Chapter 7:

Erlos stretched and shook out his wings. Talia was nowhere to be seen. It was quite hard to influence Lucas at all, and not completely pleasant as he had to lay quite still to keep his own focus. Ariel had checked in on him a few times, asking how it was going and if there were much progress. It had been a point where it felt like he could influence his brother just a bit more than usual, before the same struggle came back.

He needed his rest even if he was in the angel plains and took it when he knew Lucas would so he could not search him out. At this place, he was more in solitude and it was easier to hide from his siblings unless they knew beforehand, like Ariel and Talia.

He hid his surprise well when he saw Lucas come towards him. Walking calmly around, taking in the view. Oh, yes, Erlos was in trouble. Sure that he had been found out, he relaxed his stance before walking to meet his brother, not giving anything away.

"So this is where you're hiding!" Lucas called, letting a small breeze carry his voice.

"I wouldn't call it hiding," Erlos retorted, avoiding to lie. It was all a manner of perception.

Lucas noticed the slightly guarded look in his brother's eyes. He smiled softly and felt himself relax the more his feet hit the sand underneath him. Ariel had kindly pointed him in the direction after he had expressed his need to talk to Erlos, and that it was getting urgent.

"I needed to talk to you, I've been trying to contact you for a while, I need your help," Lucas said as he came up to Erlos whom in turn retracted his wings and plumped down in the sand.

Ok, still safe for now, Erlos thought. More than relieved. Elated was the word. He was still in the safe sone and could continue going undetected. He just had to find a new spot first. "What can I do for you, brother?" he asked, taking in Lucas as he too plopped down on the sand although with his wings flowing out behind him.

"Can you help me understand a few things? Emotionally… put words to what I feel?" Lucas asked.

Erlos raised a brow and then grinned. "Unfamiliar emotions going through you, huh?" He chuckled.

Lucas narrowed his eyes and then focused to share his memories with Erlos. He heard him suck in a sharp breath and then it was only the hum between them as their power seemed static and in overdrive as they merged. It had been a while since they shared anything like this. Releasing him, he watched as Erlos seemed deep in thought.

"You spoke with Talia?" Erlos finally asked, not giving anything away.

"Yep, why do you think I'm coming to you?" Lucas teased. "I really need something else to go on than a theory," he then added.

"All you will get are theories at this point," Erlos responded. "Obviously you have a bond in making to Bella, or a possibility at that." He wasn't sure how to phrase that without revealing that he was affecting him from the outside, it would for sure reveal him as the culprit for having access to all the possible feelings and emotions. "Naturally we cannot experience new emotions and feelings without having a soulmate bond."

"With an exception," Lucas commented.

"Yes, but even if I can feel differently than the rest of you, it's not giving me an out. I just know how a certain feeling feels like, but I cannot really have it for myself. Certainly I won't have any emotions creeping up on me either. Let's say lust. Humans carry plenty of that around. I know what it is and can identify it, but have never really experienced it myself. Only as an outside source. It does nothing for me either." He grinned at that. "I, like all of angels, need to have my own soulmate bond to even get close to experience that."

"This isn't all too helpful," Lucas muttered.

"I never said I was going to be. I'm a confusing mix," Erlos said, his voice happy. His happiness clearly affected his brother and he saw how Lucas relaxed and laughed beside him. It was good, spending time like this again. It had been a while.


Bella


Edward and I were alone in the large house, it had been a while since that had happened. The pain between us was ever present and I resented him a bit for the choice he had made that had driven the wedge between us in the first place. Or at least the one I had been aware of.

Lucas was visiting the angel plains, all aspects of him, and the family had decided to do different things outside of the house.

I wondered briefly if Edward had requested the space for ourselves, but I had yet to see him after at last Alice and Jasper left to hunt, promising to be back later that same evening. The margin was small as he had yet to make such a request since the open wedge between us. Sitting close to the grand piano I thought back to the time before my birthday party. It wasn't unusual that he and I would sit there while he played for me. I never heard him play anymore while I was around. Due to Alice, I knew it was rare he even touched the keys.

Feeling partly responsible for that reason, I had to work with myself. It was his choice to stay away too. His choice to not do something that could bring him joy. If he truly had given up, this was perhaps the message.

"Edward," I spoke, knowing he would hear me from his room. Within seconds he was in front of me. It never failed, the still lingering connection as I felt the need to reach out and touch him. My right hand twitched and I pulled it under my thigh to refrain from doing just that, while the other clutched the book I held, tighter. This was one of the reasons I could never truly hate him. "We should talk," I then said, closing the book.

With a nod he then moved the other comfy chair beside mine to face me a bit easier, and then he sat down. Waiting for me to speak again.

"Do you want this?" I finally asked.

"I'm not sure I follow," he responded, making me snort and shake my head. Of course he wasn't on the same page as me.

"You have had plenty of chances to get closer to me, even if I haven't made it easy. You gave up on us, Edward, even if this between us, the strain, hurts us both," I then finally said.

His forlorn gaze did not hide the sense of loss. "I accepted the new truth, Bella. You, and only you could make this decision, and none of us were to influence your choice. Not even me."

"It didn't mean you had to help with the distancing," I said through my teeth.

"What do you want me to say?! I look at you and want to pull you close and never let you go again. I know I have made several mistakes as I'm the cause that it has come to this. I hate myself for being the reason that we are at this now. I wish that that infuriating angel had come sooner and warned me so the future could look different. Is this what you want to hear? My continuous self-loathing? Even so, I cannot help but think that this is for the best."

His broken look did not help on my own feelings when he muttered that last part.

"I believe that communication has not been our strongest point," I voiced. "We have both avoided topics in the past and danced around certain of them, afraid of the other's reaction."

"And what of it? What good does it come to now?" His bitter tone spiked my own anger and I felt my eyes narrow. "You are guaranteed happiness. While I have to live with my own choices, with only a flicker of hope that I won't spend eternity alone. All I can think about these days are that tiny hope. Because I'm certain now, where even your own feelings are pointing towards."

That turn of events came unexpected. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"I see the way you've looked at him, and an observation of Jasper's only confirmed it. You can see yourself with Lucas, even when he's not even capable of feeling any of the sort towards you. The possibility is clear as day," he told me. His head rested in his own hands as he gripped a few strands of his own hair in frustration of what he told me.

"I cannot believe you! Dragging him into this makes no sense! So what? Yes, he's attractive, and maybe in a different life I could have been with that guy, but he's not the one I met. I met you, Edward. I wanted you and part of me still does because of the very fact that we share a bond only souls can. I don't share that bond with him, or anyone else, for now. Whatever Jasper has felt is part of any human being as our bond is so thin. Have you forgotten to pay the rest of the attention to when I simply feel the comfort of friendship? Or do you rely such on your gift and observations made in other's minds that you make your own conclusions and see those as the truth? That's not even getting the full picture!"

My temper had risen quickly and everything came out bursting. Standing with perhaps a bit of dramatic flair that was not usually my style, I walked hurriedly away, needing to cool down.

I wasn't used to this kind of fight. It wasn't often I let myself blow out. Everything had built up and it only had proven how bad it was to keep so much inside.

"Enlighten me then." The cold hand grabbing mine, and the calm soft voice halted me. The electricity between us hummed at the contact and I felt myself visibly relax. Was this an effect from our bond?

"Not now, maybe not ever. I am so mad at you right now, and I need to cool down so I don't say more that I might regret. I don't want to be your enemy, but I won't stand taking any sort of accusation to feelings that are my own." I pulled my hand out from his and locked myself in Carlisle's study.


Edward


I rested my back against the door and slid down to the floor. The venom in my eyes burning with the tears I was not able to shed. I could smell the salt in the air as Bella cried, silently. Hurting her had never been my intention, but once I had started to talk, everything came tumbling out and I had no way of taking anything back. It had been true, a bit too unfiltered, perhaps, but still true what I had said. And I knew, also what she said.

It was a cruel form of punishment perhaps, that she still also wanted me. My earlier resolve had won over in the end, and I wanted her to see and understand that she could have something else and something wonderful.

I knew the few touches we had shared since that fateful day had been stolen moments, and the only way I would ever feel her against me again. The pain that resided where my heart rested, dead and still, seemed like a large blackness in the middle of my chest. Yet I had hope. Hope that for whatever decision she made in the end, I would also be happy somehow. It would take time if she chose us, as we would both have to heal again together. And if she didn't, she would find her own happiness and maybe eventually, so would I. No longer then would the bond between us cause us the pain we went through now, because if so, it would be either gone or strengthened.

Selfishly I wanted her to spend more time with me, to be so clearly in her life again. Even if she severed our bond I would want to be her friend. She was my first love, and for now, my only love.