Their ride through Os Alta was unannounced, thus they were largely undisturbed on the way to the palace, aside from the several cries of 'sankta' and the odd fanatic trying to get too close. Her guards were far better at keeping people back, however, not wishing a repeat of the incident near Sikursk. Alina just tried not to catch anyone's eye, talking loudly to the person to her right as a distraction.
It was twilight by the time they reached the Little Palace. Alina had scarcely dismounted her horse before a very unwelcome figure approached her.
"Alina, can I talk to you? Alone?"
She raised her eyebrows at Yuri Vasiliev, incredulous. "No. I've just got back from a long journey. I want to eat, have a hot bath, then sleep,"
"It's urgent," He ground out. "It'll only take a few minutes. Do you want me to make a scene?"
"It would be your own death warrant you'd be signing," She shrugged, but went with him anyway just in case, ignoring the Darkling's eyes on the back of her head. Alina did not need or want that kind of trouble now. She was tired, and couldn't be bothered.
Yuri led her away from the palace, further into the grounds.
"Last time someone tried this, I spent nearly two weeks in a box and lost a finger," She warned him, stopping in her tracks. "Say your piece now, or I'm going back,"
"I - " He broke off, unusually hesitant. "I missed you,"
She scoffed. "Is that really what you dragged me out here to say?" Alina turned on her heel and was about to leave when Yuri grabbed her wrist. "Get your hands off me," She said through gritted teeth, heating her wrist with her powers to emphasise her point.
"Please, wait," He let go, but his tone was desparate enough to make her pause. "I - fuck, I'm bad at this. What I'm trying to say is that I've never cared about any of the girls I've slept with the way I care about you, Alina. I know we've disliked each other in the past, but I - I think I love you,"
Alina did not mean to laugh. She clapped a hand over her mouth when a shocked laugh spilled free, but the damage was done. "Look," She started. "I've always made it clear that I don't like you at all, to put it lightly. Even after... everything,"
"I thought you were joking," He sounded increasingly stressed. "Or it was a pride thing,"
"What the hells gave you that impression?" Alina continued before he could answer. "To make things perfectly clear, I have found you attractive in the past but your personality is terrible. I haven't forgotten how hateful you were the entire time I have known you. Sorry that you think you love me. I'd decided while I was away to not see you again. I slept with this Heartrender and - "
"You slept with someone else?" Yuri's eyes narrowed in anger. "I haven't slept with anyone but you in over two years!"
"Really?" She snickered, then forced her face to straighten; even she wasn't so heartless. "I never asked you to do that. You never asked me to either, don't look so... heartbroken. As I was saying, I slept with this Heartrender and the Darkling found out I'm not the pure little virgin he'd hoped I was. He didn't take it well. For your own safety I'd suggest pretending you don't know me. Dragging me off the moment I arrive is suspicious enough as it is. I'll have to lie for you, you know,"
"It always comes down to him, doesn't it," He sounded bitter. "Were you sleeping with him the whole time as well?"
Well if he wanted to be like that, she would be so much worse. "If I was, do you really think I'd have come to you?"
"There's no need to be a bitch, Alina. You're cold. I've just confessed that I love you and you laugh in my face,"
"After all the shit you did to me since I met you, I really couldn't care less," She said, temper rising. "I could have got you removed from the Little Palace the first time you tried anything, you know. I lied, and kept lying, because no matter how much I hated you, no one deserved the punishment he'd give you if he knew half the things you did,"
"Go tell him, then," He spat at her. "Go and run back to the Darkling, tell him everything. At least if he kicks me out I'll be free. You won't ever have your freedom, not for the rest of your life. You swan about this place like you own it, you hang off his arm and make him laugh, but you forget that he owns you, and will never let you go. I know you well enough to know that makes your skin crawl,"
That hit too close to home. If she reacted with rage, he would know his words had got to her. So Alina instead fixed a cruel smile on her face. "And don't you just hate it? Do you think that you could provide me a much better life, if I would just choose you?" She laughed and turned to leave, glancing back over her shoulder one last time for one last nail in the coffin. "Oh, and Yuri? I won,"
She spent the evening curled up with a book in a chair in the Darkling's study, whilst he read some dull, centuries-old text behind his desk.
"What are you reading?"
"A journal,"
"It looks boring,"
"It was written by the most powerful Durast to ever live," He didn't look up from the book. "Ilya Morozov knew more about amplifiers than any Grisha in history,"
"Saints," Alina grimanced. "You really don't need an amplifier," The thought was horrifying.
He smiled. "No, I do not. And considering I am one, I do not want to find out how it would react if I tried. If it was considered a second amplifier, the consequences could be... severe,"
"True," She agreed, then frowned. "Why are you reading about amplifiers, then?"
"For you, of course,"
"I don't want one," She said at once, remembering his chilling past threat. Alina would not risk that happening.
"Baghra's been rubbing off on you,"
No, you have.
"You're always telling me to listen to my teachers, yet when I do you scorn me?"
He did not dignify that with a response, returning his eyes to the journal. "It is all hypothetical, currently. I would not just foist an everyday amplifier on you, Alina. Ilya Morozov did not just study amplifiers - he made them. By all accounts, three of the most powerful ones ever created. One of these is known as Morozov's stag. I would have that for you, if it can be found. Unfortunately, the stag is currently - "
"Mythical?" She suggested.
"You see my problem?"
She snorted, but her eyes lingered on him a while longer. "What you threatened, after I returned from Fjerda. Would you really do it?"
He raised an eyebrow. "I said many things to you after you returned from Fjerda, none of them pleasant. You will have to be more specific,"
Saints, he doesn't even remember. "You said that if you wanted to, you could kill an amplifer yourself, forcibly fuse it to my body and have full control of my power to do with as you wish,"
The Darkling looked up at her, seeming to consider his next words very carefully. "If you turned your powers against me, then I would. If I could, that is. Otherwise, no. Of course not,"
"And what do you mean by 'if you could?'"
"Put it this way - if you were a young child who was not fully in control of her powers, did not know how to truly access them, then doing such a thing would be simple. Firstly because you would be very easy to subdue - now, you would be anything but. Second, because your powers have grown with you. They are a part of your very being - they are in tune with you, and you with them. Even if I was able to detain you long enough to find an amplifier, there is every chance that you would be able to repel me and take control back yourself. Why do you ask?"
"Because out of every awful thing you've ever said to me, that was the only threat that has ever made me truly scared," Alina may have regretted being so honest, but the words were out now. And for whatever reason, she wanted him to hear it. "If you tried to control my powers, it would be a violation of the worst kind. I would rather marry Vasily Lanstov,"
The silence stretched on before he finally answered. "It was a threat," The Darkling said eventually. "Intended to scare you. Though I had not realised that it succeeded. Everything else..."
"Just bounces off?" She huffed a laugh.
"I suppose you could say that," He said. "If I was certain that you despised me enough that doing such a thing would not turn you further away, I would try. And likely fail. Otherwise, there would be no benefit in creating a dangerous enemy,"
"I'm glad you consider me a dangerous enemy,"
He did not dignify that with a response, returning to his journals. Alina returned to her letter, though her thoughts were distracted. Some time passed before the Darkling spoke again, without looking up, as though their prior conversation had never happened.
"Enjoy the calm while it lasts. The king wants you at his ball tomorrow evening. A delegation from West Ravka are here, and of course they cannot leave without him showing off his prized Sun Summoner,"
"I see his logic, for once," She said. "Proof that he can destroy the Fold, to prevent them splintering away even more than they already have. Will Zlatan be with them?"
The Darkling shook his head. "No. He knows it's too risky," There was a pause. "You will not be able to hold back during tomorrow's demonstration. Everyone has heard tales of you on the battlefield. Expect the king to ask you why you did not reveal your strength sooner - have a story prepared. Also expect the crowds to be dreadful. I have been informed the Apparat has been preaching in your absence and mine, about the heroic Sun Saint sacrificing her safety for the good of Ravka. They will be expecting a sankta as well as a soldier,"
"Well I won't give them one," She mumbled. "You're really not making me want to go to this ball, you know,"
He smiled faintly. "Most young girls would kill for a chance like yours," It wasn't a judgement.
"They wouldn't if they actually had to go to one," Alina glanced at him. He still wasn't looking at her. "I've been wondering. You say that I will have a life as long as yours... I know you have all kinds of nefarious plans for Ravka, which you haven't seen fit to tell me yet. Say I help you with all of that - once it is done, what would you do if I wanted to leave? Not forever," She clarified quickly. He was looking at her now, eyes dark. "I wouldn't want to leave forever. Just for a while. Then come back. Come and go as I pleased, without your guards,"
The Darkling was silent for a long moment. "If it was understood that you would return," He said carefully. The warning was clear there. "And I knew that you were able to defend yourself, that you were not going to do anything foolish, that you asked me beforehand... then I may permit it,"
He sounded like he was being honest, and despite the fact that the answer was very non-committal, it was not a no. Alina could not sense any deception. "I'm glad you say so. That's been on my mind a while,"
He set down his pen. "Needless to say, I would rather have you here, safe and at my side. But I know that forcing you to stay where you do not wish to be is more trouble than it is worth. Your powers are already strong enough to make that... challenging. In a hundred years you will be near as strong as I am,"
"I'm sure you could find a way," She scoffed slightly, but was gratified by that assurance. Yuri's words earlier had got to her, just as the hateful boy intended. Alina was well aware he could be lying, but she was normally quite good at knowing when he was, and thought at the moment he was telling the truth.
That made the Darkling pause, considering her. "In all my years waiting for a Sun Summoner, I never truly wondered that I may need to consider them as a potential rival,"
"That's unusually stupid of you," Alina said. "But typically arrogant," He huffed a laugh. "You always said you wanted me to be your equal. Surely that means equal in power? Or were you just making that up?"
"No," He said. "I wasn't making it up. I simply did not doubt my abilities to make a young child thrown into an unfamiliar situation in possession of an unfamiliar power trust me implicitly. I had not planned for you,"
That made her smile wryly. "You didn't realise a Sun Summoner would have a mind of their own,"
"Not at all. You've simply got more of a mind than most people," He said. "One way or another, I should have been able to charm or scare a girl of nine into following me without question. Neither worked on you. You were too suspicious to win over, and too fearless to intimidate,"
"You scare me to death sometimes," She admitted before she knew the words were out her mouth. "Because every once in a while, I think you have won me over at least a little," Saints, she could not stay here now she'd said that. "It's late," Alina got to her feet as he watched her closely. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight,"
He watched her leave. "Goodnight Alina,"
As the Darkling had warned her, Alina had been presented as a hero the following night at court. Tales of her magnificence on the battlefield had spread back to Os Alta, and even more nobles were clamouring to meet her, thank her, praise her, ask her to recount her experiences, even asking for blessings. The delegation from West Ravka looked on in both curiosity and wariness. Many had tried to feel her out, glean anything they could about her, and no doubt report back.
Every cry of 'Sankta' made her stomach clench. Every touch from grasping, eager hands made her feel like vomiting. The fervour in the eyes of many people made her want to run far, far away. Alina had never liked ballroom parties, but tonight was the worst it had ever been. In her black kefta, she stood out painfully, and was constantly surrounded by a stream of admirers.
At court she often felt like a circus animal, wheeled out for the noblity's entertainment, to prod and provoke and stare at. The feeling inside her was hard to describe. Trapped, angry, panicking, frustrated, upset, all boiling through her own skin. It was like she did not belong to herself. The mind, body and soul of Sankta Alina belonged to the masses.
She wasn't alone in her anger, at least. The Darkling, realising how bad the court was behaving, had stuck to her side the entire evening like he'd done when she was little, her own malevolent shadow. He stepped in when things grew too bad, but wasn't able to intervene for every person who approached her. She could feel his rage building with every simpering, sickening courtier that came up to speak to the Sun Summoner, to touch her if they could. The Apparat was the worst of them all, bring his tomb-smell with him. She couldn't get away quickly enough, fuck propriety and manners.
It was all too much. Alina was young, still a week away from turning eighteen. She drank too much, had an attitude problem, acted out to amuse herself and could often hardly sleep for nightmares. She wasn't the pious, innocent, saintly figure they were making her out as. She didn't even worship the saints. The very concept repulsed her, for at the heart of it most of the saints were Grisha, who had performed incredible acts, only to be murdered, martyred and worshipped, their bodies torn apart for relics.
To her shame, when a man actually flung himself to his knees before her - hands grasping at her kefta as he begged for her blessing, kissing her hem, asking for a lock of her hair - she jumped back as though stung, hands shaking. The conversation around her dropped, countless pairs of eyes on her. Alina had had enough. She had power none of them could even dream of, yet they treated her like something that belonged to them.
But then the Darkling's arm was around her waist and he was guiding away from the crowds, towards the door. For once she was grateful for his possessiveness; people moved out of his way, and she was practically shaking with rage, glad for someone to lean on.
They didn't speak, merely went into the first small room that looked empty. He slammed the door behind them, as she paced up and down, head in her hands, tugging at her hair to remind herself it was still hers.
"I can't do this," Her breaths were coming short and fast as the panic rose. "I can't stand them looking at me like that, touching me like that, can't stand any of it. I'm not a saint, not theirs, and I won't - I can't go back in there, not tonight. They call me 'sankta' and it nearly makes me vomit. I hate it, hate it, hate it," She was trying to calm herself, part of her brain kicking herself for being so dramatic, yet every time she tried to stop she was unable.
"Breathe, Alina," His arms were around her, pressing her close to him, hand brushing aside her hair to touch bare skin to the back of her neck. She normally hated him doing this on principle, but it was necessary when she was unable to calm down like this. Her body traitorously welcomed the waves of calm and surety, against her better judgement.
Alina took a deep breath, in and out, letting her head rest against his chest. They stayed like that for a minute or two, silent.
"If you hadn't got me out of there I'd have kicked that man in his stupid, pious face," She said eventually. "And smiled as he fell to the floor,"
"I would have understood if you had used the Cut," His words were clipped, and she realised how angry he truly was. "Curse the Apparat all of this. He speaks of you in his sermons and gets them all fired up,"
"I'm not a saint," She murmured in his arms. "I'm nothing like what they think I am. All good and holy and virtuous, selflessly giving up everything I am, for the sake of my noble followers. You make me want to punch you some days - as we both well know - but at least you know I'm not that,"
"Virtuous is not a word I'd use to describe you,"
Alina pulled back slightly. There was a dark look in his eyes, not anger but... something else.
"The worst of it is, if I said all of that to them, they'd just say that you were a corrupting influence on my pure soul. Nothing about me can be mine,"
He smirked then. "I am sure they would be tripping over themselves to save their blessed Sankta Alina from the evil Darkling's clutches,"
She drew back slightly to look up at him, but then became very aware that she was stood between him and the table without much space in between. "You are evil," Alina said. "More than they know, Black Heretic. But I don't need saving," Why did that come out sounding like a challenge?
"Are you sure?" His raised eyebrow was definitely a challenge. And she had a horrible feeling she knew what for. He wanted her to scowl and look away, uncomfortable, convinced he was mocking her, as she usually did when he got like that.
Alina knew it was stupid. Knew that she was playing into his hands, in whatever twisted long game he had. But no matter what she did here, it would somehow be playing into his hands, so she might as well just make the choice for herself rather than driving herself mad trying to figure out the Darkling's motives. Besides, he would not expect her to do this. And she had wanted to for a while, even if she refused to admit it to herself.
"Yes," She said, and kissed him. Standing on her tiptoes, grabbing the front of his kefta with both hands and pressing her lips to his.
For a moment, he did nothing. She knew she had surprised him. The last time they had done this, she had punched him for it, after all. Would he push her away and coldly dismiss her? Laugh at her, make some mocking comment, as she had suspected he would all along, whenever he ever hinted at something like this between them?
But he did none of that. Instead, after a second or two, he kissed her back. It didn't feel like adding the final link to her shackles. It was Alina's turn to be surprised, as she realised she was well and truly out of her depth.
His hand on her waist pulled her body to him, whilst his other fingers tangled in her hair, tugging her head and forcing her to arch her back. Not wanting to be outdone, Alina dug her nails into his neck and bit his lower lip, but he just bit her back, hard enough to make her gasp, though it was not unpleasant. He used the opportunity to slip his tongue in her mouth, deepening the kiss, backing her into the table so she could not move any further.
Saints, this was a world away from any of her previous encounters. He was clearly on the offensive, so Alina hiked her leg up over his hip; in response his hands moved to her waist and he lifted her onto the table. Trying to keep up, she wrapped both her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer, closer.
It was a constant competition, to see who could outdo the other. In some ways, kissing the Darkling was like every other interaction she'd had with him. Every move he made was designed to get the response he wanted, trying to one-up her, make her squirm, for his own amusement. Not quite rough but forceful, controlling, intoxicating. Every move she made was to needle him, provoke him, watch closely for his reaction just for the thrill of it.
Alina had never had a kiss like this before. Recently she had avoided kisses at all, as they reminded her of Vasily. But there was no room for memories of the prince here, no need for her to fight them away; this was different in every single sense. Or perhaps the Darkling was still sending waves of surety through his hand on her skin. It was hard to tell. Likely both. She'd have to question that one later.
He pulled away, seeming to enjoy the sight of her perched on the table before him, disheveled, hair a mess, panting. She was struck by how beautiful he was, and for once allowed herself to think so, though did call herself a fool. Quite rightly; this was a very foolish decision to make. She would have to enjoy this while it lasted, not let herself feel anything beyond lust, and be prepared for it to be used against her for ever after. But she could handle that. She had always been one to take enjoyment when she could and block out the inevitable consequences.
"You've done that before, Alina," The Darkling had the nerve to sound reproachful.
"You already knew that, you bastard," She scoffed, indignant but unsurprised. "You have my legs around your waist on a table in the Grand Palace and that is all you have to say? Enjoy the fact I know what I'm doing and let it go. Or I can tell you in detail about the men I have slept with, if you prefer?"
Alina could say that she was more turned on from that kiss alone than anything she had done with any other man. She never would, though; the look on his face would be insufferable. Already she was having to focus not to think about what else he could do, if he kissed like that.
A flash of anger crossed his face at her mocking him, and it thrilled her in the same way that taunting the Druskelle holding a knife to her throat had done. That thrill only increased tenfold when the Darkling smiled rather cruelly; he wasn't going to play along this time. He stopped her moving her legs away from around his waist, and traced her cheek lightly with his hand.
"Sankta Alina," The twisted prick knew exactly what those words would do to her, and she glowered, but he continued. "If only your beloved followers could see you now," Actually, that wasn't an unpleasant thought. Perhaps she wouldn't slap him for it (or maybe she would, just to see what he'd do - now that idea really shouldn't have thrilled her).
"Why do you think I kissed you?" She said instead, with a cruel smile of her own. Alina did not mean that - well, it wasn't the only reason - but she had learned how to get under people's skin from the best.
"Do you truly feel the need to prove to yourself that you are no saint by seducing me?" His hand moved from her cheek to her throat, squeezing lightly in warning. Another gesture that should not have done the things to her that it did.
"I'm glad you consider yourself seduced," She said, trying to get a hold of herself, batting his hand away from her neck. "You get off on debasing their sweet, chaste Sankta Alina as much as I do, don't pretend otherwise,"
"Though you are not wrong," He said, seeming to consider her words. "You seem to have failed to consider, Alina, that I simply want you,"
She narrowed her eyes. "Do you want me to punch you again? Have you forgotten that I don't fall for your flattery like everyone else?"
"Is the idea so outlandish? You are the closest I have to an equal,"
"You say those words too much. It's like saying the closest thing Ravka has to a talking pig is the king, but that doesn't actually make him one,"
"That's debateable. And a poor analogy. What other reasons do you want me to give?"
"None. I didn't ask for reasons. In fact I would be happier if you didn't speak at all," She brushed his hand away and went to kiss him again. He obliged, fingers twisting her her hair once again, pulling hard enough to make her groan; and then he pulled away. Her hair was still wrapped around his hand, so she could not move her head.
"Do you talk to everyone who comes to your bed in that manner, Alina?"
She did, actually, but what of it? "In case you haven't noticed, I'm on a table," A tendril of uncomfortably hot light wrapping around his wrist had him releasing his grip on her hair.
"I'm not going to fuck you on a table - "
"Snob," A petulant insult, to cover the wanting his words inspired. "Whose to say I won't be fucking you?"
"... As I was saying," He shot her a pointed look. "Is it truly so hard to believe that I want you?"
"You've been mocking me about such things for years now. It's just another way to manpulate and control, nothing more. That's what you get off on,"
"I forget how twisted your mind is. Not everything is a scheme or ulterior motive, Alina. Although if it's a scheme you want... The strategically superior option would have been to marry you to Vasily. I would have the king's favour, and be able to influence the future king through you, as well as his heirs, your children. Having a Grisha as queen would be very beneficial to the Second Army. And once you had a son who survived early childhood, Vasily could meet with a tragic accident and the throne would essentially be ours,"
She stared at him for a moment. He'd clearly thought this through in great depth. It was a very good, if evil, plan from his point of view. Even from hers; if the thought of marrying Vasily and being a royal broodmare stifled by court for five years was not so repulsive, she would gain a lot of power and influence. A shame she wasn't too bothered about either.
"It's a good strategy," Her voice came out unintentionally soft, unsure. "Say you really do want me... you'd have me, even if I was married to the prince, even more so after he was dead. You had to have known that," His eyes were dark as he stared at her. "So why not do it?"
"Because the idea of that man touching you against your will again makes me furious enough to create another Shadow Fold,"
Fuck. Fuck. If he'd had said any man touching you, she'd have left there and then. But he hadn't. Regardless of whether that was deliberate or not, he was learning. There was a pause.
"If this is all some plan with a thousand layers I can't figure out, then you're much more of an evil bastard than I thought and I hope you burn in hell," She said eventually. "Because for now, I believe you," A dangerous thing to assume with the Darkling, but she had spent half her life seeing through his mind games, and against all better judgement... Alina really did believe him.
He did not smile, but he did kiss her, and regardless of why he wanted her to understand that he truly did want her, that this wasn't part of some game - it was definitely part of one, even if that wasn't the only reason - she'd have gone through with this anyway.
She pulled away a while later, heart pounding, though her lips curled into a smirk at his questioning look. Alina's hand came to rest on the Darkling's shoulder and pushed gently down.
He laughed, perhaps one of the most genuine she had ever heard from him. "You have some nerve. If you were anyone else..." But then he obliged.
She realised her mistake soon enough, when she was trembling, writhing, arching her back, shaking hands clamped over her mouth so she did not scream, too lost in pleasure and exquisite pain to even consider the fact she was dripping all over the table. Saints, Alina had not expected him to be nearly so generous; perhaps she should have. He definitely got off on control, after all, and she had never been so compliant as she was for him then.
The Darkling had wrung sounds from her that no one ever had before. Of course, he had done things to her that no one else had done before; made her finish, for a start, though not once, or twice, but three times. She had never particularly enjoyed men using their mouths on her before, and now recognised all those times as the feeble, clumsy attempts they were; the things he could do with his tongue were nothing short of sinful. His fingers were long, clever and wicked, finding places within her that even she had never known were there.
Alina had never known before why some people were so loud during sex. She was much better at getting herself off than anyone else was, and never felt the need to be loud then. She'd thought women must put it on to please their partner, but now, biting down on her own palm to avoid attracting unwanted attention, she understood those noises she had heard from the Darkling's chambers whenever he had female company.
He knew full well what he was doing to her, too; making her feel like no one else had. His eyes were as dark as she'd ever seen them, and he was clearly loving every moment of her coming undone before him. After the third time, as she sat there boneless and panting, refusing to lie back on the table, he even had the nerve to stick his fingers in her mouth. And Alina (playing along, for once, too overwhelmed to do anything else) had the nerve to suck them, looking up at him from under her lashes, flicking her tongue. She was glad she did, too, for that seemed to make his control flicker for a moment, jaw clenching, and he moved his hand away.
"Was that too much?" She grinned, as irritatingly as she was able, swinging her bare legs back and forth. It was somewhat of a rush, being completely naked in a room that (despite being a quiet part of the palace) technically anyone could walk into. And she liked the way his eyes drifted. She deliberately did not fully close her legs, letting him see the fingerprint bruises and bite marks he had inflicted. He had been quick to realise she liked a bit of pain - had likely known that before if she was honest, he was strange like that - and had capitalised on that to a great extent.
The look he gave her then was not warm, or kind. No, it was downright hungry, and despite having just had three of the best orgasms of her life (the only ones that were not self-made), it sent a rush of wanting through her.
"Get dressed. We're leaving,"
"No," She replied, grinning at his raised eyebrow and gesturing with her hands. She vanished from view, then set about picking up her scattered clothes, which vanished too when she willed them to.
The Darkling's stare followed her rough path through the room, threatening to smile. "For shame, Alina," He said. "Walking naked through the Grand Palace during a ball held in your honour. Some saint you are,"
"I thought we'd already established," She stood on her tiptoes behind him, murmuring in his ear. "I don't want to be a saint,"
Finally! I would put TW for sexual content at the start but it would have been a massive giveaway haha. Sorry this is a long note, as I'll explain later. What did you think? I know lots of people have been waiting for this moment so I hope you enjoyed. I didn't want to write a full, in depth smut scene because that really isn't my thing, I can write the buildup and aftermath to show character development but if you want detailed Darklina smut then 90% of the other Grishaverse fanfics can do that for you instead. Also hope you liked the scene with Yuri.
I appreciate Alina's thought process is very messy. For anyone who is confused, let's start with the fact she really is attracted to the Darkling. She doesn't want to admit this because it would feel too much like he's won, 'another chain' for herself that she won't be able to escape from. However the main thing stopping her from admitting this is that she hates his desire to control her. The reason she punched him before was that she has always thought his attempts at 'flirting' with her were just to mock or manipulate her. Before she lets herself do anything like that with him, she wants to be sure he respects her beyond what she can do for him. This chapter their discussion proved that he is willing to listen to what she wants, and grant it within reason, because he respects her that much at least. For most whole encounter in that last scene, she made sure she was the one in control, never giving in and letting him walk all over her. This is not the (forgive the phrase) climax of their relationship, either; she's admitted and acted on the fact she is attracted to him, but not admitted it's any more than lust on her part. That will have to come later.
