My stomach started to hurt and I pressed my hand into my side, furrowing my forehead. It felt a little like I had a bad stitch. And then the cramps started properly and I groaned, realising it was that time of the month. That was inconvenient as I wasn't prepared, not having thought much about it recently. It was the first one in a year and a half and I'd need to go get some supplies. We were in the middle of practically nowhere but had passed a small corner store about 15 minutes from here and I knew that would be the most likely place to have something.

"Tae, I'm going to need to go to a store and get a few things. Do you want to stay here and play with Sophia or shall we all go?" We were parked up in a scenic reserve and they were currently kicking a ball between each other, giggling as they did.

"Do you want me to come? What do you need?" He asked, focused on scooping Sophia up as she went to run away with the ball. They were giggling.

I paused a moment before answering, unsure of how to approach it. We had talked openly about quite a few things but with the cultural differences, I wasn't sure how much he had previously talked about anything to do with the way women's bodies worked.

"Oooo, is it a surprise," he asked, his eyes lighting up, noticing my pause.

"Well, it was a surprise to me, that's for sure. But not an exciting surprise." I sighed, rubbing my lower back and he looked confused, coming over and putting his hand on my back as well.

"Have you hurt yourself? Do you need some pain medicine?"

"I am a bit sore but it'll go away in a few days." He just blinked at me a few times, gently rubbing where my hands had been. "Tae, I have my period." He looked confused at the word, having likely never needed to know it in English before. "It's a girl thing, each month."

"Oh, oh, OK. Well, ummmmm, that's normal, right?" He sounded a little unsure how to respond, not blushing but unfamiliar with this conversation.

"It's not normal for me. Well, it hasn't been for the last 18 months. It stopped when Matty died, my body going into shock I think. This is the first one I've had back since then so it wasn't expected."

"Do you need to sit down? Shall I get you some chocolate? I can rub your back?" He held my hand and strok ed it lightly, leaning in to tentatively press a kiss to my cheek, like I was made of glass. I laughed.

"You're very sweet and it's been a while but it was just a surprise so I'm not prepared. I'm fine, really."

He pulled me against himself, reaching behind me to press into my lower back and I sighed as he found a spot that was aching. Quiet for a while, relaxing against each other, he finally spoke.

"So that means no baby then."

I pulled back in surprise. "Tae, we've been careful this whole time."

"I know, I know, I've just always wanted a family. I know we're not trying, it would be the wrong timing but I'm thinking about it now that I know you're not pregnant."

"Can you imagine? That would be crazy." I was feeling my stomach twisting at the thought. It wasn't that I couldn't picture Tae as a father. I'd seen him with Sophia, he'd be an amazing dad. But I'd also done absent parenting when Matty travelled for work and after he died. With Tae away so much, I wasn't ready to do that again.

"Yes, that I can imagine," he said softly, looking down.

"Tae?"

"Mmmhhhhmmmm," he answered, not looking up.

"Oppa? Are you OK?"

"I love Sophia."

"I know you do."

"And you know I love you," he said, finally meeting my eyes, leaning in to press his lips to mine. It was fleeting, like a breeze across my mouth and I felt the tingle I still got every time we connected, no matter how briefly, even after the hundreds of times he'd kissed me.

"I know you do Tae."

"I just can't help thinking about a little you and me together."

I smiled at him, reaching my hand up to play with the hair that fell against the nape of his neck, left to grow long while we travelled. "I've thought of that too. A little boy with your grin and nose and with my lips. Or a little girl with your eyelashes and laugh and my hair. They would be so loved. When the time was right."

"I know that's not now. I couldn't bare to go to serve my country and leave you with a new baby. It's already hard enough to think of leaving you and Sophia. But, just now, I was kind of disappointed."

"I love you Taehyung. You really are the sweetest man. And if the time is ever right for us, it will be perfect."

"It will be," he replied, kissing my nose. "And now, you need to get some things from the store. I'll stay with Sophia unless you need me to come."

"That's OK, I won't be gone long and it's not exactly an exciting trip."

Later that night when I climbed into bed, he glanced at the long oversized t-shirt and leggings I was wearing, not what I usually wore to bed.

"I need to feel comfortable," I said in response to his look, feeling defensive.

"I was just thinking that no matter what you wear, I think you look amazing," he replied, wrapping his arms around me as I snuggled back into his chest.

"You're cute," I mumbled as my tiredness took over.

The next day I felt a little better although I was worn out having not felt this way in ages. Everything was hitting me with a vengeance. So we had a quiet day, took a walk in the forest nearby, played in a small river bed with Sophia, building a dam with the pebbles and rocks we found. And as we curled up in bed that night, he was the big spoon again, tucking me in against himself. I felt his lips on my neck and his sigh as his eyelashes closed against my skin.

"Are you alright Tae," I whispered into the darkened campervan as his hands lightly rubbed my stomach.

"Yes jagiya, are you?"

"I'm tired but my body doesn't hurt as much as yesterday."

"Good, I'm happy to hear that."

He continued to lightly stroke my stomach and I closed my eyes. "Goodnight Tae."

"Mmmm, night baby," he answered as we both drifted off.

When I woke the next day, he was on his back, arms above his head and I had rolled to curl up against his chest during the night. Surfacing properly, I stretched and he stirred to life, blinking against the light coming through the edge of the blinds. "Morning," he said softly, Sophia still asleep near our feet.

"Morning Oppa." I snuggled back against his warmth, not quite ready to start the day yet. And with nowhere specific to be at any set time, we had the luxury.

His arms came down to wrap me in close and he kissed along my throat, causing a tickle as I scrunched against the sensation. Then his hands moved down from my waist to my hips, sliding under the leggings to the bare skin above my underwear and it was no longer a tickle, now tingles radiated out as his lips moved. A small noise escaped my mouth and he smirked, his lips pausing to savour one spot on my collarbone. And then he pulled his hand away and I pouted. "How many more days," he asked into my ear.

"Until?"

"Until your body is yours again?"

"It's always mine Tae."

"At the moment, you're not in control of it. I want to know how much longer."

I could hear the tone of his voice and leaned back a little to look at his face. He was frowning a little and a smiled at him, biting my lip. "Are you frustrated?"

"Yes," he said instantly, not bothering to hide it. "I don't like having you close but not being able to touch all of your body."

"It's not like we haven't gone weeks without you touching me Oppa," I replied, trying to hide my smile by biting down on my lip to hold it in place. He was watching and reached his thumb up to gently release my lip from it's hold, placing his in it's place. Once they'd slid over mine a few times, my body instantly drawing closer to his, he leaned back and answered.

"Yes, but that's when we're in different places. When we're together and you're right in front of me, I know you're there if we both want it."

"This isn't stopping me wanting you Tae, trust me. Right now, my body wants yours."

He quirked his eyebrow up and gave me a questioning look. "We've never talked about any of this," I said, unsure if he wanted anymore information.

"I've not talked about it with anyone I've dated. Not because I wouldn't want to talk about it. Just, back home, the woman aren't as open."

"I'd rather you knew and we were able to talk freely, if you are comfortable. Do you have any questions?"

He screwed his face up in a ball, thinking. His cheeks coloured a little and he shook his head.

"Yes you do, I can see it on your face! Honestly, just say it. I'll be OK answering."

"OK, well you don't have to but," and he paused again before summoning some courage. "How long does it last and ummmmm, let's start with that."

"For me, it's five days."

"Five days? Every month? That's a long time to not touch you."

"Well, you can touch me though," I answered, unsure if he was going to be comfortable with the conversation for much longer.

"So intimacy is not off the table for five days each time?" He sounded confused.

"No," I answered and he leaned back more so he could look at my face. He looked confused now too so I thought I would give him the easy version to clear things up. "OK, so, to start with I can feel sore and intimacy can make it more uncomfortable. My breasts can get tender for one thing." I paused while he looked down at them, making sure he wasn't touching them. I don't think he knew what the word tender necessarily meant but he got the idea, nodding. "But after a few days things have mostly settled, you could wear some protection. It can be a little messy but it's not that big a deal when sex can be messy anyway. But if that's not our thing then there are other ways to still have intimacy without having sex." My cheeks flushed a little as I was being direct and trying to word it so he would understand but I was glad I had laid it all out there.

He had been listening to it all, frowning a couple of times but at the last sentence, he perked up and I laughed. "Actually, I should be starting to feel a lot better by tonight. I can show you what I mean?" Now his eyes were twinkling at me and he was smiling again.

"I don't mean to sound needy but I miss touching you so I am looking forward to what you will show me. But Marley, it would be OK if we didn't do anything. I don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"Taehyung, my body can be extra sensitive at this time. Which can be both good and bad. But we can work that out together. I'm looking forward to that actually."

He smiled and nodded, leaning in to kiss me again as we both heard Sophia begin to stir. He quickly took the moment and ravaged my neck with multiple kisses, leaving me breathless as Sophia called out "Mama, TaeTae," and our day started as we sat up and pulled the privacy curtain away, greeting her as she clambered up onto our bed. Our eyes met over the top of her head and they held promises for later, both of us looking forward to later today.