Phoenix:

3.

Iron


2004


Serpiente Rojo, Spain


Curled on her side, Ashley could feel the chill emanating from the window that was just beyond the door of the cell where she was held. A church this time, clearly, as she was surrounded by paraphernalia offering allegiance to a god she didn't understand. She could smell the rain that slashed the sky beyond where she cowered.

It was amazing how good her nose had become in the short time she'd been separated from her real life. She could smell smoke from the torches. She could smell rats in the walls. She could smell copper nearly as well as a bloodhound and determine what was bleeding.

And she could smell the other man in the room with her.

It was dark. She could barely make out his shape. But she knew he was bound and sitting against the wall.

Shifting on her box where she lay, she called softly, "Hello? Are you human?"

His thick Spanish accent answered, "Once maybe, amiga, si...I'm not sure when I started to doubt that."

Ashley continued to lie on her side looking at his shadow. "...me either," she blew out a hard breath, "how long have they-"

"Ah," he interrupted with a small laugh, "days, I think. Maybe more. You?"

"...I don't know," she confessed with a small sound of loss, "I don't know how long I've been..."

She trailed off and he finished, "...lost."

Ashley sniffled, "Yeah, lost. Do you think we can escape?"

The man chuckled, "No, seƱorita, not today. Not without a hero to show up and rescue us. I'm good with the ladies like one, you see, but tend to panic a little when faced with the fight. I am, you see, a coward."

Ashley smiled gently, "Me too. I think I might be a coward too. I keep running away."

She watched the whites of his eyes in the darkness as he answered, "No. A coward would be dead by now. Not trying to figure out how to escape. You're not a coward, carina, because you are still fighting. Remember that."

Ashley nodded again though he couldn't see her. "...and if I get the chance to run?"

"Run," he told her, "Run, and don't look back. Leave me and run."

"That's," she cleared her throat, "that's what cowards do."

"No," he denied with a laugh, "that's what survivors do. Never confuse the two. Cowards have wills of silk - easily tearable, soft, and lost in the wind. Survivors have wills of iron - and it takes more than any weapon they have here to break that."

Ashley went stock still as the doors opened and some men came in. They came for the man first, and he didn't heed his advice. He struggled and they hit him twice in the stomach. Ashley surged forward as if she'd help and they slapped her in the face until she fell to her side on the floor.

The man called, "No! Joder! Leave her alone, hijo de la chingada. Stay down girl, stay down. Por favor."

Ashley called as they dragged him away, "I'm sorry!"

"Don't be," he called back in a teasing tone, "this isn't the last time you'll see me, carina, I promise you. Remember what I told you - run."

The door slammed shut. She hunkered in the dark again.

And she was getting tired of running.


The second she and Leon were pushed into that house, she knew who the man was. When he said his name and when she gave him hers and he smiled at her - she knew it was him. He'd survived. How often had he run?

He wasn't running now. He was fighting side by side with Leon. He helped lift the cupboard for her to hide. As she looked up into his handsome face, he warned her, "...run."

And she knew what he meant. He wanted her to go and leave them. He wanted her to let them fight and run for her life.

And she was done running.

She'd slid through the mud and the rain. She'd gone under the house and come out the other side. The gate waited, beckoning her. The battle in the house was horrible. It was loud and filled with Luis' laughter and Leon's battle-given shouts. Commands. Denials. Gunshots. Thumps and thuds and bodies flying out windows.

Ashley ran for the pile of wood on the side of the house and climbed it in the pouring rain. She could run. She could leave them and let them die together like heroes. But that wasn't what you did for those who risked themselves for you.

She was afraid. But she was never going to be a coward again.

She reached the landing, rushing through the rain toward the open window as a grenade went off and Luis laughed like a loon. "That was dirty, amigo! I'm impressed!"

"Why don't you close your mouth, and open fire - you fucking idiot!"

And Luis laughed again at the insult, unflappable, and good-natured.

Ashley shoved open the window to see no less than thirty villagers in the house trying to kill Luis and Leon. Horrified, she knew a losing battle when she saw one. So, she shouted, "LEON! THIS WAY!"

It echoed. He glanced up, his face flashed with admiration, and they both came running her way. She led them down the pile, out through the rain and the slop, and up toward the gate.

Leon fired, the gate came slamming down, and the thirty villagers were trapped beyond the wooden barrier roaring with regret.

The adrenaline wore off in stages until she could breathe again and Ashley coughed as the first heavy breath rushed back into her lungs. Her lungs pushed out air...and blood. The blood in her palm scared her to death as she whispered, "Oh, god...oh my god...what's happening to me?"

Luis took her wrist and held her eyes, no joking now, just a calm face laced with concern, "Ashley, is this the first time you've coughed blood?"

When she nodded, he covered her bloody palm with his own and answered the fear on her face. He told them about plagues. He explained about infections. He warned them there wasn't much time.

And he said, "You're going to need that iron will of yours, amiga. Because this will get worse before it gets better."

He stayed with them as long as he could. He made jokes. He teased. He kept things light even though she was terrified of what she would become. The darker Leon became with his determination, the light Luis became by comparison.

He claimed he was a coward, but Ashley saw only strength and an almost all-consuming drive for forgiveness. She knew he was partially responsible for what was happening to them. She didn't need Leon to tell her anything about it. Maybe she wasn't a genius agent or a spy, but she wasn't an idiot either. She knew what a desperate attempt to right your wrongs looked like.

The third time Luis stood in front of her and took a hit, she couldn't hold onto her righteous anger at him anymore. Maybe he knew what he'd done. Maybe he'd simply been a scientist looking at something cool who'd stood back while they used his creation to make monsters. But he was doing everything he could to make amends. It wasn't enough to earn him forgiveness for the people who'd died as a result, but it was enough to make her trust him.

His need for absolution was near as iron as his will.

The more Leon started to accept him, the more she did as well. She didn't have the same rage in her that Leon had for Umbrella. How could she? She hadn't survived it as he had. She hadn't seen it fall apart and burn to ashes.

All she could do now was focus on the moment. This moment. That one. The next one. It didn't do a damn bit of good to hold onto the past when you lived your life one lucky leap at a time.

When she asked questions, Luis answered. He told her anything she wanted to know. He left them at a fork in the road and remarked, "Do what you can to get into the castle. Meet me in the ballroom."

Leon held his eyes, "Why?"

"Because," Luis told him with a solid smile, "I have a surprise for you. We are best friends now, right? Friends give each other gifts."

Leon rolled his eyes, "Why are you helping us?"

Luis glanced at Ashley and remarked, "Maybe I'm tired of being a coward...keep her safe...and la prisa."

Ashley called after him, "Luis!"

He paused, glancing at her in the rain, and she demanded, "Be a survivor, ok?! Promise me."

He'd grinned and winked, "Gladly, amiga, I will see you soon. Remember - run...and trust yourself to know when it's time to stop running."


It was time to stop running.

She'd known that the second Leon had told her Luis had died saving his life.

Sometimes you had to turn back and face what you feared. And sometimes you had to take what you wanted.

As his hand slid into her panties, she had a moment of fear. Not that he'd hurt her, or that he'd sully her purity, or something stupid like that - no. He'd never hurt her. He'd gone out of his way to help her. The fear came from being desperately afraid she wouldn't be good enough for him.

Or that he'd find her innocence disgusting.

His palm curled over her groin. His fingers probed her, parting the slick folds of her body and plunging inside. First one, then two, easing through the tightness of her body as Ashley gasped into his mouth and his tongue echoed the assault on her groin. The softness he'd shown turned wet and red, making him eagerly increase his rhythm as the taste of him turned greedy.

And his touch on her turned demanding.

She scrambled her hands on his shoulders and gripped handfuls of his hair, savaging his lip with hers, responding to that thrust of lust that nearly left her unable to breathe. His thumb slid over her clit, his first and middle fingers shoved into her body so hard she let him swallow her cry into his mouth, and he stopped.

He almost froze.

He went stock still against her. Ashley eagerly rolled her hips, trying to let him deeper into her body, but he didn't move a muscle. He pressed into her body, softer now, seeking something. She mewed as he touched something that shot a tender lance of pain in her belly. He trembled like a leaf in the wind and slid his hand out of her.

His hands gathered at her upper arms as she grunted, voice hoarse, "Stop. Stop, sweetheart, stop."

She kept kissing his face. She kept rolling her hips on his lap. The blood in her groin and head didn't let her do anything but mewl and try to get more of him. He grunted once as he gasped, "Wa-"

And she fed him her eager tongue for her. Leon groaned, he sucked her tongue, he kept his hands on her arms and finally broke free of that desperate kiss to beg, "Stop Ashley. Stop. Look at me."

She finally heard him. Her body stopped as requested. Her eyes opened to his face. He was flushed, eyes dilated, chest panting like he'd run a mile as he told her gruffly, "...you're a virgin."

She trembled as the fear came again. It wanted her to run from that look on his face. What was it? Pity? She didn't want his goddamn pity.

Tone rough, she demanded, "So?"

His hands shifted and closed her robe over her eager body. He tied it at the waist and cupped her face as he stated, "Ashley...honey...I can't do this. Not like this."

Hurt. Wounded. She let go of him and sat down on his knees, "You mean you won't."

Leon nodded, looking sympathetic now "You deserve better than this for your first time, honey."

"Better than you?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a sad look, "better than me. Someone who loves you. Someone who deserves you."

"You think that's not you?"

He shook his head, "It's not. Trust me. It's not."

She rose off his legs, rejected, hurt. Angry. Bitter now as she turned her back on him and felt the sting of his denial. "You think you'll what...ruin me?"

Behind her back, Leon stated, "I would. I would ruin you. And I won't do that. I might be a bastard, Ashley, because I came here planning to bury myself in you and forget...but I can't do it to a girl who deserves better than to be used."

She swung around to look at him, "And if I want you to use me?"

There was a flash of want on his face coupled with regret, "I won't. I'm not a good guy, honey, but I'm not a fucking scumbag either. This matters. Your first time? It matters. It needs to be with the right guy."

She held his eyes and avowed, "You're the right guy. Maybe you're the right guy. You ever think that?"

He shook his head and turned out of the kitchen, "I'm not. I promise you. I'm not the right guy for you."

"Are you the right guy for anyone?"

He paused at her door and shook his head, "I haven't been that in a long time."

As he started to open the door, she declared, "Yeah? Maybe you're just a coward."

He winced. He met her eyes. He oozed with pain and remorse, "Maybe you're right. But the thing about me? I try to do the right thing. I won't use you...I'd rather you hate me for that. Because at least I can live with myself this way."

Desperately hurting, Ashley snapped, "Well, good for you, big hero. Able to kill a thousand bad guys...and running from your feelings. Coward."

Leon gave her a sad look as he opened her door, "...I'm so sorry."

He closed the door.

She put her hands over her face.

He'd managed to break through that iron will she'd tried so hard to build inside of her. It had kept her alive. It had kept her fighting. It had given her the ability to save him and herself and see it through.

It failed her now.

Because where the danger had failed to finish her off, his rejection just might.

She put her face in her hands and she didn't stand strong like iron.

She shattered like glass.


The waves were frothy, kicking up foam on the shore where she sat opposite her father. He was staring at her like she'd grown a second, ugly head in the shape of a monster. His fork was halfway to his mouth.

The food on his plate was untouched.

His mouth said, "No."

Ashley held his look as she stated, "Yes. Daddy...this is what I want. This is what I was meant to do. I survived. You think I can just go back to law school now? I can't. I have to do this."

She'd made her decision in the dark after Leon had left her. She'd cried. She'd shattered. She'd taken those pieces and rebuilt herself. And she got it. She knew. She had to do this. She had to fight.

It was the only way she got back to herself.

The nightmares chased her like hellhounds snapping at her heels trying to drag her back into the fire. But the only way she could see to stop being glass was to take her will and forge it into steel in the fires of survival. She had to get up and go on.

She had to give back.

And she could do that by saving lives.

Starting with her own.

Her father shook his head. He denied it. He said she was just reacting to trauma. He got her a therapist He sent her to detox for a few weeks at a spa. He tried to convince her she was crazy.

And when she just kept pushing, he finally agreed with a look on his face that said he was convinced she'd change her mind.

When she underwent the psychological testing and passed, he wasn't too worried. When she passed the written exams, he didn't sweat it. He kept thinking she'd miss her life and go back to it. He didn't understand she wasn't the same girl she'd been before her world had burned to the ground

So now they sat looking at each other as he tried one last time to change her mind.

She was scheduled to start physical training tomorrow. He was running out of room to pretend she was going through a phase. He tried once more to convince her she was just responding to trauma.

And when she didn't budge, he made a call.

She arrived on-site to meet the other recruits scheduled to undergo qualification. They were young, most of them, and eager. A handful of girls, and a handful of guys, were all very arrogant and thought they were the best.

Ashley was standing on the grass with two men about her age - Kyle and Carter. Kyle was tall, dark, and handsome. He grinned and winked a lot. He thought he was hot shit and made sure you knew it.

Carter was more subdued. He seemed a little nervous. He was shorter, stockier, and had skin the color of good coffee with a little cream. But of the two, he was the smartest.

During reaction training, Kyle had been hit twice by the airborne foam darts while Carter had cleverly used cover and objects to make shields and push through the line. If he could find some confidence, he'd likely succeed at the job. Kyle needed the opposite, temperance and patience, as he was the first guy to rush in thinking he was immortal.

Both had made it very clear they fancied Ashley. Flattered, she let them flirt even as she outsmarted them both at survival. While Kyle drew the attack with his arrogance and Carter with subterfuge, Ashley subverted the fight all together and snuck through the obstacle course without encountering a single threat.

It earned her the opportunity to battle one on one with a trainer during combatives. She understood she'd eventually have to fight. She was just hoping her size didn't stop her from showing her will.

What had Luis said? Iron. But he was wrong...it was more like titanium now. She'd make damn sure of that.

Kyle made a joke about two nuns and a chicken. She laughed. His hand touched her arm and she let him.

And a voice called, "In the five seconds it took for you to hit on her, I killed you all twice."

She turned her head and figured out the last stage of her father's plan: Leon. He'd sent Leon to train her. What was he hoping for? That Leon would change her mind?

Her father had never understood her. Seeing Leon reinforced that titanium with pride. Now she has to do this. Now she had to succeed.

She wouldn't feel shame around him ever again. Not because she'd saved his life. Not because she'd offered herself and been rejected. Never again.

It was time to show him what she was made of.

She released a cry of battle. She rushed him before he could even guess she might. Kyle and Carter were frozen in surprise as she tackled Leon like a linebacker.

He took it with a grunt. He caught her around the waist from above and lifted her, dangling her. She tried to bite his side and he threw her away like a bag of garbage.

Ashley landed on her side and he put a boot on her back to roll her to her face. She ate dirt as he demanded, "you done?"

With a grunt, she snapped, "no! Let me up!"

"I will," he decided as he spoke to her like she was an angry toddler throwing a fit, "but first you gotta get that rage out."

She struggled and he let her up. She came at him again and he caught her from his crouch and tossed her over his shoulder. She landed on her back, lost her air, and Carter and Kyle came to her defense.

Three-on-one should have bought them an advantage.

It didn't. But it cost them the only edge they might have had.

Leon pummeled the first in the belly, hip-tossed him, and foot-swept the other as he lunged. They went down like bowling pins and he rose, shaking his head. "It's admirable to defend your teammate. Admirable. And stupid. Because you didn't come at me like weapons, you came at me like smitten fools trying to defend your woman's honor."

Ashley rose from the ground and declared, "I don't need them to defend me."

Leon met her eyes, "no, you don't. But you can't take me. Not now. Not yet. You pissed?"

She snapped, "Oh, yeah."

"Good," he waited, watching her, "get pissed. Get angry. Get sad. Hate the world for what it makes you do. Fight it. Fire against it," he caught the fist she threw at his face and dragged her in until they were nose to nose as he demanded, "and then get the fuck over it."

He held her molten gaze with his own as he told her, "There is no room for feelings in what we do here, recruit," he twisted her fist and sent her away by tossing her arm, "put an iron wall around your emotions before they get you killed."

Iron.

That's what he wanted from her. He wanted her to cover her heart in iron. So, she'd be like him. So, she'd be a warrior.

So, she wouldn't be a coward anymore. The time to flee was over. She was a survivor.

And she was never going to run again.