DISCLAIMER: The story doesn't belong to me; the characters are property of S. Meyer, and the plot belongs to Annalau Thank you so much for letting me share your story in English!
Gracias Laura, por darme esta oportunidad!
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Chapter 12
Breakage
Months ago…
Edward pounded his fists loudly on the wall as he wailed.
I heard him cursing, screaming, and crying inconsolably. Instead, I couldn't help but shudder when he threw himself into my lap, kneeling on the floor.
"Forgive me," he whispered in the midst of his own pain.
My tears hadn't stopped falling, but I couldn't react either. He had...
I hiccupped, feeling so miserable, and crumpled the leaves he had thrown at me with my hands.
"Please forgive me, Bells."
I wanted to react. To touch his hair and bury my fingers in that soft coppery tangle, yet I could not.
The man I loved with my life had hurt me in the worst way. He had violated my body and lacerated my heart.
.
.
.
After that day everything changed.
I never slept in that room again, I stayed in my baby's room and slept on the floor, but every time I closed my eyes her cold gaze haunted me.
His apologies changed nothing. Instead, the pain flared in my soul and every word he uttered stabbed into my chest like a dagger.
I suffered from nightmares for two weeks. I kept that horrible day in my mind and decided to block out every second of the outrage I experienced.
I repeated to myself a million times that I was the worst human being. The worst mother, and nothing I did was going to change her perspective...and maybe not mine either.
Every effort I made to improve myself was frowned upon. Nor was it when I ran out of the office early and went to get my son.
I was bad. I had become a shallow monster who only thought about paying for a house where I questioned myself: for how long?
And him?
I had thrown him away from me, turned him into someone he wasn't and didn't recognize. He was bitter and took it out on alcohol, every day he arrived drunk and although he never came near me again, the coldness between us became a wall that every day pushed us apart.
I had destroyed him. And he had destroyed me.
I didn't know if I was dating anyone else. When I started getting days off to take care of laundry I only discovered that they smelled of alcohol and cigarettes.
One day I made a planner. I wrote down every to-do I had to do because I was determined not to lose my marriage, my family.
Nothing worked.
Time just spit in my face that there was nothing to save no matter how much I loved it.
.
.
.
Weeks passed and my life and illusions were crumbling like playing cards.
Edward and I didn't cross words other than the most necessary.
I tried to keep my problems to myself. Although Dad got suspicious when he saw me arrive alone with my son. That weekend in Forks was different. The sadness and tears could not be hidden for long.
"I've seen you looking so listless," Dad said, offering me a steaming cup of coffee, sitting next to me in the double rocking chair while chick scampered after a chicken in the backyard. "You haven't even had a bite."
"Do you think it's bad to have ambition? I mean, I'm obsessed with paying off my house and getting a mortgage."
"No. Not when you know how to balance your work life with your family life," his eyes, so like mine, watched me. "Maybe I was to blame for raising you as a workaholic. I taught you that you should strive to achieve your goals in life and that you should never give up."
"You're not to blame for anything, Dad."
"What is it, kid? You look so sad that you can't hide that something is going on. Did you fight with Edward? Because he had some pending appointments and he couldn't come, I don't believe it.
"Dad..." I whispered. "Could you hug me?"
I didn't say more. I just stood there crying in his arms.
My life was shit and I was to blame for everything.
Could I get him back?
I tried. For my life I did everything I could to move us forward, but we were so broken and hurt.
That nothing worked.
Edward carried with him the guilt of what had happened; just as I blamed myself for losing him.
I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired, exhausted both physically and mentally. One Tuesday I decided to be brave and after looking at our wedding photo album I signed the divorce amidst tears and sobs.
Seven years of marriage fell apart with a simple signature.
That way I let him go so he could find the peace I had stolen from him.
Everything was discreet. There were no meetings to attend as I always thought there would be, no. Nor did he ask for division of assets, he left everything to me. Nor did he ask for a division of assets, he left everything to me. He handled it quickly and maybe in record time the divorce certificate was ready.
That time in that office we didn't manage to see each other's eyes for a single moment. Although everything was different when he went to get his things.
"Why are you leaving, Daddy?"
I wiped away my tears as I listened to my son. Edward had taken all his luggage to the car and my baby was watching him from the door.
"I'll come see you," he whispered holding him in his arms and kissing his cheek. "Be good and remember to brush your teeth from the bottom up."
Chickie snuggled into his shoulder.
"Edward," I said his name holding back the lump in my throat, "don't forget that I have to leave for a trip at the weekend."
His eyes looked at me with hatred that if he could, he would glare at me.
My heart felt so utterly torn that I felt like screaming for him not to leave until my voice ran out.
"Of course I remember you're going on a trip."
I nodded, keeping to myself that it was my last trip.
Eleazar had removed me from my position because of all the mistakes I had made in the last few months, however, it was the least important thing.
I had lost him and had to learn to live with the guilt.
Okay. Time for explanations. Bella decided to block what happened while Edward felt that guilty that he couldn't keep living with her. They are two people totally in love but destroyed where the only possible path was the divorce.
This chapter is based on the last two months before they got divorced. All of this took place during that time. Now we know why Bella changed the furniture in her room: she couldn't sleep in that same bed. Just as we also know that when Edward saw her with her laptop and thought she was planning another trip she was actually looking for a new job. I would love to know your opinions.
Infinite thanks for all your support, you guys make the magic happen.
Thank you so much for reading
