«See you tonight.»
I read the little note and a smile crept onto my lips.
I had woken up alone and as a cat.
It wouldn't have been surprising if that was why Draco had left and wouldn't be coming back.
But he would come again, tonight, he has written that.
I hid the note under my pillow because I didn't want to have to explain.
Madame Pomfrey came in and did her morning check-up.
It was already Thursday, I had been here for four whole days and I longed to be discharged at last.
I wanted to be back in my own room, in my own bed, where people didn't keep barging in unannounced.
I even missed the lessons, although Neville and Hannah tried their best to keep me informed about everything.
But they wouldn't be coming today.
When they came yesterday, I had finally told them that I was a Scamander.
They already knew that, as did Draco, but unlike Draco, they were actually upset about it.
Because they thought I didn't trust them and that they now knew just as quickly as he did.
I trusted them or I wouldn't have told them at all.
But their reaction to it made me realise that I didn't think they were ready for the whole truth.
I felt a little bad already, after all Neville was my best friend and Draco and I had only kind of been friends for a fortnight.
But somehow it was different with us, I had a completely different trust in him than I did in Neville.
I had saved his life a few times and he had saved mine, that bonded.
My blood flowed in his veins and his kidney would help me throughout my life.
We were part of each other, which was strange and creepy in some ways but brought us closer together in others.
Madame Pomfrey smiled at me and my discharge seemed within reach.
"The readings look very good."
"So I can go?", I interrupted her happily.
She just shook her head and my dreams of sleeping in my own bed again today were shattered.
"The readings are good but you should still stay here for another night."
I crossed my arms in front of my chest because I now realised which way the wind was blowing.
"Professor McGonnagal arranged this, right?"
"She's your legal guardian while you're here."
I sighed. "And I'm not of age yet," I added.
She nodded.
"Just enjoy the rest for a bit longer and make the most of the time.
School will catch up with you soon enough."
With those words and a smile on her face, she left me alone with my breakfast.
Annoyed, I poked at my cornflakes and wondered if I should take Min up on it later.
The day was incredibly dull although I had always considered being alone and reading to be the best times.
There was still nothing wrong with it but I'd rather be in class than sitting around idle like this.
But mostly I wanted to see Draco.
I wanted someone to talk to but I would have to wait all day for that.
The only person I had to talk to was Madame Pomfrey who came to my bedside every now and then and asked me how I was.
And Min when she came to visit me after class.
I had decided not to approach her about keeping me here longer than necessary, simply because I didn't want to take the risk of her prolonging my stay.
Instead, I just nodded when she said anything, which today consisted mainly of complaining about her students.
Again and again I stared at the clock.
The house elves had already cleared my dinner and now I was walking up and down the room, almost nervously, although I knew exactly what was coming.
Draco. It was only Draco.
But 'only' Draco was enough to make me doubt myself at the moment.
Sure I was still under the influence of medication and that might be reason enough to confuse me but if I was honest with myself, I was clear that it wasn't because of the medication.
I was confused because I didn't know what my feelings were for him.
And once again he was driving me crazy, not because he had done anything to drive me mad again but simply because he triggered things in me that I couldn't explain.
I couldn't explain or didn't want to explain.
I couldn't take this thought any further when I heard the big double door slam shut.
I turned in the direction the noise had come from and as expected Draco was standing there.
He grinned wryly at me and I smiled back.
My heartbeat quickened and goosebumps spread all over my body.
I have to realise what this is because it is making me delusional.
"And I was worried that you hadn't found my note."
He walked towards me and I walked towards him too.
"Next time you want to be even more inconspicuous, you should send a howler", I laughed and had been about to hug him in greeting.
I stopped myself as I remembered he wasn't the hugging type.
"I'll consider it", he laughed now and all the awkwardness I had just seen in this situation was gone.
"How was your day?", I asked as he made his way to my bed and sat down.
"I'd like to know more about your animagus", he said quietly, looking me firmly in the eye.
I sighed.
I had already thought this morning that he had noticed, but now I had confirmation.
I dropped down on the edge of the bed next to him.
"You don't have to tell me anything.
I'd just appreciate some answers", he said sheepishly and that was something he never really was.
A strange sight which made me forget the seriousness of the situation for a moment.
"I think I really owe you some answers.
Do you want to ask questions or should I tell first?"
Inwardly I hoped for the latter.
"Tell me please."
I pulled my legs up onto the bed and now sat cross-legged facing him.
"Alright then", I began what was probably going to be a very long monologue.
"The ability to become an animagus is very complicated, which is why there are so few.
It's important to know it's a skill and you can learn it, it's not genetic whether you can do it or not. Just not for me."
I stopped short but Draco just looked at me with interest so I continued.
"I was born that way and if you want to know why I can explain."
He nodded.
"My dad was magical, my mum wasn't.
My dad always wanted to be an animagus, that was his dream, to be part magical creature.
He told my mom all about the magical world and when he wanted to learn it, she said she wanted to try it too.
They both wanted to know what would happen if a non-magical person underwent the procedure.
What neither of them knew at the time was that my mom was pregnant.
Anything that got into her bloodstream also got into mine.
The result of this experiment was that non-magical people cannot become Animagi, magical ones can.
And because she was carrying a magical child, I was born that way."
Draco's eyes widened the longer I talked but he didn't interrupt me.
"It was a sensation, of course, especially because I'm my grandfather's granddaughter.
My name was always kept out of all reports but it wasn't possible with the surname.
There was too much interest in everything to do with him.
My animal form is a cat but you probably already know that.
That's why I have green eyes, they don't go away even after the transformation.
Besides, I hear, smell and see better in the dark even when I'm not transformed."
There were still no intervening questions from my counterpart and I was grateful to him for just letting me talk.
"I can control the transforming, most of the time at least.
When I have strong emotions it's hard to control it and sometimes it takes over.
But really only with negative emotions, at least it's never happened when I was happy."
I laughed lightly.
"Although no one knew my first name through the newspaper articles, of course it came out quickly at school what I was.
The students who weren't directly afraid of me were told by their parents to avoid me.
A little eleven-year-old girl who can turn into a cat might not sound so dangerous. But in the eyes of the parents I was.
And not only to them, I was shunned especially after I had a freak out once."
"A student had insulted my parents.
I don't even remember exactly what he said but it pissed me off, especially because the anniversary of their death was only a few days away and then I hit him.
I really just wanted to punch him but my animagus was stronger and my hand had turned into a paw and so I had scratched him across half his face.
After that I was under observation and no one dared come closer than two metres to me."
I sighed and could see the pity in Draco's eyes.
"That's why I kept quiet about who I was.
Because I was tired of people being afraid of me.
I wasn't doing it to hurt anyone just..."
"...protecting yourself", he added quietly and they were the first words he'd said in a long time.
I nodded.
A stone fell from my heart and I was sure it must have been heard, it had been that heavy.
He understands.
He understands why I lied.
Why it was important to me to keep my identity a secret.
My monologue was over and I had tried to answer as many questions as possible directly.
If I could control what I revealed, I was more at ease.
If he asked questions, I wouldn't know what to expect and that made me nervous.
I looked at him.
How I wanted to know what was going on behind those stormy grey eyes, what he was thinking.
He reached out and touched my cheek with his fingers.
Like little lightning bolts, this touch spread through my body without me being able to do anything about it.
He wiped away a tear and I didn't know when I had started crying.
I often cried in his presence.
That was exactly what had happened yesterday and he had wiped away my tears then too.
We were so close, his scent so captivating rose to my nose and I just wanted to fall into his arms.
But I didn't, instead he pulled his hand back, ending our connection.
He still hadn't said anything and I was getting worried.
The longer he didn't say anything, the longer I was alone with my thoughts and that scared me.
"I wish I was as strong as you", he whispered softly and I could do nothing but stare at him.
"I would have given up long ago, surrendered to my fate. But you don't.
I admire that"
"Honestly?", I asked uncertainly.
He nodded.
"Honestly."
A moment ago I had been able to stop myself but now I couldn't help it, I leaned over and hugged him.
I was so infinitely grateful to him.
I had never known what I wanted to hear when I told people about my life.
But now I knew. This was exactly the reaction I had always wanted, the one I needed.
He too, wrapped his arms around me.
Maybe he was the hugging type after all.
"Can I ask a question?", he asked, breaking away from the hug.
"That was already one but yes you may ask a second one", I grinned mischievously at him and he had to smile too.
"Do you ever wish you weren't like this?"
I swallowed hard.
It was a question I was rarely asked, but one I had asked myself often enough.
"Not so often anymore", I answered truthfully.
For a long time I had wished it were different, that someone else had these problems.
I had never had support for this because everyone always said what a great gift this ability was and how proud I should be.
I had tried, I had tried to see the positive things but when you have been confronted with the negative things all your life it was hard to see anything different.
I wanted to be normal, that was all I wanted.
And then Grandma got sick.
My attention and pity was no longer on me and my unfair situation, but on my grandma's illness.
I researched tirelessly and learned to appreciate being able to read in the dark.
I could listen to some of the conversations with the doctors during which I always had to leave the room and I enjoyed lying curled up as a cat in my grandmother's arms.
More and more I saw the benefits I was getting and my wishes to be normal were replaced by wishes for my grandmother's recovery and when she passed away, the old wishes did not come back.
There were days in the last year when I hated who I was but they became less.
Grandma had always been strong for me, the strongest person I knew and now I would be that person for myself.
I would be proud of who I was and make my grandma proud.
"I wish I could.
I hate myself for that mark all the time."
"You shouldn't."
He raised his eyebrows questioningly.
"You were a kid and you were forced. It's not your fault."
"And yet I wanted to do the job."
Now I was confused.
We had gone from my life to his so quickly and now he was also talking about an assignment I knew nothing about.
I thought his father had only forced him to wear the mark.
And then I remembered the conversation with Min that we had had during the Christmas holidays when Draco had still been sleeping on our sofa.
'And so, even though he was underage, he had to become part of the community and was given a mission that was supposed to raise his family in their leader's favour.
The boy failed.'
I had never asked more specifically and I was afraid to do so.
Afraid of triggering a trauma in him that he tried to repress, but still I wanted to know.
I reached out my arm and grabbed his hand with it.
"Would you still do it today?"
He shook his head wildly.
"I would never even think about doing it again. I'd rather die."
This was radical.
"Then there's nothing to hate yourself for."
I smiled at him but instead of getting a smile back he pulled his hand away.
His look became emotionless and I was afraid I had gone too far.
"You don't know what the assignment was do you?"
No, I really didn't.
He was a kid, he wouldn't be given an impossible assignment. Maybe he was supposed to get information, be a spy?
Yes, that sounded logical.
Still, I shook my head to answer his question.
"I should kill him."
His voice was monotone and emotionless.
Murder, he should have killed someone.
It was as if he had stopped the world with his sentence, as if time stood still.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
His next words he just breathed.
"Dumbledore."
It was him, it had always been Draco.
Dumbledore and my Grandpa were in correspondence and I had found letters from him every now and then while cleaning up.
He had talked about how he thought there was an attempt on his life, but he never mentioned a name.
It was Draco.
Draco Malfoy had tried to kill Albus Dumbledore.
That realisation hit me harder than the fact that he'd been a Death Eater.
This was too much.
I couldn't sit any longer and jumped up. Completely shaken up, I paced up and down five steps at a time.
"A child!
Putting a child in charge of a murder!
And then Dumbledore as well.
This is madness!
Completely insane!
How can anyone be so cowardly as to send a child ahead!
His own son!"
I was furious, more than furious. I was furious with rage and I kept getting worse and worse.
That I had long since lost my self-control was clear to me, and also that it manifested itself in little black ears on my head.
He knew anyway, so why should I hide it?
Draco was still sitting on the bed, watching me and my tantrum.
I could have screamed, but I refrained because Madame Pomfrey was just one door down and my loud remarks were borderline now.
She could come in at any moment and then we would be in real trouble, especially Draco.
Now that I realised what a fine line I was walking, I tried to calm myself down by breathing calmly.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I looked back over at Draco.
Was that concern in his gaze?
Maybe it was astonishment, probably due to the ears.
Whatever it was, I couldn't take back what had just happened.
I always had to control myself and there were moments when all the pent-up emotions escaped.
One of those moments had been now and it was the first time in a long time that I had flipped out like that in front of someone, because actually I always fought these fights with myself.
He raised his eyebrows as I dropped back on the bed beside him.
"Sorry", I mumbled, staring down at my hands in embarrassment.
"I didn't expect that", came from him with a slightly amused undertone.
I started to laugh.
"Normally no one just notices.
I'm really sorry you had to see that."
Embarrassed, I scratched my head where two small fluffy ears still protruded from my hair.
"At least now I know you've never really been mad at me."
He still had a slight smile on his lips, which reassured me.
He pulled his watch out of his pocket and flipped it open. His pupils grew large.
"We talked for quite a long time, didn't we?", I asked, because I could guess why he had reacted that way.
He nodded.
"Quite a long time. I should go."
I nodded in agreement now too.
"I'm assuming correctly that if you're dismissed tomorrow you still won't come to dance class?", he asked, standing up.
I hadn't really thought about that at all, I had other things on my mind after all.
But I was sure that Min wouldn't let me go and since she was running this class it was impossible for me to hide that from her.
"I think I need to take a week off."
"I'll see you. Monday at the latest in class. Good night Florentine."
He smiled at me.
"Good night Draco."
