I sat in Arithmancy and tried to concentrate on my lessons as best I could, as I had had nightmares again during the night.
The fresh air right in the Care of Magical Creatures would hopefully do me good and wake me up properly.
Because normally I actually enjoyed Arithmantics but today it was not the subject that kept me awake, rather the opposite.
I packed my things after class and strolled outside towards Hagrid's hut, lost in thought.
It must have been my lack of sleep but I had actually forgotten that Malfoy had classes with me.
The fresh air was good but with his presence it would be difficult not to think about the strange events of the last two weeks.
Luckily for me he didn't notice me or I simply didn't interest him.
Either way, as long as he left me alone I could be content.
Malfoy confused me.
I couldn't judge him.
Sometimes he was nice and obliging and gave you a valuable piece of jewellery and at other times he was the arrogant asshole again who liked nothing better than to badmouth others.
The lesson was quite boring today, there was a lot of theory and for me it was nothing new.
Besides, lessons in the fresh air were great but in January at minus temperatures and in the snow it was not the most pleasant thing.
My fingertips were ice cold and red when I sat in the big hall for lunch.
"I'm not up for Potions", Neville grumbled as he plopped down on the bench across from me.
Thanks for the reminder, I thought annoyed.
"I hope Slughorn reassigns the teams again. I'm really tired of Millicent Bullstrode."
He rolled his eyes and shovelled a large spoonful of hot soup into his mouth.
I couldn't tell him that it was still too hot because he was so quick but he quickly noticed that himself and struggled to breathe cool air.
I had to giggle.
I had really missed him.
I had spent the whole holiday with someone who took himself far too seriously and to whom laughter was a foreign word.
Neville was the change I needed and I was very grateful to him for it.
"Watch out it's hot", I laughed.
"Oh, I didn't even notice", he laughed back and took out his wand to cool his soup down to an edible temperature.
"What about Hannah?", I asked curiously.
It had taken me quite a while to notice that she wasn't sitting with us.
"They want to discuss something for the next Quiddich training."
Right, Hannah played quiddich, I'd forgotten.
"So when's their next game?", I asked.
Neville had dragged me to every game so far, even though I had stressed several times that I would rather stay in the castle and read.
It had all been to no avail.
In retrospect, sitting in the castle and reading would still have been the better choice but it hadn't been as bad as I had expected.
"Next week Saturday. Does that mean you're coming voluntarily?", he asked in anticipation, looking at me with shining eyes.
I nodded quickly and his grin widened.
With that high spirits we headed towards the dungeons for our last lesson for the day, Potions.
Professor Slughorn would be reassign the teams, he had said before the holidays and if I was lucky I would get a partner who preferred working with me more than Malfoy.
Especially when I thought about the fact that we would now be working on making Amortentia, Malfoy really wouldn't be a good partner.
Professor Slughorn seemed to have really enjoyed his holidays because he came into the classroom in a surprisingly good mood.
With exactly the same joy, he announced that he had reassigned the teams.
Neville was lucky, his new partner was a Ravenclaw student who had already excelled in the past and seemed quite nice.
I on the other hand, was miles away from luck.
Professor Slughorn had reassigned the teams but not all of them. Two constellations of pairs remained the same and one of them was Malfoy and me.
Annoyed, I propped my face in my hands.
Another half year next to Malfoy.
He had been nice to me some of the time during the holidays but that certainly wasn't going to last now that the other students were back.
The only good thing about it was that I would be able to keep my good grade.
I trotted back to the back row and dropped down next to Malfoy.
I didn't bother to greet him because I knew he wouldn't answer anyway, as he never did.
But to my surprise, he actually said something.
"Here's to another one, Harper."
"Looking forward to it", I said in a sarcastic tone.
He didn't reply and I flicked through my notes until I got to my notes for Amortentia.
At the top were the ingredients and knowing full well that Malfoy would not deign to stand up himself I left, simply to avoid confrontation.
The less offensive I would be to him, the longer he would be reasonably nice to me.
At least that was my hope.
Arms full of ingredients, I stood in front of our table again and looked at Malfoy promptly.
"Are you planning on working too, or are you going to continue sitting around on your arse staring unproductively?"
He shook his head as if I had brought him out of a trance and stood up.
He started putting the brewing water on while I chopped the ingredients.
This all happened in silence, for which I was quite grateful.
I wasn't that angry with him anymore but I didn't know what this was between us now.
Were we friends now?
Did the necklace mean more?
Or was everything the same as before the holidays?
"You're wearing the necklace", came softly from the side and I jolted from my thoughts and looked at my hand.
In fact, subconsciously when I had thought of the necklace, I had pulled it out from under my blouse and was now holding the pendant between my fingers.
"Looks like it" I said curtly, finding myself a little rude.
"She's really pretty," I added quickly because of that.
Malfoy said nothing in reply and silence settled between us again.
The potion was bubbling strongly and according to my notes, we had to be careful to stir it as quickly as possible.
Malfoy took over and quickly the violet potion turned into a bright pink one.
As soon as the potion had changed colour, it should be ready.
Professor Slughorn had probably also noticed that our potion was ready and was now standing in front of us.
He waved his hand at some of the steam still rising from the cauldron and began to grin.
"Excellent, really impressive. I knew it was a good idea to let you two continue working together, you harmonise so well."
We both had to stifle a laugh and Malfoy even snorted briefly at one point.
Harmonising I wouldn't call it. I defied him and wasn't afraid of him like the other students.
I would rather call it getting along, Malfoy and I got along when we had to.
"Smell it, but don't inhale too deeply and then tell me what you smell."
Beaming with delight, he looked at us.
Reluctantly, Malfoy waggled a little of the vapour to himself.
Before our nightly conversations, I would have bet that the potion smelled like Astoria to him but with what I knew about their relationship, I was sure the potion would smell like anything but her.
"Broom care oil", he said curtly.
I didn't know what I was expecting but not that.
That was so boring and predictable that I was almost inclined to think it was a lie.
But it actually made sense too, he loved broom flying and then broom care oil was very obvious.
Professor Slughorn must have been satisfied with Malfoy's answer because now he was looking at me expectantly.
Cautiously, I breathed in a little of the steam.
Immediately, the smell of old books and lavender hit my nose.
I had to pull myself together not to start crying when I noticed her unmistakable smell, which I missed so much.
I blinked rapidly a few times to stifle the tears and then looked at Professor Slughorn.
"It smells like home."
That wasn't the whole truth but it wasn't a lie either.
I found it strange anyway that he wanted to know what we smelled, it was a very personal question.
My answer also seemed to satisfy him, because he continued to smile at me and then turned to the next group.
"What's it to him anyway?", Malfoy grumbled quietly, probably only to himself but I heard it anyway.
"I don't know. A rather personal question if you ask me", I answered him and he wasn't as surprised as I had expected to hear me answer and thus hear him.
"Your potions have been consistently good, some very good I will say.
I want you all to write an essay on what they smelt."
Murmurs broke out.
This was really too much, it was quite personal and I didn't want to tell him.
"Quiet!", he undercut the noise.
"This essay is not for me. I want you to write it for yourself. No one will see it unless you want them to.
It will therefore not be graded, of course."
"Then why do you want us to write it?", a Gryffindor shouted into the room unasked.
"Because I want you Mr Finnegan to make yourself aware of what you smelt and why that particular smell."
There was no reply to that.
I realised that a lot of students wouldn't write this essay but I would.
I had to do it.
For me, so that maybe I could finally start to come to terms with my grandmother's death.
"What did you smell?", Neville intercepted me at my seat right after class.
"That's a rather personal question", I instructed him.
His face went straight red and it was clear to me that he was now uncomfortable with his question.
"Sorry", he said meekly, scratching the back of his neck.
"It smelled like my home", I answered his question anyway and just as vaguely as I answered Professor Slughorn.
After he didn't answer and I pretty much knew what his smelled like.
I addressed it.
"Yours smelled like Hannah, right?"
He nodded quickly and his face got a little redder.
"Are you going to write the essay?", I asked right after.
He shrugged his shoulders
"I don't know. You?"
"Definitely, I wanted to get right into it before I forget what the potion smelled like."
As if I could ever forget.
That smell had burned itself into my nose and memory.
I had had him near me for years and I was more than aware of his absence.
Neville accompanied me to the library where I started my essay.
At least I wanted to start there but every time I wrote a sentence I discarded it because I thought it wasn't perfect.
Finally, I left the essay for now and devoted myself to my Aritmancy homework.
"Fancy a game of wizard chess after dinner?", Neville asked me after a few hours of studying.
I agreed and after dinner found myself in the Great Hall opposite Neville in front of a chessboard.
I wasn't particularly good at chess but it was fun and I enjoyed the evening alone with my best friend.
At that moment, I wished it was as easy with Malfoy as it was with Neville.
To talk to him, to laugh with him, to understand him.
I was convinced that it would help him to have someone to talk openly to because from the sound of it, he hadn't.
But that would remain wishful thinking.
He was still a Malfoy, the holidays hadn't changed that.
He had put up with me because I was the only one there.
That was the only reason. Because I was half-blooded and a Hufflepuff, those weren't the qualities friends of him had.
We weren't friends and we never would be.
