An AU for 3x11 "Black Badge". It's Salex turn for a pregnancy scare.

Alex woke to the feeling of Sean tracing the lines of her butterfly tattoo. He hadn't meant to wake her with his touch; he simply had to touch her in the soft morning light. She hummed in contentment. That was the best feeling in the world to wake up to. She just wanted to lay with her boyfriend in silent joy for as long as possible. Unfortunately, after only a few short moments, Sean popped her soft, contented bubble with a question about her tattoo, "When are you gonna tell me what this means?"

"Is that what we do now? Tell each other all of our stories?" Alex deflected. Everything was so nice and peaceful that morning; she didn't want to ruin it by talking about the brothel. Maybe some other time- when she wasn't so happy and warm.

"Tell you anything you wanna know," Sean muttered, placing a kiss to the butterfly on Alex's back. Although the affection normally would've made her melt, she stiffened at his actions and words. Something about them snapped her out of her happy daze and reminded her of the anxious thoughts she had had the night before. She hadn't shared them with her boyfriend yet, not wanting to alarm him if it was all nothing. But thinking about it again, Alex soon realized that he deserved to know what was going on.

It concerned him too, after all. Alex couldn't keep it all to herself. Even if she could, her growing anxiety wouldn't let her. She had to talk about it. She had to express her concerns and what that might mean for them moving forward. There was a chance that everything would change. Or there was a chance that she was paranoid and overreacting. Honestly, she was hoping for the latter, "Yeah… maybe we should…"

"But we probably don't have time to share everything. I deploy in two weeks," Sean interrupted, blurting the information out like that might make it sting less. He should've told Alex about his deployment as soon as he heard about it. But he wanted to wait for the right moment. A soft, loving moment in bed seemed like the perfect one.

"Deploy? You're going back to the Seals?" Snapping upright, Alex stared at Sean in shock. Since when had he rejoined the Navy. Was it after the rogues' raid on Division and he went to smooth things over with the Marines. Was it when he had left Division. Was it when he was concussed. Why did he never tell her he had joined back up. That was definitely something she should've known.

"I never really left. I was on special leave, but the term is up," Sean instantly followed Alex upright. He hadn't expected that reaction from her. If he had, he definitely would've broken the news to her in a different way. It was just that he never thought she'd be so scared about the idea. She knew he was a Seal- that his life revolved around putting himself in danger so others wouldn't have to be. So why would she panic at the thought of him leaving. Was there something he was missing- something she wasn't telling him, "Hey. What?"

Then really should've been when Alex told Sean about her anxiety, her nausea, her exhaustion, her moodiness, and her missed period. Instead, she shook her head. She'd rather believe it was all nothing than give into the thought that it was anything more. Then wasn't the time for anything more, "I don't know. I guess I just… I thought, since we were together…"

"I was going to join you back at Division?" Sean raised his eyebrows. Sure, he was happy helping Alex and the team while he was on leave. But the Navy was his life. He couldn't give it all up for that place. He was needed elsewhere, "Hey. I dedicated my whole life to being a Seal. I can't just walk away from that, it's who I am."

"Yeah…" Alex turned away from Sean. She definitely couldn't tell him what she was thinking then. She couldn't let her fear affect him before he deployed. He had to have a clear head if he was going to return home in one piece. She needed answers first before she told him anything. Although staying silent made her anxious thoughts worse, she figured it was for the best. The Navy was Sean's life. She didn't want to ruin that.

Tenderly, Sean lifted Alex's chin so that she would look at him. He wasn't sure what she was thinking; though, he had at least one idea. His decision to not leave the Navy had nothing to do with their relationship. He loved Alex, and he would fight everyday to return to her. Serving his country was just something he had to do. She could understand that. She served her team with the same devotion. Whereas she had to help Division earn their freedom, he had to protect the freedom out in the world, "This has nothing to do with us."

Alex only managed a nod before her ringing cell interrupted them. She answered it with a sigh, having absolutely no clue about the shitstorm coming their way.


Pacing Medical, Alex anxiously curled and unfurled her fists. Sean was in surgery then. He should be fine. He was going to be fine. Despite the gunshot wound and his reaction to the drug cocktail, he was safe and sound inside Division. Amanda couldn't hurt him anymore. She couldn't kill him and take him away from her.

Even with all those facts, though, Alex still couldn't get a handle on her anxiety. The thoughts she had hid from Sean that morning were assaulting her mind then. There had been different moments throughout the horrific shitstorm where she constantly thought about them. Yet she still never voiced them. She also still never got an answer for them. She was forcing herself to stay ignorant so she didn't have to face another terrible situation. However, there was only so much torment she could take. She was going to shatter soon. Unless she finally acknowledged what she was so afraid of.

Forcing back frantic tears, Alex never saw Nikita approach. All of a sudden, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, stopping her mad pacing. She whirled around to face her best friend, fearful words ready to spill out of her. Yet Nikita stopped those as well. She held a lifeline out to Alex- something that'd put an end to the thoughts she refused to address, "Here. Take this."

Alex stared at the pregnancy test Nikita was handing out to her, absolutely bewildered. When had she had time to buy a test- Alex hadn't. And how had she even known that she'd need it. Was Alex really that bad at hiding things. Or did her best friend have some kind of supernatural abilities she didn't know about, "How'd you know?"

"I'm psychic, remember?" Nikita smirked. Honestly, she had just made a wild guess based on how anxious Alex had been lately and how much emphasis she had put on not wanting to separate Sean from his family. Nikita figured she was being too paranoid by buying the test for her best friend. But, apparently, she wasn't the only paranoid one in Division. It was a good thing she sprung for the nice test, "This is one of the good ones. It's easy to use, easy to see the results, and it's fast and fairly accurate."

With shaking hands, Alex took the pregnancy test from Nikita. It was time she finally answered whether she was pregnant or if it was just a scare. But she couldn't move. She wanted to live in denial just a little while longer. Things were easier that way. After all, she didn't have to make any difficult choices just yet, "But aren't they not that reliable?"

"It's a good way to get answers before you make a doctor's appointment. Which, I recommend using a Division doctor," Nikita replied softly. A pregnancy test wasn't a definite answer. But, it would calm some of Alex's anxiety until she could schedule a doctor's appointment. Although she had an actual life that'd allow her to go to an actual doctor's office, it was safer to remain in Division. The news wouldn't break to the press or to her enemies if she did. A pregnancy was the kind of secret in their line of work that had to stay locked down, "There's a private bathroom down the hall. I'll be outside the door the entire time."

"Have you ever taken one of these before?" Alex stalled. She clutched the pregnancy test tightly in her grasp and pretended like she wasn't about to take it. It was ridiculous- and probably damaging- to force herself to remain in limbo like that. Yet she still couldn't move. Her anxiety and fears wouldn't let her do anything but deny and stall. She should've taken a test that morning before things had turned to shit. She had been at least able to think and move then. Whereas at that moment, she just wanted everything to disappear.

"Yes…" Barely above a whisper, Nikita admitted. Alex's eyes snapped up to stare at her in shock. She definitely wanted her best friend to elaborate, yet Nikita refused. It wasn't about her or the terrible things in her past then. Alex needed the focus and concern. Gently, Nikita placed a hand on her back and urged her to the bathroom. No more talking and stalling. It was time for answers, "Come on."

Slowly, Alex made her way to the private bathroom. Nikita was true to her word. She stayed right outside the door the entire time, and she even offered a few more words of comfort. Although Alex was grateful for that, she couldn't actually find any comfort. She was as anxious as she had been, especially with the test in her hands. Her whole life could change once the results showed. She wasn't certain if she was ready for that. Sean's life had just recently been changed forever. She couldn't introduce more. She couldn't turn the world upside down twice. She had tried so hard not to do it once, "I was so careful."

"Life finds a way. Look at Max," Nikita shrugged. Max, the son of an undercover Gogol agent and an undercover Division agent, had been a complete and utter accident. Both his parents had been so very careful not to conceive. But it happened anyway. There was no way to predict if all the precautions taken would actually work. Life always found a way.

Honestly, Alex didn't want to think about Cassandra and Max; she didn't want to think about the fact that their deaths had to be faked in order for them to live. She'd rather be distracted than think of anyone's death or the possibility of having kids. So, when she finally left the bathroom, she turned her focus to Nikita. She had said something interesting before. Maybe she might elaborate on it, "When you took the test, was it…"

"It was negative. It was only a scare- a really, really bad scare," Nikita answered bluntly. She really didn't want to talk about the worst scare she had ever had in her life. It had happened when she was too young to be buying pregnancy tests- something Alex could probably relate to. It was best if that story stayed in the past. It shouldn't have the power to terrify her anymore.

"When was this? Does Michael know?" Alex immediately pried for more. If Nikita had thought she was pregnant recently, surely, as her best friend, she would've known about it. So when would've Nikita taken a pregnancy test. Had Alex missed something.

"No, he doesn't. But it was before him, so it doesn't matter," Nikita tried to put an end to Alex's questions. She should never have admitted to taking a pregnancy test before in the first place. But she had wanted to soothe her best friend, show her that she wasn't alone in her fear and anxiety. Unlike what Nikita had been at the time, Alex wasn't alone. She had friends and family available to help her no matter what the results said.

She'd also be surrounded by loved ones no matter what she decided to do with the results. It was a difficult thing to consider. Alex couldn't make a choice lightly. She had to think about everything immediately. So enough about Nikita. Alex had to think about herself, "What are you going to do if you are pregnant?"

"Talk to Sean," Alex shrugged. She should've been talking to Sean. Yet none of that mattered then. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't change the past. But she could start taking steps to plan for and change the future. She simply had no idea how.

"And after that?" Softly, Nikita questioned. She knew without a doubt what she would do if she discovered she was pregnant in the middle of all that shit. However, Alex wasn't like her. Alex had a life; she had a chance. She had more options available to her. She just had to pick one and follow through, no matter where it might lead.

"I don't know. Maybe if we hadn't just recruited Sean, I would know. But things are so complicated now. I mean, he's dead. What are we supposed to do?" Tears threatened to spill down Alex's cheeks. If she had discovered she was pregnant just two days ago, she and Sean could've had real answers about what they were going to do about Division and a baby. But since he was dead, there wasn't much they could do. He was Division's newest recruit. He couldn't hide, play dead, and be a father. She also couldn't fight the deadly targets Amanda had painted on their backs and be a mother. They were stuck- trapped. What could they possibly do.

Nikita wished she had answers for Alex- she really did. However, she had no clue what she should do either. The best Nikita could offer was some information that'd help Alex come to a conclusion, "You know, Division is really good at hiding people. Give us a month, and we can make Sean a whole new person- erase his DNA from any system, give him a new identity that even the CIA can't flag, and turn him into a ghost. They used to tell us that being recruited was a chance at a new life. We can give Sean a new life."

"A new life to do what?" Alex questioned. Since recruiting Sean, she had been dying to know what kind of life he could have. He had claimed that his whole life had been about the Seals. So what would it be without it. Who was he if he wasn't protecting others or saving the world. Who was he if he was on the run and hiding from his enemies instead of facing them. Who was he if he was a ghost. There wasn't much of a life for him past recruitment. He might've been alive. But what kind of life was he left living.

"Run," Nikita replied simply. It definitely wasn't hardwired in either Sean's or Alex's DNA to just run away from danger; they had to fight injustice, and they had to protect others. But they might not be the only ones in their lives. A huge change was coming their way, and they had to alter everything to meet it. Running would've been a great way to do that. After all, Nikita had always been pushing for Alex to escape Division, "I've always wanted you out of this war. Guess now that's coming true."

"Nikita, I told you before, I can't just run. I wasn't built to just sit on a beach while everyone I love is stuck in this hellhole. I have to help. I have to make things right. This started with us, so it has to end with us," Alex immediately disagreed. How many times did she have to have that argument. She wasn't running. She would never run. She had a real chance to help people by staying in that fight. She couldn't just give up on that. No one else had. Just because she was an Udinov didn't mean she was exempt. She was using her life to help people. If Sean had been allowed to do that with the Seals, then she could with Division. It wasn't any different.

"It started with me. And I'm not going to let this place hurt you any more than it already has," Nikita quickly corrected. She went rogue first; she had started the war that never ended. She had only saved Alex in the hopes of giving her a life- a chance- that she had never had. However, Alex chose to help Nikita; she chose to get revenge for herself and others. Although Nikita appreciated all she had done, and loved her so much for it, that wasn't supposed to be her life. Alex had always been meant to have better. She had to take that chance then. If not for herself, then for the child she might've been carrying.

"You sound like Sean," Unable to find another point to argue, Alex just huffed. She was a big girl; she could take care of herself. Division wasn't going to kill her too. Though, it could keep hurting her. Sean's death had just been faked because of his ties to that hellhole. What could that place then do to her child (if she was actually pregnant). She might've been fine, but her baby might not have been.

"Good," Nikita replied. If Sean already agreed with her, then she'd have an easier job helping Alex make a decision. She didn't want to coerce her best friend into making a decision she didn't want to make- it was her life, so it was her choice. However, Alex needed to be fully aware of the consequences she was facing. They were going to be life long, "Look, Alex. You might be pregnant. And I know you. You'd want to keep the baby if you are. But you cannot have a baby and stay in Division. It's just not possible."

"So isn't running. Ignore the fact that I want to stay and fight. If Sean and I run, Amanda will be after us. She'd kill us and our baby. The safest place either of us could be is here," there was one problem with the running plan; it wouldn't work. Amanda would find Alex and Sean eventually and kill them. They couldn't be safe on their own. Especially after the attempt on Sean's life Amanda had just made. And especially if they had a baby. They two could only be safe in Division surrounded by friends and family who'd protect them with everything they had. The team was always stronger together. That'd never change.

Although Alex had a point- the team had just recruited Sean into Division to save him from Amanda- Nikita had a better one. It was something she had been thinking about for a while. Amanda had said that everything that happened was her fault. Maybe the bitch was right. Maybe if the team separated from her, they'd be safer, "Amanda won't chase after you. The only reason you and Sean have targets on your backs is because of me. If you get away from me, you'll be safe. Think about it. If Amanda really wanted to hurt you, she'd go after your families. She only wants to hurt me. And she'd know that you leaving would hurt me enough."

Alex opened then closed her mouth. There was a very real possibility that Nikita was right. If Alex left Nikita, Amanda wouldn't chase after her. However, Alex didn't want to think about leaving her best friend. Surely, having a baby didn't mean that she had to leave so many friends and loved ones behind. She wanted to have her whole family around her. If she did, then her baby would never feel alone. There had to be something else she could do besides run. Nikita always had a million different ideas. So what was her crazy plan for that situation, "What would you do if you were pregnant?"

"That's the thing. I'm not you, Alex. I don't have the Udinov name or the Udinov fortune. I don't have a life I can run to. I'd always be fighting and hiding. If it's not Amanda, then it's the government, or… I don't have the luxury to choose what to do. While Division is still around, I'd only ever have one option if I was pregnant," Nikita hardly glanced at Alex as she confessed to her thoughts. She and Michael had talked about that before. And that had both agreed on what they'd have to do. But it didn't make it any easier to think about. While Division was around, Nikita had no life. She still had to wait to do normal things.

But Alex didn't. She could have normal then if she wanted to. Nothing was hindering her choices, "Look, Alex. You have the money, life, and protection to run. You can finally escape this danger, and build a great life for your kid. You wouldn't have any enemies chasing you down. You wouldn't have anyone hiring a strike team to kill your entire family. You and Sean can be safe. You wouldn't be entirely free, not while Sean's technically dead. But you'd have what a baby needs- and that's a safe, secure life."

"So my only options are to either get rid of the baby, or to run and hide? You taught me that there's always more than two choices. I can find another way," Alex wasn't sure why she kept fighting so hard. Maybe it was because she was so scared. She was terrified of all the changes a baby would bring. She didn't want things to change. Her life had been uprooted enough times. Couldn't she just live happily without sacrificing anything. Was that too much to ask for. Could she at least have one good thing in her life without having to give up another.

"Maybe you can. Maybe after we shut down Division we can get Sean a pardon too, and he could come back to life. But, Alex, there are more important things than helping people and doing the right thing. If you are pregnant, and if you decide to keep it- which I know you will- then you need to promise me that your baby won't grow up like us," Taking one of Alex's hands in hers, Nikita squeezed tightly. Alex looked her best friend in the eyes and was met with absolutely sincerity. She had to promise. No more kids like them.

As she nodded, her blue eyes fell back down to the pregnancy test in her hand. The results had finally appeared.


The second Alex was told she could see Sean, she hurried to his Medical room. She was determined to be there for him when he woke. She had to be the one to welcome him to his new life. He needed a familiar, loving, kind face to ease him. He also needed her to finally tell him what had been going on with her. Though, she'd have to ease him into that too. Getting him to relax as soon as he woke was already a struggle, "Hey. Hey. Try not to move too much. Takes a while for that cocktail to wear off."

"My sisters, I have to call them," Sean's words were slurred. He tried to push against Alex's steadying hands, needing to get out of bed and reassure his sisters that he was alright. It took everything in Alex to remain calm and soothing. She hadn't expected Sean to be so confused when he woke. Shocked and scared, yes. But not forgetful. That was going to make things a hell of a lot harder. And after the emotional turmoil she had gone through in the hallway, she didn't know if she had the strength for it.

"You can't," The words were hardly above a whisper. Alex wished she could've told Sean any other answer. Yet he couldn't have any contact with the outside world. It was the only way to keep everyone safe. Although it was painful- it hurt so damn much- she knew he'd rather have his sisters safe than anything else. All he ever cared about was protecting his loved ones. That had to stay the same even as his world turned upside down.

Conceding to the fact that Sean couldn't just lie back against the pillows when he had so many questions that needed answered, Alex helped him sit up easily on the bed. Although he was more relaxed, he still wasn't completely satisfied. He had to talk to his sisters. He had to let them know that he was alright. And he had to know if they were alright. Whatever evils Amanda was up to couldn't affect them. They at least had to stay out of Division. They couldn't be hurt by that place too, "Why? Did they get hurt? What happened?"

"They think you're dead, Sean. The whole world thinks you're dead. The FBI, the Navy. Your funeral is on Wednesday," Alex gently informed her boyfriend. She and Nikita wound up talking for another hour or so. Then Nikita gave her a tight, reassuring hug and left her to talk to Sean's sisters. Jill and Sandy were the ones who told Alex about the funeral details. She refrained from telling them her news. There were still things she had to figure out first.

"This is insane," Sean quietly muttered. What Alex was telling him couldn't have been possible. He knew that he had shot himself so Division could smuggle him out of the FBI building. But wasn't dead. He couldn't have been dead. That was insane.

"I know. This was your choice. I fought so this could be your choice," Alex continued to struggle to remain calm and steady for Sean. She had believed it was clear what Division wanted from him when they had suggested the Article 134. It was ultimately his choice what to do, yet they had instructed him to kill himself. That message should've rang loud and clear. But, apparently, the team had been wrong. Sean might've chosen to let them help him escape, yet he didn't exactly sign up for recruitment. He didn't want to die- just be saved.

While Alex battled the guilt and pain that realization brought, Sean attempted to come to terms with his decision. He hadn't thought the consequences through. He seriously didn't think how his actions would affect his sisters or the world until after he woke in Division. He should've taken longer to think over the team's letter. He had changed his future, and he had only then realized it, "So to the world, I died a criminal? A traitor?"

Tears burned in Alex's eyes. Yet, rather than let them fall, she shoved them and the past behind her. They couldn't get hung up on things they could've done. Their past couldn't drown them out as they tried to move forward. And they definitely had to move forward. A huge future was in front of Sean and Alex. It was new, it was challenging, and it was terrifying. Yet it could be better than their past, "When a new recruit wakes up in Division, they're told that their old life is over. But they're offered a chance at a new one. Maybe this new one can be something better."

Taking her boyfriend's hand in hers, Alex almost thought about placing it on her lower abdomen. However, that seemed way too cliché. He deserved more than just a stupid gesture. She had to actually talk to him. Everything she knew, everything she was thinking, he had to know. There was no point in hiding anything from him. Her life was his life too. Whatever she went through, she'd always have him by her side. Just like she'd always be by his side, "Sean… I have something to tell you."

When Sean glanced at her with his curious, hurt-filled hazel eyes, Alex momentarily lost her resolve. She still hadn't come to a decision. She still had no idea what to do with the news. Maybe she shouldn't burden him with all that until she did. After taking a deep breath, though, Alex managed to square her shoulders and press on. She couldn't allow her fear to weigh her down. Sean needed more from her. And so did their baby, "I know the timing is awful. And… and I wish- I really wish- that things were different. Maybe then it wouldn't be so hard. It could actually be something we can smile about. But… Sean, I'm… I'm pregnant."

Although pain and confusion still reflected deeply in Sean's eyes, he looked up at Alex with a bright sparkling gaze. He smiled. She smiled back.