Dear God I'm Unraveling
His fingers are warm, calloused and firm on his face. Kai's breath glides over his cheek as he kisses him. His kisses are deep. Demanding. He's pulling Tyson into himself. Lifting his jaw. Pressing his head back and drawing him in at the same time. He tastes like something thick and velvety, and it's making his heart go berserk in his chest.
"Kai" he says, in a breathless heave. "Kai"
"Mmm" he groans in response, his lips flush against Tyson's.
There's a lump in his throat. Wetness in his eyes. He's shivering. "Turn on the lights," he whispers into the corner of his mouth. His mouth is soft, but harder than any girl's he's known, and he doesn't know. He doesn't know. "A little bit. I wanna see you."
Kai moves away from him for a second with an audible pull of breath. He senses him reach for something above his head and to the right. The room lightens slowly. The darkness receding. The glow is kept soft so it doesn't burn his eyes.
And the first thing he sees is Kai. His handsome face. Flawlessly handsome. He's staring down at Tyson. Something heavy in his gaze.
Tyson raises a hand to cup his cheek. His fingers don't envelop Kai the way Kai's consume him. The tips of his fingers stop at his cheekbone.
He could stop. He could stop here. Prevent this from escalating any further.
"I've never had sex with a guy."
"I am not gay."
"I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole."
"I am going to stay away from him."
"Of course I'm not in love with him."
"It's best for the both of us if we go our separate ways."
He traces the bow of his eyebrow. The bridge of his nose.
"I don't know what I am doing," he admits quietly.
He watches Kai take a silent breath. His chest inflating. The hollows of his collar bones shadowing. There are tendrils of a tattoo curling up his right shoulder.
"Do you want to stop?" he asks gently.
Tyson bites his lip uncertainly.
He could stop. He could stop. He's giving him an out if he needs one. And he wants to cry.
Because he'd called him names. He'd thought horrible things about him. He'd thought he...
"You're not a horrible person," Tyson tells him, and the words come out wet.
Kai touches the tip of his nose. His thumb brushing his lips. His hot breath. He catches the tear that slips out of the corner of his eye.
He's crying now.
"I've said horrible things to you," he says, the dam bursting forth. "I've called you so many names in my head. And said so many things that were not true-" Kai hugs him. His chest pressing against his. His face in the crook of Kai's neck. "to my friends." His cheek is pressed against a vein. His jugular. He can feel his pulse. The light is starting to feel intrusive. The canopy above him is blurring. "Kai-" he turns his head a little, his nose brushes his skin. His hot whisper against his collarbone. He smells like the oudh in the room. He smells like his cologne. He smells like his own musk.
Kai pulls back to meet his gaze. He can imagine it's all wet and leaky. His eyes close when he wipes his thumbs over them. Clearing his tears away. "It's okay" he tells him. "It's okay" Reassuring him.
"It's not okay." He shakes his head. A fresh bout of guilt hitting him.
Kai's hands are cupping his cheeks. He feels cocooned. "It is okay," he says. "You were only saying what you thought was true."
"I was wrong."
"That's okay too."
"Mm" Tyson nods. Because he doesn't seem mad. And he's convincing.
Kai's lips come down on his. Pressing hard. Making him forget. He wraps his arms around him. Tyson does. Tyson wraps his arms around him. And when that's not enough, he wraps his legs around him too. Around his waist. And draws him in. In. In.
"Do you want to stop?" Kai asks again, in between kisses.
Tyson doesn't want to. Not anymore.
His heart's trying to claw out of his chest and fly towards Kai.
"No" He increases the pressure of his mouth against his. Kai's arms loop around his waist. Picking him up off the bed. Raising his back an inch from the mattress.
He wants the intrusive light gone. But he can't peel his arms away now. He'll fall. Even if it's an inch he's scared to fall. Away from Kai.
"Get the lights" he whispers.
"Off?"
"Off"
He thinks he'll drop him. He doesn't. He dims the glare of the lamps with one hand. The other still firmly holding him.
When the lights are off, they fall. But together.
His hips slip between Tyson's thighs. Against his pelvis. It makes that entire lower region tingle.
He pulls his mouth away from Kai for a moment, loosening his arms around him, just to adjust his back against the sheets.
Kai kisses his forehead as Tyson moves the stupid duvet away from their bodies.
They don't need that.
He flings it somewhere to his left.
Kai kisses the shell of his ear. At the very top. Making the base of his skull whisper with pleasure.
Tyson smiles, shifting his face to capture his mouth in his again.
Kai kisses him. He kisses him so much that his lips start to bruise and his chin starts to hurt.
He tightens his legs around his hips.
He moves away once to bite his chin. Digging his teeth in hard. But not too hard. His chest tingles.
He moves away once more, amidst the kissing, to put his lips at his adam's apple. Right below it. It makes his chest sing.
He laves over it and Tyson feels a wave of beautiful, singeing charge, roll down his front.
A grin unfurls over his features and Kai smooths his fingers all over his face. Touching every part of him. His eyes. His nose. His forehead. His temples. His cheeks. His lips.
His tongue wants for Kai.
He hooks his hands over his bulky shoulders and pulls him down into an open mouthed kiss.
Their teeth touch and it sends something wild down his body.
He kisses him with more purpose then. Their tongues growing hungrier, needier, winding and unwinding. Brushing and stroking till Tyson feels it building in his core. The orgasm ready to spill over like a hot fountain.
"Kai" he says. "Kai" Clutching at him. Wanting more.
"Baby" His tongue still in his mouth. Baby. Baby.
"I want-" He doesn't know. "I want-" Something. Friction.
He moans, his lips against Kai's. Raw. Needy. He's pressing down at his shoulders. Wanting to press him down at something else.
He raises his legs around his waist. Lifting his hips.
"Kai!"
"What do you want?" he asks, sounding like he would give him anything he asked for.
He doesn't know what to ask for. "I want to-" He sighs. Desperate. Distressed. He seizes the sides of Kai's head. "More" he says. "More"
Kai gets it. He puts his hands on him. Taking it away from his face and putting it on his body.
The pleasure begins cresting once more. "Thank you" he breathes, melting into the bed.
His hands descend down his chest, his ribs, the valley before his stomach. His stomach hollows when Kai touches him. Gliding down his bellybutton. It builds. And builds. And builds.
The heels of his feet grind into the mattress. His legs having fallen away from Kai's waist to allow him more space to move.
His head drops back against the pillow. He fists the material in his hands. Beginning to writhe on the bed.
Kai's hand briefly touches his ankle to lift it. And he wishes he'd keep holding it. Pin him down. By all his fours.
He nudges his thighs apart. His palms running up his calves. He moans high in his throat and Kai's head jerks up to look at him.
He didn't dim the light all the way. He can see his outline. He can see him faintly.
Tyson nods. And he presses his legs all the way to the sides. Opening up his knees. He expects to feel ashamed but all he feels is... "More"
"More"
His fingers slide along the sides of his knees. Up his thighs. The insides of it. Tyson closes his eyes, sighing in pleasure.
His fists balled in the pillow beside his head. He's starting to shake. He feels it in his throat.
Kai kisses his thigh. His pelvic bone. His abdomen. The skin separating his groin from his leg.
"Kai" His hand flies down to sink into his hair. Soft and luscious. He curls his fingers in them.
He's kissing up him now. Up the inside of his thigh. To the edge of his cock. Teasing along the base. He's wicked.
Tyson's leaking. Hot and wet. Kai kisses him there. Below his cock. Where the pleasure is building from. He's kissing him somewhere intensely private and the feel of it surprises him.
He's turned on. But he's also...also...surprised by how good it feels.
Kai keeps touching him there till he gets used to it. The surprise dies and it's nothing but wave after wave of pleasure.
He's moaning. He's crying out. He's ripping at the pillow in his hand. Kai's hand joins his mouth and he stops thinking altogether.
One breathless moan melding into another. One scattered thought chasing after another.
Kai wraps his lips around his leaking cock and Tyson's gone to the world.
He comes. Saying his name over and over again like a mantra.
"Kai"
"Kai"
"Kai"
He's kissing him. Tyson's fingers whisper along his jaw.
His hand is in between his legs.
Touching his scrotum. Touching his cock.
Making him feel good, good, good.
His spine arches off the bed when his finger descends to the crack of his ass.
Feeling around deliciously before pressing in.
The tip of his finger breaches his entrance and he cries out. Clenching. Clenching.
"Don't clench" Kai says.
It feels good. It feels good.
"Kai?"
"Yeah?"
"Kai?"
"Yeah?"
I love you
Two of his fingers are inside of him. They dip in and out. In and out.
Occasionally they find a spot within him that makes him gasp and cling to Kai's shoulders.
Occasionally, they find a spot within him that makes him lose his mind. And dissolve into the mattress.
He's so good. He's so good at this.
He's finding something inside of him he's never known.
He had no idea it could feel like this. Like he was drowning, over and over, in pleasure. In pure uninhibited pleasure.
Kai's fingers work inside of him till he's a keening, moaning mess. On the verge of tears. Begging and begging him to let him find his release.
And when he does, he almost passes out by the intensity of it. He sees white not once, or twice, but continuously for minutes. And the quarter of an hour.
Kai kisses him softly after. Like he didn't just turn his whole world upside down. Like he didn't just turn him into a blubbering baby.
He's addicted. He wants him again before he's even done coming.
"More"
"Shh"
He giggles.
He kisses him sweetly. Soft presses of his lips. Tyson feels reverent.
He's gone. He's lost to the world. All he knows anymore is Kai. About his hands. About his mouth. Of what they can do. To him.
How good they can make him feel.
How deep they can go inside of him. And how well they know to touch him.
Kai presses his hips down with one hand and does him in with the other. Like he's playing him like a musical instrument. A harp. Plucking all of the right strings to make his body sing. And sing. And sing.
I love you, he wants to tell him every time he comes. It's on the tip of his tongue. Ready to burst out at any moment.
He holds back by sheer will.
The last of whatever will is left inside of him.
Kai's marauded him. He owns his soul.
He pants. Sighs. His legs lie on the bed. Spent. His skin is still trembling. He is still throbbing in places.
Kai takes his hand in his and kisses his knuckles like he's greeting a prince.
His entire body responds to the feel of his lips on his skin.
The canopy stretches above them as they languish underneath the drapes.
Tyson raises himself upto an elbow and asks him, "Is this why this bed is so big? So we can lie on it however we want?"
Kai nods. His thumb brushing over the backs of his fingers. His eyes twinkling dark like they hold a secret.
Tyson rests his head back on the duvet. Watching him. Admiring him. "Don't you want me to touch you?" he asks in a faint whisper.
Kai places a kiss on his cheekbone. On his jaw. On his bare shoulder. "Not now" he replies. "This is enough to sate me for now." His words are pitched intimately.
Tyson pushes at him gently till he's lying back then props himself on his forearms again to trail his mouth along Kai's hairline. "I want to touch you."
Kai raises his chin to look up at him. "Then touch me" he says.
Tyson moans into his mouth. Salivating and turned on just from the feel of him in his hand.
He feels good in his hand. It feels so good to hold him. And stroke him.
Kai kisses up into his mouth. Finding his tongue.
Tyson moves his hand faster. His fingers wanting to stop and feel him some more. But he wants to make Kai come.
He's never made Kai come.
He works his hand up and down his cock till he's leaking. And growing. And groaning.
Kai's hand comes up to grab the back of Tyson's head and pull him down with more force. Pressing their mouths harder together.
He feels his hip buck once and his own hand trembles when Kai finds his release.
Painting his come all over his hand. He's beautiful. His high is intoxicating.
Tyson looks down at him, and he thinks: God...
God
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
