Between the Thorns
Chapter 33
"Are you sure this is a good idea?," Jean asked. It was clear from her tone that she did not think it was a good idea. As she waited for Daryl's response, Jean shifted her slight weight from one foot to the other nervously. Her empty backpack was clutched in her hands. And she was biting at her bottom lip as she gave Daryl another questioning glance.
"I don't like leavin' ya here alone," Daryl said. "...after what that guy did ta Rose. It's not safe." Jean nodded her head. But Daryl could tell she wasn't convinced. He knew some of Jean's hesitation came from the fact that she hadn't been outside the Sanctuary since she arrived there. Over a year ago. The thought of going back out into the world of the dead had to be terrifying after that long. But Daryl also couldn't help but feel slightly hurt. He felt like Jean didn't trust him to keep her safe. She didn't trust his judgment. "I won't let anything happen to ya. Or the girls," he coaxed. "You can trust me." Jean nodded, more assuredly this time.
"I trust you," she said. And Daryl could tell she meant it. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax a little. "But…," Jean said.
"But what?," Daryl asked. Jean bit her lip harder. And Daryl fought the urge to pull her into his arms and suck her swollen lip between his own teeth. Jean looked down at her feet, kicking the bedroom carpet with the toe of her converse high top.
"I wanted to go with John. When he was stationed at the outpost. But he said it wasn't safe. He said we had to stay here," Jean finally admitted. "...and look what happened to him. If he took us with him like I asked, we'd be dead. Your people would've killed us too."
"No," Daryl said, his voice low and soft. "We don't hurt women and kids." But deep down, Daryl wasn't sure if he believed his own words. He'd like to think it was true. But if Jean was there, in the satellite outpost, Carol might have killed her right along with those other women. Rose and Lily wouldn't have been killed on purpose. But there was a good chance they might have been caught in the crossfire or shot accidentally in the chaos.
Jean dropped the empty bag, wrapping her arms around Daryl as he pulled her against him. And she felt the same way she always felt in his arms. Safe and protected. His lips crashed down on hers. And she leaned into his touch, tangling her fingers into his hair. What he said next, he whispered to her. To make sure no one else, not even the girls could hear the words that passed between them.
"There's gonna be a war. This place might not hold. We might hafta run. Ya gotta be ready in case that happens. The girls gotta be ready. I can't get ya ready hidin' in here. I need you ta trust me." Jean turned, capturing his lips with hers. She kissed him deeply, parting his lips with her tongue as her body melted into his. When she pulled back, she rested her forehead against his.
"Okay," she agreed. Picking her bag back up with new determination, Jean asked Daryl to repeat his suggestions of what she ought to pack. He smiled at her as he moved to help her search through her dresser drawers. Daryl knew that everything he said was true. Jean would be safer with him at the outpost than she was alone at the Sanctuary. And he needed to get her out of this place. He didn't want her first experience outside the walls to be them running for their lives. But there was something else Daryl didn't say. Because it had nothing to do with safety or survival. It was more selfish. He just wanted Jean with him. He wanted her in his bed at night. Every night. He didn't want to go a week at a time without her. Being away from her was miserable.
"Can I ride in the front seat?," Rose asked, climbing up behind the wheel of the giant supply truck and pretending she was driving. Jean started to call the girl down but the man that was driving waved her off.
"She's fine," he assured her, laughing a little at the girl's silly antics. "She can squeeze up front between me and Jeff, if that's okay with you." Jean glanced at Daryl first, looking to see if he thought Rose riding up front between the two men was a good idea. He nodded his head and shrugged his shoulders. Rose would be perfectly safe up front. And they were sitting right behind her in the backseat.
"Okay," Jean said, earning her a big excited grin from her older daughter.
While her daughters were excited for what felt to them like a big adventure, Jean was nervous. They might had forgotten. But she remembered what it was like outside the well guarded walls of the Sanctuary. And the abandoned cabin she stayed in with her husband before Negan and his men found them and offered John a place in their army. She remembered hiding under the bed with the girls while a large moaning herd of the dead passed by outside the cabin. And the only thing more frightening than the dead was the living. John always said there had to be some decent people left out there. But the only ones they ever met only wanted to kill, rape, or rob them.
"Mom!," Lily whined, "...you're holding me too tight!" Jean jumped a little, quickly releasing her death grip on the girl. Daryl reached across the backseat and put his hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle reassuring squeeze. It had been a long time since Daryl saw anyone so scared of the dead. To him the moaning shuffling monsters had become no more than a nuisance long ago. Just something to watch out for. Like poisonous snakes or angry rutting deer.
"I see one!," Rose exclaimed, pointing out the windshield. Lily began to crane her neck, trying to get a look at the mindless shuffling creature. Daryl shifted his body, pulling the girl onto his lap so she had a better vantage point. There was a lone walker, limping down the middle of the road. Its ankle was broken and it was walking on the bone, dragging its foot along next to it.
"Oh no! What are we gonna do!?," the man driving the truck said, clearly teasing the girls. He slowed down, allowing the girls to get a good look at the monster. Then he pressed his foot down on the gas, making the large truck surge forward until he smashed directly into the walker. There was a sickening crunch as the front end of the truck collided with the rotten corpse. Old congealed blood and guts splashed up, splattering the windshield like they were in some sort of deranged horror style car wash. Both the girls high pitch screamed like crazy, giving the men in the front of the truck of good laugh. Daryl turned to see what Jean's reaction to this was. And he was relieved to see that she was shaking her head and holding back laughter of her own.
The rest of the drive was uneventful. When Daryl moved Lily off his lap, he shifted her to his other side, taking the middle seat for himself so she could look out the window. And also so he could tuck Jean into his side and quietly assure her that everything was going to be just fine.
When they arrived at the outpost, Gavin didn't seem surprised by the little entourage Daryl brought with him. On the contrary, the man already shifted some things around inside to make a place for them. There wasn't much inside besides a bed and one lopsided chair, but Daryl and Jean had their own room. And attached to it was a second room with bunk beds in it. The room looked more like a large supply closet. But it was secure. And the only way to get to it was to go through the main bedroom first. There was another couple that stayed at the outpost together with their daughter. And Daryl knew they had a similar setup. Daryl could see how relieved Jean was when she saw how secure their rooms were. And he made a mental note to thank Gavin for having the space already prepared for them. Regardless of his status as a savior, from what Daryl had observed so far, Gavin was fair and honest and really seemed to genuinely care about his people. And it also seemed that he really wanted a haircut. Because as soon as they set their bags down, Gavin was already lingering in the doorway, asking Jean if she brought her scissors.
"I bring them everywhere," Jean quipped. Of course, the first thing anyone asked her for was always a haircut. The outbreak didn't stop people's hair from growing. And she stopped being surprised long ago that hairdressing was still in demand at the end of the world. By the time she had Gavin out in their small courtyard area, spraying his hair down with a water bottle, a small crowd of hopeful customers was gathering. There wasn't an official points system in place at the outpost, but by the time she got done Jean secured herself and Daryl some extra blankets and pillows for their room, a few candles, a pack of cigarettes, some drawing paper and pencils for the girls, and a random bag of mostly stale pot which she wasn't sure what she was going to do with but guessed it might be good for trading even if she didn't smoke it. Jean laughed when Daryl snagged it, along with the cigarettes, and stuffed them into his pocket.
"Gonna smoke yourself stupid later?," she asked, wiping off her scissors before she zipped them up in her little purple case. Daryl raised an eyebrow at her.
"We're gonna smoke ourselves stupid," he teased, ticking his head towards the girls, "...after them kids go to bed." Jean rolled her eyes at him. But Daryl noticed she didn't object to his plan. He also noticed the subtle change in Jean's body language since they arrived at the outpost. She was tense on the ride over. And it took her a little while after they arrived. But slowly, her body started to relax. The hard tension in her jawline was gone. She was smiling more. Whether she was aware of it or not, being out from under all the watchful eyes of the Sanctuary felt good. It felt free.
"S'not so bad out here, huh?," Daryl asked. Jean nodded her agreement, sliding down into one of the camping chairs and leaning her head back. The afternoon sun felt good beating down on her face.
"It's not bad at all," she agreed. "You were right about coming here. I'm sorry I questioned you before." Daryl clamped his cigarette between his teeth, freeing his hands so he could place them on either side of Jean's neck. He gently massaged her shoulders, smiling when she leaned into his touch and let out a little sigh.
"Ya got nothin' ta be sorry for," Daryl said. Hearing her apologize for questioning him brought back strange lingering memories of his own parents. And the way his father would knock his mother around if she ever even thought to question any of the terrible decisions he made. Being responsible for a family of his own had given Daryl a new perspective on the man. And how truly crazy and sick he really was. Daryl tried to imagine himself smacking Jean silly because she was scared to come to the outpost with him. Or beating Lily because she liked to get up early and whine for breakfast. Even the thought of behaving in such a way felt insane. Daryl was never guilty of anything as a child that he deserved to be beaten bloody for. Though his father had always been quick to tell him that he did deserve it.
"Hey," Jean said, rubbing her hand up his arm, "...where'd you go?" When Daryl suddenly stopped rubbing her shoulders, she twisted in her chair to glance up at him. And he had a strange faraway look in his eyes.
"Just thinkin'," he said, lowering himself down into the chair next to her. Jean nodded. But she didn't prod him for more information. Jean was the only woman he ever slept with that didn't ask him questions about the marks on his back. And he knew she'd gotten a better look than most too.
"I wanna take Rose out hunting with me tomorrow," Daryl said, watching Jean for her reaction. He was expecting her to immediately object. But instead, she looked over at her daughter. The girls were bouncing a playground ball back and forth. Jean swallowed hard before she turned her eyes to Daryl.
"You have to promise me that you won't let anything happen to her," she said. Daryl nodded his head.
"I promise."
