"Relax." The Flying Dutchman assured him in a professional manner. "I'll jus' be takin' his soul, I'll leave his lifeless husk fer ye t' bury. Or use as a mannequin, whatever floats yer boat."

"No, don't take him, I beg of you!" SpongeBob balled his eyes out and dropped to his knees. "Take me instead!"

"SpongeBob?" Squidward tried to talk some sense into him, only to realize his feet were submerged as the office started taking on water.

"Can't do." The Flying Dutchman shook his head. "One, yer far too wholesome fer Davy Jones's locker. And two, even the most deprived of souls don't deserve t' be subjected t' yer incessant blabberin' and torturous laugh!"

"SpongeBob, I'm afraid there's no gettin' out of this one..." Krabs told him in resignation. "I made me bed, and now I have t' sleep in it."

"SpongeBob, they're right. It's over, there's nothing you can do. We all have to go eventually." Squidward put his hand on the tearful sponge's shoulder, trying to be gentle. Even he couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for the sobbing wreck in front of him.

"No, no, no. It can't be." SpongeBob begged the Flying Dutchman again. "I can fix this! Just give me a chance! Please, if there's anything we can do to save Mr. Krabs, me and Squidward will not rest until we do it!"

"Hey, hey! Don't you drag me into this!" Squidward lamented angrily.

"There ain't nothin' ye can do!" the Flying Dutchman glared at SpongeBob, his tone final. "And even if there was, I wouldn't take ye up on it!" he added while lifting Krabs up to eye level. "This debt is long overdue!"

"But…but…there must be some loophole in your rules?" SpongeBob scrambled to think of a solution. "Or…or…some McGuffin that can prolong Mr. Krabs's life…or…"

His face and eyes were twitching, his speech devolved into incomprehensible rambling, and steam and sparks came out of his head holes until something in him broke and he buried his face into his hands.

"No, no, no. This cannot be happening! Oh, why! Why!?" he wept. "Not another! Grandma, Uncle Blue, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, all my Garies! Even Plankton! I can't lose Mr. Krabs too!"

Krabs was caught off guard and Squidward did a double take. Could it be?

"Wait? You knew about the Gary thing all along?!" The octopus scowled in realization. "You mean I had to bury all those festering corpses for nothing!"

"Please, I'll do ANYTHING if you spare Mr. Krabs!" With puffy eyes, SpongeBob's clung to the Flying Dutchman's ghostly tail, getting hot tears all over it. "You can't take him away from me!"

Faced with the sponge's ever-shriller crying, the Flying Dutchman cringed before looking at the former with a mixture of annoyance and pity.

"C'mon, SpongeBob! Enough with the waterworks." He tried to reason. "Yer a middle-aged sponge! Show some blasted dignity-"

"MOMMY!" SpongeBob cried and sobbed into his hands again as he and Squidward now stood in waist-deep water.

"SpongeBob, please. Ye have t' let me go. It won't do ye any good if…" Krabs feebly implored him only to find SpongeBob now dangling from one of his legs.

"Oh, Mr. Krabs…. don't leave us!" streams poured down the sponge's face, causing water levels to rise even further. It forced Squidward to climb onto the desk.

"Will ye cease with this malarkey! Ye can't prevent the inevitable!" the exasperated Flying Dutchman grabbed SpongeBob by the legs and tried to pry him off Krabs but to no avail, as SpongeBob stretched like a piece of rubber. "Let go, ye little fool!?"

"No, no, no! You can't separate us! I won't let it." SpongeBob wept like a petulant child, holding onto Krabs's leg with an iron grip.

"Ye dare defy THE FLYING DUTCHMAN!?" The ghost's nostrils flared in anger as he kept trying to break them apart.

Standing on the desk and with the water going up to his knees, Squidward whistled and started clapping his tentacles to get the other's attention.

"Enough of this!" he shouted as the others looked at him, before exhaling to ease his nerves and pulling on a plug that drained all the water out of the office.

Squidward then locked eyes with the Flying Dutchman. "It would seem we have reached an impasse."

The Flying Dutchman growled in reluctant acceptance. "The big-nosed one is right. How 'bout a compromise?"

"So you're gonna let Mr. Krabs live!" SpongeBob beamed with joy but the Flying Dutchman snarled at him, swiftly squashing the yellow twit's delusional hopes.

"NO, I ain't gonna let 'im live!" he stated before shuddering in annoyance. "But if ye're gonna throw such a hissy fit over it, I'm willin' to make a deal."

He lowered SpongeBob and Krabs to the damp floor, where Squidward joined them. The Flying Dutchman scowled at them and put his hands on his hips.

"Tis far more than ye deserve, Krabs. But if ye've been cheatin' death fer 300 years…" he groaned, slapped his face, ran his hand across it, and then shrugged "…I suppose it won't make a difference if I let ye live fer another month."

"A month?" Krabs asked in surprise. Surprised that he had been given that long.

"Aye." The ghost pirate nodded. "So yer friends and family, or the closest thing ye have t' such, can come t' terms with yer fate. Especially THAT emotional basket case." He pointed his crooked finger at SpongeBob, who shrank into his square pants.

"Listen well, SpongeBob. If this connivin', crustaceous crooks means so much t' ye, ye better enjoy yer remainin' time together and accept that he won't be around fer the rest of yer life. Death is death and ye can't escape the reality of it. Plungin' yerself into denial will only make the pain worse."

SpongeBob just whimpered and Krabs tried to put a comforting claw on him when he realized that the Flying Dutchman had turned his steely gaze at him and narrowed his eyes.

"And ye." The Flying Dutchman said darkly. "Make use of what time ye have left, cuz when I come back, there will be no turnin' back and ye'll get yer eternal "reward". Understand?"

"Crystal clear." Krabs hung his head.

"Good, see ye very soon." The Flying Dutchman said with a sneer before erupting with his trademark maniacal laughter and spinning around, morphing into a whirling thunderstorm and vanishing.

Once the green smoke and lighting were gone, SpongeBob and Squidward were finally alone with Mr. Krabs, able to try and digest this rapid new development. Much more so the former.

SpongeBob's nose dropped and his eyes went googly. He was at a loss for words and the other two didn't know quite what to say either.

"SpongeBob, you actually surprised me." Squidward broke the ice, his tone even. "You're not completely delusional…you're just obsessively blocking out any negative facts from your mind to the point that you're almost completely delusional."

"I know…it's a sorta bad habit…" was all SpongeBob could say. The first thought Squidward had was to inquire if this meant that SpongeBob knew all along that the former couldn't stand his guts but decided this was an inappropriate time for it.

"In that case…I wholeheartedly agree with the Flying Dutchman." Squidward continued with a serious look. "Take it from someone who had to learn that simple truth the hard way. We can't escape reality, and denial just makes things all the more painful. I wasted my whole life pursuing a pipe dream that I could never have hoped to accomplish, especially when pitted against my late rival, and look where that got me?"

"Nowhere." He gestured at himself. "I'm just a bitter old mess stuck in the same crummy position I was in 40 years ago, as a bitter young mess. But ever since I came to terms with my own mistakes, I've felt better than I did in decades. I have…if I dare say, found enlightenment."

Crossing his tentacles, he added. "My only regret now is not getting the chance to admit defeat to Squilliam's smug face personally. I had to do it to his grave."

"Aye, truer words have never been spoken." Krabs agreed. "Ye can't jus' pretend bad things don't exist and everythin' is all hunky-dory when it ain't. Positive thinkin' be nice and all, but there will always be too much of a good thing."

He pinched his forehead. "Like how we can't avoid the fact that we all eventually wither away and die, so we need t' make the most out of the time we've got, not waste our lives bein' stuck in the past. I tried t' defy that and all it got me in the end was a nice cozy room in Davy Jones' locker."

"Can't say I don't feel a bit sorry for you, Eugene." Squidward rubbed the back of his neck. "But even if we got you declared "humanitarian of the millennium" by the end of the month or something, I doubt that would be enough to scrub your record clean."

"I know, I may be old but I ain't senile." Krabs sadly nodded. "I have accepted me fate."

Sniffing, SpongeBob jumped and gave him a big, tearful hug. "I'm gonna miss you so much!"

Silently, Krabs patted his back until the sponge released him. "I'll miss ye too, boyo. Ye were like the son I never had. I'm jus' sorry I wasn't a better father figure t' ye. I could have taught ye a lot but instead, I opted t' keep ye in yer lil' comfort bubble fer two decades because it was convenient fer me business."

"So this is really it then?" a despondent SpongeBob asked while wiping away his tears. "The Krusty Crew is no more? After all this time, we're finally gonna split up?"

"Fraid so, SpongeBob." Krabs put his arm around him. "But like I said, twenty years ain't a bad run, even with all the ups and downs. You'll always have those memories to cherish."

He grew a small smile. "But let's be real though, all three of us lost our luster years ago. We need to move on and accept that we ain't the power trio we were two decades ago."

"Definitely not, we're just three old has-beens who overstayed their welcome." Squidward agreed. "We can't just rinse and repeat forever, change can be good or bad but is an inevitability and one must adapt to it."

"I understand." SpongeBob sighed. "I guess I just regret denying it for so long. Like me being an aging sponge who still clings on to his childish sensibilities…"

"That's… not inherently a bad thing." Squidward said with some reluctance. "I've been into art and music since I was 11. Your passions are your passions, but what's important is to be an adult in your mind, to know when to…dial back certain things. But I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I lectured you about it. I held on to my childish dreams of attaining unparalleled success long after I should have grown up and lowered my expectations."

"Yeah, I've noticed that…" SpongeBob said in a small voice. "Guess Squilliam's departure had something to do with it?"

"Sort of…" Squidward admitted "…he actually kinda helped me see the light a few years back, as strange as that may sound. But it took me a while to fully accept it."

"Guess you did some soul-searchin' while I was on me last adventure, huh?" Krabs asked. Squidward nodded.

"Yeah, Squilliam's passing threw me for a bit of a loop, given how static my life's been for so long, but I think that I came out wiser in the end. And wisdom should come with age, right?" he shrugged with a small smirk.

SpongeBob wiped a tear. "Guess I too should pay a visit to the cemetery. I have a few old friends and family members that I've neglected to visit for far too long. And I should probably rename my newest snail, given that she's a she. Do you guys prefer Mary or Cary?"

"And quit boating school… for all our sakes." Squidward added in a firm manner. "Not like you ever really needed a boatmobile."

"Oh, yes. Promise me that you'll be a chronic walker fer the rest of yer days." Krabs agreed and held onto SpongeBob's shoulder. "It's good fer yer health as well t' use yer own two legs instead of relyin' on those unholy metal contraptions fer transport. I never trusted those things." SpongeBob nodded in resignation.

"Sure…guess that was also a bit of a crazy pipe dream..." he admitted before letting out a small, involuntary giggle.

"Even in my dreams, I couldn't get that Neptune-forsaken boating license. Mrs. Puff always showed up to tear it apart. And ain't dreams conjured up by your subconsciousness, so maybe it was trying to tell me something?" he jokingly knocked on his head.

"See, it takes a strong man t' admit his faults. Maybe both of ye lads have changed over the years, after all… ye jus' needed a big, big, radical push t' realize it." Krabs smiled before sighing. "Too bad I never got one til it was too late."

With a stern look, he pointed at SpongeBob. "So don't ye dare repeat my mistakes, SpongeBob. Don't be stuck in the past and always keep yer big, blue orbs on the future. I'm sorry I didn't try t' teach ye this before, but better late than never. Are we clear, Mr. SquarePants?"

"Yes, sir. Understood, sir." SpongeBob saluted him, for old times' sake.

"And Mr. Squidward." Krabs turned to the octopus with an almost pleading smile. "I hope ye'll take good care of me old vessel. Consider this yer official promotion."

"Don't worry, Eugene." Squidward folded his tentacles and gave a respectful nod. "An old geezer such as myself ain't goin' anywhere at this point in his life, so I'll commit to the job I've got. Can't say there won't be any changes but I'll try to stay true to the spirit of the Krusty Krab as much as possible."

"That's all I ask fer." Krabs didn't argue, at peace with Squidward's decision. Any good captain needed to be his own man and not obsess about filling in the boots of his predecessor. The past was the past.

"C'mon, Squid. You're not that old." SpongeBob tried to tell him with a smile.

"Not that old?" Squidward scoffed with a smirk before rubbing his back. "I've been suffering chronic back pains for years."

The other two cringed as they heard Squidward's back make a small crack and the latter tried to ignore it and kept his strained smile. "I should have quit interpretive dancing at least a decade ago, then maybe my spine would be more merciful right now."

"Oh, that's nothing." SpongeBob quipped and pointed at his eyes. "My peepers haven't been up to snuff for three years now. Had to wear contact lenses and to be honest… I can't stand these things."

Narrowing his eyes, he popped them off and put on his jellyfishing glasses. "I think I'll just wear regular spectacles from now on, they go better with my dorky sense of fashion, but also convey a sense of maturity?"

Squidward rubbed his chin. "Nothing to be ashamed of, SpongeRobert, old boy. I think you pull off the four-eyed look nicely."

"Much appreciated, Squidster." SpongeBob quipped back with a finger gun, his voice finally dropping (now sounding like Tom Kenny's normal speaking voice).

They heard Krabs's famous chortled laugh as the latter waved his claw. "Ye old chuckleheads still have some growin' left t' do, both of ye. I've aged like seahorse milk this week and lemme tell ye, once ye reach my age, it ain't gonna be pretty."

For emphasis, he turned around and pulled up his shirt. Squidward and SpongeBob's eyes widened in horror, the former clutching his eyeballs while screaming "My eyes!", and the latter covered his mouth as he was about to vomit all over the floor.

"Jus' so ye know what's in store fer ye." Krabs chuckled and turned around. "But enough 'bout the past or future. We need t' discuss the present."

Walking up to Squidward and SpongeBob, Krabs threw his arms over them, pulling them closer.

"All work and no fun ain't healthy fer a trio of older gents like us. And since I don't have t' worry 'bout material possessions anymore, how 'bout the three of us, and maybe an old friend or two, all go on a month-long cruise? I'll cover the expenses and spare none. And I mean it this time."

SpongeBob and Squidward didn't need to be told twice, and the room erupted with good-natured laughter; high-pitched bleating, a deep honk, and a chortled pirate laugh.

"But we can certainly exploit senior discounts." Krabs added with a wink.


Well, the fic is now three-quarters complete. If you think it felt a bit rushed or that I played certain topics too lightly, this is because this isn't meant to be some grand finale wrapping up the show, but more of a tongue-in-cheek sendoff if you will. Like it or not, the show's legacy has been supremely tainted by its long-running status and infamous decline in quality. I can't simply pretend like the dark age of SpongeBob or the subsequent Zombie SpongeBob era never happened (I just arbitrarily cut off from "canon" in 2020, when I wrote "Some Things Never Chance") and like its two predecessors, this is more of a metaphor for the show's own history and refusal to end long after it lost its luster. Squidward and to a lesser extent Sandy changed and grew in "Finite", and now, so did SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs. Unfortunately for the latter, this change entails death, like with his old enemy Plankton XD