Set after 4x06 "Canceled". Alex and Birkhoff get back at Nikita and Michael for eloping.
"Hey, Nikita. I have a question. Has Michael asked about you? In an operational context that is," Alex stared directly at her best friend, a shiteating grin etching its way across her lips.
"Oh God," Nikita collapsed her head in her hands, groaning.
It was family dinner night. The team had gathered together to hang out, relax, and catch up. There was no need for them to separate just because their war was over. They should stay together as best they could, like the family they were. It was difficult to find a time to meet with their new hectic schedules, but the team would make an effort. They had to for one another.
Nikita and Michael decided to host the first family dinner at their new beach house. The dinner could double as a sort of housewarming thing. Their friends could see how they were settling into their freedom (or not settling, based on recent events to stop vile men using child soldiers). Also, the newlyweds could celebrate their recent marriage with their family. Michael and Nikita's original intention was to tell everyone about their elopement at dinner. But since they had all already found out, they could just skip to the celebration. At least, that was what the couple wanted. Alex and Birkhoff had other ideas.
The instant the two stood from their seats, clinking their glasses like they had a toast to give, Nikita and Michael sighed. They had suspected their friends would be up to something. The initial reaction to their elopement wasn't a happy one. Alex and Birkhoff were irritated that they weren't there. The two appeared to be appeased after the newlyweds mentioned a reception type family dinner. However, that was only because the dinner gave them a chance at revenge. Alex and Birkhoff planned to make their friends pay for excluding them from the wedding.
Sonya, on the other hand, just wanted to bask in her family's happiness. If she had any control over the situation, she would've made Alex and Seymour stick to light teases. They didn't need to set up a laptop for a full presentation of torture. However, it was too late to stop them. All Sonya could really do was lean over to Michael and Nikita and apologize, "I just want to say, before the others get carried away, that I really am happy for you guys. You deserve the happiness marriage brings."
"Thanks, Sonya," Nikita and Michael mumbled, sinking into the cushions of the couch. Family dinner had been great so far. The friends ate, talked, laughed, and enjoyed one another's company. Then, they moved to the livingroom, and things spiraled out of control.
"In lieu of a toast, the forgotten Best Man and Maid of Honor have decided to make a powerpoint presentation," Once the laptop was set up, Birkhoff clicked open a powerpoint presentation. Michael and Nikita groaned. Sonya rolled her eyes. And Sam burst into laughter. It was unclear how long Alex and Birkhoff had worked on the presentation. Yet, whatever the two had prepared would definitely force the newlyweds to face the consequences of their actions.
"We want to highlight why it was so important to have a big family wedding, instead of some bullshit elopement," Excitedly pounding the 'next' key on the laptop, Alex proudly smirked. The reactions in the room became more exaggerated.
Leaning over again, Sonya did her best to distance herself from the two idiotic presenters, "Again, I'm really happy you guys were finally able to settle down."
"Yeah, yeah," Michael and Nikita sighed. They slouched further into the couch, shoulders, arms, hips, and legs touching.
"Number one: when I was Nikita's rogue, going between her and Michael was like being passed between two divorced parents. Seriously. I'd have to listen to Nikita talk about Michael being confused, and needing to see the light, and how he really is a good guy if he wasn't so blind. Then, I'd hear Michael rant about how Nikita was going to get herself killed because she didn't know when enough damage was enough, and she just had to be a martyr. It was infuriating dealing with you two," Alex didn't even have to read off the slide. She was prepared to rant about her time as a mole. It was only fair after what she had to do.
"Really? Cause it's infuriating dealing with you two right now," Burrowing into her husband's side, Nikita grumbled. She knew she couldn't do anything to stop the taunts. It was a long time coming. But she wasn't going to just sit there and take it.
"Let's talk about Michael and Nikita in Division," Birkhoff ignored Nikita's huff and Michael's glare completely. He was on a roll. It was his time to vent, "They openly flirted in Ops and in the training room, and they gave each other special privileges and attention. Watching them spar was like watching them have sex. And I should know. I've walked in on both."
"I can make comments about you and Sonya hacking," Nikita didn't want to bring Sonya into it; she didn't do anything wrong. Yet Birkhoff couldn't tease Michael and Nikita for something he also did. All of the couples had been awful with shameless flirting.
Alex bit back her laughter. Nikita was right. Birkhoff and Sonya hacking together was a lot like Nikita and Michael sparring. But the powerpoint wasn't about the nerds. The newlyweds still had to be taunted, "Did you ever notice that when Nikita and Michael fought, they never tried to kill one another?"
"That's right. Despite being enemies, they could never kill each other. In fact, there were times when Michael helped Nikita when she was rogue and he wasn't," Birkhoff added, flicking through more slides on the powerpoint. He wished he had photographs to support his bullet points. No doubt, it'd make Sam laugh harder, and it'd make Nikita and Michael more annoyed. His and Alex's memories would just have to be enough, though. A downside of being secret agents and rogues, which the team had never thought of before, was the lack of pictures of their family. They'd have to start fixing that.
"Were you serious about putting our weapons away during family dinner?" Whispering into his wife's ear, Michael seriously began to second guess her decision. He'd love to taunt Birkhoff in return with a weapon; though, a part of him did know he deserved that situation. Michael had already snubbed Birkhoff- his supposed Best Man- when it came to the proposal. A hidden elopement was way worse.
"No," Nikita shook her head, glaring at Alex. However, neither husband nor wife moved to actually grab their weapons. The couple simply sulked, and thought of ways to retaliate.
"Oh. This is getting good," Sam didn't think he had stopped laughing since he sat down in the livingroom. The powerpoint was the best after dinner entertainment he had ever had.
When Michael's glare shifted to Sam, Birkhoff covered his laugh with a cough. His and Alex's presentation was definitely working. It was time to pile it on, "Alex, do you want to run down all the times Michael helped the woman he was supposed to capture and kill?"
"No. Even with the things they actually told us, that'd take too long. Let's just go through the top three," Casting a pointed look at Nikita and Michael, Alex clicked on the next slide. The newlywed's lack of communication didn't only extend to sharing news about their relationship. There was so much the two didn't share with their team. They had to piece together all the little snippets just to understand what had happened, "Michael told Nikita all about the black boxes. He fought Division and the Triad for her. And he let her run away when he had the shot."
"Don't forget he gave a rogue agent his own weapon, and let her keep it," Birkhoff didn't need to brandish Michael's knife for everyone to know what he was talking about. Nikita still used his knife like it was hers. Even when she was an enemy, Michael had trusted her more than anyone else. It was ridiculous.
"Well that's because he couldn't lose her again. I mean, he did tell me that. And then Nikita let him take me to Division, where I could've died," Alex smirked as she recalled the distant memory. It had only been four years since then, but her activities as a mole seemed like a lifetime ago. A lot had changed; though not Michael's and Nikita's devotion to one another.
"Whoa. Michael wouldn't have killed you. He wasn't lying about protecting you," Instantly, Nikita argued. She had been there when Michael had said that. There was no concern for Alex's life- not when it came to her handler.
"You didn't get hurt. I wouldn't lie about that," While Nikita shouted, Michael negated Alex's statement. How could she still think that of him. He always hated cancellations.
There was no way Alex could keep teasing Michael and Nikita about her time as a mole. Despite what had occurred, she knew they'd always fight to keep her safe. However, as Birkhoff quickly pointed out, the newlyweds fought delusionally harder to keep each other alive, "Except, he never did lose her. Michael was the only one in Division who believed Nikita didn't die in Montreal. No one could convince him otherwise. He was that obsessed with her."
"I was right," Michael defended himself. He couldn't be faulted for believing in the truth, even if there was a plethora of evidence against the fact. And even if he based everything on an intense feeling that consistently surrounded his thoughts of Nikita.
"Why would you think Sam and I died in the St. Lawrence river?" Confused, Nikita glanced over at Sam. He only shrugged. Of all the ways the rogues could've died, Division really thought it'd be in a river.
"I think our first point has been made perfectly clear. So let's move on to the second: sharing a safehouse with Michael and Nikita," Alex continued without acknowledging the question (she didn't have an answer for it anyway). The newlyweds were well established as being insufferable when they were apart. Yet once they finally got together, they became even worse. Sometimes, Alex would rather take the lovelorn looks over catching them making out.
"Do you know how many times any of us have heard or seen you guys have sex?" With the tired expression of someone who had lived in far too many safehouses with the married couple, Birkhoff huffed. He was lucky he didn't have any pictures of that. The first time he had walked in on the two was enough.
"Or makeout in your underwear," Sam added. He had intended to stay out of the presentation. Birkhoff and Alex were doing amazing on their own. But he did have to mention how he first discovered the couple. He was still traumatized by it.
Glaring and huffing, Nikita called her friends out for their dramatics. She didn't complain that much for witnessing the same things, "We've heard and seen you guys have sex too."
"Half the time you walked in on us was your fault," Michael was kind of right. Just barging into the couple's room was the other's fault. But that didn't dismiss Nikita and Michael forgetting that they shared safehouses. They could've been more private.
"The PDA is off the charts. They are unable to keep their hands off each other," Alex was getting good at ignoring the newlywed's comments. It helped that she had years of practice.
"Once they could admit they were in love, they became disgusting," Birkhoff had loads of practice tuning the married couple out as well. The amount of times Michael and Nikita forgot he could hear them over the coms couldn't be counted. So, he learned to ignore and taunt the mushiness he always caught. And he learned how to brush off the annoyed glares that were always thrown his way as a result.
"Like we get it, alright. Just save it for when we're not around," Although those were points Alex and the rest of the team had complained about a million times over, it could still stand to be rehashed one last time. Whatever it took for the grievance to sink through Michael's and Nikita's thick skulls.
"Though, I'd take kissing in front of us over when they were fighting," Shrugging, Birkhoff admitted. As much as he hated the PDA, Nikita and Michael in a fight were way worse.
Nodding, Alex wholeheartedly agreed. She and Birkhoff didn't prepare many slides about Michael and Nikita fighting because, honestly, there wasn't much they could joke about. Watching them struggle in their relationship was awful. They hoped it never happened again for multiple reasons, "Oh yeah. Your fights as a couple were so angsty and dramatic and full of so much unneeded tension. I mean, all point three is, is the awkwardness of approaching either one of you when you were in a rough patch."
"It was really difficult to witness. Especially since when you were enemies, you still at least talked to each other," Even Birkhoff was unaware if he meant that teasingly or not. It was just a fact he pointed out. If it was weird, then that was on Michael and Nikita.
"I've never seen more stubborn people in my life than you two," Alex quickly brought the conversation back to a light one. They shouldn't venture down the darker roads of their past. She really didn't want to. The fun things should be all that mattered.
"Really? Have you looked in a mirror?" Nikita smirked. Although Alex tried not to, she glowered at her best friend. Nikita's proud, smug grin somehow widened.
"Fine. But just like everything else, we found a way to make up for our mistakes and happily move on," Rolling his eyes, Michael conceded to the fact that he and Nikita had been awful. Yet they were in a far better place then. The two had talked, made up, and moved on. Which meant their friends should move on from the conversation.
"Yeah. Cause of us," Alex, however, wouldn't let it go. The entire reason for hers and Birkhoff's powerpoint was to express why Nikita and Michael should've had their family at their wedding. Everything they had experienced should've had a payoff. They couldn't be ignored once things had settled, "We were there every step of the painful way. From tortured looks, to annoying bliss, your friends had had to deal with your bullshit."
"Which is why we should've been allowed to celebrate your happy day with you. We went through all the highs and lows. So where was our reward?" Flipping to the last slide, Birkhoff practically shouted in his hurt. Both Alex and Sam nodded along with him. Sonya was just as annoyed as the newlyweds. However, that didn't stop Alex and Birkhoff from grumbling. They loved Michael and Nikita. They should've been at their wedding, even if it was as rash and unplanned as the married couple claimed.
It was about time Nikita shut things down. She was beyond irritated with Alex and Birkhoff. Though, she didn't need to express that as harshly as she did, "Your reward is me not punching you in the face right now."
"They kind of have a point," Not quite sure if his wife was going to follow through with her threat or not, Michael placed a steadying hand on her thigh. She brushed it off immediately, however. Nikita's glare shifted to her husband, and he stammered. He wasn't completely agreeing with Alex and Birkhoff. What they were saying simply couldn't be completely dismissed. The family had their moments where they wronged one another, "We did put them through hell, just like we put ourselves through hell. But the same thing goes for all your relationships. No one is blameless."
"Exactly. That's why we should be happy Nikita and Michael finally made it. It doesn't matter how you two got married, or our roles in it. We should be happy we each have a future. After everything we went through, we deserve to chase happiness any way we can," Finally, Sonya snapped. Telling jokes at their friends' expense was usually fun and entertaining, yet the powerpoint stopped being fun a while ago. As soon as the team started fighting, Sonya knew it was time to stop. They should return to their celebration and lightheartedness. They shouldn't have had to fight anymore.
Alex sighed. She knew Sonya was right. She also knew she could spend the rest of her life making fun of Nikita and Michael for their elopement. The newlyweds had invited their family over to celebrate their happiness. That should actually happen instead of a petty presentation. After all, Alex was so happy for the two. She reached for her water and raised it in the air for a real toast. Her friends followed suit. She beamed, "To Mr. and Mrs. Bishop…"
"Mears!" Nikita interrupted, nudging her husband playfully.
"Mears-Bishop," Nudging his wife back, Michael compromised.
"Fine. To Mr. and Mrs. Mears-Bishop," Alex amended with a laugh. She thought she would've been able to make a whole speech, but after the interruption, she settled on one simple phrase, "Thank God."
"This was a long time coming. Congrats on finally saying 'I do'," Birkhoff followed with his own toast. Cheers rose through the air along with the clink of glasses. Excitement and joy zapped through the family. Soon, they clinked their glasses louder, calling for the newlyweds to kiss. Michael and Nikita rolled their eyes and laughed. Their friends went from railing against them for their PDA to calling for it. They were just as ridiculous as the married couple.
However, that didn't stop Nikita and Michael from kissing one another sweetly. They were met with cheers at first. But when the kiss went on too long for their family's liking, taunts were thrown about how gross they were. Nikita broke from the kiss, giggling. Her husband chased after her and stole a kiss from her lips. Groans and laughter continued to fill the room. It bounced off walls and made everyone smile, laugh, joke, and just have fun- just have their freedom. It was the night they were always meant to have.
"Come on, let's eat cake," Before Michael could steal any more kisses, Nikita told the others about the cake that had been saved for dessert. Birkhoff and Alex rushed back to the kitchen to dive into it; Sonya and Sam were right on their heels. Gently, Michael held his wife back from joining them. It was only for a moment, just long enough to give her a proper kiss. She returned the affection easily. Drinking in each other's warmth, the two stayed like that; though, not for too long. Their family was waiting. The newlyweds had to go join the craziness.
