We're not out of the angst yet, but I promise there will be some resolution by the end of this chapter.

Brief Warning: there is a fight between Carmen and Leone in this chapter where some uncomfortable things are said, but they are acknowledged as not being okay. I just wanted to give a quick warning because I was slightly uncomfortable writing it, but at the same time, I think it was necessary for the story.


Chapter Four

The weeks stretched on and so did life. Abbacchio wouldn't say it didn't take some adjustments getting back into the swing of things, but he did, and so did Carmen. He went back to work, and Carmen got out of bed, and actively cared for Rose again. Upon Maria's suggestion, the women took a couple days at a retreat and spa with Carmen's friend Danielle—who had made her own connections with La Squadra and was on her way to making a new life for herself. The small retreat seemed to be just what Carmen needed to get back to herself again.

Abbacchio on the other hand was quite busy. With the new business opportunities Giorno was setting up, they were down at the docks more, overseeing shipments and unloading cargo. Which meant that Abbacchio and Mista had to hang around the docks every week now, overseeing the new hands to make sure they learned the ropes and were doing the job correctly.

It was rough work and a lot more wearying than it had been when Abbacchio had first joined Passione, but it had to be done, so it was getting done.

Mista yawned as they pulled up at the house. Only a couple hours past midnight this time. The men were getting better.

"Man, I'm shot, can't wait until Franco and the guys can take this job for themselves. Giorno's promised Narancia and me charge of the casinos when we get them up and running—much more my speed."

"You know the casinos are an actual business opportunity, not just a way for you to meet women, right?" Abbacchio snorted.

"Hey, I'm not an old married man, Abbacchio. I gotta get out there before I lose my game."

"Can't lose what you didn't have to begin with," Abbacchio muttered as he got out of the car, cringing at the crick in his back.

"Rude." Mista pulled his keys out and headed toward the door. "Go get some rest, old man."

Abbacchio grunted and followed after him, grabbing a drink in the kitchen before heading upstairs.

He was surprised to see the light on under their door and when he entered, Carmen was still sitting up, reading.

"Hey," he greeted as she smiled up at him briefly. "You're still up?"

"Couldn't sleep," Carmen confessed wryly. "So I figured I might as well wait up for you."

Abbacchio crossed to the bed and leaned over to kiss her briefly before he pulled his coat off, cringing at the dust that had collected on it.

Not as much dust as was collected in his joints apparently, since his shoulder twinged at the simple action of taking off his coat.

"God, I think I'm getting too old for this," Abbacchio groaned as he rubbed his shoulder, sinking down on the side of the bed to unbutton his shirt, feet also aching.

"Here, let me," Carmen told him, putting her book away and scooting up behind him. She pulled his shirt away from his shoulders before going to work on the knotted muscles. Abbacchio groaned and let his head hang forward, relishing in the feeling of her thumbs digging in and releasing the tension.

"Long night?" she asked, leaning around to kiss his jaw.

"Mm-hm," he murmured. "Haven't been out on the docks since I started in Passione. Guess I'm getting soft. My back is going to be shit tomorrow."

Carmen hummed, hands skimming up and down his back soothingly, fingers gentle across the scarring that matched his front and firm in the spots where his muscles knotted.

"Feeling any more relaxed?" she asked him.

Abbacchio rolled his neck again. "Not quite yet."

Carmen's hands slid down his back again, this time digging into his hips instead as she shifted closer behind him, leaning her mouth toward his ear, breasts pressed up against his back. "Well, I can think of one or two ways to get you to relax properly."

Abbacchio hummed in pleased surprise as she purposefully slid her hands around to the button of his trousers, popping them open.

He chuckled as he took hold of her wrists, tilting his head back to kiss her. "I'm pretty nasty right now. Let me go shower real quick and I'll take you up on your offer."

Carmen pulled away with an exaggerated pout. "Don't take too long or I might start without you."

With that image in his mind, Abbacchio hurried to wash off the grime of work and returned in nothing but his robe, finding Carmen likewise dressed, waiting for him on the bed.

Her flirting had been somewhat of a pleasant surprise to him if he were being honest. They had been taking things slow since…everything…and to be fair, depression had been a huge hit to his sex drive. But faced with his eager wife after a long night of work, he found his downstairs brain just as eager for the interaction as the rest of him.

Carmen rose to her knees and caught him in an eager kiss before he could even get on the bed, her hands already working their way inside his robe. He gave a low groan as she trailed sucking kisses down his throat toward his chest, and he clumsily groped toward his side table drawer to grab a condom.

At the crinkle of packaging, Carmen pulled away and put her hand over his before he could open the packet. "Leone…" she said, hesitantly.

He swallowed down his growing desire and put his free hand over hers, suddenly feeling a little guilty at his eagerness. "Carmen, look, it's okay if you want to take it slow. I know that—"

She shook her head. "No, I want you, Leone, but…" She bit her lip and pushed his hand down decisively. "I would rather we not use any protection. I think that…I think I would just like to let things go naturally. You know? Not exactly trying but…maybe not minding if it happens?"

Understanding dawned and Abbacchio suddenly felt like he was underwater, a sick sensation in the pit of his stomach that instantly axed his arousal. He pulled his hands away, clenching the foil packet in his palm.

"Well, I'm not okay with that," he admitted firmly.

Carmen actually looked shocked, eyes widening. "What do you mean? You don't want to try for a baby again?"

Every word she said felt like she was driving a dagger more firmly into his heart. "No, I don't," he managed, voice strangled. "Why the hell do you want to?"

She got off the bed to stand in front of him, glowering upward, eyes wet. "Because I want a baby, Leone! I want our baby!"

"Carmen," Abbacchio nearly pleaded. "If something happens a second time…I can't go through that again—not so soon. And, frankly, I don't think you can either."

"That's not your choice to make!"

"It is my choice!" Abbacchio snapped, feeling sick as Carmen flinched, but he couldn't let her continue in this obvious desperation. "This isn't something just one of us gets to decide. Carmen, sweetheart, give it some time, please. For both of us."

"That's what you'll say next time too," Carmen snapped. "Isn't it? How long has it been since we slept together? You haven't even wanted me for weeks."

"That's not—"

"Don't you think it's better to try now so that if I lose the baby again we'll only be opening fresh wounds and not old ones?"

"No, I don't. Listen to yourself," Abbacchio pleaded, reaching for her hands but Carmen pulled away again.

"So you just don't want me?"

"I do, but I'm not ready to try for a baby again. Not yet."

"Fine then," Carmen said, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she reached for the tie on his robe. "If you don't want to listen and you're not interested in anything but sex, how about I just give you a blowjob and put you to bed?"

He grabbed her wrists, to stop her, pushing her away. "Carmen, stop! I am listening to you, you don't have to act like a—" He bit his tongue, but it was too late.

Carmen stopped, glaring daggers up at him. "Like what, Leone?" she asked icily.

"Carmen, I didn't mean it like that," he tried, heart sinking only further.

"Like a whore?" she finished for him, making him flinch. "Well, funny you should say that, because I was a whore, and if that's all you're going to use me for, then I guess that's what I'll remain."

Abbacchio just shook his head and grabbed his pajama pants, yanking them on. "I'm going to give you time to cool down before we both say something we're gonna regret." He said, voice shaking, before he had to add, "You are my wife, the mother of my daughter, Carmen. That is what you are to me, okay? Don't blame me for being fucking broken. You might be ready but maybe I'm just not as strong as you. I'm gonna need a little more time."

He shut the door louder than he should have and hurried down the stairs.

He intended to go for the couch or maybe outside to cool his head, but instead he turned to the kitchen. The tea and kettle were on the counter, but he found himself reaching up into the top cupboard where a few bottles resided. His hand found the familiar shape of the neck and he pulled it down, reaching for a glass just as the light turned on and he turned to see Bruno standing there.

"I thought you were done drinking alone," the other man said wryly.

Abbacchio considered the bottle a moment before he said, "Was only going to have one glass." He turned to look at his friend. "And it doesn't look like I'll be drinking alone."

Bruno sighed but he crossed the room and grabbed a second glass, setting it down beside the one Abbacchio had put on the counter. "I'll allow it this time. We keep that bottle for medicinal purposes anyway. Not that I'm a doctor, but…"

Bruno took the bottle from him and poured them two fingers each before they both wordlessly made their way out to the back patio, sitting on the steps.

Abbacchio sipped more slowly than he ever had before—of course this was a lot more expensive than anything he'd ever grabbed in the past. "Did we wake you up?" he finally had to ask.

Bruno inclined his head. "There's a marked difference between nightmares and fighting."

Abbacchio sighed heavily and lowered his head into one hand. "She says she's ready to try for another baby."

"And I assume you're not."

"Honestly, I don't even believe she is, I think she's just desperate and still grieving." He took a long drink. "Grief does weird things to you. You don't always think straight."

Bruno took a contemplative sip. "Maria said Danielle just found out she's pregnant. It might have stirred things up again for Carmen."

Abbacchio closed his eyes and rested his elbows on his knees. "Maybe. I just wish she'd talk to me. I thought we were past this."

"Leone, this whole thing is something neither of you have dealt with before. There's no textbook explanation for how you're supposed to react, or when it will all blow over. It's going to take time and it's probably not going to be a smooth road."

"I didn't expect it to be, I just want communication instead of her springing things on me when she thinks I'll be more vulnerable." He took a longer sip, feeling the burn of the alcohol down his throat. "But I also get that it goes both ways. I should have told her I need to wait. I just…I thought she felt the same."

"I'm just sorry you both had to go through all this," Bruno told him quietly. "I think about it every day. I wish I knew how to help but I realize it's really up to you two to figure out when you're ready to move on. But I have faith you'll come to a compromise. Carmen is a lot like you, you know, she lashes out when she's in pain—it might make things get especially heated between you when it comes to that, but I think it also will help the two of you understand where you're coming from. Just tell her the truth about how you feel and I'm sure she'll see your side of things."

Abbacchio finished off his glass, and felt a little better. "You're right. Thanks, Bruno. You always…you always know exactly what I need to hear."

"Anytime, fratello mio."


Abbacchio's back did not thank him for a night spent on the couch, but he woke up to Rosie climbing up beside him the next morning and patting his cheeks, which wasn't a bad way to wake up.

"Good morning," he mumbled as Rose giggled.

"Come on, Rosie, let's go make Papa his coffee," Narancia said as he picked her up again, watching as Abbacchio rose slowly to swing his legs over the side of the couch. "Hey. Everything okay?"

"It's not really your problem," Abbacchio muttered, rubbing his face.

Narancia gave him a look, the one that reminded Abbacchio that he wasn't just a skinny, stray kid anymore, and headed off to the kitchen.

Abbacchio went to use the downstairs bathroom and heard Carmen talking to Maria in the nursery. Deciding to take the opportunity to go get dressed without starting their inevitable confrontation when neither of them were ready for it yet, he headed upstairs.

He was just finishing up putting his makeup on when he heard the door open and glanced out the open bathroom door to see Carmen coming into the room with two mugs of coffee.

She looked around and spotted him staring at her, a tentative look on her face. "Oh good, you didn't leave yet."

"I'm not going anywhere today," he replied lamely.

Carmen exhaled swiftly. "Good. Because we need to talk."

Abbacchio admittedly felt a pit form in his stomach, but as he cautiously exited the bathroom, Carmen handed him one of the mugs and sat tentatively on the side of the bed, clutching the other between her hands.

"I'm sorry, Leone," she blurted. "Last night was…awful, and I hate myself for putting you into that situation. That was shitty of me."

"It was shitty of me to insinuate you were acting like a prostitute too," Abbacchio admitted.

"Yeah, well, you weren't wrong," Carmen said bitterly before she blinked upward, eyes wet. "God, this whole thing…I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I certainly didn't want to hurt you more than you've already been hurt. Than we both have."

She shuddered with a quiet sob and Abbacchio set his mug aside, taking hers as well before kneeling in front of her. He took her hands in his and clutched them tightly, kissing each of her palms.

"I love you, first and foremost," he told her sincerely. "I've never been good at talking, especially when I'm hurting. And I'm sorry for that. Especially since I know you're the same way. I always had Bruno to force me into it, but you needed someone to do that for you too. So, start off by telling me this: are you really ready to get pregnant again?"

Carmen gave a shuddering breath. "No—I don't know," she admitted. "Honestly, Leone, my head is just such a mess. I thought maybe that if I did get pregnant again now it would hurt less, that I would have something to look forward to again, but you're right. I thought about how I would feel if I lost another baby and…I don't think I could survive it this time. Not so soon."

Abbacchio rose stiffly and took her face between his hands, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb before he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I think it's a wise choice. But I also want to make it clear, Carmen, that I do want to have a child with you. Someday, when we're both ready, it's still a dream of mine to build our family." He took a deep breath. "But I also don't want it to happen before we're ready, so it would make me a lot more comfortable to take precautions when it comes to sex…when—if—you're up for it."

Carmen's hand hooked around the back of his neck and pulled him down into a deep kiss. "When I'm up for it, I promise to treat you to the care only my husband deserves."

Abbacchio smiled softly and kissed her again. "You know you have my full devotion, bella."

It was Carmen who took hold of his hands this time. "I think we should do regular check-ins on how we feel about getting pregnant again. What do you think?"

Abbacchio nodded, smiling wryly. "I think that sounds far too healthy for me."

Carmen laughed. "It was Maria's suggestion."

"That makes sense."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, looking up as she rested her chin on his chest. "Nothing wrong with changing bad habits is there, mi caro? Now come on, why don't we go get breakfast? I'm actually hungry this morning."

Abbacchio wound his arm around her as they made their way back downstairs, feeling as if a weight—or several hundred of them—had been lifted off his shoulders. He caught sight of Bruno as they were heading toward the kitchen and the other man smiled softly, a pleased expression on his face before he turned to catch up Paolo who ran unsteadily toward him with a garbled good morning.

Abbacchio closed his eyes with a sigh of released tension. He didn't feel like he was drowning quite so much now.


It wasn't all smooth sailing, but knowing they were on the same page made it better, making Carmen realize that they should have made sure they were a lot sooner than they had. The last thing she could endure right now was a fight with Leone. He was really the only thing keeping her together and the thought that she had almost blown it…

But he'd also helped her to realize what she could endure before she even knew that herself. Leone was continually perceptive, and knowing she was the one lucky enough to gain this man's devotion—it still made her feel like she was living some fairy tale.

Carmen did consider things every once in a while, and when it still hurt too much to think about, she knew they weren't ready yet.

"We'll know the right time," Leone told her gently as he held her in bed one night after another discussion. "We have all the time in the world."

Carmen wondered if she would know the right time.


They all took a beach vacation at the end of summer. It was nice to get out of the city. Carmen knew Leone wasn't fond of the beach—illustrated by the fact he was currently lying on the blanket under the umbrella with his head in her lap—and it seemed like Rosie was taking after him, but she still enjoyed her time playing with Fugo and Paolo as they made sand castles.

"That is a very lovely castle you've all designed," Carmen told then with a smile.

"Princess castle!" Rose shouted excitedly.

"Here, Rosie, you can use these to decorate it," Giorno said as he delivered a handful of shells he and Trish had beachcombed.

"Paolo! Make it p'itty!" Rose instructed, handing some of the shells to the other toddler.

"How's the castle building going?" Maria asked as she came up with Mariolina in her arms and set her down on the blanket.

Mariolina crawled over to watch the older babies as Maria took a seat beside Carmen, handing them some drinks from the cooler. "She's like a little fish, just like Bruno," she said joyfully, glancing toward the water where Bruno was currently frolicking with the others as Narancia and Mista instigated some kind of competition.

Carmen smiled. "I suppose the fisherman gene runs strong."

Maria watched fondly as Paolo handed Mariolina one of the shells and showed her how to put it on the castle. Rose quickly handed her a piece of coral.

"Here, Mari, this is the princess tower. Put it here," she instructed.

Mariolina reached for the spot and unbalanced, splatting on the beach to get a face full of sand.

Fugo swiftly picked her up before Maria could even get to her feet and Mari sniffled.

"S'okay, Mari, s'okay," Paolo told her, patting her gently, before kissing the top of her head.

"Aww, sweetie," Maria crooned, taking the sniffling baby from Fugo and started to wipe her face off with her sarong. "What a good big brother you are, Paolo. How about we take a snack break?"

The two toddlers hurried back to the blanket happily.

"Papa sleeping?" Rosie asked as she settled beside Carmen and Leone.

Leone gave a soft grunt. "Just closing my eyes."

Carmen fondly ran her fingers through his hair. "Do you want something for snack time too?"

"Coffee would be good."

"I've got some in the thermos, Leone," Maria told him as she rummaged in the cooler.

Leone reluctantly sat up as Rose hovered over him to sit in Carmen's lap. Maria handed out the snacks and drinks.

"You having fun, kiddo?" Leone asked, a little perkier with the coffee.

Rose nodded as she munched her cookie. "See our castle?"

"I've seen it, it's looking great," Leone told her.

Rose looked over at Paolo and Mari who were currently sharing cookies before she turned back. "Rosie wants little sis like Mari."

Carmen and Leone glanced at each other briefly, Carmen tentatively, but all she saw was an incredibly soft expression on Leone's face, none of the pain that usually showed when the idea came up. Did that mean…?

Carmen wrapped an arm around Rose and cuddled her close. "Someday Rosie will have a little sister or brother. But you're also a good big sister to Mari, you know. She looks up to both you and Paolo."

Maria turned to them with a smile, cuddling Mari close to her. "You are definitely a good big sister to Mari and Paolo both, Rosie."

That seemed to please Rose for the moment at least, and they were soon interrupted by Narancia who ran up to grab Leone and Fugo. "Volleyball match now! It's the three of us against Mista, Gio and Bucciarati and I claim the tallest gang member!"

"No way, wait until the sun's going down," Leone grunted.

"That's what sun screen is for, you grump!" Narancia said, throwing the bottle at him.

Carmen laughed and nudged her husband. "Go and play! If you win, I promise to rub aloe on your sunburns tonight."

Leone grumbled but got up anyway. Narancia grinned, turning to Fugo. "Don't worry, man, I'll rub aloe on your sunburns if we win."

"What a prize, I hope we lose," Fugo muttered.

"Aw, come on! We're supposed to be having fun, right?"

The rest of the afternoon was spent joyously and that night they took advantage of the fresh seafood Bruno had bought off the local fishermen that morning and made several delicious dishes for dinner.

After the sun had set and the babies were all tucked up in one of the cozy little rooms in the beach house they were renting for the weekend, Carmen and Leone took a walk on the beach to watch the moon rise.

"It's not so bad out here at night," Leone admitted.

Carmen smiled and leaned closer to him, their fingers intertwined. "It's been nice having a little vacation though, hasn't it? Even if you're not entirely thrilled with the destination."

"It's okay; you're right, it is nice to get out of the city." He looked up at the gathering stars, the soft breeze pushing his hair away from his face. "You know, earlier, when Rosie said she wanted a little sister…I kind of started thinking about it a little."

"I did too," Carmen admitted.

He looked down at her, cautious. "And what do you think?"

Carmen was silent, really considering, before she said. "I think that maybe I would like to give her that. Sooner rather than later."

Leone's shoulders loosened as if he had been holding in some tension and Carmen was pleased to see the smile that flitted across his lips. "I feel the same. I think…I think I'm ready to try again, Carmen. If you are."

Carmen stopped and simply pulled him in for a kiss. "I am, Leone."

He leaned back in for another kiss, pulling her flush against him and Carmen was a little more breathless this time as she pulled away, a hand flat on his chest, teasing at the open front of his shirt. "We could even…start now, if you wanted."

"What, here?" Leone asked a bit incredulously.

Carmen smiled coyly. "What? You don't think making love on the beach is romantic?"

"Hell no. Sand and sex don't mix," Leone said and surprised Carmen by simply picking her up and starting back toward the beach house. "You, bella, deserve better. We can open the window to let in the moonlight."

And Carmen had to admit there was something about the salt air mixed with the moonlight. It was almost like a spell, or rather, a curse that had been broken, as Leone thoroughly lavished her with his full attention that night. Much, much later they held each other, the sea breeze cooling the heat of their passion.

"I love you," Carmen murmured to the pleasantly spent and half-asleep man lying next to her.

"Love you," he whispered back as they both drifted off, dreaming of future possibilities.


Carmen sat clutching Leone's hand in hers, pressed against his side. The minutes crawled past as she waited for the test to complete.

"Relax a little, bella," Leone told her, kissing her hair. "It's only been a couple months, you have to give these things time."

"I know, I'm just nervous," Carmen felt her stomach twist, but it was too early to claim morning sickness as the cause. She jumped slightly as the timer she had set buzzed and gripped Leone's hand hard enough for him to wince.

"I can't look at it," she admitted.

"Let me do it then," Leone said as he stood up to grab the pregnancy test, squinting at the indicators for a long moment before he turned back toward Carmen, face impassive.

"Well?" she demanded.

He stepped over to her again and leaned over to kiss her, but Carmen could feel his lips turned upward in a smile.

"Well, Signora Abbacchio," Leone murmured. "According to the test, you are indeed pregnant."

"It's positive?" Carmen demanded and grabbed the test to see for herself, feeling a strange mix of elation and terror. She just stood there, staring.

"What's wrong?" Leone asked.

She gave a wavering smile. "I don't know if I can get excited yet."

Leone instantly took her into his arms, holding her close. "One day at a time," he murmured into the top of her head. "We can keep this to ourselves for a while, if you'd like."

Carmen nodded against his chest and felt tears prick her eyes. "Oh, Leone, I—"

"Shh." He cupped her jaw to kiss her again. "I know. It's probably going to be a little rough at first, but I'm right here beside you all the way."

Carmen wrapped her hand around the back of his head, tangling her fingers in his hair to keep him close. "I know. Promise me?"

Leone kissed her again, as if sealing a deal. "I promise, mi cara. No matter what happens."

A tear slid down Carmen's cheek but she honestly wasn't sure what emotion had evoked it. She could only focus on the man standing in front of her, earnest violet eyes staring into hers. Her anchor and her foundation. "No matter what happens," she replied, finally forcing a smile.


They have a little happy again ^_^

And on another note, today is the day pre-orders for my Family Matters and Part 5 story collection paperbacks open! If you are interested in getting a copy, go to my Tumblr at: lady-wallace to find all the links and information on ordering.