An AU for 3x04 "Consequences". What if Alex chased after Sean instead of running to the medicine cabinet.
"I'm not going to stand by and watch this place destroy another person that I love," Sean snapped at Alex. He rounded on her in the hallway of Medical, hazel eyes ablaze.
That wasn't the place for him to make that kind of confession. He was supposed to have admitted his love for her in a romantic setting. He was supposed to have taken her on a date, held her hand, gazed into her beautiful blue eyes, and told her how much he loved her with everything in his heart. He shouldn't have yelled at her while they were surrounded by the latest destruction in Division. His words might not stick. It'd just be chalked up as an overemotional reaction to the latest bought of terror. Sean really needed to pick his moments better.
"What?" Alex blinked.
She hadn't expected their conversation to take that turn. Sean was yelling at her for stubbornly staying in Division, and she was arguing that there was where she needed to be. Despite the Sarin gas attack on Medical, and Amanda wrecking havoc, Alex was needed in Division. She wasn't going to run away at the sight of danger. She hadn't before. She could handle herself. Sean had nothing to actually worry about, even if his confession was true.
Whereas Alex stared at him in shock, attempting to process his words, Sean closed the distance between them. He pulled her into his arms- not as gentle of her wounded shoulder as he should've been- and he kissed her. The kiss was nothing like the one he had given her months ago in the back of Birkhoff's car. It wasn't passionate, it wasn't loving, it wasn't sweet. Sean was absolutely desperate as he kissed Alex.
When they finally separated, Alex continued to stand in shock. She couldn't believe he had just done that; she couldn't believe he had said all that. Sean could, however. He let go of Alex and stared at her intently. There was no light or humor in his eyes. He was completely serious. Although he continued to think that then wasn't the time or place to have that discussion, he needed to say his piece. She had to know where he stood, "I love you. But if that's not enough of a reason for you to leave, then I've got no reason to stay."
That was the end of Sean's argument. Alex hadn't listened when he expressed how much he hated Division, especially since the temporary part of the cleanup post had lasted far too long. Division was supposed to be over, yet it continued to bring hell. He was done with it. He had lost too much to it, and he was done. Alex had to be done with it as well.
But since he couldn't convince her with his words, he had to act. Sean gave her one last look before he walked away from her for good.
Alex couldn't wrap her head around what just happened. Her lips still tingled from their kiss. Her body still felt the warmth of his. Her ears still rang with his three words: 'I love you'.
She could barely register that Sean had walked away from her. Partially because she couldn't even fathom it. How could Sean walk away after he had kissed her and confessed his love. How could he command her to leave with him, then tell her that he loved her too much to lose her. It didn't make any sense. Wouldn't he want to stay in Division and protect her if he didn't want to lose her.
A sudden and sharp pain in Alex's shoulder snapped her out of her shock. She tried to adjust her sling, alleviate the pressure, but nothing helped. Fury and frustration began to boil her blood. Sean had left her. He left her, and her fucking gun shot wound continued to feel like it was tearing her muscles apart. She wanted to scream. She wanted to break down and cry. She wanted to tear her hair out and just collapse. It all felt like too much. It all crashed down on her without a chance to breathe. Alex still couldn't think about what was going on. All she knew was that her emotions and pain were too much to handle on her own.
The first clear thought that came into Alex's mind wasn't a good one. It just kept repeating the same thing over and over again. She knew how to fix her emotions. She knew how to dull the pain. She was in Medical. A simple solution to all her problems was within reach. She only had to enter a cleared out room and take what she needed. All the pain and turmoil would end with a simple action. She could be back to herself, and she could continue helping her team. That was what she wanted, after all. Alex wanted to help others above all else. She could achieve that with her solution. She knew what would make it better.
However, as she moved to the medicine cabinet, a voice in the back of her head stopped her. She was stronger than that. She didn't need to rely on drugs to face her problems. She had healed and made herself better than that. The voice that repeatedly pulled at the back of her head reminded her of that. Alex didn't have to get high in order to survive the onslaught.
What she needed to do was yell at Sean. as she forced herself to not to steal drugs and get high, the only other thought that broke through her fog was how livid she was with Sean. How dare he end the argument by just walking away. That didn't solve shit. He only said his piece, not even attempting to listen to hers. What was wrong with him. Shouldn't he have been more mature than that. He was a Seal for God's sake. He should've been able to handle anything thrown at him.
Storming out of Medical (and away from her last remnants of temptation) Alex went in search of Sean. It wasn't difficult to find him. He had only made it as far as the carport. There were Division agents in the room with him, yet that didn't stop Alex from marching over to him. He had yelled and argued and kissed her in front of others. Why couldn't she make a scene as well, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What?" Sean turned around. He hadn't expected Alex to follow him. He thought that had been the end of the discussion. But there she was, in the carport with him, staring up at him with so much venom in her gaze.
"You want me to leave Division, but you can go back to the Seals?" Alex shrieked. She wasn't stupid. She knew Sean wasn't going to leave both Division and the Navy. He was going to abandon his team of former rogues, only to jump back into his Seal team. He was still going to be fighting a war, just not hers. He deemed his actions and his feelings more important.
"That's my job," Unsure of why he had to explain himself, Sean matched Alex's tone. Like the agents in Medical, the agents around the two instantly put down what they were doing and left; they wisely didn't want any part of that. As they exited the room, they were ignored.
"What do you think this is? Some kind of sick hobby of mine?" Waving her arm around the bunker, Alex dared Sean to say something else. Just because she wasn't getting paid didn't mean that bringing in the Dirty Thirties and shutting down Division wasn't her job. It was no different than what he did when his mother had assigned him to Division.
Sean stalked closer to Alex. There continued to be a huge gap between them, yet neither were looking to close it. He just wanted to ensure she could hear his every word. He didn't want to be mistaken, "It's not your job. You don't have to be here. You have your money and your mom. You can actually live happily ever after. You don't need to keep fighting."
"But my friends do! What kind of person do you think I am if I'd just leave my friends to face all this shit alone. I have the skills to help them. I'm going to make sure everyone gets the same chance I had," Alex wished her arm wasn't in a sling, so she could effectively cross her arms and stand her ground. Instead, she only had her glare to weaponize against Sean. Good thing her harsh gazes always had a strong effect on others.
"There's other ways to do that," Trying not to falter under the hateful look in her eyes, Sean argued her point. Alex didn't have to be in Division to help their team. He was sure of that.
"Like what? Tell me how I can give pardons to my friends without helping them complete their mission," Alex, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. If there were any other way to ensure Division stayed closed and all the agents still trapped inside could be freed, she and her team would've found it already. What they wanted required more power than they actually had, however. They were able to make a deal, but they couldn't implement it on their own.
Alex could sense that Sean wanted to argue that she did have that kind of pull necessary to get them pardons. So, she instantly shook her head. An heiress could buy a congressman, but not a president or the full force of the military, "I have money, not political power. The only way we all get our freedom is if we do what the President asks."
He knew she did have a point there. The President was the only one who could grant Division pardons. Except, Alex didn't need a pardon. She and Sean had enough plausible deniability attached to their names that they could slip away unscathed. There was no reason for them to keep fighting and putting themselves in danger, "You don't owe these people anything! All Division has done is bring you pain and try to kill you. You don't have to stay, Alex. You can save yourself from danger and leave with me."
"And sit around doing nothing while you rush back into danger? How come I have to leave, but you can keep playing the hero? That doesn't make sense. It's not fair," Alex took a menacing step towards Sean. He was being completely unfair and irrational. What did he expect her to do while he went back to the Navy. She had to leave danger to sit around the house while he got to keep fighting. What kind of life was that. Why couldn't they both be heroes.
"But I love you, Alex," Sean's words softened as he told her once more.
"That's not enough, Sean! I am not the type of person to just sit on a beach, waiting for her love to return from war. I don't want the island paradise retirement Michael and Nikita want. I need to help people. And I have the power to help people here. No one else will die when I have the ability to save them. I'm not going to hide while everyone I love is still fighting. Everyone will be free. Not just me," Alex shouted. She wasn't normal; she was never going to be normal. She just had to make her life work around that. Sean was well aware of how 'awesome' and 'extraordinary' she was. He should know that her life would be different from others.
"Division will kill you!" Sean wasn't listening. Alex could have a million reasons to stay. He only needed her to see the one reason she should leave.
A frustrated scream almost tore its way out of her throat. Alex managed to hold it back, yet she still yelled at Sean, "No it won't! I can take care of myself. And if I can't, I have a whole team of people who will protect me."
"Oh, like they've protected you before," Rolling his eyes, Sean couldn't help but scoff. Alex's arm was currently in a sling because of the failures of her team. She had gotten shot because of them. That wasn't the first time. And it certainly wouldn't be the last.
"Yes, they have," Alex bit. She felt as though they had already had that conversation at Michael's and Nikita's engagement dinner. Sean had almost ruined their celebration by griping about Alex's injuries due to Division and her team. She couldn't take more of it. There was far more to the story than what he was boiling it down to. He refused to see anything besides her pain and how that affected him. Beyond fed up, Alex harshly repeated her earlier question, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"All I have ever seen is the death and destruction Division causes. I will not let it take you too," Moving closer to Alex, Sean indicated the dark space around them. Several Medical staff just died because they were forced to stay in Division. It was just yet another example of what the hellhole took. More horrors would follow, as it always did.
"It never has, and it never will," Tersely, Alex reminded Sean that she had always managed to survive what Division had thrown at her. No matter what, she always came out on top. The hellhole couldn't take her down. She was stronger than that.
Sean had once praised Alex for how strong she was. He had professed to the heavens how remarkable she was. So why would he think the opposite then. What could've possibly changed his mind.
It wasn't her gunshot wound. It wasn't the Sarin gas attack. Those weren't the examples he had frantically stated to make her leave. He had only mentioned the general hells of Division. And his mother.
Alex released a heavy breath; the fight soon left her. Of course Sean was so worked up. Of course he wasn't seeing reason. He couldn't stop thinking about his mom. She had been violently taken away from him, and he had never truly recovered. The trauma had lingered with him, waiting for its chance to resurface. Gently, Alex closed the gap between her and Sean. Her tone softened, as did her gaze. She couldn't be angry that he was so hurt and broken by his mother's death. However, the same fate wasn't going to befall her. He didn't need to be so terrified, "I'm not your mom, Sean."
With tears burning in his hazel eyes, Sean quickly lost the fight in him as well. He couldn't argue anymore. All he could really do was battle the warring emotions within him.
Although Alex wanted to comfort Sean, she wasn't done. She could talk to him about his mother later, and work with him to properly heal. At the moment, she had to continue explaining why she was staying in such a hellish place. She really needed him to understand. She wasn't simply choosing Division over him. She was just being who she always was, "Don't ever expect me to be like most people. Most people have never seen their father murdered before their eyes. Most people aren't sold into slavery. I'm not most people. I never have been."
"I know. I know. I should know that," Sniffling back his tears, Sean mumbled.
"Yeah, you should," Alex struggled with the tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure where they came from. Maybe after all her rage, all that was left was her pain. Regardless, she wouldn't let herself cry then. She hadn't finished talking. She couldn't let her tears drown out her voice.
"Are you angry?" Sean was so tempted to wipe the tears from Alex's brilliant blue eyes, yet he refrained. She could easily pull away again. He had to slowly work his way back to her.
"Yes," Honestly, Alex admitted. Sean dropped his gaze, too ashamed to look at her. She wouldn't allow that to last long. She stepped even closer to him and spoke sternly, "How can you expect me to choose between you and the other people I love? I'm not running anymore. I want a chance at happiness with everybody."
Carefully, Sean studied Alex. He could've sworn she had just admitted that she loved him too. She also said she could be happy with him. Though, the latter had a stipulation attached to it. She couldn't be happy with just him. Leaving with him wasn't enough, "And life with me won't bring you happiness?"
"It can, when I have the chance to help people too. Division's not going to take anymore people from you, Sean, not if you actually stay and fight. Leaving won't protect me. But staying by my side will," Alex knew she could be happy with Sean, yet not if she had to abandon more people who needed her. She had to help everyone, including him. She couldn't do that- she couldn't be happy- if he left. Everyone needed to stay. It was the only guarantee that they could have a happily ever after.
"I love you. But if that's not enough of a reason for you to stay, then I've got no reason to leave," Throwing his words back in his face, Alex leveled her own ultimatum. That was the true end of her argument. She had finally said as much as he had.
For a long moment, Sean just stared at Alex. Then, he held her and kissed her.
That time, it was actually a soft, loving, and affectionate kiss.
