14
They had ordered pizza for dinner, though none of them ate much. Including Bella, whose full attention had been on Beth. Esme watched Bella all day. Watched as she held Beth, fed Beth, cuddled Beth. She watched as the sadness in her eyes intensified throughout the day, every time she held Beth. She had known the moment Bella held her the night before she had had a baby, that she'd lost her baby. What kind of monster was this Sam Uley?
Not only had he killed her family, stolen Bella away, tortured and brutalized her, but he'd taken her child? And it scared Esme. Because there was a sadness in her eyes that made her worry about Beth's safety. Not that Bella would hurt her daughter, but that someone would do to Beth, what they had done to her. Bella had been an innocent little girl when Sam Uley put his hands on her, tearing away at her soul slowly over the last eight years until she truly, honestly believed she was a nothing and a nobody.
"It's time for Beth's bath," Esme said, sitting next to Bella and placing her hand under Beth's bottom. Bella looked up at her with wide eyes. "Would you like to help me?"
"Can I?" she asked, smiling.
"Of course you can," she said, gently. "Come on."
Esme placed her hand on Bella's elbow, feeling her tense before they stood up and headed upstairs to the bathroom. Esme put the baby tub in the bathtub and started the water, making sure it wasn't too cold, or too hot. Once there was just enough water in the bathtub, she turned and gestured for Bella to follow her into Beth's room.
"Why don't you pick out some pajamas for her?" Esme suggested, slipping Beth into her arms and gesturing toward the dresser. "Second drawer."
"Okay," Bella whispered, and she turned and pulled open the second drawer.
Esme laid Beth on the changing table and began removing her sleeper she'd been wearing all day. Normally, Esme would have dressed her in day clothes, but today hadn't been a normal day. No, today Esme's heart had been broken over a lost and damaged little girl, a girl who found her way into the hearts of every member of her family without even trying. All it had taken was one look at her to see how much she needed them, how much they needed to help her. She couldn't help but think that if Carlisle hadn't almost hit her with his car, what kind of Hell that poor girl would be going through at that moment.
"Is this one okay?"
Esme looked over her shoulder, finding Bella holding a pink sleeper with tiny butterflies all over it. "Oh, she loves that one."
"She does?" Bella asked, her face lighting up.
Esme nodded. "Lay it here, and we'll go put her in the bath."
Bella walked over and carefully laid the sleeper on the changing table before following Esme into the bathroom. Esme pressed her lips together before turning to Bella, who stood next to the door.
"Here, you can do it."
Her eyes somehow widened and she shook her head. "I'll hurt her."
"Nonsense," Esme insisted, walking over and placing the naked baby in her arms. "Just place her in the tub gently. The water isn't too hot, or too cold. I checked."
"Okay," she whimpered and walked past Esme, kneeling next to the bathtub. Esme stood close behind her, watching as Bella gently placed her in the infant tub. Beth stretched, her face crinkling like she was about to cry. "Oh, I'm sorry."
"She's fine," Esme said, sitting on the side of the tub. "Just takes her a second to adjust. Now, get the washrag hanging right there," Esme said, pointing toward the small pink cloth hanging on the side of the tub. "Wet it and gently wipe her body."
Bella did as instructed. Esme could tell she was scared. Her hand was shaking, but she was ever so careful. She knew if Bella thought for a second she was hurting Beth, it would break the young girl's heart, and she couldn't have that.
"Okay, we're going to use a small, and I mean tiny, amount of baby soap," Esme said, placing the bottle on the side of the tub next to Bella. "Put it on the rag, not on Beth."
"You should do this part," Bella whispered, looking up at Esme with eyes full of tears. "Please."
"Okay, okay, I can do it," Esme said, quietly.
She went slowly, wanting to make sure Bella knew she wouldn't do anything to hurt Beth. A dab of baby soap went a long way, and she took the time to slowly wash the infant's body and hair. Beth yawned and kicked her arms and legs, causing Bella to laugh. The sound of her laugh was beautiful, childlike almost. Esme used a small measuring cup to rinse the soap off Beth before grabbing Beth's towel, a hooded towel with cat ears on top.
"Hold this open for me," she told Bella, who immediately did as she was told. Esme picked Beth up, and placed her in Bella's arms, wrapping the sides of the towel around her. "Take her into her room. I'll be right behind you."
"All right," Bella whispered and slowly stood with Beth in her arms.
Esme pulled the drain on the tub and followed Bella, who was standing in the middle of the room. "Put her on the table, and you can dress her."
"No, you should dress her," Bella whimpered. "I don't want to hurt her."
"You won't," Esme said, placing her hand on Bella's arm. "I promise."
"Okay," she whispered, and laid Beth on the changing table. "What do I do?"
"Dry her really good. Especially her arms and legs," Esme instructed as she reached under the changing table and picked up a diaper. "Once she is dry, put her diaper on. The tabs fasten in the front."
Bella nodded and Esme could tell she was focusing all her attention on making sure Beth was dry. She put on her diaper, perfectly, and then reached for the sleeper, but paused and looked at Esme.
"You can do it," she encouraged. "Put her legs in first, and then rotate her body to the side to place it under her. Then, one arm at a time, and zip it up. Just be careful that you don't catch her tummy in the zipper."
Bella nodded and followed Esme's instructions to perfection. The look of pride on her face was breathtaking, Esme thought, and she wondered when the last time she felt like she had done anything good in her life. Probably the moment right before Sam Uley robbed her of everything.
"Okay, she's going to need another bottle before she goes down for the night. Do you want to feed her?"
"Yes, please," Bella said, nodding her head with vigor.
Esme laughed. "Okay, take her downstairs and sit on the couch. I'll warm her bottle for her."
Bella gently lifted Beth into her arms, cradling her against her chest. Once they were downstairs, she sat on the couch and Esme hurried into the kitchen, pulling a bottle out of the fridge and turning on the hot water, holding the bottle under the tap. She heard someone clear their throat and when she looked back, she saw Carlisle standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
"What'd he do to her, Carlisle? What kind of monster does that to a little girl?"
"I don't know," Carlisle said, sadly.
"I'm scared," she admitted. "If he finds out she's here . . ."
"Yeah, I know." Carlisle wrapped his arm around her, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "We'll just have to keep her as safe as we can."
"At what cost?" Esme asked before picking up a towel and drying the bottle. She tipped it to her wrist to make sure it wasn't too hot, or too cold. The temp was perfect so she left Carlisle standing in the kitchen and walked back into the living room, giving Bella the bottle. "If she falls asleep, go put her back in her crib, okay?"
"Okay," Bella murmured, placing the tip of the nipple at Beth's mouth.
Just then, the front door opened and they all looked back, finding Jasper walking back in. He smiled, though Esme could see the sadness behind it. The same sadness that was in Bella's eyes. Well, not the same, but very, very close.
What had he learned that had him so sad? Esme wondered, but wasn't sure she really wanted to know. She longed to believe in a world were monsters like Sam Uley didn't exist.
—SfH—
She watched at Jasper walked into the house, as he looked from Carlisle to Esme to James to Emmett to Rosie to Edward and finally to her and Beth. He looked at her with an expression that had her feeling uneasy, nervous. Did he know? Did he know what he had done to her after stealing her away in the middle of the night? He couldn't know, could he? She hadn't told them, had she?
No, no, she had never told anyone what he had done to her. Of course, she hadn't had anyone to tell. He kept her locked away, alone with just her fading memories of her Rosie, her mommy, and daddy. Eventually, she had forgotten what they looked like, the sounds of their laughter, the sounds of them calling her name. She'd forgotten her own name. He called her nothing, a nobody; worthless and ugly and stupid and weak.
She looked down at the baby in her arms. Beth had fallen asleep, so she placed the half-empty bottle on the coffee table and stood up, drawing everyone's attention to her as she walked over to the stairs, being careful not to wake Beth. Esme would be mad and wouldn't let her hold Beth again if she wasn't careful. And she wanted to hold Beth, and she didn't want Esme to be mad at her. Esme was one of her nice people.
She gently laid Beth in the crib and walked out of her room, finding Edward waiting for her in the hall. He smiled and reached for her hand, which she gave. Comfort filled her, a feeling she still wasn't used to, but she liked. More than she should, she thought.
"Want to see my room?" he asked, gesturing with his head toward the room on the other side of the one they had let her stay in the night before.
"Sure," she murmured, tightening her fingers around his as they took the few steps to his door. He turned the knob and pushed it open, gesturing for her to go inside.
She bit the inside of her lip as she took the few steps into the room and looked around. It was a very boyish room, she thought. The walls were dark blue and most of them were covered in posters of rock bands and cars. The bed had been left unmade and there were clothes all over the floor. There was a large dresser and desk with a computer on top and a large stereo with a lot of music all around it.
"Sorry, I forgot it was a mess," Edward muttered, leaving the door open and kicking his clothes into a pile.
"It's nice," she said, quietly.
"I guess." Edward gesturing for her to sit on at the desk while he sat on the side of the bed. "Can I be honest with you?"
She nodded.
"I needed a few minutes away from everyone downstairs," he confessed and she smiled. "I know, I know, sounds horrible, doesn't it? I mean, I love my family, but, man, it's been a long day. Usually they aren't all here. Normally, just me, Esme, Carlisle, and, of course, Beth. I'm not used to the others being here like this. It's a bit much, if you ask me."
She nodded, unsure what to say.
"Do you like music?" he asked.
"I don't know," she whispered. "I've never listened to it."
Edward's eyes widened. "Well, I love music. Do you want to listen to one of my favorites?"
She nodded, really unsure if she did or didn't. She just knew she liked being near him. Edward made her feel safe, made her feel normal, and not like a freak. He made her feel like she was someone, and not a nobody, a nothing.
Edward stood up and walked over to the stereo. He thumbed through his CDs until he found the one he was looking for and placed the disc in the stereo. A moment later the most beautiful song came pouring in. It was soft and soothing, yet intense and emotional all at the same time.
"It's, um, Clair De Lune by Debussy," he said, turning back to her. "My mother's favorite."
"Elizabeth," she whispered. "Her name was Elizabeth, right?"
Edward nodded. "How'd you know?"
"Carlisle told me when I was looking at his pictures," she whispered. "Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward. And then there was Elizabeth and Anthony."
Edward sat back down on the side of the bed. "They died, too. A few years ago. We were in a car accident," he said, dragging his hand along his jaw and gripping the back of his neck. "I'd gotten into a fight at school, and gotten suspended. They'd come to pick me up. They were so mad at me. They didn't condone fighting for any reason. Use your words, Edward, not your fists, my mother would say all the time. But I . . . but I had used my fists and they were angry with me. So angry. My father didn't see the truck coming until it was too late." He frowned. "I woke up in the hospital three days later, and they were gone. My brothers said it was quick, painless for them."
"You don't believe them, do you?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.
Edward shook his head. "Their deaths may have been quick and painless, but they died angry with me. Nothing about that was easy. For them, or me."
"Nothing about our lives have been easy," she whispered, leaning back in the chair and pulling her knees to her chest. "If you can call it a life. To me, it's been nothing but . . ."
Edward's eyes caught hers and together, they said, "A nightmare."
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