A/N: Nothing much to say. Here's Chapter 3!

Mansion Life Surprisingly Doesn't Suck

Bruce started sizing up the girl. Although they were about the same age, he looked to be the more mature of the two. He asked, "So, you live here?"

"Yep, it's pretty nice, I guess."

"Nice?" Bruce asked incredulously. "Your house is bigger than some apartment buildings I've stayed in."

She nodded. "So…you live in the Narrows?"

"Yeah," Bruce answered flatly.

"What's it like?" Selina asked.

"It's not as nice as here…" Bruce responded. He started walking down another corridor. "Where does this go?"

"The kitchen."

"Kitchen?" Bruce asked.

His stomach growled loudly and they shared a laugh. "Come on," Selina said, leading him down the hallway to the kitchen.

Bruce's eyes went wide at the kitchen the size of his bedroom at home. "How many people live here again?" Bruce asked, already digging through a cabinet looking for a cup.

"Just me and Alfred," Selina replied coolly. She hopped up onto the countertop and told him, "Alfred'll be pissed if he finds you going through his stuff, by the way."

As if on cue, the butler came striding into the room. Spotting Bruce making a mess of his orderly cabinets, he exclaimed, "What the bloody…" but stopped himself. Taking a breath, he told Bruce in a calm but firm voice, "Lunch was served three hours ago. Dinner will be at six."

"I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind making something for you," Selina started.

"Yes he would!" Alfred interrupted.

Bruce shrugged. "Whatever. I'll just grab something to eat and then be outta your way, how about that?"

"How about…" Alfred began, slamming the cabinet door closed before the boy could do anymore damage, "I show you to your room, Mister Kyle."

Narrowing his eyes at the butler, Bruce just shrugged again. "Whatever, Jeeves," he said, quickly getting out of the kitchen before the butler could react.

"Jeeves? Why you little…" Alfred began.

Selina told him, "Be nice, Alfred. He's our guest." Jumping down from off the counter, Selina coolly ordered, "And try to smile every now and then, you're kinda bringing down the mood." With that, she passed him and went to catch up with Bruce.

Alfred was left there, shaking his head. He muttered to himself, "Great, now there's two of them…" before bustling off to show his new guest to his room.

Selina caught the boy first and said, "Sorry about Alfred, he's a bit of a pain sometimes."

"No kidding," Bruce agreed.

"Come on, your room's just up here."

They went up a staircase and down a hallway or two. The entire time he'd been there, Bruce had been subconsciously mapping out the place, taking note of where everything was and different landmarks to help him navigate later on.

Selina led him to a pair of double doors and said, "This'll be your room, mine's just across the hall, and the study is right next to it."

"Study?" Bruce questioned.

"Yeah, it's where my dad went to read or learn or…study, I guess."

Bruce looked at her like she was crazy. "Learn? What's there to learn? You're a freaking billionaire…"

Selina hummed in agreement. "He used to play classical music for hours while he worked. My mom and I would play games or just do stupid kid stuff until he was done and then we'd have dinner. Sometimes we'd go see a movie or something…" Selina trailed off, remembering the night that they'd left the theater and entered that alleyway.

Selina realized that they'd been walking the whole time and were now in the study. Bruce was holding a picture of her mother that was framed on her dad's desk. "Was this your mom?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah," Selina answered.

"She looks like she'd be nice," Bruce pointed out.

"Yeah, she was…" Selina responded wistfully. Pausing for a second, Selina asked, "So, where're your parents?"

Bruce set the photograph down almost immediately. He turned away from her, acting as though he was looking through the tall glass doors that led outside. "They're around."

"I thought you said you lived on the streets," Selina questioned. She really meant no offense, but her concerned tone started rubbing Bruce the wrong way.

"Yeah, I do," Bruce told her flatly.

"But if you have parents…" Selina continued.

Bruce cut her off. "What's with the interview?" he demanded. When he saw the hurt look on her face, he sighed and responded, "If you really must know, my real parents were really shitty people. I got adopted."

Selina nodded, acknowledging his answer as a finishing statement on the topic of family.

He asked, "So, what're all these?" He picked up a file from the couch and started flipping through it. "Arkham…Falcone…Wayne Enterprises…what is all this stuff for?"

"Just files my dad had…business stuff…" Selina lied. Bruce caught a slight uptake in the tone of her voice, signaling that she wasn't being truthful, but he technically wasn't either.

"Right," Bruce said. "So, why keep them?"

Selina shrugged. "I think he started looking into this stuff a few weeks before…" she trailed off.

Bruce nodded. "And you think that these are connected to your parent's murders?"

"It was just an idea, really," Selina told him. "A theory."

Bruce set down the file he was holding and told her, "Cat, I'm sorry to tell you this, but stuff like that happens every day where I come from. It sucks, but that's just reality."

She shook her head. "I know, you're probably right. I just…I just don't understand why it happened."

"People are desperate," Bruce told her. "Now more than ever, really. Gotham's gotten worse and worse and now with it losing the Waynes, it's plummeting even faster."

"What is it like to live there?" Selina asked, repeating herself from earlier.

"Cold," he answered. "Rainy season makes the rooftops dangerous, winter can be deadly cold, there's no air conditioning in the summer…" he smirked to himself, "but spring is pretty nice most years."

"Sounds like it kinda sucks," Selina told him flatly.

He shrugged. "It's alright, I guess. You just gotta learn how to adapt quick. If you don't, well," he pulled a thumb across his throat in a gesture.

Selina nodded. She picked up the photo of her mother and glanced over at Bruce momentarily. She noticed he had subconsciously reached for his left breast pocket, the one over his heart. "What's in there?" she asked.

Bruce shook his head. "Nothing," he said, but he said it too quickly for it to be believable. Bruce mentally swore at himself for his poor choice of excuses. For some reason, he found it hard to lie to this orphan, rich girl. She raised an eyebrow and he let his shoulders droop down. Glancing at the door to make sure no one else was watching, he unbuttoned the pocket and pulled out the locket.

Selina reached to touch it, and Bruce pulled away reflexively. He apologized and held it out for her to see. He told her, "It was my mom's." Bruce hesitated, but decided he could trust the girl. He unlatched the locket and opened it, revealing the tiny portrait of a beautiful, young woman: his mother.

"She's pretty," Selina pointed out. Bruce nodded in agreement and abruptly shut the locket, balling up the chain and putting it back into his pocket.

Bruce heard footsteps approaching the doorway and, knowing it was Alfred, decided to cause a bit of mischief. Selina had been leaning up against the desk the whole time, so he got close to her, placing one arm on the desk behind her. He saw her eyes widen, but when Alfred opened the door, she seemed to pick up on what Bruce was doing.

Bruce gained a ton of respect for Selina Wayne that day.

Quickly, before Alfred had seen them, Selina placed a hand on Bruce's cheek, and wrapped the other around his waist, pulling him in a bit closer so he could feel her breath on his face.

From the doorway, they heard Alfred exclaim, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

Bruce improvised. He took a pen off the desk behind Selina and turned back to the butler, saying, "Just looking for a pen is all. What else?" he asked with a smirk, throwing himself down onto one of the couches.

Alfred started to stammer a response, but Selina joined in on the fun before he could reply. "Yeah, Alfred, what else would he be doing?" she asked with mock naivety, trying to make the butler as uncomfortable as possible.

It was working pretty well.

Alfred looked down at the ground, cheeks blood red. "Well, I couldn't find you or Mr. Kyle and I was starting to get worried. After all, it has been some time since you've performed one of your little stunts, Madam Wayne."

"Stunts?" Bruce asked, suddenly interested in the conversation.

Selina told him, "I've been trying to conquer fear. Jeeves over here caught me on the edge of the roof one day."

"I could give you some pointers, if you want," Bruce offered.

She considered and nodded. "Sure, I'd like that."

Alfred looked like he was about to blow a casket. Straightening himself up, he told the pair of them, "Dinner will be in two hours. Mr. Kyle, I've left the key to your room in your door. Is there anything else I could get you?" Alfred asked.

They both shook their heads and Alfred begrudgingly walked out in mutters and curses at that street trash he'd been forced to adopt.

As soon as the door closed, Bruce and Selina started roaring with laughter.

"Nice one," Bruce told her approvingly. "I didn't know that a billionaire knows how to lie convincingly."

"I didn't know someone else could find the humor in annoying Alfred the way I do," Selina replied, wiping her eyes clear of a few tears of mirth that hadn't fallen. "Oh, and were you serious about giving me pointers on heights and stuff?"

Bruce nodded. "I think what you're asking about is called freerunning. I could give you lessons, if you want. You'd probably pick it up pretty quickly since you'd always land on your feet," Bruce joked.

Selina raised a judgmental eyebrow at his attempt of a joke.


Across the house, Alfred was quietly freaking out. Dialing a number that he'd found in Mrs. Wayne's personal phonebook, he asked into the phone, "Hello, is this Dr. Leslie Thompkins?"

A sweet voice replied, "Yes, and who is this?"

Alfred replied, "My name is Alfred Pennyworth, and I am Miss Selina Wayne's legal guardian."

"Ah, Mr. Pennyworth, what can I do for you?"

Alfred blushed slightly. He stammered out, "Well, currently we are housing a guest, a boy around Miss Wayne's age, and…well…I think that she needs th-the Talk. As you were Mrs. Wayne's personal physician, I just thought that it would be better coming from you than me."

He heard a pause on the other end. Finally, Dr. Thompkins replied, "I'd be happy to help. Martha was a dear friend of mine and I'd do anything I can to help her daughter."

"Excellent," Alfred replied. "Could you be here…let's say…this Sunday?"

"Yes, that would be perfect for me. Is that all?"

"Yes. Thank you kindly, Doctor. Goodbye," Alfred concluded.

"Goodbye," Leslie responded.

Alfred set down the phone and practically fell into a chair. He muttered, "Well that was bloody awful."


The next day, Bruce had found his way outside and was walking around in the woods. The fresh air seemed to clear the smog and stink of the city from his sinuses.

He started bent down to pick up a stone, and a flower fell on his head. He picked it up, looked at it, and then casted it aside, not giving it a second thought.

A few minutes later, a nearly identical flower fell on his head once again. This time he looked up into the trees above him, but didn't see anything.

A bit creeped out, Bruce started walking back out of the forest.

He could just see the end of the path when a shower of flowers came floating down all over him.

He looked up and saw the culprit.

Cat was sitting up in the tree with an empty basket, smiling down at him. "Hey, B," she said, descending down the tree and running towards the house.

Bruce was still in a bit of shock from the audacity of that girl.

And there was no way in hell she was gonna get away with pranking him, not without repercussions at least.

Instead of charging after her, yelling threats and curses, Bruce bided his time, planning out the perfect response.

Selina didn't know it, but she'd just fired the first shot in a prank war the likes of which Wayne Manor had never seen.


Later that day, Bruce sat outside the door of her room while she took a shower, listening for her reaction.

Alfred walked past, giving him a suspicious and scornful look. He asked, "What are you doing here?"

Bruce nodded to the empty bag of baby powder next to him. "Just waiting for something."

Alfred looked confused, but his thoughts were soon drowned out by the start of a hair dryer, and a high pitched scream. A minute later, Selina came out wearing a towel, her skin and hair ghostly white, covered in a layer of baby powder. She was practically shaking with rage.

"Bruce!" she screamed as she left her room. Bruce got a one good look at his handiwork before he shot to his feet and sprinted down the hallway, Selina yelling after him.

Alfred shook his head in disapproval. "Bloody kids," he muttered.


It was Sunday morning, and Alfred got the alert that a car was coming through the gate. Rushing to the front of the house, he opened the car just as a taxi came around. A beautiful, young woman climbed out. She was wearing a nice dress with a lab coat over the top.

She approached the house and he bustled down the steps to assist her up the stairs. He asked, "Dr. Thompkins?"

The woman nodded. "Leslie, please, and you're…"

"Alfred Pennyworth," he answered. "Selina Wayne's legal guardian."

"Yes, and you essentially wanted me to speak with Selina about puberty?"

Alfred blushed slightly and nodded. "Yes, that was the general idea." He escorted Dr. Thompkins inside and said, "I served years in the British S.A.S. and that seems like a breeze compared to raising a teenager."

Thompkins asked, "Does Selina have any other close females in her life?"

Alfred shook his head. "She never had much of a liking for school, and hasn't gone back since her parents died."

Alfred called into the house, "Madam Wayne? There's someone here to see you!"

Unbeknownst to Alfred, Selina was standing two floors above them, balanced on a hand railing. Not wanting to lose focus and fall, she ignored him. She attempted to take a step forwards, but fear kept her feet glued to the surface.

Out of nowhere, Bruce popped up in front of her, causing Selina to take an immediate step back.

He instructed, "Keep it tight right here," gesturing to his core. "It'll help with your balance."

Selina gave him a skeptical look, but did as he said. Almost as soon as she tightened her abs, she gained much more balance. Still, she was unable to move forward on the bar.

Bruce told her, "Look down."

"What?" she asked, momentarily losing concentration and wobbling. "I thought you weren't supposed to look down…"

"You're right, but that only applies if you aren't afraid of heights, but you clearly are. So, look down. Look how far up you are and then think about what would happen were you to miss a step and fall."

Her face went pale white, but his advice hadn't led her astray yet. She did as he said and felt vertigo wash over her as she looked down the three story drop. "Holy…"

"Good, now that you're afraid, look back up and take a step."

"W-what? Why would you want to make me afraid?"

"Cause, fear," he started walking towards her, "isn't a bad thing." He took another couple steps, each time getting closer to the edge of the drop. "Fear is what keeps you alive. Fear…" he paused for dramatic effect, holding one foot out over the chasm, "is what tells you where the edge is. Harness fear, and you'll have complete control, but the only way to take control of it is to face it head on. Now," he stopped walking, "take a step towards me."

"I might fall…" Selina pointed out.

"Don't," Bruce replied flatly.

Taking a deep breath, Selina looked down at the railing and started to take a step, lifting her back foot up, swinging it over the edge, and touching down right in front of her.

Bruce smiled, "Good. I should probably go now."

"Why?" Selina asked.

"Cause your butler is coming with a doctor, and I hate doctors." With that, Bruce dropped down from the ledge and disappeared into another corridor.

Selina dropped down just as Alfred rounded the corner. "Ah, Miss Wayne, this is Doctor Leslie Thompkins."

Selina put on her most polite expression and said, "Nice to meet you Mrs. Thompkins."

"Miss," Doctor Thompkins corrected her. Alfred's eyes seemed to brighten up. "But please call me Leslie."

"Okay, Leslie, what're you doing here?" Selina asked, straight to the point as always.

Leslie looked at Alfred hesitantly and answered, "Your guardian wanted me to talk to you, girl to girl." The doctor smiled and asked, "Is there somewhere we could go and chat?"

Selina, a bit scared as to what was to come, answered, "We could go to my room…"

Thompkins nodded. "Lead the way."

Selina sent a wary glance at Alfred, but did as she was told. The doctor certainly wasn't threatening in any way, in fact, she was quite pretty, but the fact that Alfred had called her had Selina a bit worried.

Selina plopped down on the edge of her bed while Thompkins drew up the chair from Selina's desk.

Thompkins had closed the door behind them, which, to say the least, didn't exactly disconfirm her suspicions of what this was about.

Leslie crossed her legs and asked, "So, Selina, how are you?"

She shrugged. "Alright, I guess."

Leslie sighed. "Honey, I need you to be honest with me or I can't help you."

"Help me with what?" Selina demanded. "You still haven't told me why you're here."

She sighed again. "Selina, you're already growing up to be a beautiful young woman, and over the next couple years, boys are going to start to notice…" she nodded towards the door, obviously using Bruce as an example.

"Oh," Selina said. "So Alfred called you to give me the Talk?" Selina asked.

"Essentially," Thompkins agreed. "So, I'm gonna try and make this as least awkward as possible for you."


It was still really awkward.

Sure, Selina left that room with a couple questions answered, but the whole talk had just been…weird. Usually, she wasn't a very trusting person, but for some reason she felt like she could talk to Doctor Thompkins.

Alfred showed her out and then immediately retreated into the kitchen to make dinner.

Selina eventually found Bruce sitting on the edge of the roof. She called out to him, "What're you doing?"

He glanced at her nonchalantly and answered, "Nothing. What did that doctor want?"

Selina shook her head. "Nothing, just a checkup."

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her horrible attempt of a lie, but he didn't push. "Your butler kinda kicked me out."

"What'd you do?" Selina asked, moving next to him on the edge with their legs dangling off.

"He caught me picking the lock to one of the locked rooms. There are a lot of those, here," he pointed out. She nodded. He asked, "Do you know what's in them?"

She shook her head. "No, my dad always said if a door was locked, it was probably locked for a reason."

He raised an eyebrow. "That sounds more like a challenge than a warning to me, how about you?"

She hummed in agreement. "So, do you really know how to pick a lock?"

He nodded. "It's the first thing they teach you in thief school."

She chuckled. Seriously, she asked, "So, suppose there was a locked door that led to a staircase I saw once before my dad closed it. Would you be able to pick it?"

"Key or combination?" he asked.

"Key," she answered. "Alfred has them now."

"Well, to me, at least, I think it'd be more fun to steal the key. How about you?"

Selina grinned mischievously. "You read my mind."

A/N: Yay BabyBatCat! Sorry for the wait, but I needed to post a oneshot that took me a couple hours after "One Bad Day" and I've been working on some other projects, as well as outlining this series and a couple others. And on top of that all of my teachers decided it'd be a great idea to assign every possible assignment they could and make them all due on the same day…and finals… But, that means summer is gonna be here soon so I'll be able to post a lot more often. Thanks for reading!