke from her true self- that she really hated her. But Sean seemed so adamant that something was wrong, and that they had to help. Of course she'd help her best friend. She'd still do anything for her. Michael nodded as well. Helping their own was a team effort. If one of them was hurt, they all were hurting. They'd figure it out together, before it was too late, "Let's look into it, then. Before more people get hurt."
