A/N: Thank you guys for the favorites, follows, and the reviews! I love getting the feedback! I wanna place a trigger warning for the Lewis arc, it may continue for the next couple of chapters.

(Also, these breaks between episodes and lack of Bensler scenes are killing me. However, Mariska's interview gave me hope- and heart palpitations :P so hopefully we'll get more Benson and Stabler soon. Until then, please enjoy the workings of my imagination!!)

Elliot POV

Throughout the entire lunch, I had that file, the threat of the unknown, clawing at the back of my mind. Hell, what I already knew- which wasn't much- took my appetite level to a zero, so I did what my girls used to do, which was eat a couple of bites -and then spend the next half hour pushing the food around on the plate. And I really tried to pay attention to Kathleen's life updates, but mind kept pushing words to the forefront of my mind.

Kidnapped.

Tortured.

Raped.

Her words flooded back from memory.

"You haven't asked me one question about what has happened to me since you left."

Happened to her.

To. HER.

"Dad?" My current environment brought me back to the present.

"Yeah?" She gave me a knowing look.

"You can ask me, ya know. About Olivia. I can see it in your eyes. Just ask me." On reflex, I swallowed. I did and didn't. I wasn't ready to have a mental episode in public. But before my brain caught up, my mouth opened and said:

"What did you mean by twice?" Fuck.

She cleared her throat, and glanced down at her now empty plate. And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

"Let's walk." Thank God my daughter saw the clear panic I was working to hide. We stood, I paid the bill, and arm in arm, walked out of the restaurant.

I felt the crisp air on my face, and it helped with the nausea creeping up on me.

"To answer your question, twice meant exactly that. She was taken twice by him. Although, the second time was voluntary. She did it to save a little girl. Almost ruined her entire career to save that little girl." I couldn't breathe, and I felt her tighten her grip on my arm. It helped ground me, and I just focused on breathing. She continued.

"She was successful, but also, barely survived. The news coverage was crazy. Anybody who's anybody knows this story. What's curious to me-" she stops us and faces me- "is how after all these years, you didn't know anything. I figured that after you returned to the force, some of the cops would be itching to tell you- maybe even your old Captain. It honestly makes zero sense to me."

She gave my arm a slight tug, to start us walking again. She brought up a good point- why didn't anybody mention it to me? Fin, I'd understand why he didn't, he respected Liv's boundaries and privacy. He would let her tell her own story. Munch was long retired by the time I got the NYPD liaison job. But, Cragen? I've seen him recently. Why didn't he tell me? Kathleen spoke.

"Maybe they just assumed you'd already heard about it. It's not that far fetched."

Then it hit me. They thought I'd already known. She thinks that I already know. And that all these years, I've known. And that I didn't care. She thinks I don't care. God.

There's a bench three steps away from us, and I wriggle my arm away from Kathleen and sprint to it. I sit and hold my head in my hands. I feel her hand on my back a moment later; rubbing small circles on my back.

Kathleen POV

I saw his face as he pulled away from me. He was practically hyperventilating, and he was on the bench holding his head. I sat next to him, and I rubbed his back. I shouldn't have said that, there's no telling how he took it. He was distracted all throughout lunch. The wheels were churning, no doubt nitpicking every detail trying to figure out how he missed what he missed. His voice was barely audible when he spoke next; I almost didn't catch it.

"She thinks that I knew and didn't care enough to come to her. She thinks that I ignored it- ignored her."

And for the first time in my life, I saw my father- all macho toughness and muscles, become small and fragile right before my eyes. Broken. He couldn't even handle the thought of Olivia believing the unthinkable- his indifference. I squatted in front of him, and touched his hands, and he met my eyes.

"Dad, when you pull yourself together- just go see her. Talk to her. She may surprise you." And I believe she would. I stood and held my hand out to him.

"Since I drove us here, let me take you back to your apartment. Come on." He took my hand. And we drove in silence back to his apartment.

Elliot POV

I was completely conflicted. Part of me wanted to just go to her. She was at work. No matter. Go right to her office and hold her. But I know that's not realistic. Kathleen was right. I had to get myself together before I see her. Before I confront her with my feelings. And she needs to be able to tell me everything and me stay calm. She deserves a steady shoulder. Stability. And I can be that for her. I can.

"Here we are. Dad, keep in mind what I said. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you." I got out of her car, and gave her a smile before I walked away. I pulled bout my phone, and I hesitated. I wasn't ready to see those files. I looked at the time. 3:48pm. There's someone else I had to go see. I jumped in my car, and the drive sped by as I was lost in my own thoughts. Next thing I know, my legs were carrying me up the familiar steps, my last visit here was about my father.

Knocking on the door, I get lost in my own thoughts once more, pondering my actions and the actions of those around me, when I hear the familiar voice.

"Elliot?" I looked up at the sound, and I don't know what my face looked like, but he looked worried.

"Elliot? What's the matter?" He opened the storm door for me.

"Cap. I'm sorry for coming unannounced, but I need to talk to you." He stepped aside to let me in. Offering me to have a seat, he spoke.

"What's on your mind?" I met his concerned expression directly.

"Olivia." He cocked his head slightly to the side, searching my face for what I wasn't saying.

"Olivia? Elliot, what exactly are you driving at?"

"I want to know how a psychopathic rapist and murderer ever got close enough to kidnap her." I said, trying to keep my voice calm and collected. I clasped my hands in front of me. As soon as the words left me, I watched his face fall. He took a breath, and nothing prepared me for his words.

"It was my fault. And that's one thing I'll carry with me for the rest of my days."

A/N: Don't be mad, all will be made clearer in the next chapter. I always felt like Cragen held himself to a certain amount of responsibility for what happened to her, and it just worked itself into this story. You'll just have to hang on to see where this goes. As always, please read and review! The feedback helps push me forward.