Hello everyone! I struggled a lot in where to place this note for all you lovely people who read my story. I didn't want to leave it for the end as an afterthought specially with how divisive the last chapter was. I also did not want to be long winded or invalidate anyone's opinion. I was originally apprehensive when posting the last chapter because I thought everyone would hate Itachi for basically victim blaming, imagine my surprise when most of you took his side. Your anger towards either character is valid, but I do want to point out one thing: No one is a perfect victim. We cannot invalidate how someone deals with trauma just because it's not how we think they should deal with it. I may have projected too much of the women I know into Hinata in the last chapter, people who stood proud despite being in the wrong because that pride was all that was holding them together. Women who kept a pregnancy despite not wanting it and pushing their bodies and morality to the limits to the detriment of themselves and to their children. I may have projected too much of my own trauma when writing her reactions. Please remember that leaving is a process, research shows that it can take approximately 7 attempts before a survivor permanently leaves an abusive partner, or abusive situation. This is specially true for those whose means of life are at risk by doing so (such as shelter, food, or clothing). I'm not making excuses for the way that I wrote Hinata, and I am not saying that the way you lovely readers interpreted the words I wrote is wrong. If anything the reaction is a testament that my writing is lacking and I was not sufficiently able to demonstrate what I wanted to get across during the previous chapter. To all who left reviews I truly appreciate them and I cherish them all. There is another part to that chapter coming in a few chapters from now, so please look forward to that one if you chose to stick with the story. With all that being said, happy reading!
Side note: as per a request, Haru is young here.
A boy that grew up too fast.
the skies fell broken
There were things that Haru knew with certainty. Winters were cold, Summers were hot; to name a few. In his short life there were patterns that even he recognized, though he did not understand. The bad man would come, and mother would cry.
Mama always cried. Haru knew that with certainty. She always smelled of tears and crushed mints. He did not know why, but it hurt him when he smelled the salt in her hair. But life was predictable. Almost nothing changed, only the rate at which he needed new clothes but that too felt like a constant to him. He was always careful to be quiet, as to not startle his mama when he moved around the small apartment, and tried his best to not cry or ask for things he knew were out of their reach. He learned to speak clearly to not bother her with his mumblings and to not ask for help when there was something he could do on his own. The desire to make himself self sufficient must have been born with him, but he couldn't be sure.
But things changed even if he did not think it was possible. The first time he heard that tentative knock on the door, he had been young but old enough to understand that change was happening. At first he was unsure about the people that had barged into his life, the blonde woman with haughty eyes and a cruel smirk only softened when around himself and mama. She was loud but caring and Haru could tell with just a glance that she was incredibly sharp. The man… He was the one that most intrigued him, he was taciturn and kind. But it was the way he looked that most tickled his fancy. Haru stared at the man intently, committing every feature to memory so that he could later compare it with his own face in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were much darker than his own, and his hair was less unruly than his own but the shade was so similar. Haru was sure that this man was his father.
When he learned that he would be spending more time with him Haru was ecstatic, though he had no idea what Kyudo practice would entail, he would have agreed to anything in order to spend more time with the man. His instructor was also another male figure that he found intriguing, pale green-blue eyes were always kind when looking at him, but would freeze over when looking at others. Quickly he formed unbreakable bonds, surprised both at the intensity and rate with which they happened. What stayed with him the most was how the man made mama feel. Though she still smelt of salt and the bad man still came around, she didn't look so sad. He noticed in delight how he would make dinner for them and would carefully wrap a plate for mama, how his long fingers would carefully write on the whiteboard and how the neat script made his mama act.
Haru would stare at Itachi, long periods of time were spent looking at his mannerisms, how he held his pen, how he sat in seiza, how he ate his food. He would take note of how Itachi wrote his words on the board, of how his voice's low timbre would vibrate with mirth and joy, how his impassive eyes would stare pensively at paperwork. Haru also took note of the light dusting of pink on his mother's cheeks when she read the notes on the board, of how fuller her cheeks looked, how livelier her eyes seemed. He noticed that while the air was still stringent with the smell of her sadness and grief, it now also had the undertones of hope. A smell so sweet that it made Haru's heart clench when he realized it might not last forever. The one tragedy in his young eyes was that he could not spend all his free time with Itachi, and had to settle for the days where he had practice.
At first Kyudo practice had been hard, the bow so big he marveled at his Kyoshi when he demonstrated the correct Ashibumi and how to properly determine the Yazuka. Haru watched, gunmetal eyes wide in admiration as he demonstrated how to properly step out, how to properly draw and talked in whispers about the mentality he should have when practicing the art. Kyudo, Haru learned, was a form of meditation, much different from Kyujutsu. From Gaara he learned that his mama had been gifted at both, having grown up in the doting arms of the biggest Kyujutsu school in the city. Gaara regaled Haru with tales of tournaments where it was impossible to look away from her form, comparing the way that she expanded her body during Nobiai, setting the energy into Tanden and finally releasing her Kiai during her Hanare to a musician, plucking the cords of the bow as they would those of a shamisen, breathtaking in its beauty, entrancing in their accuracy. Haru dreamed that one day he could be the same. He remembered asking his Kyoshi why she had given the practice up, and could still see the way Gaara's eyes had clouded before ruffling his head and making him practice the two ways to reach ashibumi. Haru had never forgotten, but had decided it was best to let it be for now. Some answers were not for him to have yet, he was too young to understand.
On the days that he did not get to spend time with Gaara, Itachi or Temari, he spent them with Jugo and Suigetsu. The two men took turns in their babysitting duties while his mama was at work. Jugo was kind and understanding, helping with homework and joining him in meditation on his days where there was no practice. Suigetsu was chaotic, teaching Haru things that he was sure would give mama a heart attack. They were kind to him, and mama was not as sad when they were around, for that alone Haru loved them. While they helped around the small apartment Haru read the notes on the whiteboard over and over again. He noticed Jugo reading them with a small soft smile, Suigetsu always scoffed when a new note appeared on the board. Haru read them, committing the tilt of the letters, the way the i's were dotted, the commas, periods, question marks, how it all came together and formed words. Then, sitting quietly at the table when his homework was all finished, he practiced. Itachi made mama smile, Itachi made her less sad, Itachi made her eyes sparkle. More than anything in the world, Haru wanted to make her eyes sparkle too.
On the days that he got to spend with Itachi he would watch him, gunmetal eyes taking in everything, from the way he spoke to the way he moved. How he sat while doing paperwork in their small apartment, how he grabbed his pen, how he opened doors, and when Itachi was not watching, he practiced. He listened too, intently, to the way that the words left his lips, the way he murmured and the way that he chuckled, down to the way he said his name. Itachi became his role model in a way that he could not describe. For weeks and months he slowly worked on every detail, dreaming and hoping that his efforts would not be wasted, that mama would smile more. All of that came crashing down when he was woken up by the front door breaking, splintering his hopes and dreams along with it. He knew Itachi had moved him not long before, remembered the whisper of his fingers as he brushed his bangs away from his face, the whispered goodnight and the whoosh of the air as the door closed. Itachi would still be there and he would know. He would see what their life was like and he would leave them, taking with him the small chuckles, the dusting of pink on cheeks and the sparkle of opalescent eyes. He stared at the floor, small hands covering his ears to muffle the sound of the conversation that was going on in the living room area. Haru had learned early on that this was the best way to weather the storms, silently, with his ears covered by his hands.
Once the sound died out and the door slammed again Haru had to fight the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, terrified of what he would find in the wake of this storm. Tentatively he opened the door, peeking out into the hallway he slowly braved the walk towards the living room. His eyes fell upon his mother first, relief flooded him as he realized that she was not too badly hurt. Heart soaring when he noticed the jacket resting upon his shoulders, Haru did his best to not look too relieved. Furrowing his brow and grabbing the edge of his pajama shirt to help ease his anxiety he looked around, trying to catalog how long it would take for them to clean the house, he wanted to make sure his mama got enough sleep before work. He spotted the door and Itachi next to it, swallowing Haru finally finding his words and the courage to utter them outloud.
"W-will we be able to fix it before the bad man comes back?" His whisper was barely audible, not wanting to startle his mother. Itachi looked at him but did not respond and panic rose in his throat. The taste was metallic and Haru momentarily thought he might throw up, sure that Itachi would never come back after tonight. He walked up to him, wondering why his dark eyes looked so lost and why they lacked the warmth he came to associate with the.
"Tachi…" Haru pulled at his shirt, hoping to gain his attention. "A-are you mad?" His soft question was laced with worry and Haru tried really hard to not sound like he was whining. "Will you…. Will you leave?" Even to his own ears he sounded resigned, unwilling to hear the answer but knowing what it will be.
"Of course not Haru, I'm not going anywhere." The words were murmured softly, and Haru's eyes widened in surprise and delight. He berated himself mentally, he knew Itachi, how could he ever think that he would just leave them behind? That was not something that the man that had been with him the past few months would do, right?.
"Could you go find your mom a change of clothes? I'll take her to the bathroom so she can get cleaned up." The request elated Haru and he nodded earnestly knowing that Itachi must care if he wanted to help his Mama even in this situation. He hurried to find her clothes and quickly disappeared towards the end of the hall.
Maybe things would be ok, maybe this wasn't the end of life as he had learned to know it. Once he had found some clothes for his Mother he gathered his courage and approached the bathroom door, Haru opened it and peeked inside. Itachi murmured words of thanks and after promising that he would be out soon took the clothes from his hands. Haru decided the best course of action would be to wait outside the bathroom, he apprehensively fiddled with the hem of his shirt lost in thought. He started when Itachi came out and looked fearfully at the man. Despite the fear he felt, he firmly took the hand that Itachi extended and walked with him back to the room he shared with his mother. Concern was evident in his gunmetal eyes as Itachi slid down the closed door, a sigh leaving his lips. This concerned Haru and knitting his brow he stared intently at the man in front of him. Itachi's breaths were coming in deep and rapidly, like he was trying to soothe himself, Haru only wished that there was something he could do to help him.
"The bad man…?" Itachi began, his voice was raspy and tired.
"H-he comes sometimes." Haru swallowed and looked at the floor. "M-mama never let me out of the room…"
Itachi closed his eyes tightly, which only made the panic that Haru had been feeling escalate like staccato in his heart. His hands were cold and clammy but this did not prevent him from reaching out to touch Itachi's forearm, bringing him out of his reverie. He looked at Haru and sighed. Haru felt like crying but continued to try as hard as he could to put on a brave face, not wanting Itachi to find him an annoyance. The man ruffled Haru's hair as he took his phone out of his pocket and sent a few quick texts, then Itachi stood and looked around him.
"Alright Haru, it's time to make some changes." Setting his hands on his hips. "Pack your things, we are going to a new house."
Haru's eyes widened, he wondered what this meant but didn't want to ask too many questions. Taking a few tentative steps towards his small closet he looked around the room and began packing his school supplies into his randoseru. School supplies were essential in his eyes, and he didn't have many things that he would consider his own, or that were important enough to take anywhere with him. Itachi began to look through the closet and pulled a duffel bag from the depths of it, which he began to slowly fill with clothes that he folded with care. They worked silently. Haru quietly gathered his things, while Itachi quietly folded what little clothes they had into the duffle bag. A few minutes of their silent working had gone by, when they finally heard the shower turn on. Mama had finally decided to shower.
"Will mama come too?" The question was a soft whisper. He hoped that Itachi would say yes, but didn't want to sound too eager. If he answered negatively Haru didn't know what he would do.
"Of course she will." Itachi smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. Haru stared at him searching the depths of his obsidian eyes, trying to find a lie in them, but unable to do so began moving to the living room to make sure he had not missed anything there. Randoseru was packed full with his school supplies and learning materials. Not a single personal belonging had made the cut.
Before long, two other men joined them. The taller man was terrifying if Haru was honest, but the shorter one was beautiful, and much easier to approach. After some quick introductions he was instructed to follow them outside, and though he hesitated at first he knew that Itachi would not put him at harm's way and dutifully followed the one that identified himself as Haku.
While waiting in the car Haru ran through the events in his mind, cataloging how Itachi had handled all of it, the way his words were chosen, how he said them. The looks he shared with his mothers, the way he spoke to him. Just as he had been all this time, slowly learning bit by bit, word by word, how to better imitate him. Hoping more than anything to somehow evoque the same kind of ease that Itachi seemed to radiate. Maybe, only maybe, if he was able to pull it off life would become predictable again. Hugging his randoseru close to his chest he looked out the window, but his eyes were so heavy. Haru tried and failed to see where all of this would go, where he was headed, and if his mother was coming with. Sleep was just that much stronger.
When he woke he was in an unfamiliar futon, blinking to try and dispel the sleep from his eyes he quietly headed towards the door making sure to not step on the Tatami partitions as his Kyoshi had taught him. Not knowing where he was, or who this house belonged to he wanted to make sure to leave a good first impression, he kneeled at the crack of the fusuma, and placing his left hand on the door he opened the door slightly and then moving his left hand downwards the pushed the door open the rest of the way. Haru thinks he got it right, he was trying to remember what else his Kyoshi had taught him in regards to opening fusuma while in seiza. Furrowing his brow he began to inch forward while still on his knees. A chuckle made him look up, Itachi was leaning against the door next to his own and was looking at him amused.
"You don't have to do that, you can use it like a normal sliding door Haru." The mirth in his voice made Haru's face redden in embarrassment. Haru scrambled to get up, and wiped his palms against his pajama pants. "Bathroom is right here." Itachi pointed at the door he was leaning against. "When you're done in there just head down the hall and take a left, the two fusuma there lead to the kitchen and living room. I'm making breakfast."
Haru nodded and gulped as he headed into the bathroom as he watched Itachi follow the directions he had just given him. There were things that never changed, Haru was certain of this. Like the fear that he would be abandoned by Itachi that grew in his stomach, and the sadness that bloomed in the rooms that smelled of salt, just to name a few. Right now Haru felt like everything was about to change, and he was not sure how life would turn out once the change was done sweeping through it.
I hope you enjoy this much softer chapter, we are really getting to the end of these flashbacks soon, so thank you for sticking by me. I had a lot to say at the beginning so I will keep this note short and brief, specially since I have a lot of translation notes. There is only one more chapter that pertains to this part of their life so please wait patiently for more answers. I appreciate you all!
Thank you to all that bothered to review my work, I'm looking forward to how the story will develop after this. I hope that you are too!
Love, Emi.
Translation Notes:
Ashibumi: Footing
Yazuka: Draw Length of the Arrow
Kyujutsu: the "art of archery"; more concerned with the accurate and direct results of using the yumi and ya compared to Kyudo, which is more holistic and is concerned about what one learns from practicing the discipline intently.
Nobiai,Tanden and Kiai: Stretch the chest open fully and the arrow will be released-Upward and downward to the left and to the right,expand the body sufficiently(Nobiai). Settle 8 to 9 tenths of your spiritual energy into the abdomen(Tanden, and at this moment, by the driving force of the will and spirit(Kiai, the arrow will be released.
Hanare: Release
Shamisen: three-stringed traditional Japanese musical instrument
