DISCLAIMER: The story doesn't belong to me; the characters are property of S. Meyer, and the plot belongs to Annalau Thank you so much for letting me share your story in English!
Gracias Laura, por darme esta oportunidad!
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Chapter 14
Depression
Some time ago…
How can you love a person so much and let them go?
That doubt had been ruling my mind for weeks. I loved Edward, so much, that I let him go. What a stupid paradox.
No one would ever let go of the one they love. Instead, here I was licking my wounds and feeling more miserable than on other days.
I got home earlier than planned.
I slept on the couches in the living room until the new furniture arrived.
I could barely get out of bed and feed myself a little. I was a human wreck and had no strength to go on. The morning sickness left me exhausted and the excess sleep wouldn't allow me to stand.
It was consuming me.
I couldn't stop thinking about Edward or my son.
There wasn't a minute that went by that I didn't weep bitterly for them.
There wasn't a moment where I didn't blame myself.
And above all, there wasn't a second where I didn't regret it.
And Alice took advantage of my breakdown to make me feel worse. To scream in my face what a bitch I was and that I didn't deserve them. To wish my own death because her brother and my son were happy without me.
Honestly, she might as well have ended my life and I wouldn't have put up any resistance. It was all the bad things she said about me, maybe more.
It hurt to admit that she was right. I was an ambitious bitch who didn't know how to combine my work life with my family and now, despite loving Edward, I had had to let him go.
"I won't let you sink," Ang tugged at the sheets. "You have a child to live for and another on the way. Get up."
"Alice told me that Edward is dating a friend of hers. The blonde one" I confessed in tears.
"And you believe her?"
Angela worked her fingers through my knotted hair. She rubbed my shoulders and gave me a shy smile.
"He's tired of me," I sobbed. "I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't love me anymore."
"You're both hurt, Bella. You have hurt each other and for now, it is better to be apart, let each heal before you talk. Edward must know he's having a child; you can't hide it from him."
No. Of course, I couldn't keep such news from him. We would be parents again. However, I did not know how to face the subject with him. I was afraid of his rejection, that he would hate himself for the way the baby was conceived.
There were so many doubts in my head.
So much fear.
"Why don't you seek professional help?" my friend insisted, still playing with my hair. "Maybe you have depression and with the pregnancy, it will be harder to cope."
I looked into her brown eyes under the glasses. She kept a faint smile on her lips as she held my hand tightly and urged me to stand up.
I sighed.
I felt weak, but I decided to stand up.
I had a son to take care of and I had to be okay for him, for them. Because there were two of them now.
I had to do it. I couldn't let myself be defeated.
They needed me.
"Talk to Edward," she added, giving me a wink.
I wanted to calm down, but my nerves began to get the better of me.
I was anxious to see him again... would I have the courage to talk to him?
.
.
.
I left the beer bottle on the floor. It was still closed.
I didn't want to drink, not now that Eric was with me. It wasn't the example I wanted to set for him, and I didn't want him to have a disastrous image of me either.
I tilted my head to the floor and held it with my hands looking right where the beer was.
I had formed a pretty nasty habit: leaving the office and running to my parents' house to drink myself unconscious. They didn't say anything, they stayed out of it and many times I didn't know if it was good or bad.
When I told them about the divorce, they didn't seem surprised. They were just sympathetic and supportive without saying much.
"Edward…" Dad rested a hand on my shoulder giving it a light squeeze "Chickie has fallen asleep, and your mother put him to bed in your old room. Maybe it's best if you let him sleep here tonight."
"No. Bells is coming tomorrow, and I have to take him with her."
"Son, I don't want to meddle in your life. Your mother and I always raised you and your sister to make your own decisions. You just...You're not well," he exhaled thoughtfully before sitting down next to me on the old garden couch. "I don't like your drinking. It's not good for my grandson or you."
I looked at him. Those pronounced wrinkles were marked around his eyes. Carlisle was good, the most loving father, maybe not the most loving, but he was the most honest.
"I don't want to drink anymore," I whispered more to myself than to him.
"Then don't. Don't destroy yourself like that."
"I'm already destroyed," I exhaled as my sight was lost in the blackness of the night.
"Have you thought about going to therapy?"
"Bells proposed it to me many times and I didn't accept."
Dad cleared his throat. I could guess that he intended to ask questions, but he didn't dare, as he stood there thinking.
Maybe it was my way of punishing her. To make her understand that it was wrong and suddenly everything got out of hand. We were two strangers living in a house.
I loved her but something inside just didn't work the same way anymore. It was tiring to forgive every fault and want to solve everything in bed.
And then... after that day everything was worse. The guilt consumed me. It filled my life with pain, and I knew that in order not to hurt us anymore we had to leave each other…
"Edward," Dad's voice made me look at him. "Try your best to be better for your son. He needs you the most."
"I am doing my best."
"Come to an agreement, son. Talk for Eric's sake and try to be good friends. That's all I can advise you."
How could I be friends with the woman I love the most?
Maybe it was impossible when I was dying of nerves to see her again.
And with this chapter, we close the past. The next chapter is the present and we continue with Edward. Once again, thank you for taking your time on reading, adding to your favourties and, especially leaving me a comment. I truly want to finish this story in record time, I hope I count with your support.
Thank you so much for reading
