We're getting closer to the waiting hour. Honestly this chapter was really hard for me to write. I wrote it, then re-wrote it and then re-wrote it again before ending up with this one. It just didn't want to be told. Please be kind to it, it's the redheaded stepchild.
Where the past gives more questions than it does answers.
with joy that was stolen
Hinata stole a glance at the clock by the whiteboard at the front of the class as she twirled her pencil around her thumb. Sighing, she counted the minutes until the class was over. Something had been on her mind for a few weeks now, a weight that settled like lead in her stomach. Wanting to speak to the person who was at the center of her worries as soon as possible, had her counting down the minutes until she would be able to seek them out.
She glanced at the clock again, dismayed that the hand had not moved and for once understanding the concept of time distortion when you paid too close attention to it. Wondering if time dilation was something that had been properly studied did offer her some distraction from both the current class that she was attending and the clock that she was so desperately watching. Part of her was nervous, she had never had to have this kind of conversation before, normally their arguments were nothing more than disagreements. They would both state their points and take effort in understanding where the other came from, but they never escalated past a pout and a very dark glare. She would argue that the glare he gave her during their disagreements was far warmer than the one that he was known for, but no one would believe her.
Arguing was not something she was good at, opting to find the path of least resistance when arguments arose and picking her battles carefully was much safer. The feeling that had been gnawing at her was not gentle enough to be a disagreement and she knew that for the first time in the three years since they started dating, they might have their first argument in their hands. Sasuke would listen to her before jumping to conclusions, and would at the very least give her an explanation. But the feeling that this was not bigger than just a difference in view would not let her concentrate. Her mind had been plagued by thoughts of that overheard conversation, no amount of mental calculations and planning had yielded any results that she was satisfied with. No longer able to keep the information to herself and desperate for answers she knew that a confrontation was unavoidable.
When the bell finally rang she gathered her school materials and slowly made her way to the door. Sasuke would normally be waiting for her there but he was nowhere to be found. Though she found this odd, she did not let it deter her from the conversation she knew they were supposed to have today. Hinata found him walking towards her class room, eyes focused on his shoes like they had done something horribly offensive. The glare marring his face was not unusual but his lack of spatial awareness was. He walked past her, her hand half way raised to wave at him. Frowning she turned and grabbed his sleeve before his long strides took him too far from her. He started and turned around, unkind words dying in his throat when he saw her.
"Are you ok?" She asked, her soft voice concerned. Grunting, he freed his sleeve from her fingers and with a shrug of his shoulder he pointed with his head towards their usual path out of the school. She smiled and fell into step next to him for their walk.
Graduation was right around the corner and he was tense, more so than usual. She could tell by the way that his brow furrowed. They walked in silence, which was not unusual for the pair. They communicated exclusively in looks and touches, almost as though they could tell what the other was thinking by the tilt in their lips. She walked right besides him, though his legs were considerably longer, he always made it a point to match her pace. Never leaving her to stare at his back as he moved forward.
She was about to open her mouth and ask him if everything was alright, the tense line of his shoulders spoke volumes to her. But just as she gathered the courage they arrived at the courtyard and he led her to the tree where they usually sat during lunch. He took off his blazer and laid it upon the base of the tree. He waited until she settled down before plopping down onto the grass himself. He had one knee raised, leaning his left arm on it, and instead of turning his head to look at her as he often did, he stared ahead, eyes lost, as though something heavily weighed on his mind.
Tilting her head, she looked at him concerned, but she let him sort his feelings. One thing she knew about Sasuke is that he would speak when he is ready. Whatever thoughts he was struggling with and whatever words he was wrestling with, it would do no good to rush him. Sasuke was deliberate; she had learned this early on in their life. He never said something he did not mean, and never sugarcoated his words. This often led him to be misunderstood as a colossal prick, but she knew that despite the delivery, he meant well. He shifted next to her, a sigh escaping his lips unbidden. Tense, she averted her gaze and looked down towards her hands and focused on her fingers as she fidgeted.
"Hina…" His voice was strained, the timbre was subdued. For the first time since dating him Hinata felt fear. There were many implications in the way he called her name. For once she did not feel affection dripping from the syllables. She tried to place the feeling he called her with, but came up short, unsure if her ears had tricked her, or if she simply did not want to know.
He shifted again, bringing his other knee up, now resting both his arms upon them, still refusing to turn his gaze towards her. He opened his mouth a few times before words could be found. For a moment she was struck by the knowledge that he did not know what to say. They'd known each other since they were children, and not once had she seen him at a loss for words. The realization made her heart pound painfully, and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from speaking. Her thoughts raced, though she was sure that at least once in their time together she had stolen words from his mouth and left him exasperated but happy, she could not recall from her memories a single time where he was this thoughtful and somber and unable to find the words to express himself with. She trembled with the effort it took her to keep from asking him what was wrong, if things had changed, if this was the end.
"Hina… I… I don't," he swallowed, glaring at his fingers intertwined on his lap. "We will both be moving away for College… I just don't…" He had never had such a difficult time expressing himself. He was a man of few words, but he always knew exactly what he wanted to say and how to say it, regardless of the damage it might inflict upon others.
She had never heard him hesitate, he was always sure of himself. Some might have called him arrogant, but she knew that the self-assurance he felt came from true trust in himself, a confidence that she could only hope to emulate. Hearing his voice breaking with the words that seemed stuck in his throat was making her heart ache, her blood turning to ice in her veins. She knew, before he could even put his thoughts into sentences, that whatever they had now, was over. In her mind the whispers heard in the locker-room echoed, but she willed them away. Right now was not the time to fall apart.
"It's ok," she said, willing the tears back, willing the tremble in her voice away. "I understand."
His gaze snapped to hers, feral in its grief. He opened his mouth to speak again, the words he tried to formulate contorting his face into a mask that she did not recognize. This face that she had studied over the last 3 years was foreign to her now. The way his eyes narrowed in disbelief, the purse of his lips, as though the words stuck in his mouth were sour, the way he folded into himself. This was not the Sasuke she knew, this was not the boy she met many years ago or the teen she had fallen in love with. This Sasuke was a stranger, and she did not know what to do with that knowledge as it settled like lead in her heart.
"Go," she smiled, softly, the way only she could. "Your friends are probably waiting."
She didn't know if this was true, but it was Friday, and after school. Naruto was probably talking with Ino and Sakura right next to Sasuke's car, waiting for him to take them to wherever they had planned to go on that day. Knowing that he would spend a few minutes with Hinata before she too had to go. Her Kyudo practice was only a formality at this point, since she was to graduate soon, but they all knew how seriously she took it.
He stood, and looked anywhere but at her. Hesitating he swallowed, for a moment she hoped that he would not go, but knew better than that. Instead of standing, as she normally would have, she watched him go, still sitting on his blazer. She hoped, prayed, that he would turn around and look at her, just one last time, to show her that she meant as much to him as he had to her. But he never turned, and she simply watched him as he walked away from her. She sat there, looking at her hands in her lap, studying the callouses that years of Kyudo practice had left her with.
How was she to know that things would change over night? When she got home, heartbroken and holding back tears, the nausea began. She simply brushed it off as due to the stress she had undergone, the pain eating at her body causing her to feel sick. She woke the next morning still nauseous. Things she loved made her want to gag. Her favorite tea was a struggle to keep down, the smell of cinnamon toast would make her eyes water, so she had to rush to the bathroom. It wasn't until her sister jokingly mentioned that she was acting like she had morning sickness that she bothered to think back on her cycle. She was sure that she was wrong, and that she was simply sick from the heartache.
She took a week off from school which was unheard of this close to graduation. She hoped that by midweek she would feel better but when the nausea did not subside, the reality was not something that she could ignore. She drove three towns over and purchased almost every test that she could get her trembling hands on. She rushed home, locking herself in her room, knowing no one would look for her. Hardly anyone ever did.
She managed to run 4 tests, before the tears that had been at the edge of her vision the entire time finally spilled. Staring back at her were two lines. The last more vivid than the first, as if to mock the small sliver of hope that she had harbored when the first test had been so faint.
She consumed more water than she had since her heart had been broken on Friday. She stifled a hysterical laugh by biting her lip, the entire situation almost comical in its absurdity.
Methodically, she grabbed each one and packed them into a plastic bag she had grabbed in order to keep all of these items together in order to dispose of them. Her mind was reeling. She had been careful, had taken her birth control religiously since she had been prescribed the medication at 15. Had never missed a single day. She hurried to her writing table and opened one of the drawers, pulling out the cartons of used medication, looking to make sure she had not missed a single day.
Every pill bubble had been popped, every pill had been taken, there was no way she would have missed it. So how did this happen? Was it because they had refrained from using a condom? Feeling confident that her medication would do the job in protecting them from exactly this situation? She placed a hand over her stomach, her fingers trembled as she gathered the fabric of her shirt into a fist. How was she supposed to do this? Nothing she had ever read could have prepared her to deal with this, nothing had prepared her for this.
Decisions had to be made, she knew that she could not stay. Her father would kill her, she was sure of that. Her sister would be so incredibly disappointed, Neji… Neji would burn the world down until he found Sasuke to make him pay. Taking deep breaths she looked around her room. She had lived her whole life within the safety of the Hyuuga walls, and had never known hardship. She knew that there was always another option, but something prevented her from even bringing herself to think about that.
She took a shuddering breath and steeling herself she began to pack. At first she tried to be methodical, only packing things that she would need. But as the single suitcase she allowed herself filled, she realized that there was something more important than clothes that she would need. She caught reflection in her vanity mirror and tried to avert her eyes from the ghost that stared back at her as she opened her drawers and began to pull jewelry from the boxes within. She had never been one to adorn herself, but every year without fail, her father had gifted her a piece. Leaving behind only the ones that held sentimental value, she hoped that this much would allow her some respite, so that she may find a job and a place to live without troubles. Purposefully she walked towards her closet, reaching for a box that she kept at the very back, there she kept whatever cash she had saved over the years, cash that she had hoped would help her feel more independent of the Hyuuga name once she left for college.
A bitter smile bloomed across her lips. In its own way, the cash would be used to gain freedom from her name, though not in the way she had originally planned it to. With trembling fingers she made sure to pack the money in the lining of the suitcase, only taking a handful of bills to secure a place to stay with. Looking through her closet for once she was critical of the clothes she owned. She only packed the clothes that would be the most nondescript for her future travels. She wanted to ensure that she would blend in, though she did not know where she would end up. She could not walk around with designer clothes of any kind that would call too much attention towards herself.
After making sure that she had indeed packed everything she would need, from the most nondescript clothes that she owned to all the jewelry and cash she had on hand, she sat at her desk and sighed, wiping the fresh tears that were spilling from her cheeks. Choices were hard to make, regardless of the situation you found yourself in. This was not a situation she wanted to find herself in, but she needed to make sure that every scenario was accounted for before she uprooted her life to live it elsewhere.
She wrote a note, not knowing what else she could potentially do in order to assuage the fears of those dear to her. Hinata thought that she might need to limit herself to only a page, but once she began writing she did not know the words that she wanted to put down. Instead of a long, apologetic letter to make her family feel better about her disappearing, she ended up writing a desperate plea for them to not look for her. That this choice had been her own, that she wished nothing more than for them to be happy. She begged them to let her go, and promised that it was the right thing to do. A few tears had smudged the writing on the letter, but a glance at the clock told her she was running out of time. Her father would be home soon with Hanabi and Neji, her window of opportunity was closing and she could not sacrifice precious minutes to rewrite the note. Hinata grabbed her suitcase, put on a black hoodie, and left her phone next to the note. She looked around her room one last time, taking in her childhood walls and bed before clenching her jaw and closing the door behind her with a soft click.
No one heard from her for 5 years after that.
Please refrain from bashing the poor man, we don't know his circumstances! I think... Maybe?
I don't know where this story is taking me to be fully honest with you, it kind of decides as it goes.
Leave some words behind for me k? 3
