Twenty
McCoy was grateful that it hadn't taken long for him to synthesize the serum he pulled from Khan. Spock and Kirk had worked together in an attempt to take the madman down, but in doing so, he'd nearly lost his chance to save Emily. His gut wrenched at the thought of having to watch her die all over again.
It was bad enough he'd felt so resentful towards her for most of their time on the ship. He never had the chance to beg for forgiveness. He knew she deserved a hell of a lot more than what he had to offer. He tried pushing the uneasy thoughts aside as he recalled finding Kirk at the medical center when they returned to Earth.
"She didn't do anything to deserve the shit this world threw at her," Kirk remarked as he stood at the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. McCoy agreed fullheartedly with him. The fact that she'd felt the need to sacrifice herself for the sake of everyone else was what left him feeling so numb inside. He knew he'd pushed her to that point, and others had as well. "How's she doing?"
"Her vitals are finally stabilizing," McCoy replied after swallowing hard.
It took days for her vitals to finally stabilize. He had been afraid that because she wasn't human, her blood wouldn't react well with Khan's blood. Not for the first time, he was left with a painful reminder that she wasn't human. And that he knew so little about her. At the end of the day, the serum had done its job. The biggest challenge he now faced was waiting for her to wake up.
He hadn't been getting much sleep since they returned to Earth. Truthfully, he was so worried of suffering from a nightmare that revolved around Emily's death. He felt awful enough thinking of such a possibility. Dreaming about it only left him feeling that much worse.
"Keep me posted when she wakes up," Kirk said as if he'd read McCoy's mind. McCoy nearly rolled his eyes when he caught the look written across Kirk's face. "I never had the chance to thank her for saving the ship, and the crew."
McCoy didn't miss the underlying message behind Kirk's statement. He knew damn well the kid felt guilty for what happened to her. Emily had always been this way, though. McCoy quickly learned over the years that she was willing to make the ugly choices that no one else wanted. That she was always willing to risk everything for the sake that others wouldn't have to.
He tried pushing the uneasy thought aside as he continued watching her vitals. The last few days felt as if they'd dragged for months. He hadn't been getting proper sleep since returning to Earth, though that was something he'd grown accustomed to. As a doctor, he'd gotten used to long nights in the ER thanks to med school.
At the time of taking said classes, Emily had always been there to keep him company. McCoy swallowed hard when he realized that despite the crap he'd thrown at her during his marriage with Pamela, she was always somehow there for him. He was only just beginning to realize what an amazing friend she had been at the time.
He was so focused on the screen registering her vitals that he barely had time to notice his data PADD going off. McCoy rose an eyebrow in surprise when he noticed the signal was unknown. His eyes narrowed for a brief moment as he swiped the screen on. The moment he did so was when he immediately regretted it, because an all-too-familiar face appeared on the screen.
It had been nearly five years since he last saw Pamela in person. The divorce itself had been hell and humiliation all at once, but mostly because Pamela managed to convince everyone that he was the reason behind said divorce. It took everything he had not to glare back at the screen.
"Leo." Pamela greeted him with as much curtness as she had that morning at the courthouse. The only consolation he had was the fact that Emily had been there for him that morning. Hell, she had been with him from the day of said divorce to when he was forced to unpack his boxes. McCoy resisted the urge to roll his eyes when he heard the contempt in her voice. "I was wondering how long it would take for you to answer my calls. I tried earlier this month, but it seems you were otherwise occupied."
"Being the ship's Chief Medical Officer can do that to ya," he replied with equal curtness. It was hard not to sound rude and annoyed with the same woman who'd ripped him apart both verbally and mentally. Pamela merely looked amused when she hit a sore spot. She knew how to get under his skin. After seeing how easy it was to tear him apart, Pamela took full advantage of the situation whenever she could. McCoy had quickly learned her game though. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her behavior or antics. "I'm busy enough as it is without having to hear whatever schemes you're planning this time."
"I wasn't planning any scheme," she reassured him, looking somewhat offended at being called out. McCoy just rolled his eyes as he finally left the room, knowing full-well that sticking around wouldn't do him any good. By now, most of the world heard of what happened on the Enterprise. Word of Emily's sacrifice had spread like wildfire, and it was only a matter of time before the press got wind of where she was being kept. He took what little freedom he had to his advantage, though he knew that wasn't going to last long with Pamela in mind. "Word around the street is you're some kind of big-shot hero in Starfleet. And you've been dating Coulson again."
McCoy stiffened at the mention of being considered a hero. He was anything but hero material. Real heroes didn't back down like cowards. A real hero wouldn't have felt the bitter resentment he felt towards both Pamela and Emily.
Things didn't get much better when he realized Pamela was calling her out in the process of said accusation. Emily had been through enough hell as it was. The last thing he wanted was for her to be dragged into his mess with Pamela… especially since most of that mess was his fault.
"It's been six years since the divorce from hell," he pointed out after taking a deep breath to restrain himself from shouting back. Other nurses and doctors were walking to and from their destination, some of which had glanced in his direction warily. "I have every right to move on just like you did."
Pamela narrowed her eyes when she realized what he was implying. He was one of the few who knew the truth behind their divorce. Returning home late one night hadn't ended well for him. After finding out that Pamela had been sleeping with other men, he didn't know how to react. The only thing he did know was that her loyalty had never mattered. It was also within that time-frame when he began to feel truly resentful towards Emily. Mostly because she'd likely moved on after his discovery. The redhead let out a heavy sigh, leading McCoy to raise a questioning eyebrow.
"I was rather hoping now that you're back on Earth you'd stop by for a visit to discuss business matters," she finally explained. McCoy narrowed his eyes as he guessed the real reason behind her intentions. She was always after money, regardless of who earned it. The fact that he hadn't seen her ruse was what irritated him the most. "I know since you and Emily are seeing each other, you'll likely want to see your mother again. Especially in light of recent events."
It was his turn to let out a sigh of frustration. He was well aware of where this was headed. He knew her husband ran several shady businesses, so he wasn't entirely surprised to hear that things weren't going as well as they first imagined. If she thought she was going to get anything out of this, she was wrong. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at nothing in particular, suddenly wishing that Emily was there with him. She always knew what to say in situations like these, even if they sometimes got her into trouble.
"Look, I'm busy enough as it is with Emily recovering and the ship under repair," he admitted. He did feel slightly guilty for saying that out loud, especially since they parted ways on such a bitter note. "I've got more important things to worry about than whatever it is you have to say."
She desperately wanted to say something else, but McCoy didn't give her the chance when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. He stiffened once again when an all-too-familiar face approached him, this one much more terrifying than the Ice-Queen.
He hadn't seen Coulson since the day they made that agreement nearly four years ago. Though they did keep in touch from time to time, it was never the same. McCoy knew full-well Coulson didn't trust him, and after everything that happened, he couldn't blame the older man for his lack of trust.
The only thing he could do was continue striving towards a better path not only for himself, but for Emily as well. He swallowed hard under those piercing eyes that seemed to bore right through him. It was bad enough he had Kirk and everyone else riding his shoulder every few minutes.
"You here to ream me out like everyone else for not doing enough for her?" he cut through the tense silence that followed.
Coulson merely rose an eyebrow and did something entirely unexpected. McCoy watched warily as he made a hand-gesture. With a roll of his eyes, he led the way back into Emily's room.
All at once, the guilt from earlier suddenly came rushing back when McCoy caught sight of her still form. He hated not being able to do more for her. He made a promise that day on the Hellicarrier to keep her safe. But that promise had just been an empty lie. He hadn't realized until now just how difficult it was to keep such a heavy burden.
"You brought her back to life." McCoy glanced at Coulson warily when he finally spoke. "That bond you share with her… it couldn't have been easy to feel whatever she was feeling in that moment."
A lump formed in the back of his throat as McCoy recalled the pain he felt on the ship. He hadn't realized at the time that he was feeling her pain. Or that she had been in pain at the time. He swallowed hard as guilt stabbed him in the chest once again. He knew in that moment that she likely knew how resentful he was towards her. And maybe that was what had pushed her into climbing the warp core chamber. Either way, it was always his fault.
"You were right," he admitted under his breath. Coulson rose an eyebrow in surprise as McCoy stared at nothing in particular, suddenly wishing that a hole would open up and swallow him. "I never deserved her. I sure as hell never did anything to deserve her."
It wasn't until admitting it out loud that his breathing nearly hitched. He'd always felt the bond between them, even before she mentioned something. He just never wanted to admit it out loud. At the time, he had been terrified that he was the reason behind said bond. But when she explained that her powers were likely the cause behind it, that just left him feeling all-the-more unnerved.
He knew little to nothing about people with powers or abilities like hers, and that terrified him to the core. Yet, he couldn't deny himself the attraction of curiosity when they first met. Or the way she'd told him off when they were kids. The more he thought about it, the more he began to realize that he'd always found her attractive. Both in her behavior and her intellect.
"Look, I'd be an idiot if I said I told you so," Coulson sighed after crossing his arms over his chest. McCoy just glanced at him warily as he guessed where this was headed. "Emily has always been the kind of person who would put her life above everyone else, regardless of what it does to them. That's just who she is, and I'm sure as hell not gonna change that. Even after everything you've done to her, she still cares about you. So much so that she's willing to risk her career in the agency for you."
That only left him feeling guiltier than ever. McCoy swallowed hard and finally looked at the screen that showed her vitals. He knew staring at them wouldn't get him anywhere. But that didn't stop him from trying to distract himself from the guilt that came crashing down on him.
Coulson hadn't forgiven him, even after all this time. And he had a feeling that the older man would never forgive him for choosing Pamela over Emily. It wasn't as if he could blame the man for hurting his daughter. After everything he had done, he wasn't going to blame Coulson for not trusting him.
"If I could, I'd do everything in my power to make things right again," he let out a heavy sigh of his own.
"I know." McCoy just gaped at Coulson in surprise when the older man threw him an apprehensive look. "I also know that you went out of your way to save her… you still upheld your promise, even if it wasn't in the most conventional way."
McCoy just rolled his eyes at that. He should have known Coulson would pull out that card. Then his thoughts suddenly drifted to the memories of talking about marriage again. Unease swept through him as he recalled how easy it had been to talk about it. Actually pulling through with said marriage was easier said than done.
"I know I haven't done a damn thing to earn back your trust, but I've been planning on proposing to her," he said warily. Coulson hardly looked surprised with that notion. Though he did look annoyed that it took this long for him to admit it out loud. "She means so much more to me than just a high school crush or some friend I grew up with. I'd do anything to keep her happy."
Truer words couldn't have been said. McCoy knew full-well that he would go out of his way just to make sure she was happy. Her life had been cut too damn short the moment she tried realigning the housings on her own. He planned on making it up to her, one way or another. But first, he wanted Coulson's permission. And that was easier said than done.
The silence that followed was almost deafening. McCoy glanced at Coulson warily when he saw that the man seemed to take his words into consideration. Eventually, Coulson did something that caught him off guard.
"Technically I'm not even alive," he replied with a shrug. "It wouldn't matter regardless of whether or not you have my permission, but… after everything that's happened, I think it's high-time you do."
For a moment, McCoy didn't know how to respond as realization dawned on him. Coulson just offered a wry smile before leaving the room and leaving him to his own stunned silence. McCoy knew in that moment that he made the right choice in talking to Coulson. Despite his earlier doubts about whether or not he deserved someone like her in his life, Coulson had given him his permission. And that meant more to him than he would ever admit out loud.
.
.
It felt as if she had been floating endlessly in the blackness of space. Her mind kept drifting in and out of consciousness. She could feel someone's presence around her constantly. But something in the back of her mind kept telling her that it was nothing more than a dream. She knew that there wasn't anyone waiting for her.
She didn't know where she would end up if she was dead. If there was an afterlife, or if there was one final journey to take. The only thing she did know was that she was more alone now than she had ever been.
Only, she wasn't alone.
Emily blinked a few times when she saw two figures looming in the darkness. Their bodies were difficult to make out due to a brilliant light surrounding them. It reminded her so much of the aurora borealis, only this was brighter. Eventually, her eyes began to adjust to the brilliant light. The figures in question almost appeared human. And it took her a few seconds to register that something was different about her appearance as well.
Unease crawled through her when she finally recognized the male figure standing beside the female. She was easily able to make out the difference between them. The male figure was smaller in size, but he also held an heir of strength to him that the female did not. It only took a few seconds for her to register that this was the same male figure she had seen on Planet Narla.
She wasn't sure what to make of the situation as she stared at them.
So little was known about Narlanian culture. She only met her father once when they were exploring Planet Narla, and even that exposed too little information on her people. So the last thing she anticipated was to meet them face-to-face in her dreams. Or was she dreaming? She wasn't even sure if this was a dream or if she was drifting between life or death.
"What are we doing here?" she finally asked.
"We are between worlds," the female figure spoke first. Emily rose an eyebrow when she noticed that the male, who was most certainly her father, faded in and out of reality. "It is the only way I was able to reach out to you, my little Astra."
Emily stiffened at that. It was the name her father used when they spoke to one another for the first time. She wasn't sure if she should feel happy or annoyed that these people were trying to reach out to her.
It isn't as if you'd given me the best upbringing! she wanted to shout at them.
"I have waited so long to finally see you," the female went on.
She took a step back when the female tried reaching her. Despite the sudden sense of longing that threatened to overwhelm her, Emily couldn't bring herself to feel close to this woman. She couldn't explain why, but there was something off about them. Whether it was the fact that they hadn't been there to raise her or not, she would never know.
"I don't belong here," she snapped. She didn't miss the fact that the male figure hadn't approached her. The female expressed little to no emotion. "I don't care if you are my parents, but my life is on Earth. And if I'm dead, then you need to let me go."
"Meave, you need to let her go," the male figure suddenly warned the female figure. Emily rose an eyebrow at the odd name. Yet, a familiar surge of emotions swept through her when she recognized the name. "You are right, Astra. Your place is on Earth, as it should be."
She held his gaze for a few seconds, neither dropping their guard. Meave finally looked at her, and Emily could feel the rush of emotions that followed.
"I know," Meave finally let out a sigh. Emily couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for rejecting the woman, especially considering she was supposedly her mother. But after everything she had been through, she wasn't ready to accept them so easily. Not when they could have been there for her in the past. "I understand that it is difficult for you to accept us, Astra. But that does not mean I will hold that against you. I will always love you."
Emily didn't know what to say to that. The first time she ever felt the warmth of a mother was from Leonard's mother. Maria acted more as a surrogate mother than anything else, but she cared for her no less. And for the first time since she found out she was from Planet Narla, Emily found herself wishing she had more time.
There was a small part of her that wanted to get to know her mother and father. Maybe it would have saved the trouble she ran into in the past. Whatever the case, it was too late now. She had the future to look forward to, and as the figures faded away along with her vision, she knew that future involved Leonard.
As her vision began to clear, Emily found herself staring at the white walls of a hospital room. Her eyes tried taking everything in at once as realization dawned on her. She knew at that moment that she was back on Earth. The ship had been saved, and that was all that mattered to her. At least until she spotted a familiar figure dressed in medical white standing at one of the heart monitors.
"How am I alive?" she asked, wincing at the hoarseness of her voice.
"Oh, don't be so melodramatic. You were barely dead." Emily glanced at Leonard warily when she noticed him watching her with an expression full of relief. She knew that it couldn't have been easy dealing with the stress of the ship and everything she did. Swallowing hard, Emily realized that he deserved so much more than what she had to offer him. "It was the transfusion that really took its toll. You were out cold for a good four weeks."
She winced when she tried sitting up, only for Leonard to gently push her back down with a stern look. Now she remembered everything that happened. She was the one who had knocked out Jim before she climbed into the warp core to realign the housings. The radiation alone would have killed her if the climb hadn't. The sad thing was, Jim, Scotty and Spock were the last faces she had seen before finally losing consciousness.
Not for the first time, she found herself grimacing at the thought of what Leonard had been through during that time. She'd always promised that she would stay out of trouble, though she knew now that those were just empty promises. Leonard must have known that himself, because he wasn't nearly as annoyed as she expected. She rose an eyebrow at that. She was fully aware of the earful she would receive when she made a full recovery… if that chance ever came.
"How?" she finally groaned after deciding that sitting up wasn't going to work. One look from Leonard was all it took for her to guess the answer for him. "Khan."
Leonard gave a reluctant nod to that. Emily had to admit, she wasn't sure how she felt about having the DNA of a madman transfused with her own blood. From what it sounded like, there hadn't been any other way around it. Her injuries and her death could have been that much worse if Leonard hadn't been able to figure out a way to synthesize Khan's blood.
"Once we caught him, I synthesized a serum from his super blood… It took a few weeks for your body to adjust," he explained. "Tell me, are you feeling, uh… homicidal, power-mad, despotic?"
Emily almost laughed at the question until she realized that he was being deadly serious. If he knew anything about the darker part of her past, he wouldn't have gone that far in asking that question. But she wouldn't stoop to Khan's level. She would always remind herself that killing people, no matter how much they deserved it, was never the best answer.
"Well, it's not that time of the month yet, so… no," she replied, and she would have laughed at the expression that followed if it didn't hurt so damn much. Though she did grimace at the fact that it had taken longer for her to react to the transfusion. Not for the first time, she found herself in awe of the fact that Leonard was able to synthesize the serum in the first place. She knew if it hadn't been for his medical expertise, she would have likely perished. The thought sent a shiver of unease through her as she wondered how many people aside from him would actually miss her if that happened. "How'd you catch him?"
"Both Jim and Spock went after him," Leonard told her after sitting down once again.
"Yeah, that was an epic fight."
Emily couldn't help but smirk at the sound of Jim's voice as he and Spock arrived, having only just heard the last part of their conversation.
"Should've recorded it," she said jokingly, knowing Jim would've gotten a kick out of watching the fight again and again. He only grinned back sheepishly, looking more than relieved that she was alive. "Thank you," she added with a smile.
It was hard to believe that their lives had changed so much. Years ago, she never would have seen Jim as a friend or even as a brother. He was the one who kept threatening that he would reveal the truth about her job if she went back to Starfleet.
Then they slowly began working on their trust towards each other. She knew he would never trust her the way he had when they first met, but at least he was trying. Now it seemed as if he was willing to go out of his way just to make up for what happened between them. Times had changed indeed.
"Well, I know Bones wouldn't have let me live it down if I didn't do anything, so… I figured this was the next best thing I could do for you," he admitted after rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Plus, you of all people didn't deserve to die that way. Or any way for that matter."
Leonard only rolled his eyes at the mention of how he would've reacted had nothing been done about Khan. Though, Emily had no doubt that Leonard would have given Jim hell if he did nothing at all. He wasn't afraid to voice his opinion if it was needed. Or of what people would think if he offered it in the first place.
That was one of the many qualities of Leonard that Emily had always admired. While some people were often caught off guard or even pissed off by his brash responses, Leonard meant well enough. He cared about the people he worked with, despite what they thought of him. Emily had quickly learned that his bedside manner was just a defensive shield to keep people from guessing what was really bothering him, much like she hid her own emotions.
"You saved the lives of the entire crew, Emily," Spock added, giving her a nod of approval. "For that, I am immeasurably grateful. Your presence aboard the Enterprise is just as important as everyone else. I am pleased to consider you… a friend."
She swallowed hard at that, finding it hard to believe that the Vulcan would consider her a friend. Then again, she realized that he was a friend to her.
"Thank you… both of you," she gave them both a nod of appreciation, knowing that things could have ended a lot worse. The Vulcan returned the gesture and stepped outside, with Jim soon following after he supplied a mock salute. Once they were gone, Emily glanced back at Leonard when she saw the apprehension written across his face. "You're pissed off with me."
"You scared the hell out of me by nearly dying on me," he finally griped. Emily tilted her head to one side at the tone of his voice. Despite how angry he was, she didn't miss the relief in his eyes. "Dammit woman, do you have any idea how much I went through thinking you were gone?"
"I'm sorry," was the only thing she could say. It wasn't fair to put him through that. He deserved better. Hell, she knew that she was lucky to have someone like Leonard in her life. And the fact that he had been willing to put up with her for so long meant so much more than she could ever admit out loud. "I couldn't let the same thing happen to Jim or anyone else… I know that if I died, it wouldn't have mattered."
She grimaced when Leonard suddenly knelt down and gently cupped his hands around her hand, ignoring the heart monitor currently strapped to it. She half-expected him to spit at her for even suggesting that her life wasn't important enough. But the moment he kissed her hand was when she felt her heart nearly melt from the contact of his warm lips pressed against her skin.
"I would've found some way of bringing you back to life just so that I could knock some sense into your head." Emily couldn't hide the sheepish smile that followed when their eyes met. "Emily, I love you… hell, I've loved your sorry ass since the day we met, and that hasn't changed."
That was enough for Emily's heart to nearly swell with joy. He could have easily pushed her away when she said what she said earlier. Instead, Leonard took her completely by surprise with his response, and the moment their eyes met was when she knew that he was telling the truth. She couldn't hide the guilty smile that followed when she realized he would have likely felt what she felt when she was in the warp core chamber. It wasn't fair for him to suffer that kind of pain, especially since she hadn't been planning on sharing that sort of link with him.
"Well, the good news is, I love you too," she finally whispered back.
She couldn't help but grin sheepishly when Leonard offered his own lopsided grin at that. Before she could say anything else, he suddenly took her by surprise when he stood up and kissed her, this time on the lips. Her mind was still reeling over the fact that Leonard hadn't backed down like he normally did.
Or that the bond between them was stronger than ever. She could feel everything he was feeling in that moment, from relief to the grief he'd felt on the ship. And it was also in that moment that she realized how much he really meant to her. Nothing was ever going to change the way she truly felt about him, and she was more determined than ever to prove those feelings. One way or another.
