A/N: And here we are. I hope you enjoy, and please read and review! Thank you :)

Trigger warning for Lewis.

Cragen POV

Somewhere inside of me, for the longest time, I knew this day would come. Granted, I thought it would come a bit sooner, but nevertheless- it has come. His face was that of utter shock, with slivers of guilt washing across his face. He always was Liv's protector. An act of duty that he made of the utmost importance for 12 years. He still hadn't spoken, he was studying me studying him. So I took this time to ascertain what he knew.

"Elliot- What answers are you hoping to gain here? What are you looking for?" I needed to know; I genuinely wanted to help him. He looked up at me then, and I saw the resolve in his eyes.

"I want to know everything, everything the way you saw it; how she was after. The things I won't read about in the files."

"Have you read them?" I did not think that was the best idea, but I knew that there was nothing I could say to change his mind once he'd decided to go down a path. He shook his head.

"I have them, I just haven't- I can't bring myself to do it yet." The way he said them was off. That's when it hit me.

"You know about both times." He gave me a slight nod.

"Not much, I know that he had her twice, and I know that she survived. So, tell me. What happened?"

I watched him take a calming breath, and the flames in his eyes subsided a little. It was interesting, watching him trying to control his anger, his emotions. It was not a side of Elliot I was familiar with; being his superior for so many years, I was very familiar with his ability to fly off the wall and "hell hath no fury" side of things. I gave him a nod, and I began. I told him about how we caught and lost the case, I told him about the poor lady he tortured and died a few days later; I told him how hard Liv had worked him in the box.

"And I'll never forget what he said to her... You should be so lucky someone does that to you. Being near that monster was enough to make my skin crawl, and Liv was pulling it out of him, and I should've seen it." Elliot was watching me intently, breathing through every word, when he spoke.

"He fixated on her."

I nodded. I recounted the arrest, the case lost. When he spoke again.

"And Liv was pissed. And with her being that pissed, you probably sent her home." I affirmed with a nod.

"For two days. Told her if she stepped foot in the precinct I'd have her arrested. I was just trying to give her the distance she needed from this case; it was gruesome. And these hit home with Liv. I would do anything to go back and change that moment. I could've told her to sleep it off in the crib. Anything than to send her home to that psychopath." Hindsight is always 20/20, and that's one of my biggest regrets.

"He had latched onto her, opened up to her and I would've never dreamed, not in a million years, that the outcome would have been that. That's what makes it so bad. It was my job to see these things." I continued, telling him how when no one had seen her for two days, I sent Fin and Rollins to check on her, to make sure she hadn't gone down the rabbit hole. And the disaster we found.

"The moment I saw her apartment- I knew it was Lewis. And I knew we were on a clock. Lewis is what John called a "savant" and "instinctual". And in past cases from several different states where he'd done it before, he would work them two or three days, and some he killed, some he left alive. But he never surpassed four days. And we were already behind. It was crucial that we found her before it was too late. And I knew that Liv would fight- either to her gain or detriment- and he was already riding the high of the chase."

I got up to go and get us a couple of drinks, and Elliot didn't wait to take a swig. Honestly, I needed one too, the subject matter being what it was. But I stuck with just ginger ale.

It's so surreal, thinking about it in the past tense. I continued on.

"It was one of the worst pursuits I'd ever been a part of. And maybe I'm biased; but I always felt like Liv was one of my own, and it killed me to know that she was suffering god knows what. I worked the channels, multiple meetings at 1PP, the media frenzy and the complete destruction left in their wake was enough to drive us all mad. He raped and pillaged and murdered his way from Manhattan to Long Island. All of us scrambling at their heels. But when it came to the bitter end, she saved herself. We didn't make it in time; we were almost a full day behind them, and it devastated me. When we got there, she was alive- beaten down and her eyes- I'll never forget the look in her eyes. She was broken, Elliot. And even though she knew that you were gone, her eyes were still searching the crowd; the slim glimmer of hope, looking for you. She never said anything, but I knew. I always knew."

He didn't meet my gaze, and drained his beer. Then I heard a quick sniffle. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

"Was she raped?" Then I saw his eyes, red and slightly bloodshot. I shook my head.

"She says she wasn't. He came close but never actually accomplished it. I will tell you though, she spent a lot of time unconscious, and it's always been in the back of my mind if he violated her while she was out. She had a rape kit done, and it was negative for the usual."

He took a long exhale and I realized that he'd been holding his breath. His eyes were closed and his face covered with relief. I heard him murmur "Thank God." under his breath, and then he addressed me.

"What came after that?" He seemed eager to get to the rest. I continued.

"The torture she endured, I told her that she wasn't to come back to work until she was fully recovered. She gave me zero argument. She was gone for two months. And her first case back was rough, for a moment there I thought she was done at SVU. At the final moment, however, she pulled through."

He nodded with a slight smile. "She was always the strong one. Strong and sensitive and nurturing. And selfless."

Then I proceeded to tell him about the trial, and I wavered for a moment during the "Lewis treating Liv as a hostile witness" portion, due to Elliot looking like he was gonna blow a gasket, he was clenching his fists so tight his knuckles were white; the vein in head large and very pronounced. He relaxed a little when I told him that Lewis was convicted for kidnapping and assaulting a police officer.

"I believe you've met the man who prosecuted Lewis, his name is Rafael Barba." His head shot up.

"Barba? Barba was the man who defended the man who killed Kathy. Yes, I've met the man."

Ah, I'd figured as much. And, even though I am retired, I still hear things.

"I know you are probably angry at the man, but, I've heard that there was only one reason he took that case." I watched Elliot's eyes narrow, the unspoken question hanging in the air.

"He took that case for Olivia." He shook his head.

"No, Olivia told him she didn't want him involved in that case." I gave him a smile.

"Olivia always puts everyone, the victims, those she loves- before herself and her needs. She was willing to take the backlash. But Barba wasn't willing to let her do it." He lets that settle a moment, and out comes the next question.

"Backlash from what?"

"After I retired, Liv was acting commander of SVU. And Lewis, was in prison. Word is he had drugs smuggled in by cupcakes, had a massive coronary, and was pronounced dead. Ten minutes later- he rises like Lazarus. He escapes, killing a guard and raping a nurse, he heads to his prison doctors' home. Instead of running to Canada or literally anywhere else, he stays- for Liv. He makes contact with her, and tells her as much. He kills the doctor, rapes the older daughter and kidnaps the little girl. And he used that little girl to lure Liv- and it nearly destroyed her and her career. She made a public televised confession, claiming that she had lied under oath and beat Lewis while he was handcuffed." I paused a moment, and Elliot was quiet, and I could see the wheels turning. I chose to finish the story.

"I heard after that she ditched her security detail and met him. He took her to an abandoned granary, where he was keeping the girl. I also heard through my contacts that he had gave her a choice- either he could rape the girl or rape Olivia. And having met this monster, I don't doubt it. And, of course, you know what Liv chose. Elliot! " He stood up on his feet suddenly, and walked away for a moment, then came back.

"Elliot, he didn't do it, heard he couldn't get it up because she refused to fight him. So, he made her play Russian roulette. And in the last round, it was her turn, and he turned the gun on himself in the last moment- he shot himself with his left hand. And everyone thought-" he finished for me

"That Liv shot him. And because of the public confession, her words and actions were scrutinized. Damn it." He put his head in his hands. And then he shot up, and looked me in the eyes. It had finally clicked.

"Barba took that case to protect Liv. Any defense attorney worth anything would've questioned her about that confession, used it to stomp her character into the ground. I understand."

Finally. I swear, sometimes I swear these two are gonna be the death of me. I thought I'd left this behind when I'd retired. And even though Liv and Elliot had both changed, they are the same. His voice tore me from my thoughts.

"It's not your fault. And you know Liv would tell you the same thing. You need to forgive yourself."

"So do you. For leaving her. I can see the guilt wash over your face. Guilt won't do anything but tear you apart. And she deserves better. You made a choice, and you gotta let it go." He chuckles.

"Easy for you to say. Easier said than done." I roll my eyes.

"Elliot- you really are a piece of work sometimes. And it is easy for me to say. Do you even remember who you're talking to? I watched the goings on, the fights, the shared looks, the unspoken language between the two of you. I should've separated you your third year together. But you both were the best together. And as much as it was against my better judgement- I kept you together. I know it all. I know you loved and were loyal to your wife. And I know Olivia would take your paperwork so your wife and kids could see your ugly mug. And I know that against your better judgment- you fell in love with your partner. And I know why you really left. And I understand it. But in all of that- you should've told her. Leaving her without a single word? That was low. So, yeah, here I am telling you to forgive yourself and let it go. If not for yourself- for her."

Needless to say, he was stunned. Good. He needed a knock on the ass to kick him out of self pity. I looked at my watch. It was ten after eight. We'd been talking for longer than I'd realized, and I think we both felt the weight of our conversation. He looked as exhausted as I felt.

He glanced down at his own watch, feeling it too.

"I hear you, Cap. I hear you." He got up and headed toward the door, and I followed him out. He turned back to me on the step.

"Cap?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. Thank you." I heard what he didn't say.

"You're welcome, Elliot. Remember what I said."

"I will." And with that, he was in his vehicle, driving away.

I got back inside, and took a seat in my chair. Then I had a thought. Picking up my phone, I pulled up her contact and called. It rang a few times before the familiar voice sang through the speaker. Speakerphone because I'm an old man and half deaf. Probably for listening to Benson and Stabler bicker like an old married couple for 12 years-

"Benson."

"Hey, how are you, Liv?"

"Hey, Cap. I'm doing alright, been busy as usual. Is there something I can do for you?"

"No, I'm good Liv. I just wanted to give you a heads up because I know how you hate surprises. Elliot was here, asking for my point of view on what happened with Lewis."

She was silent. I thought she had hung up for a moment.

"Liv? You there?"

"Uh, yeah I'm here. I- thank you for the heads up. Um, how, I mean, what did he say?"

"He didn't say much, I did most of the talking. But Liv- I can tell you one thing- he didn't know. He didn't know about any of it. I don't know what triggered it, I don't know where he heard about it, but he did and he is ...dealing. Just- when he comes to you- which he will- I hope you're able to give him a shot. He's always cared for you, and that's one thing that I can tell hasn't changed."

Again, silence for a moment. Then she spoke.

"I hear you, Cap. I just thought that maybe- I don't know. I don't know what I thought. But thank you, again, for the heads up."

"It's good to hear your voice Liv."

"You too, Cap."

Click

I smiled to myself, and I faintly remembered a long-standing bet. I decided I should probably give John a call.

A/N: I'm feeling like I'm heading toward some Barson closure also, but just friendship though. And I'm feeling like a certain man-to-man talk is in order... please read and review!! Hope you enjoy!