Happy New Year everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long since we last saw each other. This is a highly awaited chapter for some, and it was a struggle to write. Please forgive me for the long wait!
When anger has nowhere to go.
heartbreak on the haunt
There was a ringing in his ears that he could not explain, his heart was a hummingbird trapped inside his ribcage, fighting against the bones. He couldn't remember when he lost feeling in his fingers, or when the ringing began. Was it at his parent's house? As the realization that the teen he had seen at that ramen shop was his son? A son? His son? When did this happen? How did this happen? Naturally he knew the how, the technically of how the child came to be was not what haunted him. It was the knowledge that he had been ignorant of him all this time. His mother said that Haru was turning 15 soon, his father berated him as he reminded him endlessly that he had tried to tell him, Itachi had been silent. It was that silence that had destroyed him. His older brother was disappointed, but for the life of him he couldn't understand why. He didn't know, he repeated this as a mantra to them. There was something in the eyes that stared at him that told him they had a hard time believing him. It didn't matter how often he murmured the words, or how he searched their eyes for a lie. His family was under the impression that he had been aware, and had completely skirted his responsibilities. Buried Haru so deeply that he couldn't even fathom how he could possibly recall his existence. His mind had gone so completely blank, he couldn't even recall how he got home that night. He vaguely remembered Orochi driving them, her knuckles white as she gripped the steering wheel.
For some reason, it did not occur to him to try and placate her. Try to explain that he had not hidden a son from her. It wasn't until now, as he stood outside a nice suburban home that he even bothered to think about how this whole situation would be affecting his fiancée. He had been standing outside this house for an hour. Trying to muster the courage to knock on the door. It had taken him no time at all to find the address. He had still waited a full day to actually show up. Cowardice was not something he would proudly admit to, but fear was another story altogether. How else could he explain the drumming of his heart? The shortness of his breath? He was not prepared to face her, face him. He was not prepared for the questions and the answers he didn't have. There were things that he never pictured himself doing, confronting his High School ex-girlfriend to demand an explanation about a son that he didn't know he had was certainly not on the list.
Sasuke took a deep calming breath, he needed to be calm to actually get himself to walk to the front door and knock. He didn't know how else he was going to manage this. His lungs felt as though they were filled with glass, every breath he took hurt as he attempted to expand his thorax to allow space for the courage he needed to gather. His phone had been blowing up since that night. Naruto had found out as well. Sakura was not shy about how she felt about the whole situation either. He wondered where either of them got the nerve to even voice their opinions in regards to the topic. Neither of them had even kept up with Hinata after graduation. Granted, he could understand why Naruto hadn't, his best friend walked around the topic of Hinata as though it was a gaping hole in the ground, waiting to swallow them both whole. Sakura had moved abroad during her studies, and thus had not kept in touch with really anyone from school.
A few more minutes passed like that, with him standing, pale, unmoving. He wondered if this was even a good idea, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He had committed to this. He had to commit to this. There was nothing else that he could do. Taking his freezing hands out of his pockets, he walked towards the front door. One last deep breath, the shards that had found their home within his chest burning as he did so. He waited, his knuckles burning as he rasped them against the door. He listened, trying to hear anything beyond his gasping breaths. His lung seized when he heard her voice calling from inside, letting him know that she was on her way. He waited with a bated breath as he heard the door begin to open and he watched as her eyes widened in surprise and narrowed in suspicion.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice had frosted over and he feared it would slice him with its ice.
"Where is he?" He croaked. This was not the first question he intended to ask, but it came before he could stop it.
"How did you find us?" She asked. She hadn't totally exited the door and she peered at him. Her lilac tinted eyes darker than he had ever seen them.
"...I can find anyone if I put my mind to it." He scoffed at her, his own eyes narrowing as he gazed at her. Sasuke watched as the sharp intake of breath happened. Placing his hand on the edge of the door he forced it open by sheer force of will. "Where is he?"
Hinata's eyes swam with an emotion that he didn't dare to name as she watched him hold that door open. Sasuke did try to understand, as they stood there staring at each other, how she could have kept this from him.
"Is he inside?" He questioned her once more, trying to look past her to see if he could catch a glimpse of the boy inside.
"No." She responded sharply. "Haru isn't home from school yet."
"How could you do this?" His onyx gaze finally settled on her, accusatory. "How could you keep this from me?"
"I… I didn't keep this from you." Confusion evident in the way that her brows furrowed as she looked at him. "I let you know… I sent…"
"This wasn't…" He began, trying and failing to find the words that would accurately depict what he currently felt. "This wasn't yours to keep. This wasn't a secret that you could… Where is he, Hinata?"
"I told you." She said, pursing her lips. "He isn't home yet."
Hinata motioned as though she was going to try and close the door, Sasuke felt the pull on the hand that was currently holding it open. Unsure of what overcame him, Sasuke grabbed her using his free hand and pulled her fully out from behind the door. Before he could really register what happened, someone had grabbed him by the shoulder, turning him fully around. The force with which this had been done forced him to loosen his grip on Hinata. He had but a moment to register the gunmetal eyes that stared at him enraged before a fist made contact with his face. Sasuke stumbled as the punch made contact and staggered a few steps away. Wiping the side of his mouth to see if there was any blood, he was pleased to see that there was none. He was not afforded much time to marvel at the fact that his son was almost as tall as he, nor at the fact that the first thing he had done upon meeting him was punch him square in the jaw. Haru had already thrown another punch. Landing on his cheekbone. Absent-mindedly, and a little concussed, he noted that Hinata had screamed. Her shrill voice asking someone that he could not see for help. He noted laughter, a male voice that he did not recognize. He wondered belatedly if he should retaliate, but at this point he was already on the floor, gasping, and blood was trickling from his nose and mouth. There were hands on him, hands that he recognized. The voice of his gentle brother in his ear. For the second time in 48 hours, Sasuke knew he fucked up.
Nothing had prepared young Haru for what he would see upon his arrival home that day. He often wondered as he grew older how things would have been different if he had been big enough to protect his mother, but he never thought that he would ever need to put that to practice. Something stronger than his sense of self overtook him. Sound had ceased to exist as he barreled as fast as he could towards the man that was holding his mother's arm, the man that had pulled her with force out of the threshold of their home. He was deaf to the yell of Kisame, asking him to wait. Deaf to the "oh shit" that came from Suigetsu as he grabbed the man by the shoulder, pulling towards himself, forcing him to release his mother. There was a split second of recognition that ignited his brain, as Haru realized that this must be his father. All the fears, concerns and doubts he had previously harbored about what this moment would be like were drowned by the wrath that consumed him. Wrath without direction, or outlet. Haru watched as the onyx eyes widened, but before any reasoning could be had with him, his fist was already making contact with the man's jaw.
To his credit, Haru did give the man a moment to get his bearings, before his fist fell once again, nailing him on the cheekbone. He heard his mother scream, but he was deaf to her too. Now holding Sasuke by the collar, he did not hesitate when the third punch landed directly on his nose. As though from underwater, he heard his mother plead with Suigetsu and Kisame to stop him, and heard Kisame gasping from laughter. Mother would not be pleased by that. Suigetsu was on the phone, and part of him registered Karin's voice coming from the speaker, but that too he ignored as his fist once again landed on Sasuke's cheek. Where this wrath had come from escaped him. There was something about watching this man touch his mother, pull her, force her into the open when she clearly did not want to leave the safety of their home that broke something inside him. Something that allowed him to maintain the lid on this emotion that slithered like fire down his throat. He pulled his hand back, ready to deliver another punch to the sorry excuse for a father that he held in his hands, when a gentle, but much bigger hand, closed around his wrist. Itachi expertly pulled him back, using just enough force to break Haru's momentum. This caused him to lose his grip on the collar of the man before him, who now lay gasping on his hands and knees. There was blood trickling from his face, and Haru's knuckles were painted with it, soft rose petals that became sticky as the moments ticked by.
"Haru…" Itachi's gentle voice was a balm upon the fire that raged inside him. "Enough."
Haru had not noticed how hard he was breathing, how the staccato of his breaths left him gasping, and before he could truly find himself he felt his mother's arms wrap around him. Lavender enveloped him, calming and soothing the remainder of the fire that waged war in his chest. He staggered, the adrenaline leaving his body and making his knees weak with its departure. Another man helped Hinata keep him upright, the smell of tobacco brought comfort and recognition. Blinking a few times, Haru took in his surroundings. Kisame was still trying to wipe tears from his eyes, a feral grin adorning his face. There was a glint of pride shining in his black eyes as he stared at Haru. Suigetsu was still pointing the phone towards Sasuke, it now became evident that he was Face Timing Karin, to ensure she got updates in real time. Temari looked flabbergasted, but there was mirth in her eyes and Itachi was now gathering his brother into his arms.
"Let's head inside, he's going to need ice." Itachi's murmur was detached, as though the person bleeding in his arms was nothing more than a stranger.
"'Aight boss," Kisame called from the entryway to the garden, having finally gathered his wits about him. "I'll talk to you later, our job's done today." He patted Suigetsu and winked at Itachi's glare before waving his hand towards Haru in a form of farewell.
Still dazed by the feeling of emptiness that followed his outburst, Haru could only nod towards the mountain of a man, before being ushered inside by Hinata's trembling fingers. Shikamaru took up the rear, looking every bit peeved that this is the situation he walked into. Temari flanked Haru, a strong hand on his shoulder. He felt as though he was being escorted to the principal's office, not that he had ever had the pleasure before, but he figured this is what it would feel like. Despite standing so much taller than his Mother and a full head taller than Temari, he felt eternally small between the two women. Haru glanced back, making eye contact with Shikamaru who gave him a noncommittal shrug. He was on his own.
It hurt, his face burned and ached in ways he had not felt since he was a teenager himself. Blinking was laborious, much like his breathing. Had his nose been broken? He couldn't tell. He had never had a broken nose before. A flicker of pride surged inside him as he recounted the precision with which he was beaten, it was quickly drowned by shame and regret. How to throw a punch most definitely fell into the list of things that he should have taught his son. In the haze of pain and ice he wondered if Hinata had been the one to take up that mantle. He doubted it, her fingers too precious to damage by hitting flesh. The delicate digits meant to create, not destroy. A swell of anger rose in his throat, when the thought occurred to him that perhaps it was Itachi who had instead done the teaching. While aware that he had no right to feel this way, there was something primal about the way his heart beat painfully against his ribcage.
Sasuke sat quietly as people fussed around him, he watched, dazed, confused and with blurry vision as Hinata sat Haru down, kneeling before him and holding his hands on her, he tried and failed to listen to the words she was whispering to him, but noted as the boy nodded in understanding. Itachi had emerged from the freezer section of the fridge holding a ziploc bag filled with ice which he unceremoniously tossed towards him. Sasuke grabbed it and gingerly pressed it against the side of his face that hurt the most. As he did so Itachi moved with familiarity and expertise around the kitchen, soaking a rag to help clean the blood that he had spilled. Another wave of nausea hit him. Sasuke was unsure if it was caused by the concussion he most definitely had, or the anger that would not abate at the sight of his brother moving as though he owned the place.
"What happened?" Sasuke's gaze snapped towards Temari, who had asked that question much louder than Hinata had been talking. Shikamaru and her had taken residence on the kitchen table and were sipping from what he could only discern to be tea.
"Sasuke…" Hinata cleared her throat, glancing at him only briefly.
"He grabbed her." Haru said, his voice breaking towards the end. "I… I was coming home from school and saw… He… Had her at the door and he grabbed… He pulled her."
Sasuke felt, more than saw, the glare that came from the youth. It slithered across his face, tinting it red in embarrassment. He had grabbed her, he had also pulled. He had been blinded by anger, by wrath, as it snaked its way through his body and demanded that he take action. He hadn't meant to get physical, he never intended for things to escalate. He had just wanted to meet Haru. Itachi paused, warm damp towel in hand as he looked at Sasuke. His eyes which had slightly widened in shock quickly narrowed, there was unspeakable pain waiting for him within those eyes.
"I know," he hiccuped. "I should have h-hit him, but… he grabbed you mama." Slowly Haru's voice gained strength as he spoke and Sasuke could feel his eyes piercing him, shaming him for his actions. "I am n-not sorry." He declared. Shikamaru snorted and Temari smirked. Sasuke could have sworn that a long suffering sigh had escaped Hinata, but it was overshadowed by the brilliant smile on his brother's face.
"I'll take Sasuke to the doctor." Itachi's soft voice cut in, rising from his crouched position from which he tended to Sasuke. "We can talk about this tomorrow." He threw a meaningful look at Haru who sank lower into his chair, his gunmetal eyes panicked, as though he was a son about to be scolded.
"Please be safe." Hinata said to Itachi, the warmth in her voice another stark reminder to Sasuke that he no longer belonged in this world.
Sasuke stood, but stumbled. Itachi steadied him with a single hand. He could not bring himself to look at Hinata or at Haru in the eyes and so he walked towards the door, wounded in ways that he couldn't really describe.
Hi, hello, how is everyone?
I know many people were anticipating this reunion, and I knew I wasn't going to make everyone happy with it regardless of what I did.
I knew that I wanted it to be angry, I wanted Haru to reach his breaking point. There was something raw in him that was waiting for an outlet and I wasn't sure what it was, but it is reasonable that he would snap seeing someone grab his mom.
Haru has a lot of guilt from when he was younger and couldn't do anything to help her, and to me it was fitting that this would be his reaction when he was finally big and strong enough to retaliate against anyone that would harm her.
Please be kind in your reviews. This fanfic grew to a have a life of its own and it has become so much harder to write for it as it demands more from me emotionally.
I've already started the next chapter and hope to have it out soon, so please pray that it will come easy.
Much Love,
Emi
