The following day would begin the next stage of Occlumency. When Harry awoke, he felt a pit in his stomach as he remembered the lessons from the previous term. Even though he knew that Sirius wouldn't be like Snape, he also realized it would be foolish to expect anything better than very unpleasant.
That would be if he was lucky.
Sirius, also rising, must have sensed his unease as soon as he saw his face.
"We don't have to start today, you know," he said, sitting up in bed and placing both hands around Harry's shoulders.
Harry let himself enjoy the hug for several moments without responding.
"I don't want to, exactly. I just reckon, the longer we put it off, the less I will improve," Harry reasoned, but not holding back a sigh. "Before school starts."
Sirius made a sound indicating agreement, but it was difficult to be sure.
"Er, I hope you won't get angry, and it's entirely up to you," he began.
"That's not the best beginning, Sirius," Harry noted. He tried to smile, but couldn't manage it.
"I spoke to Remus about what we were attempting. He offered to come over, to help," Sirius continued. "We're both very familiar with the text, now, but isn't there the saying about two heads being better than one?"
"He, er, isn't going to try to get into my head, too, is he?" Harry asked, shakily.
"No, his role will be a combination of teacher and moral support. For both of us. It's not going to be easy for me, either, pup," Sirius explained. "We both understood if you don't want him there. But it's an option, and might help."
Harry took a minute to think this idea over. So long as he did not have to ward off two invaders, he wouldn't be any worse off. Also, while he didn't exactly relish the idea of Remus watching him screaming and falling to the floor, hadn't he witnessed that (and more) during his third year? He'd done a great job helping him fight the Dementors, and since neither of the two men were at the same level of Snape, Harry could probably use their help.
"All right," he answered. "Yeah, it's fine if he's there. Er, Sirius, what should I call him?"
It felt odd to ask this, but Harry had always addressed him as Professor. Even at the party yesterday. Lupin had always seemed to hide a laugh-though not at Harry's expense-when addressed so, but he didn't want to be disrespectful and call the adult by his first name.
"Don't you call him Remus?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Professor Lupin," Harry explained. "Third year was the first time we met. I've stuck with it. I reckon he's not real eager to be called it, now, but he hasn't said what I should use instead."
"We can ask outright," Sirius decided. "Say we start after Potions? In lieu of non verbal spells, today?"
"Sure, that would be great," Harry agreed.
Before Sirius could contact Lupin, a Hogwarts owl appeared. They both rose to find the usual--book list, train ticket, and a surprising note stating that Harry had made Quidditch captain.
"Well done, pup!" Sirius cheered. "Now, I will certainly have to be at all of your games."
Harry ran his hands over the badge, more than a little surprised.
"There are still people older than me on the team," he noted.
"But nowhere near as good!" Sirius crowed, pulling Harry into a congratulatory hug.
This must be what it was like to have a parent, he realized. Someone who took pride in your achievements. Even the ones you hadn't known about until they were laid bare right in front of you.
They looked over the book list over a breakfast of scrambled eggs and muffins leftover from the party.
"I was right about all of the books I said you needed," said Sirius, with a grin, "but there's a couple more we will need to go back for."
"Well, I wanted to go with Ron and Hermione to see the twins' joke shop, anyway," Harry said. "Did you want to...?"
"Naturally! We'll try them later today? Or perhaps tomorrow?" Sirius offered.
"Tomorrow's probably best," said Harry, thinking again of the upcoming Occlumency lesson.
With a nod, Sirius took another bite of eggs, and they lapsed into silence.
Sirius floo called Remus after breakfast, and they arranged to have him stop by in time for lunch. Assuming Harry would be able to eat anything, then.
The lesson kept him focused-a rather complex one for wart removal-and Harry's potion matched all of the checkpoints, although he suspected that would not have been the case without Sirius's notes.
He wondered briefly how the potions he was making would have turned out had he simply followed the book's instructions, but he assumed that they wouldn't be nearly as good.
After storing this potion with the others he had made since his lessons had begun, Harry vanished the remains from his cauldron and the two went upstairs to eat. Remus arrived just as they had finished setting the table, and performed a non verbal spell to remove the dirt from his robes. He gave Sirius a hug and Harry an arm on the shoulder.
As they ate, the two adult wizards discussed how the practical aspect, as they had neutrally termed it, of the Occlumency would go. After asking Harry what Snape had done, both of them had narrowed their eyes and turned pale, especially after Remus-as he told Harry to call him from now on-located the page detailing the "Occlumency in Practical Application" approach they would use.
"'It is a grave misconception to believe that, in the case of beginners broaching either the quest of occluding their minds or pursuing that of a willing participant-'" Sirius interrupted with a snort, as Harry had been far from willing. "'That one should simply shout the incantation and examine the mind as one would a library. The incantation does grant access, and the occlumens in training should resist, but no great force is to be used, lest the occlumens suffer from, among other things, painful headaches, nightmares, harsh recollections, and an overall mistrust of their mentor. This is to be a relationship of trust between two persons, and while the mentor may find himself in an authority position, he must always treat the occlumen's mind as carefully as a mother treats a child's soiled undergarments,'" Remus concluded.
Sirius made a face. "He could have omitted the last line."
Harry, agreeing completely, nodded. "Yeah, I don't much fancy my thoughts and memories being compared to soiled nappies."
"It was written over a hundred years ago. I suppose this sort of flowery language was, ah, the style back then," Remus speculated, but even he looked rather paler than before reading the paragraph.
"The gist of it is, Snape was a bloody sodding git for doing exactly what this expert says not to do," Sirius assessed, "not that we could have expected better of him."
Harry couldn't disagree with that statement. "This writer does say this for beginners. Does he go on to talk about what should happen further on?"
Remus scanned the text, then turned the page and continued to read. "Ah. Here we are. 'If all progresses well, after two years a more aggressive attempt may be made, under the full consent of the occlumens in training and by their mentor. At this point, the mentor will shout the incantation and apply enough force to the mind that, with some effort, the trainee may resist with mild to moderate effort. It should be clear that little to no ill effects should persist past the first minute of this exercise. Effective ways of resistance include a full expulsion of the mentor, but may also include a deflection to a false memory, or even a separate memory to act as a deterrent. I emphasize that such a quest, on both ends, should not occur before a minimum of one year of advanced training, or two years for the average one. Even then, this exercise must be undertaken in scarcity, as one applies salt to a savory dish, both in amounts of time and with ample rest periods in between. Although the expert occlumens may be able to resist an hour long attack on a daily basis, most students never arrive at such a level of mastery. Excessive force will produce long term damage as often as not, and I have seen even the closest relationships deteriorate when either participant rushes too quickly for too long.'"
"No worries about the last part, as Snape and I already hated each other," said Harry, darkly.
Sirius reached over to place a hand on top of Harry's. "Pup, are you sure you want to do this?"
"I don't want to, but I have to learn it," Harry answered, truthfully. "So long as we take it slow, I won't have much long term damage, right?"
"That's right. As I understand, in the beginning, you will feel Sirius in your head, but not as an invasive force. The goal will be the same-to expel him-but you shouldn't need to relive any memories in front of him," Remus agreed, scanning the paper.
"And if I see anything, and you're having trouble, I will do my best to back off," Sirius promised, giving Harry's hand a squeeze.
Harry nodded. "All right. Shall we get started, then?"
Sirius looked like he was swallowing hard, then nodded.
"Legilimens," he said, softly.
In spite of the text's warnings, Harry expected an invasion into his mind of a moderately less degree than what he remembered from Snape. A fierce, prying presence, searching his memories, prying, nearly impossible to fight off. Above all, ruthless and entirely without mercy.
It wasn't like that. If anything, it was quite close to the contrary. Harry could feel, not Sirius's emotions nor his memories, but a powerful sense of love. Warmth, too. All directed at him. Then, a memory did emerge. It was one Harry didn't know he had.
"He's so happy!" came a man's voice.
Not his dad. Not as deep as Sirius. A younger Sirius, perhaps?
"Look at him splashing around! See, he loves the water, Lily!"
"Well, you bathe him, then!" came his mum's voice, a bit frustrated, but also surprised.
"He's holding the duckie I bought him! Hello, Harry! Do you like your duckie that Uncle Sirius got you?" cooed Sirius.
Slash!
"Oh dear, he got you full in the face! Hang on-no, close your eyes, you don't want to get the suds in, Sirius!" warned Lily.
"Unlike Padfoot, I have had a bath before, thanks," said a bemused Sirius.
Harry realized that he needed to push Sirius out, but he also wanted the memory to continue.
It's okay, pup.
Harry fought, but before putting forth much effort, he found himself alone in his mind.
Then, he was back at the table, facing Sirius and Remus.
"That was way different than what I was expecting," Harry admitted.
"Different in what way?" Remus asked.
"Well, Sirius was nicer than Snape by a long shot," Harry began, eliciting chortles from the other two, "and I had a memory but...Sirius, was it mine or did you give it to me?"
Sirius, still smiling, shook his head. "I vaguely recalled it, but it was definitely yours."
Harry turned to Remus. "I was a baby and I think Sirius had given me a rubber duckie for my bath, so I splashed him."
"Soaked my face, more like," Sirius corrected. "I remember the duck, not the bath."
"I didn't. Not before this, anyway. What does the book say, if it does...?"
Remus went back a few pages, began reading to himself, then stopped. "Ah, here it is. 'When there is a close and trusting relationship between the occlumens and legilimens, the memories that appear are often pleasant in nature. More often than not, long forgotten memories of childhood emerge in the mind of the occlumens. Although this is a good sign, as it means there is true trust amongst them, the occlumens must still seek to repel the legilimens from their mind as he would an invasion of unpleasant and horrifying memories. To give into viewing the pleasant ones, and to allow their mentor to see them, will render their mind more susceptible to attack.'" Remus looked up and added, "It also says that under the direction of a legilimens who lacks sympathy and trust from the occlumens, or so they interpret the relationship, will similarly see harmful memories, or highly private ones they are more motivated to hide."
"Basically, the good news is that I trust Sirius in my head. The bad news is that makes me less willing to try to push him out," Harry summarized, frowning a bit.
This certainly complicated things.
Remus nodded, and Sirius looked...contemplative, perhaps.
"I was expecting something like what happened when Snape got into my mind, only less awful," Harry admitted. "Not that, exactly."
"I s'ppose it's impossible to invade his mind, then?" Sirius asked, turning from Harry to Remus.
"I think the author would disagree. He would say you shouldn't be motivated by pain, or intense probing," Remus disagreed.
"Besides, you weren't exactly going at my mind all that hard," Harry added. "I felt you there, but it was more that you were there rather than trying to open my secrets."
Like Snape. Which no one said out loud, but Harry would have bet they were all thinking.
"Snape likely believed that the invasive and painful presence of his mind in your head would motivate you to work harder to repel him," Remus offered.
"Bullocks. He was enjoying every second of making Harry suffer," Sirius growled, grasping at his hand.
Harry, while he didn't entirely disagree, remained silent except for squeezing Sirius's hand back.
"I think," Harry began, wishing to change the subject, "that next time, I would do better to try to repel Sirius before the memory starts. I don't know how long it lasted, but I definitely felt his presence, or whatever, before the memory began."
Even as he said this, Harry knew it would be difficult. He had so few memories of his own of his family from back then. Far more of the Dursleys, especially Dudley. Resisting them...
He remembered when Remus was trying to help him fight off the Dementors. When they got near, he heard his parents begging Voldemort not to kill him. They got clearer over time, too. Harry reckoned that, by now, he could give an accurate account of the last couple of minutes of their lives. Except, the effect on him was profound. While his friends just felt sadness or shook or began to cry, Harry passed out.
He'd managed to work up the resolve to fight, had even saved Dudley and himself from being Kissed last summer.
It would take another kind of resolve to fight Sirius in his head, though.
He swallowed. "Shall we give it another go?"
Sirius must have suspected his hesitancy, but nodded.
"Legilimens," his godfather said, softly.
Prepared this time, Harry expected Sirius's gentle presence and the emergence of another childhood memory. He pushed him out of his head with less physical effort than before, but considerable regret. His mum had only just started to speak when Harry forced her voice out of his head.
"That was really well done," Remus said, smiling. "Took half as long the second time."
Harry glanced over at Sirius. "Are you okay? I'm not hurting you, am I?"
Sirius shook his head. "Not at all, pup."
"So, er, shall we try again?" Harry asked.
"All right, but after that, we'll be done for today," Sirius answered. "Regardless of how well you've done so far, we're just beginning. I don't want to overdo it."
Remembering his promise to Sirius, Harry nodded. "All right."
It took about the same amount of mental effort the third time, and Harry expected that this was as well as he could do for now. He also detected the beginning of a headache. While not nearly as bad as when Voldemort was angry or Snape was "teaching" him, it was a low throb.
He was also aware of Sirius squeezing his hand as the room came back into focus, and decided to hold off on mentioning the beginnings of his headache before asking about this.
Harry noted that he hadn't fainted--he was fairly certain of this--but the presence in his mind seemed to block out his awareness of his surroundings.
He said as much to Remus and Sirius.
Remus consulted the text again, and summarized, "That's to be expected when you start. As you become more proficient, as long as the intensity of the other presence remains the same, you'll be aware of Sirius without feeling overpowered."
"And I won't go any faster than we have to," Sirius added, firmly.
Harry nodded slightly, then smiled. "It's easier than I had expected, doing it this way. 'Cept for the fact I don't mind that it's Sirius and I wish I could hang onto the memories instead of fighting them off..." Almost to himself, Harry added, "Bit like when I started fighting the Dementors."
Sirius forced a laugh. "Not sure I fancy being compared to one of them, pup!"
Harry felt his face go hot. "Not like that, Sirius. Er, when they get near me, I see--well, hear--Voldemort killing my people. Their last moments alive, anyway. When Remus was giving me lessons to fight them, a part of me wanted to hang on, because I could hear more of what was going on each time. I only heard screams, at first, then my mum begging, then my dad telling her to run. I'd never heard what they sounded like...before."
Sirius stood up and pulled Harry into a hug that rivaled Mrs. Weasley's rib cracking one from the previous day. Harry didn't mind, though, since Sirius let go before he started to feel light headed.
Remus came over then, and hugged Harry nearly as tightly. After releasing him, Sirius spoke rather solemnly.
"I do, Mooney, believe that this calls for what James would call a hug sandwich."
Remus was equally solemn, but Harry could detect a twitch in his lips.
"Indeed, Padfoot."
They stepped forward, nearly closing the gap between themselves and Harry so that less than a few feet remained.
Harry crossed his arms over his chest and stepped back a half foot. "Hang on. Someone want to tell me what a 'hug sandwich' is? Before trying some new hex on me?"
He wasn't angry, but he had enough experience with Sirius to know that this was the same person who could tickle him without mercy.
"It's nothing to be afraid of, pup," Sirius assured him. "One of us gives you a traditional hug, while the other comes 'round your back and hugs you that way."
"In a traditional hug sandwich, after the first hug, the two exchange locations for the second hug," Remus put in.
Oh. Well, that certainly didn't sound so bad. Harry nodded.
"All right, then."
Sirius approached from the front, and once he was mere inches from Harry, the teenager detected Remus almost at his back.
"One."
"Two."
"Three."
Harry felt both arms clasp him, nearly immobilize him, as the two adults closest to his father wrapped their arms around him.
It wasn't as tight as Sirius's earlier hug, for which he was grateful. He could breathe easily enough. At the same time, he felt the warmth and mild confinement of both bodies--arms, as well--clasped against him at once. It was, quite easily, the most powerful hug he'd ever experienced.
A bit belatedly, he realized his arms were still at his sides, and he reached out to hug Sirius. His godfather held him a bit tighter, and the three of them remained that way for several moments. It was only after Harry felt his legs start to fall asleep that, as though communicating wordlessly, both marauders let go.
Harry didn't realize how widely he'd been grinning until his face begun to hurt.
"So, er, Dad came up with that?" he asked.
"I believe it's been around for quite awhile, but he taught us," Remus explained.
"Peter did not enjoy them as much as they rest of us, so it was a bit easier, as three people is the ideal," Sirius added. "Ready for the second round?"
At Harry's nod, the adults exchanged places, and Harry found himself hugging Remus while Sirius hugged him from behind.
"Thank you. Both of you," he said, after they had let go.
"You're welcome," they both answered.
They sat down, and Remus brewed them some tea. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Harry could see Sirius watching him.
"How's your head?" he asked, almost shrewdly.
"It pinches a bit, but nothing like when it was Snape trying to get in," Harry admitted. When Sirius raised his eyebrows, Harry quickly added, "I wasn't trying to hide it. More like forgot to mention it."
"I believe you." Sirius's tone was sincere. "I think you should have a lie down, perhaps on the couch, after our tea. If it's still bothering you afterwards, I can give you a pain reliever potion."
"A sleeping aid might help as well, especially after three Legilimens attacks," Remus added, mildly, from the stove.
"Mmm," Sirius agreed. "What d'you think?"
Harry shrugged. "Isn't the dreamless sleep really addictive?"
He'd only had it once, but that had been what Hermione had told him.
"You can take Dreamless Sleep twice weekly without any problems, but I was referring to a regular sleeping potion. That's not addictive, so long as you don't take it more than half the time," Sirius explained.
Harry frowned, then stopped as it aggravated his head. "What's the difference?"
"Dreamless Sleep is far more potent," Remus explained. "The ingredients dull the brain waves so that no dreams occur. It's usually used for trauma, like what you suffered after Voldemort kidnapped you. The use was entirely warranted, of course. A regular potion would not have prevented nightmares."
"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. Guess I thought there was only one kind. Well, two, counting the Draught of Living Death," he amended, quickly.
"Far more than just two, but most people only need the regular aid. So we have heard, anyway, not being a healer," Remus corrected himself, carrying two cups of tea and floating the third over to Harry.
"What about muggle medicine?" Harry asked, recalling the disastrous results with Mr. Weasley and the stitches.
"Likely works about half as well as potions, and takes awhile to set in. We don't get most of their ailments, like heart disease or strokes or nearly all cancers, but we do have Dragon Pox and the like. You're asking for trouble using muggle remedies on those. But headaches and trouble sleeping? If you're away from wizards and have some muggle money, it certainly won't kill you to take pain relievers or sleeping pills," Sirius explained. "You'd have to change money unless you pick up some loose change, and our money gets the short end with the British pound."
At Harry's look of surprise, Remus explained, "Last I checked, a galleon only went for four pounds and some change."
"A galleon?" Harry stared at Remus. "Not a sickle?"
"A galleon," Remus confirmed.
"The thing to do if you are a half blood or muggle born is to get a job in the muggle world, then convert your earnings to wizarding money," Sirius mused.
"Doubt most muggles would hire someone with only a primary school education," Harry pointed out.
"Oh, right. Well, scratch that plan," Sirius said.
Of the three of them, Harry knew that the only person who needed to worry about funds was Remus. Harry didn't know exactly how much Sirius had, but he expected it was quite a lot. Not that Harry wanted his godfather to spend much on him. He would easily take a penniless Sirius over an extra thousand galleons any day. Anyway, Sirius had told him that the vault he had been using for school was only intended to last until he came of age. His trust vault made that look like nothing. Not that it really mattered to Harry. He could be as rich as Draco Malfoy and still planned to work.
Assuming he lived long enough, that was.
"Ready to rest for a bit?" Sirius asked, after Harry had drained his cup.
Harry nodded. "D'you mind if I use the couch?"
They hadn't shrunk it back to its usual size, so it was easily as large as Sirius's bed upstairs. The blankets they had brought down were still on it, ready for use.
"Of course not," Sirius said, smiling.
Remus smiled at both of them. "I should be heading off as well."
"Stop by tomorrow afternoon for your potion. I'll have it ready, then," Sirius promised.
"I will, thanks."
The two hugged, and then Remus turned to Harry and gave him a hug, followed by an arm on the shoulder.
"You're making the Wolfsbane?" Harry asked once he'd left, trying to hide a yawn.
"Since last year. Gave me something to do while cooped up, and it was hard enough that I couldn't think about anything else at the time. Easier, now, after making it over fourteen times." Sirius paused as they walked over to the couch. "It's well beyond NEWT level, but if you want to watch me, I can show you how it's done tomorrow."
"Sure, I would like that," Harry answered, not bothering to hide his yawn as he collapsed onto the couch.
Sirius tucked the blankets around Harry and then sat down next to him. He began stroking his hair, and Harry smiled, not bothering to hide a happy sigh.
"One day," Sirius continued, "I'll figure out a way so that accursed transformation doesn't hurt him. I'm sure it involves something similar to becoming an animagus, and maybe Polyjuice. Your dad and I had made some good headway before he died, but his notes were destroyed with the house."
"I know you can figure it out," Harry mumbled. "You're brilliant, Sirius."
Sirius chuckled, still running a hand through Harry's hair. "If I didn't hate the git so much, I would ask Snape to assist. He might have some ideas. But I rather think he likes to think of Remus in pain even though, of the four of us, he never harmed him. Well, probably for the best..."
Sirius was saying more, but Harry barely heard it.
Still, he enjoyed the sound of his godfather's voice as he fell asleep, and a part of him wondered if he realized that as well.
When Harry woke up, an idea suddenly struck him. He remembered when the fake Moody (really Barty Crouch Jr.) had placed the imperius curse on him. His mind had gone blank, blissfully empty. When the commands had begun, his mind had begun to awake, and as he'd tried to resist the curse, it had become painfully difficult. When Voldemort had cursed him, he had also managed to resist, but it had taken more effort. A lot more. He wondered if Sirius's legilimens attack on his mind had been a bit like that. With Snape, it had felt invasive and wrong. He had wanted to resist, but had felt utterly powerless to do so.
Resisting Sirius had been easier because his godfather hadn't been trying as hard, but the warm feeling, the insistence on the good memories that his attack had brought, was not unlike the imperius curse. He might not have felt the need to resist, but he'd known that he should.
Also, thinking of his headache afterwards, both brought on unpleasant results. Harry hoped that he could learn to resist the invasion without that particular side effect, but it all the more convinced him of the importance of learning Occlumency.
He would work harder, this time.
A/N:
I read a few different versions of how Occlumency would go with an AU Snape or one who actually wanted to teach Harry. Never one with Sirius and Harry. I expect the difference, especially given their bond, would be palpable. Agree? Disagree? Let me know with a review!
