Voices converged into one great noise that buzzed pleasantly in Merry's ears, his belly full of food and drink, his family near at hand, and Estella by his side. He could not recall a time that he had felt more content in Brandy Hall, especially not since his return.
Estella had agreed to spend some days with him in Buckland, and it was not lost on him what a meaningful thing it was. For him to come calling on her in her own home was one thing and had caused quite a stir on its own, but for her to come stay in Buckland? That would truly get the rumor mills working, he knew. Talk would start spreading of engagement and marriage.
"Is it like this every night?" Estella asked, looking around at the crowd of hobbits that had gathered for one large supper in the grandest dining hall in the Shire.
"No, not every night. Most families have dinner by themselves in their own smials. But when a guest of honor comes to stay…"
She shook her head and laughed at him. "I'm hardly worthy of that title."
"Nonsense! But even if it were true, which it is not," he stressed, "Everyone would have been pressing in on you to get a look at who they suspect is to be the future Mistress."
Estella laughed again. "Well, you'd think the novelty would have worn off by now. We've been here for three days. I'm sure they must be terribly disappointed in me too."
"I can't be bothered with what they think of you. I know you're wonderful." His compliments still made her uncomfortable, and he knew he was pushing his luck with her now.
"When are we going to Tuckborough?" she asked, desperate for a change of subject.
Merry smiled broadly. Many things about his first Yule spent with Estella excited him, but the prospect of being together with her, Pippin, and Diamond (and back at the Great Smials for the first time since Pippin and Diamond had been married) was what he looked forward to the most. Merry loved all three of them deeply and wanted them to love each other as well.
"Two more days. I think you'll like it there, Stella. Pip's sisters have children who would love an older playmate, and once you get to know her, Diamond is a lovely lass. Quiet," he added, "But lovely."
Now that supper was over, the residents and guests of Brandy Hall had started making their way back to their own rooms and smials, and Estella was looking to do the same, Merry could tell. She liked parties, she liked dances, she liked celebrations, but only for a time. Then she wanted nothing more than to go back to her own home and sit by herself or with her brother. He took her arm and began leading her through the great maze of hallways to the top of Brandy Hall, where his mother and father lived, and where he and Estella were staying.
"We are supposed to wait for Holman," she told him. Holman had been assigned their chaperone for the day, but Merry had been glad to give him the slip.
"Ah, never mind about that, Stella. Let's just go." He gave her no chance to object further. "I'm looking forward to Yuletide with the Tooks," he told her.
"I'm quite nervous about getting to know Diamond," Estella admitted as they walked, looking over her shoulder to see how many eyes were on them as they slipped away.
"Why's that?" He led her away from the main hallways, planning on taking her to the smials through the back of Buck Hill, where there were fewer hobbits and more shadows to hide them.
"Well," Estella went on, dodging a small group of teenaged boys running through the walkway. "You said yourself that she's very… different, Merry. She's never said a word to me, and I don't know that I've heard her speak a complete sentence either."
"She's quite shy. She loves talking about music, so you might have better luck with that than anything else."
She sighed heavily. "I don't know anything about music. I want so badly to like her and to get on with her because I know it's so important to you, I'm just not sure we get along."
Merry opened the door to the ascending hallway for her as she spoke. Estella had forbidden him from telling her he loved her and when he had last asked her, she said she still did not love him. He wondered how true that really was. Wanting to get along with his dear friends simply because it was important to him was not something someone like Estella did unless there was love of some kind to motivate them. Perhaps it was not a romantic love. He had been thinking often lately if a marriage to someone who only loved him as a friend was what he truly wanted. He wanted Estella, yes, but he also wanted to be loved in return. Could he content himself with whatever her feelings would be if they were to marry? He had hoped she would have come to love him by now, and while he suspected that the beginnings of romantic feelings were there, what she felt for him was still much more platonic than not.
They reached the door to the smial and Merry opened it for her, letting her into the entryway before closing it. It was dark but full of familiar shadows that he'd known since childhood. He watched her as she enjoyed the temporary silence. Her shoulders relaxed and she breathed deeply.
"Your parents are not back yet," she observed.
"They won't be for a few minutes yet. They have to see everyone out."
She turned back to him now, amused. "You are breaking their rules," she said. "Your mother does not want us alone."
Putting his arms around her, he laughed. "What's she going to do? Disown me? I'm her only child and the only heir."
Estella raised one eyebrow at him. "Pippin was nearly disinherited and he's the only heir as well. And you don't think we should obey so she likes me?"
"I don't care if she likes you, I don't care what she thinks of you. I like you. Isn't that enough?"
"I want her to like me. If we do marry, I'm going to need her. I don't have any idea how to be Mistress of Buckland. You do know she's terribly intimidating, don't you?"
Merry did know. His mother possessed a commanding air that was reminiscent of her brother, Paladin Took. Esmerelda dressed in fine clothes, managed to keep her curls perfectly in place, and was an enforcer of tradition. She had aged greatly the last few years, but the graying hair and lines on her face only added to the authority she seemed to hold. The actual power afforded to the Master and Mistress of Buckland was nominal, but Esme held the respect of everyone in Brandy Hall, and that seemed to be all she needed. Esme was also kind though, not as quick with a harsh word as the Thain, and understanding, even in her attempts to uphold old traditions. Estella had not been given the chance to see very much of that side of her yet.
"Aw, Estella you'll do wonderfully, and Ma likes you just fine. Now, kiss me," he bent to press his lips to hers, but she turned her head, her hands pressed against his chest in effort to keep him at arm's length.
"I'm fairly certain your mother does not like me, and if they don't even want us alone together, your parents would not want any kissing either," she chided playfully. Merry would not let her go, coveting any moment of privacy with her since there had been none for several days now. He let himself drift into a daydream where they had been wed and this was their home now. No more chaperoned walks through the halls, no more fussing and fretting by Rosamunda, no more worries about Fatty, just the two of them together.
"How long until they come back?" Estella wondered after a long silence. She pushed herself free of his arms and came to sit in front of the dying fire in the hearth. Merry set about building it back up again.
"I shouldn't think it would be too long now. Da will be tired, I'm sure. He seemed better today; don't you think?"
Estella nodded, then made room for Merry to sit next to her once the flames in the fireplace were crackling happily once again. "He was coughing much less and seemed to be breathing easier."
Placing his arm around her and feeling her relax into his side, he once again thought he had never been more content in his own home. He could feel Estella looking at him and he turned to face her.
"Do you want to kiss me?"
"Would you let me?"
She said nothing, but tilted her head back, lips ever so slightly parted, almost in anticipation. Or invitation, Merry thought. She had never initiated a kiss this way before, it had always been him. The side of her nose brushed against his, then the door opened loudly, and she quickly backed away, biting her lip, and stifling a laugh.
Saradoc Brandybuck entered his smial and chuckled when he saw his son and Estella together by the fire. The laughter caused him to begin coughing, and Estella rose to fetch him some water while Merry helped him into his favorite armchair.
He took the cup of water from Estella and sipped it, and the coughing slowed, then stopped. "Thank you, my dear," he smiled at Estella, who nodded her head in respect. "Meriadoc," he turned to his son now with a serious voice, but merriment in his eyes. "You know the rules. You ought not to have brought young Miss Bolger here alone."
"Now why are you assuming that it was my idea and not hers, huh Da?" Merry smirked at Estella and she let out an indignant huff.
Saradoc smiled wide. "You are my own son; do you think I do not know you? Estella here is one who follows rules set for her, aren't you lass?"
"Indeed, I am, Mr. Brandybuck!" Estella proclaimed, coming to stand near him in playful solidarity against Merry, who shook his head in amusement.
"Please, Estella, you can call me by my first name."
Estella laughed and insisted, "No, I cannot. I think I might actually be physically incapable of it!"
Esme's voice could be heard then, calling from the hallway outside to her husband. "Sara? Are they in there? Please tell me you've found that boy!" She bustled into the sitting room and sighed deeply when she saw the three of them there. "People are talking, Meriadoc!" she cried. "You cannot simply disappear without a chaperone after a dinner like that. Do you know how gossip gets started when an unmarried couple simply up and leaves by themselves?" She paused in front of Estella, who looked at her without embarrassment or shame. Merry was glad to see that at least if Estella was intimidated by Esme, she didn't intend to show it. "Now, Estella," she said, voice harsh. "I understand this was Merry's doing, but I do believe it's gotten quite late, and you should be off to your rooms."
"Yes, Ma'am," Estella replied. "Goodnight, Merry. Goodnight, Mr. Brandybuck." He watched her go as his mother turned to him shaking her head. Once they all heard her doors close, she looked up at her son.
"Merry, my dear, these rules are in place to protect Estella more than they are to protect you."
Merry sighed and rolled his eyes like a tween. "What harm will a bit of time to ourselves do? And you know it was not Estella's fault, there was no need to talk to her like that."
"What harm could it do? A child out of wedlock, first and foremost, Merry!"
Merry scoffed at this. "Estella is not that kind of lass, and you know it."
Esme's eyes grew cold and hard. "I most certainly do not. I know nothing about her, and can hardly trust your word as you're so lovesick. But you've not earned a reputation as a scoundrel for nothing and should count yourself lucky that it's not happened before with one of the others!"
Merry opened his mouth to object, to defend his own honor, to remind his mother that never once had things gone that far, but Esme's sharp and pointed glare let him know that it was not the time.
"Disappearing with no chaperone in your company reflects poorly on Estella. And since you won't think of it for your own sake, think of her. If enough gossip got through Buckland she would be ruined. I know you love her; any fool with eyes can see that. But you've made no announcement of engagement yet, and that alone is causing people to wag their tongues."
Merry sat himself down now, knowing the time had come to come clean with his mother and father about the nature of his courtship with Estella. "She… she does not love me," he muttered. If they were surprised, they were both gracious enough to not say anything. "I love her, very much. But she does not feel the same way about me. She's agreed to the courtship and possibly marriage because I can provide her with…" he motioned to the surrounding room. "Everything, I suppose. I've not seriously discussed an engagement with her because I want to wait and see if she will grow to love me first."
Esme and Saradoc exchanged looks quietly. Saradoc spoke first. "It is time for you to settle down. You know I've been ill, son."
"Da, don't talk like that. You've been getting better."
Saradoc held up a hand in demand for silence. "I've been ill. It will be your time to claim my title soon, and it's always best for the Master to have a wife."
"What, no complaining about her being poor and only being after our money?"
Esme sighed and Saradoc sat back in his chair. "You are of age and capable of making your own choices," she said, voice growing softer. "And the Bolgers were not always poor. They did quite well for themselves, if I recall correctly, before losing the farm. I'll only remind you that love is not a requirement for marriage. I do not care what she feels for you, you will bring it up with her by the new year, do you understand? If she is not agreeable, time to cut her loose and we will arrange a marriage with someone who will be suitable. Until then, stop giving your chaperone the slip as if you were still in your tweens. It's unbecoming of the future Master and Mistress."
He resented being talked to this way, but a respect for his mother and concern for Estella's reputation took hold of him. "If an opportunity arises, I will ask her," he promised.
Esme nodded, satisfied for now.
"I do think Estella and I are well suited for each other; I'll have you know," he couldn't resist adding.
Esme spared him a glance, but only said, "We shall see."
It did not take long for Saradoc to tire, and Esme and he both retired to their chambers. Merry remained where he was, mind very well occupied with what his mother had said. He was so absorbed in his thoughts he did not notice Estella had quietly returned to the parlor till she was right in front of him, and he started.
She grinned at him. "I told you she does not like me," she whispered.
"How much did you overhear?" he wondered, gaze returning to the fire in the hearth.
Estella sighed, crossing her arms. "Enough. More than she meant me to, I'm certain, but her voice carries, and even the walls here aren't thick enough to stop all sound." Her smile turned to scorn as she continued, "A child out of wedlock… honestly! It would seem I have much to prove to her."
He stood and took her hand. "You have nothing to prove to her. She is not like Uncle Paladin, not truly. She will not object when I marry you."
Estella raised her eyebrows at him and drew her hand away. "When? You speak as though it's already been decided!"
"Would you marry me if I asked?"
She was silent for a moment, averting her eyes from his gaze. "I enjoy your company."
"That is not what I asked."
"I know. I do not have an answer for you in the moment. I still… I do not love you."
He nodded and reached for her anyways. She allowed him to take her hand and kiss it. "I know you do not. But I grow to love you more every day I spend with you. And if you can assure me you won't outright refuse, I will ask you soon."
"Because we are well suited to each other?" she smiled coyly at him.
He laughed now. "You were eavesdropping, weren't you?"
"I can't help that you Brandybucks talk far too loudly for your own good."
"Do Brandybucks talk too loudly or do Bolgers snoop?"
"No," she insisted, beginning to make her way back to her room. "The Brandybucks are most certainly too loud. Goodnight, Merry."
"Goodnight, Estella."
