Author's Notes: Hello, it's been a while, but I'm still alive. It's been a little rough for me these past couple of months and I kind of have been having issues motivating myself to write for a bit. I still am going to write, but my schedule is still pretty awful and I am still working to try and remedy it. Hopefully I can slowly move myself back into a proper working cycle.

Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.


This Should Go Well

"Entonces le decía "tú no pesas más, yo peso más." Entonces pusimos nuestros cuerpos sobre la escala y determinamos quién tenía el peso más grande. Después de eso me llamé a mi mismo López La Pesado," Lopez drones. [Then I would say "you don't weigh more, I weigh more." So we put our bodies on the scale and determined who had the greatest weight. After that I called myself Lopez the Heavy.]

Meanwhile, Grif was starting to feel his eyes lul over as his ears were compounded by a rapid influx of toneless Spanish.

"Man. First he doesn't talk at all, and now we can't get him to shut up." Grif then turns to Rowe and asks "How's translating going?"

As Lopez was speaking, Rowe could be seen desperately attempting to keep up with a Spanish dictionary. After about two seconds, she gave up and handed the dictionary back to Simmons.

"I give up," she groans, followed by an exasperated sigh.

Grif lets out a slight hum before turning his gaze towards Simmons.

Starting to feel creeped out by the extra attention, he nervously asks "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Well you know, I'm waiting for you to use your Latino persuasion," Grif shrugs.

The reflective visor did little to hide the glare that Simmons had for his fellow soldier.

"Simmons isn't a Spanish name, you dumbass!" he snaps "I'm Dutch-Irish."

"Oh…." Grif then dumbly asks "Still, do you-"

"No, I don't speak Spanish!" he angrily cries.

There was a moment of silence as the two glared at each other. Rowe rolls her eyes at the immaturity of her squadmates while Donut awkwardly looks between the orange and maroon soldier.

In an attempt to be a part of the conversation, Donut says "...I'm from Iowa."

"Nobody cares!" the other two barks.


As Lockett slowly crept up the hill, he immediately raises his right hand into a fist, motioning everyone to stop. He then makes a slow scan of the area and when he could confirm that there weren't any hostiles in sight, he raises two fingers from his right hand and motions for them to advance forward towards Sheila's flipped and wrecked frame. Making one final check, Lockett and Church walk up to the tank and look past it to the Red Base with a pair of binoculars.

A ghostly voice asks the platoon sergeant "Do you see anything?"

"No," he replies. Stepping back behind the tank, he says to Church, "It's like you said, they don't seem to be doing much at the moment."

Nodding, Church turns back to everyone else and warns "When I was there, I saw that they had already had their jeep fixed. So we need to bring Sheila back online before they notice us here."

"Okay, okay. Even if we get Sheila fixed, how are we going to turn her over?" asks a worried Caboose.

"The kid is right," Lockett tells Church, "We don't have a recovery vehicle of any kind, there's no way we're going to be able to lift a sixty-six ton…"

While the three were talking, Tucker and Fergo watch with wide eyes as Tex silently walks up to the tank. As she passes the trio, they too find their attention drawn to the Freelancer as she, without even a glance, flips the tank onto its correct side. It was even more shocking that Tex didn't even seem to struggle with the feat.

"Please tell me you saw that too?" Lockett asks, desperately hoping that he didn't finally lose his sanity.

Then again, the alternative was arguably something just as scary. Sadly, his fears were confirmed as all Church could do was nod as he too was frozen in shock. Fergo was sent into a stuttering mess as she voiced everyone's thoughts.

"W-wh….huh….th-that's not physically possible."

With raised eyebrows, Caboose plainly comments "She is a very strong lady."

All anyone could really do was stand and balk at the shere display of strength before them. Then, much to their chagrin, especially Locket's, Tex suddenly turns and calls out to the resident non-commissioned officer in command.

"Sergeant Lockett."

The call didn't register amongst the team at first.

"Sergeant Lockett!" she calls again, this time more forcefully.

Snapping from his daze, Lockett quickly replies "Y-yes!"

"It was made to my knowledge that you had the most experience with working on the tank and were in close proximity with it when it was hit?"

He gives a nod and a curt response, "That's right."

"Think you can give me a hand?"

There was a brief pause as Lockett shifted his gaze back to the rest of his team who now all seem to be looking at him with concerned faces.

"I'll be over there in a minute."

As Tex walks away, Church shakes off his shock and turns back to the others to explain his plan.

"I'm the one that's the least visible, so I'm gonna head up here to higher ground. I'll keep an eye on the Red Base. If I see anything, I'll let you know."

With Lockett's nod of approval, Church fades away leaving the remaining four members of Blue Team. Lockett turns back to the others to discuss their next move.

"Alright, all of you, listen up," he says to the team, "The challenge phrase is "Blue" and the correct response is "Angel," Fergo, I want you here pulling security for me and Agent Texas for the time being, anyone who comes up and fails to give you the proper response, shoot them, understood?"

With a look of confidence, she racks the charging handle of her rifle back and chambers a round.

"Yes Sergeant."

Sternly turning towards the other two, he asks them "If she calls out "Blue", what do you say back?"

Both Tucker and Caboose simultaneously reply "Angel."

"Right," he nods, "You two will be with Church on the cliff to provide overwatch. Two of us need to keep an eye on the activity at Red Base and the last person needs to keep watch over Agent Texas as she works on getting our force multiplier operational again. Any questions?"

He looks around his team and when there wasn't a response, he gives a reassuring nod and says "Dismissed."

Everyone but Lockett and Fergo left for the cliff.

While looking skeptical, Fergo asks her platoon sergeant "Does she really need us to pull security for her?"

While handing her a shotgun and a belt full of shells, he gives her a knowing look and cryptically replies "It's not for her."


As Tucker and Caboose started heading for the cliff, the aqua colored soldier make a quick detour and stopped next to Tex as she was working on the tank. In an attempt to break the tension and unease that the two blues currently felt.

He comments "So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought."

Tex stops her welding and turns to face Tucker before replying with "I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things."

"Yeah, but you like it," Tucker quickly added.

With a sly smirk, she cheekily replies "Well, I think it's important to enjoy what you do."

With a semi-serious and yet semi-joking voice, Tucker proposes a hypothetical, "So let's say I paid you to kill Caboose."

The two look over to the Blue armored soldier who begins to nervously shift under their combined gaze.

"You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?"

There was a long pause as Tex processed that question. She looks over to Caboose who nervously takes a step back, then back to Tucker.

"Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?" she asks with growing interest.

Before either could follow up her question with a response, Lockett's voice cuts in.

"Alright, that's enough you two, off you go."

Tucker and Caboose quickly gave their acknowledgements and walked off towards the cliff. Tex turns to greet the NCO as he approaches.

"Quite a jumpy team you have there," she muses while watching their retreating forms.

The two of them watched as Church's spectral form leans over the edge of the cliff and screams.

"Hey Tucker!"

"What?!"

Church indignantly cries back "What the hell is my body still doing up here?"

With a scoff, Tucker snidely retorts "That's part of being dead, Church. Your body doesn't really move around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet."

Lockett's eyes widen in realization as he whispers to himself "We left his body?"

"Alright, well let me rephrase that then: Why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet?" Church angrily cries down.

This time, it was directed at all of the Blues and not just Tucker. Rather than answer, Tucker instead looks back to Lockett for guidance.

"We had other priorities at the moment and eventually forgot about your body entirely," Lockett answers sheepishly.

"Well, why couldn't you just bury me, or at least ship me home to my friends and family?"

Before Lockett could respond, Tucker cuts in and snarkily retorts "Well Church, here's your ex-girlfriend," he turns to the black armored Freelancer and asks "Tex, as one of Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?"

Tex had a blank stare for a brief moment, it was almost as if she was actually contemplating saying something before she decided to just turn away and go back to work on the tank.

Tucker turns back to Church and sarcastically says "That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!"

For extra measure, Tucker proceeds to flip Church off before he and Caboose begin making their ascent up the cliff.

Lockett looks over and notices Fergo blankly staring at him. He waves her off and she walks back over to her spot beside the tank.

Without looking up from the tank, Tex says to him "How do you handle these guys?"

"That got some work ahead of them, that's for sure," he replies, "But they'll learn," he replies and then murmurs.

"So, what kind of damage did this thing take?"

"Multiple anti-tank missiles," he explains as he points up and down the hills leading up to the wreck and the still present blast craters, "A cluster of those missiles somehow managed to hit the tank in the same spot around multiple times, but I don't know how the tank held together long enough to fully flip end over end."

Tex lets out a soft hum as she looks over the damage.

"Are you gonna be able to restore her-" he quickly picks up on the confused look Tex shot at him and corrects his phrasing, "...It."

Tex did think it was a little odd of him to refer to the tank as a "her" but ultimately waved it off as there was a matter that took precedence at the moment.

"I'll need a moment to run a full diagnostic," with a little optimism, she replies "But the good news is most of the controls and electronics managed to survive, for the most part."

"Lockett!" Church hollers. "Lockett, can you come up here really quick?"

He glances to Fergo and then back to the freelancer who stops working.

"You two go on, I got this handled for now," she tells them reassuringly, "I'll call you over if I need anything."

With a curt nod and a crisp step, the two were gone.


So there they were, staring at Church's corpse, which to Lockett's surprise, was in surprisingly good condition. To his left, he could Church's corporeal form shaking in anger.\

"I am not happy about this," he growls.

Caboose suddenly spoke up "I have an idea. .." Caboose glances around. "I HAVE AN IDEA!"

Rather than shut the boy down, Lockett decided to humor him and motions for him to go ahead and he excitedly says "Since you possessed that Red guy, and took control of him, why don't you just possess your own body?"

Church didn't respond at first, instead he just narrowed his eyes and kept on glaring at the poor kid.

Surprisingly, it was Fergo that ended up rescuing him from the Church by asking "You know his body would still be dead right?"

Caboose nods and replies, matter-of-factly "Yes."

Fergo blinks in confusion and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she spoke.

"Wait, Caboose, you do know he'd just be walking around in a dead body right?"

"Yes!"

"And you do realize that the biological clock isn't exactly going to stop?"

"Uh…yes?"

He sounded a little more unsure that time. Seeing the gears in Caboose's head start turning, Fergo continues to press further.

"That means that Church would be walking around with a body that is still actively decomposing…you know, rotting?"

"Like a zombie?" he innocently asks.

This time, it was Fergo's turn to say "yes." With a glance at the ghostly soldier expectantly, hoping that his suggestion was still a good idea.

Church deadpans and sternly tells him "Caboose, I am not going to walk around in a rotting corpse. That's disgusting."

Caboose was saddened from his plan getting shut down but quickly perked back up. He didn't have long to dwell on it as Tucker's face suddenly scrunches up as he gags and turns away to avoid puking.

"Well, she's definitely right about the rotting corpse, Jesus!" he gasps.

Sensing Church's rising anger, Lockett says "Let's just worry about the tank for now….and whatever else you wanted with us. We'll bury your body when we're done."

There was a sharp exhale as Church's shoulders loosened and he quietly said "Thank you sergeant."

Trying to also lighten the mood, Tucker quickly adds "I mean, it's not like your body is going anywhere right?"

Caboose glances upwards, points, and cheerfully announces "Oh look birds!"

Tucker winces slightly from Church's hardening glare as Caboose's head tilts slightly, as he looks up in confusion.

"Why are they flying in circles?" he asks.


At Red Base, Rowe could be seen leaving the infirmary while reading from a tablet in her hands. She passes by Donut who was lounging on one of the couches in the common area watching a soap opera on the TV.

"Hey," he waves.

Rowe simply waves back as she exits the building and walks up to Sarge and Lopez who were working on the warthog.

"Sergeant, Lopez," she greets.

"Specialist/Especialista," they reply.

"Where are the other two?"

"Fucking around up top like usual," he grumbles.

"It's rather slow today isn't it?"

"It's too quiet," Sarge wearily replies while looking around their position, "I don't like it."


Tucker and Church watched Tex and Lockett as they repaired the tank while Caboose continued to keep an eye on Red Base with the binoculars. Church turns and sees Fergo walking up to them.

"How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?" he asks.

"Shouldn't be long now," she answers back, "They were actually surprised by the condition the tank was left in."

"So then how much of it has she fixed so far?"

"Well, she's almost got the gun working again and she said she could probably get the engine to run again in about the same amount of time."

Church clearly wasn't happy to hear the sudden leap in progress.

"Lockett said that whatever you are planning, you gotta do it now."

This was made more apparent when he sarcastically grumbled "Oh, that's just fantastic."

Tucker scratches his head and asks "Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the Reds, and they're all gonna die."

With a deadpan expression, Tucker reiterates his previous question, "Again, why is that a bad thing?"

"Because, as soon as we beat the reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head!"

Both Tucker and Fergo share a brief glance before they simultaneously respond "And?"

Caboose blinks in confusion and then says "A.I…."

Church immediately knew what Caboose was going to say and sharply snapped "Shut up Caboose." He turns back to the other two and continues "And if I don't get it out before she leaves…"

Tucker fills in the rest.

"You're never gonna see her again."

Church nods.

Rather than protest, Tucker curiously asks "So what're you gonna do?"

Church lets out a whistle and walks over and looks towards the Red Base as he begins to ponder about the question.

'Well…" he breathes before turning back to Tucker, "I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the Reds before she fixes the tank."

"Okay…"

Fergo cut in this time with her concerns and doubt.

"Say you actually managed to pull this off? Tex still has a tank, what good is warning the Reds when their only way of surviving this is if they blow up our tank and by default, kill your ex-girlfriend?"

"I have to at least try!" he protests.

"Okay well, what do we do then?" Tucker asks while pointing between himself, Fergo, and Caboose.

"Yeah, and Church," Caboose stammers, "Wh-what happens when the Reds come out here to stop Tex and they see us."

"And if they have a rocket launcher stashed away, which they probably do, so it would probably be a very short fight."

"I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck, guys."


Unbeknownst to the quartet on the cliff, Lockett could hear every word quite clearly. He sat there with an expressionless face as he listened to Church's….well, not so secret plan.

"Oh, don't worry," Tex waltzes up next to the NCO and chuckles "He's always been that dumb."

Lockett's face scrunches up into an exhausted look and he silently looks over to Tex rather than responding.

"You know, it was a good plan," she comments thoughtfully, "It probably would have been a helluva lot more helpful if I didn't know about it, hm?"

"...yeah."


"Caboose?"

Caboose looks away from Lockett's spotter scope and sees that Tucker had called for him.

"You think I should try to kill him this time?" he asks, still rather annoyed by their previously deceased teammate.

Surprisingly, Caboose actually considered Tucker's idea, but ultimately just shakes his head and he looks back through the spotter scope.

Tucker looks over to Fergo who was wearing an incredulous expression on her face, he shrugs and says "It was worth a shot." he then quickly adds "Tell you what, kill me instead, I promise not to come back."

"Oh look!" Caboose exclaims, "They have a girl!" he excitedly cries, "A girl!"

"What, where?" asks Tucker as he frantically tries to spot her with his rifle's scope.

"On the roof!" Caboose cries as he focuses on Donut. "Pink armor!" he cries, pointing in the direction he was looking.

"Woah, wait," Tucker murmurs, "They have two girls…I think. Ah…what color is that, like a darker pink.?"

"Naw," murmurs Fergo as she looks through the binoculars. "That's more red than pink…if I had to guess, rose?" While taking another look, Fergo comments "Well, at least one of them is a girl, the rose one."

"How can you tell?" asks Tucker.

"The waist area," she passively replies. "If you look closely, you can see that the one in rose armor has a somewhat noticeable curve, and-"

Suddenly, Fergo quickly realizes what she was doing.

"Wait…no!" she snaps. "Why am I helping you perv on another girl? What the fuck?!"

All Tucker and Caboose did was give a slight shrug.

"Do you guys really have nothing better to do?"

Once again, the two just shrug.

"We always spy on the Reds, them getting anything new always draws our attention," he replies. "Anyway, you were saying?"

With a defeated sigh, she looks back and continues "The last thing I was gonna say was that if you look at her from the side like she is now and compare her to their sergeant, you can notice that her breastplate has a noticeable bump relative to her size whereas the sergeant is a bit more broader."

"Actually, Fergo…." Caboose nervously asks, "I can't really see it…are you sure?"

"Yeah, are you sure?" asks Tucker, who was also feeling skeptical, "Like, what about the pink one, she doesn't have anything you mentioned?"

"Uhh, that's a good point…" she mutters to herself while scratching the back of her helmet. "I dunno, that's the best I got."

Caboose suddenly donns an excited smile.

"So…he's a guy?"

That suggestion actually could have some merit.

He continues poking holes in their argument.

"Also, how do you know the armor isn't changing their shape or not?"

"Naw," Tucker argues while shaking his head, "Like, girls can be petite too, also what guy would want his entire armor bright pink?"

"Um..guys?"

Lockett calls out over the radio but everyone was too wrapped up in their conversation to notice.

"Look at the way he…she…they?"

Caboose looks over to Fergo and Tucker who in turn look at each other before giving their nod of approval.

"They kind of walk the same don't they?"

With a raised eyebrow, she murmurs "I mean kind of? Y-no…damn." Throwing up her arms she walks away from the ledge and moves to behind the group. "Welp, there goes most of my ideas on how to tell. Unless we can talk to the person, that's all we have to go on."

"Guys?"

Tucker adds in by chidding "That's what I am saying dude, it could literally go either way. Either it's a really girly dude, or it's a chick with no waist and a washboard for a chest."

"Guys."

A smoldering glare was sent towards him making him whimper slightly.

"You're out of line."

Hearing Lockett, her glare quickly shifts to a more neutral one when she looks over to Caboose and says in agreement "But he's right."

She picks up her radio and says "Yes sergeant?"

"In the future, you guys may want to be a bit more quiet in your personal discussions."

No one responded, the three blues shared a weary glance as they slowly approached the edge only to see Lockett looking back at them with an awkward look. To his left was Agent Texas who, well, if looks could kill, Fergo wasn't really sure there would even be a few particles of dust left in their place.

"You guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?"

"Oh no," whimpers a scared Caboose, "Tucker, say something, quick!"

"Yeah, Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl-girl," he shouts.

Caboose cowers down and Fergo yelps in horror as she smacks the back of Tucker's head and cries "No, not that you dumbass!"

Their fears were answered as a rather irate Tex shouted back at them a single question.

"And what the hell does that mean?!"

Both Caboose and Tucker frantically shout back "Nothing!"

With a deep sigh and a roll of her eyes, she crosses her arms and leans against the cliff while muttering "Idiots."

"Wait a second," Tucker murmurs as his eyes widen in realization and he turns to face the other two. "If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the Reds about her?" he asks.

The three of them all look down and see that Lockett was still standing below them, looking back up. He just wordlessly nods and the three of them back away from the ledge before refacing each other.

"So…" Tucker drawls out as his eyes nervously shift between Caboose and Fergo. "Think we should tell Church?"


Author's Note: So…it's been a while. If you have made it to the end of this chapter, I thank you for sticking with me that long. I don't plan on leaving this story unfinished, I promise. I will work my ass off to try and get a new chapter out soon. See you then and as always, Big Brother is watching.