Phoenix:

11.

Breathe


2004


Serpiente Rojo, Spain


"Become...exalted..."

The hunger was real. It burned. It ached in her bones. She screamed high and loud, but her body didn't. Her eyes flickered open to find Leon beside the altar in the filthy room - reaching for her - dying for her.

Saddler's voice around them, in her head, in her soul - in her fucking shattered will. "Join us, lamb...join us and ascend!"

Leon fell to his knees, screaming. Screaming. Screaming. His pain ate through hers, and Ashley wept inside her silent form. Her hand flopped toward him like she'd hold on and never let go.

Bullets. Blood. Screaming. The world fractured.

Her body flopped. They were moving, and the world became water and light, washing warm and comforting over her. Her nose slid against his neck and smelled gasoline and blood - burnt flesh and fire.

He staggered, going to one knee, and everything bled black. Against his ear, she begged, "...please...Leon...just let me go..."

And he roared.

He roared. Like a lion. Like a man with nothing to lose. He rose, like a titan, lifting himself from the shattered remains of his own destruction to take on Mount Olympus. In death, she became literary and poetic - she spewed purple prose from her head as she died.

She saw heroes in humans who never gave up. She saw greatness in men. She saw god...in Leon Kennedy.

He kicked in a door and staggered. Her body lay on the table as she begged, "Please...you first, Leon...please."

And he denied, "No. Goddamnit, no. I said I'd get you home. I promised."

Promises. He'd made them. He meant them, and he kept them. He warned her, "...this is gonna hurt. I'm so fucking sorry."

Flashes of light. The end? Was it the end? Was this the tunnel to the beyond? She saw her mother in the light opening her arms, holding her baby brother in the other - smiling and so happy to have her back. Come home, Ashley, her mother whispered, come home to me.

Ashley gasped, "Mama...I'm here..."

And the pain came. It was so horrible. It broke her chest. The light destroyed her body. It burst her like a balloon - slinging shit and blood and infection all over the walls around them. Ashley fought, trying to roll off the table and resist, and a hand slapped down on hers.

It grounded her. It guided her. It gripped, and he commanded, "Don't let go. You hear me!? I'm here. Don't let go."

Her palm flipped. Their hands held. She turned her head on the table and met his eyes in that battered, bleeding, filthy, and exhausted face. She thought blue, like the sky, like the water on a perfect summer day, like her favorite dress as a girl and the color of her mother's necklace. Blue.

Calm.

Serene.

Comforting.

The pain stopped. It was washed away in the water. It washed away in the acceptance.

Leon trembled and breathed, "...don't let go..."

And then? Then he fell. He collapsed. He tumbled to the floor, and she didn't let go. She couldn't. He went down, and she kept his hand. It rolled her to her side on the table. It sent her off as she held on and came down atop him on the floor.

He didn't make a sound as she landed atop him. He lay still. Deathly still. Face black with smoke and rot.

He didn't move.

Ashley whimpered. She shook her head. She demanded, "Leon?"

When he said nothing, eyes closed, body limp, she shouted in his face, "Leon!?"

Her fingers jammed at his throat, seeking, searching - and finding the dull bump of his heartbeat. Alive. He was alive.

The need to save him seared into her with adrenaline. She wrapped her arms around his heavy chest, found the latches on his vest, and jerked them free. She tossed the enormous thing to the side, leaving him sweaty and still beneath her.

She used her legs, hips, and shoulders and brought him up to sit on the floor. He was like a limp rag doll, entirely at her mercy. She slapped his face, and he didn't move. She begged, "Please?! Please...I need your help...please, Leon...I can't do this. I can't do this without you. Please...please?"

Nothing.

She was on her own.

He'd gotten her as far as he could. He'd done his job. It was time to do hers.

Ashley stuck her shoulder in his belly; she pulled him over her shoulders like she'd seen a fireman do once. She pushed from the floor and stood shakily, holding his bulk over her shoulders like she could do it all day. His dead weight nearly drove her to the floor again, but adrenaline gave her the strength to dump him backward behind her to the table.

He landed, and it wasn't graceful. It was a thud that made her wince. But it worked. He was there. He was on the table.

She limped to the machine and hit buttons. She followed prompts and prayed Luis was with them in spirit as she keyed in commands. The machine beeped and told her that his parasite had hatched - WARNING! WARNING! Removal of advanced stage plagas could result in death.

He was dead anyway if it didn't work.

Ashley whispered, "You can't have him."

And hit the button.

The lasers fired up. The screen showed the horrible thing in him. Huge. It looked huge. She knew it wasn't. She knew that. But the screen amplified it, making it look like a bug big enough to encompass his chest cavity. It located the key points; it prompted her again: Risk to life is imminent. Do you wish to proceed?

She hit the button.

The lasers fired up. They attacked. They attacked as Leon attacked - full force, no stopping, never worried about dying, pain, brutal endings, or risk to self. They attacked as Leon attacked - with everything they had. No matter the outcome.

His body bowed. His mouth opened in pain. He didn't wake. He was too far gone for that. But she took his hand anyway. She laid it on her chest and whispered, "I won't let go. Feel that? It's my heart, Leon. It's steady. I'm steady. I'm here for you. I won't let go."

He made a gurgling sound she was afraid was a death rattle. He gasped brokenly. The machine beeped happily.

And he was still.

She glanced at the screen. Imperfect eradication complete. Please utilize surgical removal for remaining infection.

Like in Luis - he'd need surgery to get the rest out. Luis had a scar on his chest from it. So it was possible. It was possible to get the rest.

She'd dig them out with a spoon herself if she had to.

The pieces were still in there. Dead. But there. They winked at her like bullies trying to undermine her resolve. She gave them the finger. Her hand shifted and slid against his face, and she demanded, desperately, "Breathe."

But he didn't breathe.

He lay there on the table like a corpse.

Heart hammering, she commanded, "Breathe, Leon! Goddamn you, BREATHE!"

Nothing.

She climbed on the table. She straddled him. She tilted his head back and breathed into his mouth. Her hands landed on his chest and pumped. She leaned down and blew air into him.

She pumped. She breathed. She pumped. She breathed. She shouted, "Get up, soldier! It's not over! I'm not home yet, Leon! You're not done! You hear me!?"

She pumped. She breathed. She pumped. She commanded, "Now, Leon! Now! I said fucking breathe! You will not die on me! Not now. Not like this. Now LIVE!"

She breathed...and then so did he.

He gasped. He coughed. She sat back as he shook and trembled in answer, and he inhaled sharply and high-pitched. Her hands flew to her face, and they covered it. He breathed again - ragged and slow.

And she wept.

She wept wildly. Her tears made her whole body shake like mad atop him. She rocked where she straddled him and sobbed.

And it felt so good.

It felt so good to hear him breathe while she wept.

When the relief was palpable, she laid down on his chest with her ear against his filthy shirt and listened. His heart beat slow and steady. She kept holding on until his breathing became even and deep with sleep.

She picked up his weapon and stood guard over him while he recovered. Like a sentry. Like a Valkyrie.

Like a bodyguard.

And she was still there beside him when he finally awoke.

He called with a tone of fear, "Ashley?! Ash?"

She inhaled and tried twice to find her voice, "I'm here."

He sat up on the table. He eyed her, "...you did this?"

Ashley nodded. He watched her silently until she told him, "It wasn't hard. I just followed the directions. Luis had a lot of them lying around. I just used his no-"

She'd been looking at a computer while she spoke. She turned around to find him right there - right behind her. She hadn't heard him move. He was a damn ninja or something - silent and deadly.

His being that close stole her breath. She forgot what she'd been saying as he cupped the back of her neck and dragged her against him. He was so stinky it made her eyes water, but it didn't matter. So was she. And that? It was irrelevant.

Because his hug wasn't awkward now, it was solid. He cupped her so tight that she almost melted at the comfort.

And he gruffed in a trembling voice, "...thank you."

Embarrassed, Ashley whispered, "You're welcome. We're partners, right?"

He let go of her. He laughed a little, and it sounded sorta wet at the end. She glanced up at his face and found his eyes damp as he turned away, cleared his throat, and returned, "Right...keep this up? I'll be out of a job."

High praise.

She took it and replied, "You feeling ok?"

Leon answered, "I'm breathing. That's good enough."

At that moment, it was. They were both breathing. They were both human.

And they were both finished with this shit.

She eyed him and demanded, "I wanna go home."

Leon met her eyes and answered, "Me too, kid. Let's get the fuck outta this dump."

It was the best idea she'd heard all day.


2005


Massachusetts


Ashley had woken to find him gone. She knew she would. After their hug had broken, he'd almost fled from her apartment. Coward, she thought as she stood in the bright morning light, he only ran when it was his feelings at risk.

He didn't want her to think of him as someone who hurt and needed comfort.

He didn't understand that she'd never see him as anything but precisely what he was: a hero with flaws. A hero with a heart. A hero whose heart literally beat because of her.

He'd saved her. She'd saved him. There wasn't weakness there - there was strength. Unbridled, unbidden, unbelievable strength without end. She didn't let go when he needed her.

She wouldn't ever let go.

One way or another, they were in it together now.

Ashley took her one day off to soak her sore body and relax. She slept a lot, and she watched terrible television.

She felt refreshed when she headed out the following day to prove her worth.

She wasn't the only one in the field. Carter was there, causing her such relief that he was alive that she hugged him when she saw him. He smiled, happy, and hugged her back. He said, "They came to get me out of the maze. Apparently, hiding was always an option."

Embarrassed, he confessed, "I hid when the wolves chased us. I'm not proud of it, but I-"

Ashley shook her head. She hugged him again, "Hiding is always an option. You hear me? Hide and live, Carter. There's no shame in that."

He nodded. He studied her face. "I heard about Kyle."

Another recruit, Shenmei, who was young and Asian and almost too pretty, added, "We all did. What the fuck, man, ya know?"

The last of the ten to make it was a man named Kevin. He was, it seemed, a survivor of Raccoon City himself. She thought he was older than Leon's age or slightly beyond that. But he was funny and cracked a lot of jokes and put people at ease. He was also determined.

He'd told them he'd failed the auditions for S.T.A.R.S. back in his day -twice. This time? He said, "I'm done failing."

He'd kept the others alive in the maze and the simulation. Two of his crew had rung the balls and left him with Shenmei. But he and Shenmei had stood strong and made it to the diner. A wolf had wounded Shenmei, but Kevin had patched her up and shouldered her on.

An excellent guy to have at your back, they said. Ashley and Kevin stared at each other, and he acknowledged, "Takes one to know one, huh, Graham?"

She laughed. She patted his arm. He told her, "Fuck the nightmares."

Feeling that and appreciating the understanding, she breathed, "...fuck the nightmares."

Kevin winked.

Leon crossed the grass toward them. He wore nothing but a black T-shirt and jeans with boots. When he was close, he told them, "You're the last. Those who made it will have the opportunity to accompany a trainer on a real mission if you complete the rest of the training. But understand this - the training gets worse than your first simulation. Much worse. And the risks you take may result in great personal cost."

He was offering them a chance to quit.

No one took him up on it.

Shenmei wondered, "What's on the agenda today?"

Leon shifted his gaze between them, "Combatives to start. I want to see you all fight each other. I'm going to bring in a few other trainers and put you one on one. We'll do more weapons training this afternoon. The next week will be repeated training in similar situations - survival, revival, first-aid focus, and response tests."

Carter demanded, "What happened to Kyle?"

Leon returned, "Kyle was high on cocaine. He was taken into custody and is currently under medical surveillance."

"How did he pass the testing before acceptance?"

Leon turned his eyes to Ashley and returned, "His father was Dale Lebowski."

Kevin snorted, "White House Chief of Staff guy?"

Leon nodded, "He fudged paperwork and forced his son into the program. Kyle has a history of mental illness and is a recreational drug user, and never should have made it into the program. His father cut corners, and no one knew. He's currently being held for questioning."

Kevin rolled his eyes, "So, he pulls strings to put his kid in a program even though the guy was mentally ill and a junkie?"

Leon nodded again, "He was hoping the experience would turn his kid around. Helps to have friends in high places, apparently."

Kevin snorted again, "I wish somebody would show me a politician who wasn't a fucking bag of dicks."

Carter glanced at Ashley, and Kevin winced, shook his head, and added, "Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Ashley waved a hand, "It's fine. Seriously. I get it."

Kevin returned, "For the record? I think you proved you deserve this. Even if your dad is the most powerful man in the Western World."

Ashley glanced at Leon and replied, "I think it depends on how you define power."

Shenmei asked, "Do we get to pick our trainer?"

Leon shook his head, "You've been paired with someone who contradicts where your strong points are. Shenmei, you'll be with Agent Freestone—Carter with Major Kim. Ryman, you're with me. Graham, I've paired you with Agent Nero."

A little hurt he hadn't chosen to partner with her, Ashley nodded. She joined her selected trainer on the field. Agent Gertrude Nero was well-known in her field, a tall, blonde woman with big blue eyes and an Icelandic look.

If there was a female of equal skill and nearly the same acclaim as Leon Kennedy, it was her.

She put Ashley through her paces. She taught her tuck and roll to use her size to her advantage. Where Ashley was small, Nero was nearly six foot one. She explained about using speed over strength. She threw Ashley around like a pinata to prove her point - strength would almost best size if you didn't know how to counteract that.

They did hand-to-hand and started martial arts training. She showed Ashley how to slide and roll, rebound from an attack, and use the attacker's momentum against them. The first time Ashley tossed her in a textbook tomoe nage throw - putting her foot into the big woman and slinging to her back with her butt and hips - it felt like winning.

Nero rose and shook her hand, grinning, "Almost a natural."

Watching from the sidelines, Leon added, "That's what I said to her on the range."

Nero nodded. "She's good. Quick. Light-footed. Doesn't overthink it."

Kevin remarked, "That's how I handle the ladies."

Shenmei called from her side of the field, "I don't think you've ever under-thought anything either, Ryman. Except maybe your pickup lines, which are nearly as old and tired as you are."

Chuckles.

Kevin made an aw-shucks gesture and winked.

Nero gestured, "Kennedy, come at her from behind; let me see how she does from the outside."

Kevin chuckled, and Leon commanded, "Not a single joke, Roman. Or I'll make you run laps."

Kevin decided, "Might be worth it."

"It won't be," Leon warned, "I promise you."

Ashley turned her back on him and waited. She closed her eyes and listened for the shift in the grass. But he was as silent as he was deadly. He grabbed her before she could prepare herself. He pinned her against his front with an arm around her shoulders and neck and another around her waist. He lifted her off the ground, and the panic tried to set in.

The panic.

It nearly choked her.

She remembered Jack Krauser with his hands on her. She remembered the fear. She remembered the horror. She nearly froze like a mouse facing a snake before his voice whispered in her ear, "Easy. Breathe. Remember to breathe."

Right.

Breathe.

She'd told him to do that once. She'd demanded it. And he listened. She did the same for him now.

She breathed. Her breath wheezed in, and she focused. It snapped into place like pieces of legos building a tower of strength inside her. Her feet dangled, forcing her to redirect her defense. She kicked down with her foot, hit his knee, and staggered him where he held her.

Ashley drove her elbow back into his belly again, grabbing the arm around her throat when she shifted and driving a kick at his knee. She jerked, turned her body into his, and pulled him toward her. Her feet touched the ground, he let her angle him into her body, and he head-butted her.

It hurt.

Her head rang with pain.

Someone shouted, and Nero commanded, "Ease down. Easy. The goal is to show what you're up against. Not to make this simple. Relax."

Ashley reeled and kept Leon's arm. She threw herself back, unbalancing him, and stuck her foot in his hip as they went. She spun him off balance, threw her total weight into his body, tucked, and rolled. He went up and out as she leveraged his arm to use his weight against him. She slapped his face so hard it echoed in the morning air as she used her whole body to sling him away. It sent him staggering and spinning away from her as she hit her back, rolled to her feet, and came up with her fists up and her head ringing.

He had a little trickle of blood on his forehead, meaning he hadn't pulled the head butt. She gave him a flash of wolfish teeth, and he commanded, "Good. But I'm still standing. Which means you're still outclassed."

Ashley circled him. He answered it, head cocked, amusement ripe on his face, "What next, rookie?"

She waited. He paused. She waited again.

Surprised, he mused, "Not going to press your attack?"

She shook her head, "I'm not the attacker. You are."

Respect flashed on his face. "That's true. And wise. You can't win if you rush me. Your only chance lies in surprise and defense here."

From the sidelines, Nero commanded, "When he rushes you, Ashley, do what I taught you - use his momentum against him."

Leon came for her. Fast. Scary. She waited to the last second, threw herself to her back, and stuck her boots in his belly. Her hands caught his arms as she humped, pushed with a shout of battle, and sent him up and over her. He landed on his back beside her with a grunt.

He turned his head on the ground to meet her eyes and remarked, "Good. Now finish me."

She threw an elbow into his face for an answer. He caught it, jerked, and rolled on the grass. They repeatedly rolled, Ashley, struggling, and Leon quickly pinning her beneath him when they stopped.

He put a hand around her throat and pinned her legs between his. His other hand caught hers to pin them over her head as she warned, "No mercy, Ashley. None. You're dead now. Because you can't escape."

She spit in his face.

Surprised, he reared back, and she turned her mouth, settled her teeth around his hand, and bit down. She didn't pull it. She bit so hard he grunted, lifted her by her face, and slammed her back into the ground. Her head rang again, but she held on with those teeth. He bled. She snarled and flopped her body like a fish while she tasted copper.

When he commanded gruffly, "Stop."

She let go of his hand with her mouth.

And spit that blood in his eyes.

Damn, this girl and the spitting, he thought, like a wild animal sometimes.

It worked, though. It had him tossing his head to clear it, and she roared and humped her body hard enough to have him dislodged just enough for her to get one leg free and use it to push herself up beneath his bulk. Amused, he almost let her keep going, but it was time to show her the difference between street fighting and training. Leon rolled her again, came to his knees with her pressed to his front, and jerked on her head.

The swift movement scared her. Because if he'd meant it, he'd have broken her neck in that quick gesture. It made her freeze as he told her, "You're dead. Because you let the anger drive you."

Damn him.

And Ashley grunted, "Maybe...but I took a piece of you with me."

His bleeding hand caught around her throat again. He jerked her to her feet with him and slung her away. His face flashed with answering annoyance, "You think that matters? Do you?" He turned his eyes to the recruits watching, "You think it matters one damn bit if you get a piece of your attacker? You're still dead. And your potential hostage you're escorting? Dead too. You've gotten them killed being stupid."

Ashley felt the shiver of insult at that. "There is a time and a place for emotion. There's a time and a place for fighting like a cat in an alley," Leon showed her his bloody hand, "This? This is nothing. Any attacker worth their salt can shake this off and keep going. The monsters we're talking about? They don't give a damn about a little bit of blood in the eyes. And guess what? You swallowed infected blood being stupid. If I was a monster, you just drank my poison. And now you're one too."

That hurt because it was true. And because she'd already been one of those. She glared at him while shame swirled in her guts. She snapped, "Maybe you should give me a weapon then—even the playing field. I can't take you on without fighting dirty, right? So, what choice do I have?"

He jerked the knife off his thigh and flipped it. He presented it to her hilt first and demanded, "Here. Take it. Go ahead. See if it helps."

There was some trick here. She knew it, and she could almost smell it. She took the knife with narrowed eyes, and he added, "Go ahead. Use it. Stab me. If you can do it, you win."

Ashley rammed the knife at his ribs, and he caught her wrist with his hand, jerked her arm to the side, and twisted. They fought for the blade, which was harder than the first time they fought on this field, and he had to work for it to take it away. She let him hyper-extend her arm and rolled into his attack zone.

Her hands jerked his wrist around, put that knife near her face, and she stomped down on his instep, swung a fist toward his groin, and threw an elbow at his face simultaneously. Her elbow missed on both accounts as Leon grabbed a handful of her hair and jerked her head back, putting the knife against her throat. Breathing heavily, he told her, "Dead. Dead and gone. Why?"

Panting, Ashley spat, "Because I rolled into your arms."

He nodded. He threw her away, and she stumbled, turning to face him. He aimed the blade at her. He threw it into the ground, and it thrummed as it struck the dirt, "Again."

She ran for the knife as he rushed her. Time went crystalline. She rolled as he threw a kick at her face, felt it whiz by her ear and the top of her head as she skidded, grabbed the hilt of the knife, and came up to one knee as he turned. She jammed the knife at him from the kneeling position, and he knocked her hands to the side, tucked her arms under his left one, and jerked her upward. She flew up, too light and too slow, and he flipped her over his back in a fluid motion. She went over, she came down on her back, and he straddled her to put the knife to her eye. "Dead."

Her chest heaved as he commanded, "Again."

Each time he tossed her around like a damn toy, the anger grew and grew and grew. The shame and the embarrassment and the rage, and it grew and grew and grew. She rose to her feet, and he offered her the knife's hilt again.

"Come on," he challenged with such dismissal and calm she wanted to kick him, "Take me down."

Angry, Ashley growled, "I can't."

Leon tilted his head, "No? You want a gun? Maybe that will even things up."

Her lips curled as she snapped, "No, it won't."

He pointed the knife at her face, "Good. You're right. Why?"

"Because you're bigger."

"Good. And?"

"Stronger."

"Ok. What else?"

Ashley panted, "And I'm too angry to hit you anyway."

He paused. He tilted his head. "Are you?"

"Yes."

Leon arched a brow, "What did I tell you on day one?"

Shaking with embarrassment, Ashley snapped, "Put it away. Focus."

"That's right," he eyed her quietly, "Put it away. Focus. And use your fucking brain instead of your emotions. You can't fight me one on one and win. You aren't big enough. You aren't good enough. You might never be. Because guess what? There is always something better out there. And don't give a shit if you bite it, talk tough, or have a goddamn gun. You understand me?"

She nodded, glaring at him. He glanced at the rest of the recruits. "You all hear me?"

They answered quietly but firmly.

Leon lifted his hand at Ashley, "This is bullshit. You're better than this."

Ashamed, she held his gaze but felt her face flush with it.

He stepped close to her and demanded, "Get it together. Get your head out of your ass and pay attention. Stop fighting like a cornered animal and start fighting like a trained operative. Or all the bravado in the world won't mean a damn when you're ripped to pieces by something five times your size."

Ashley glared at him. He stalked away, shaking his head, and Nero joined her on the grass. The tall woman smiled gently at her, "He takes this personally."

Ashley shook her head, "I'm stupid. He's right. I just reacted. I didn't think."

Nero patted her shoulder, "You'll learn. And guess what? He did that too when he started."

Ashley glanced at her face, and she grinned, "Oh, yeah. Kennedy was all balls and no brains in the beginning. That fool entered the simulation portion with a gun, ten bullets, and nothing else. Stupid boy."

Ashley's mouth twitched as Nero added, "I think he sees himself in you, Graham. It's a compliment. But it doesn't come without problems. Because Leon needed a hard lesson or two before he got it together."

She leaned down and advised, "Do better than that. It's what he's trying to tell you. Do better than him," Nero encouraged quietly, "you got the makings of greatness, kiddo. Don't give up; button up the emotions, and follow his lead."

Softly, Ashley wondered, "How many times did he get knocked down?"

Nero laughed, "Too many. Dozens. But you know what? He kept getting up. And that's what this job is, Ashley. It's getting up again and again until you can't anymore."

Ashley murmured, "Or you don't need to."

"That's right. So, do that. No matter how many times he knocks you down, get up. Breathe. And go again. Eventually, it'll be automatic."

Nero paced back on the grass and beckoned with one hand, "Let's do this thing, Graham...and don't forget to breathe."

Breathe.

Breathe and get up.

Get up and keep going.

She'd do that. She'd listen. She'd learn.

She'd become better than the man so aptly titled the Executioner. She'd best him. She'd prove herself to him. She'd make him believe in her the way he'd done for her in Spain. He'd trust her. He'd respect her.

She'd win him over.

And she'd keep right on breathing while she did it.