Chapter 6:
A few weeks passed and over that time, Lucas spent time with Bella, sometimes with other family members, always surrounded by the familiarity of the Cullens and Bella. He did not connect well with Edward, although that was perhaps to be expected as he was the constant reminder.
One weekend, while the Cullens went on a longer hunt he took time to spend at the Swan house. At moments he would feel different and unexpected emotions that took over in close proximity to Bella. This led to another problem in his opinion. When the family returned, he would have to shield his mind a bit extra too, letting more of his myth type stay present, so Edward could not pick up on him too much and get affected. This was not how it was supposed to be. He wasn't there to drive a wedge. No matter the feelings that welled up in him or his bodily reactions. Thankfully Bella seemed oblivious as they worked with homework, and when he just told her a few stories of his past, where she got to ask him plenty of questions. Her curiosity never ending.
She seemed lighter at heart. That the family stayed close and still loved her, despite her possible choice of deciding to sever the bond to Edward, and that seemed to be the deciding effect on her mood. She was still fixated on Edward, that much he could read, but this she did hide well most of the time. He would catch her staring out the window, a longing look in her eyes, then she would blink and all seemed to fall back into place.
He was probably watching her more than necessary. The pull that he had felt towards her had only intensified by the time he had spent with her and he could not understand why. She was still bonded to Edward, and it did not make sense that he could feel other emotions towards her. It was something there.
Erlos could be affecting him, but when he rested, he could not find his brother, much to his annoyance. He could only find that as any explanation though. Never had he heard of an angel feeling another one's bond while still connected to another. Talia was sure it was because such cases were so rare that they had not that many records of those possibilities as angels usually found human mates that never had been bonded otherwise. She meant that since the bond to Edward hung by such a thin thread, then he could feel his own manifesting towards Bella. It was all guessing at that point, but he took it as he had nothing else to go by. Nothing new of information entered his mind, and no warning bells rung either. He had no hints.
It was a scary thought, to feel the start of a bond that was in the making when the one that had the power over the bond yet had to make her decision. If he truly had a soulmate bond to her, he would not know for sure before she eventually severed her bond to Edward. And if not, would he always feel these odd and new sensations around her? Or would his bond break and disappear as if it had never been there? Only a distant memory as an echo.
It did not help that Talia was secretive. She had always been the most open with him, yet, she would not tell him much of what she saw on his path. That could of course also be their creator stopping her, so he could not fault her for that either.
Sunday was supposed to be a relaxing day or cleaning day according to Bella. Helping her brought him simple pleasure, seeing her smile genuinely towards him. She tripped over air more often than not, and he often found himself catching her, steadying her. He started to relish the feeling of having her against himself. Even those unfamiliar thought patterns created a crease on his forehead as he tried to contemplate everything. He was not oblivious to human drives and their sexuality; he simply wasn't familiar with it himself or the sensations.
Bella felt her familiar flush again as Lucas once more steadied her. Resting a moment against him while catching her breath – while her heart calmed from her almost fall – she closed her eyes and breathed in. He had such a pleasant scent, warm and comforting. Scolding herself in her mind, she thanked him again and his eyes crinkled at the edges with his good humor. It was easy to be around him. Yes, she knew part of that was because of what he was at heart. His natural care drew her in and it was so simple to just be with him. She knew it was strictly on friendship basis. The other hormonal part of her disagreeing as he also stirred other thoughts in her. Thoughts that made her feel like she was utterly betraying Edward.
At times she caught him staring at her, his eyes not giving anything away of what he was thinking of or what took him so far away. If she asked, he laughed it away, avoiding her direct question.
And then she would think of Edward.
She really did not do much to patch together their broken relationship. She could see how he watched her, how the coldness between them pained him when seated together in classes or when she visited the house. At least the topic of the two of them had died down at school. She could not deny that they had worked together. That he had been her first love – and supposedly only love. It did hurt, yes, but the support from the family and her friends gave her something to lean against, and someone to talk to. Had it been before, she would not have dared, but he had brought her out a bit of her shell. It was no near great job done, as she had still struggled with her self-esteem around him and his family. Understanding that he did really love her for her, did help, but it also made everything so much worse. They both caused each other pain willingly or not. At times she would let him give her half a hug in greeting or goodbye. Or the smallest of touch as their hands brushed against each other in class - the old familiar electricity running between them, amplifying the want to be closer.
It all came down to the bond between them. The part that still connected them. No good could come from dwelling on her past, but she could cherish it for the gift it had been. Where else would she be if she had not made the choice to even move to Forks? Still stick to the walls and remain invisible? Shy possible friendships? She was aware that not all her friendships – shallow or not – she had at the high school would last, but it had been a good change. She could interact, even if it had been highly awkward from her own point of view, but as time passed, she somehow fit into the strange group that had taken a liking to her, regardless of her relationship to Edward. Now, of course, not all of them were keepers or true friends, but feeling part of something, being included, had also helped her grow as a person. As an individual.
Lucas slid right into the group. His happy-at-ease-nature only creating a better atmosphere. His good humor and his skill to get along with anybody making him the perfect glue. In gym he interacted well with the other guys. He was always polite to the female population, still oblivious when girls flirted openly with him. Most of the girls at school had gotten the memo though, minus only a few. He easily deflected and moved on, or brought others into such situations to avoid the situation. Probably not thinking of it. There had been very few episodes where a girl had openly told him what her intentions were, and he stared blankly at her for a moment, before kindly telling her that he was not interested (in the subtlest of ways). Apparently that scored points too, Bella mused.
Alice got a bit more along with Angela and Jessica now with Lucas' help and she eagerly interacted with them, either between classes or at lunch. She'd even organized a shopping trip, but Lucas had to come along (because he had to be close enough for everything to work as it should), which made him loudly complain he did not want to be the only guy. Ben being a kind soul volunteered, while Bella was simply happy she did not have to go shopping herself. That had been in the weekend before, and it had not stopped Alice from buying something to her as well.
She paused while folding the dry laundry, hearing soft tunes coming from the angel in a language she'd never heard before. Another angel perk she knew, and which should have not taken her by surprise.
It was a disaster! Here she was trying to do what was best for herself, and still she was drawn to a guy – another being. She knew he could feel nothing for her. Nevertheless, she also knew that if she severed her bond to Edward, she would get another soulmate somehow. She obviously could not choose, unless there was a confirmed bond.
Severing the bond to Edward would feel wrong just to find another mate, would it not? She silently wondered. Would it not be easier to interact with her ex – because truly, that was what he was now – if their bond was severed and they could build a friendship without feeling locked together because of a thin string between them?
She had spent so much time thinking about all of this, and trying to suppress her open attraction towards the angel that truly could not feel the same for her. His very nature could not unless they were mates, and yet she was pining in her fantasies. Even in her dreams his presence was almost a constant warmth, filling her with more yearning.
It had happened gradually. First she had not noticed completely as she was stressing more about Edward, school, her dad, still trying to keep in touch with her mother, work. The stress and with her thoughts kept her plenty busy until she started to relax more again. Lucas was a huge part of that. Also getting to see him so utterly human in her daily life, perhaps he had snuck up on her somehow. She could not explain it, that was for sure. And then suddenly he was just there. In her dreams and in her thoughts. She really had to keep reminding herself that only friends. Over and over.
Amused by her own train of thoughts she finished the folding.
Lucas almost clashed with her in the kitchen as they were both about to get to the sink. A faint blush covered his cheeks as he stepped away with a smile. Apologizing. It was hard at times to remember that he was so much older than her when she saw him like this. Grabbing a glass of water, she sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. It felt good to smell the clean house, especially knowing that she had had help, which had made everything much better.
Lucas too grabbed a glass and sat opposite her. His eyes swirled with undetected emotion. Unreadable, as most of the time.
"Thanks again," Bella said, and she truly felt and meant it.
Lucas' smile widened and the more carefree look took its place. "There is nothing to thank me for again, Bella. I've said plenty of times I wanted to help, and spend some more time with you. Now, what is going through your mind?" he asked, curious.
"Can't you just use your skills and get an idea?"
He shook his head. "I won't. It's easier to stay subdued a bit like this, and I block myself a bit at the same time. I want you to tell me, if you wish to share."
"I'm thinking a lot. About what I want and where I will go." she then answered.
"Go on." His tone was warm and soft, almost like a caress in itself.
"I know I'm not supposed to say anything before you openly ask, and you did say a couple of months. That's why, at the end of the next month, I want you to ask me of my choice," she told him.
No surprise flickered in his eyes. The warmth stayed. "I suspected as much. You can be a bit impatient at times." He chuckled. "Until then, don't stay on your decision fully. Wait until that moment and truly decide then."
"I've thought this a lot through. I don't think I can be more throughout than this."
"You haven't interacted much with Edward. And I won't tell you to do so either as it is your choice."
"Exactly," she interrupted.
"Nevertheless, let go of this for now, and try to live in the moment." He drank a few gulps of water and felt a trickle run down his chin and noticed Bella's stare follow it. He wiped it away with his hand, not truly caring, though the motion seemed to bring her back. Amused he wondered what distracted her so, but unless she shared, he would not push.
Bella gnawed on her bottom lip, a habit she still hadn't been able to rid herself with. Releasing it and blinking a few times, trying not to dwell on that former image she thought back to what he said.
"I can't promise anything, but I will try." For you, she added in her head.
