The scenery passed us by as we headed back to my home city. Our trip wasn't done, in fact we were only about a third of the way through our time. I didn't like how fast it was flying by but I was soaking up each day. Mum and Dad had offered to have Sophia for three days, longer actually but Tae and I had agreed we wanted to spend this time with her too, cementing all of our connections together while we had the chance. So now we were heading to drop her off for those few days so Tae and I could head to a little camping place I'd spied online that looked romantic and private. Tae had insisted we hire the whole place so no-one else was there. He hadn't thrown his money around while we'd travelled and I appreciated that but it did sound nice to have time just the two of us so we had our pick of six locations on site to stay and I was looking forward to it.

As we drove, the windows down, breeze flowing through our van, I took in the surroundings. We were passing through a little town with tiny holiday type cabins and they caught my eye, pointing them out to Tae.

"Oh, they're cute and it's so pretty here. I'd love to stay in one of those," I said as we sped by. Tae glanced away from the road, to my face and then to his driving again.

"Let's buy one then," he replied and I laughed. "Oh, I'm serious," he continued, "why not?"

"Why not? It was just something I thought in passing because the idea was nice. I don't actually want one."

"But we could. You know that right? It would be easily done."

"I know you have the money for that Tae," I said with a sigh. Why did it bother me so much? He had earned it and he wasn't super over the top with spending it even though the price of some of his clothes and accessories still made my eyes water. I had liked hearing a lot of his things were perks of the job, gifts from brands so he'd wear them. They knew it was like printing money if he did.

"And there isn't anyone I'd rather spend it on and with." He glanced away from the road and rested his arm across the carseat where Sophia slept between us, lulled as she often was by the motion of the road. Lightly touching me since he could tell I was getting a little uncomfortable, he gently spoke again. "We haven't talked about homes. Your one here in New Zealand. Do you have a..., oh, I don't know the word. Money still needing to pay to it?"

"You mean a mortgage? Only a small one. One thing Matty and I focused on was paying it off as much as possible. When he, well, when he died, I paid most of it off out of the life insurance. So, there isn't much left now."

"Let me pay it for you so it's done," he said and I let out a big breath, not sure how to answer. My silence as I battled with my thoughts wasn't new to Tae and he kept his hand there, attempting to reassure me, giving me time to collect myself. "I'd really like to nae sarang."

"I know, that's very, ah, sweet."

"You wanted to use a different word? You don't think I am trying to control you with my money do you?" His eyebrows came down and his brow was furrowed, slight worry evident and I reached my hand to where his rested, connecting us some more, fingers linking.

"Not a different word, I do think you're sweet to suggest it. I'll just always struggle with the idea of you spending lots on me."

"It wouldn't just be for you though. It's also for Sophia. If we were married, I would be doing that anyway."

Now I really did have trouble forming thoughts in my head. If we were married? My heart was beating quickly and my face didn't feel calm.

"Jagiya, I want to see you when we talk about all this. Should I pull over?" He glanced over at me, seeing I was stressing.

"No, lets keep going. If we're going to talk about the future, it's a much bigger conversation than the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. But I do, I do want to talk about it." Deep down I knew if we were to talk about the future, about marriage and money and life, it needed to include where we lived, what that looked like, prenups. We needed to both be in the right headspace. But I needed him to know I was OK. "There is definitely a time to talk about that soon oppa, I know it's important."

He smiled when he heard the nickname, and nodded in agreement. "Yes it is. So, we agree to talk about it soon?"

"Yes, we will, while it's just the two of us." I knew that locked us in for talking soon, in the days when Sophia wasn't with us but I was OK with that. I loved Tae and if he felt the same way, we could work out a way to move through the stickiness that were our differences. "I love you, you know that?"

"I do know that and you have to know by now that I love you too. I hope I show you that, as often as I can."

"You do Tae. I feel it even when you don't say it. But you're my friend as well as my lover and I like that about us."

"I like hearing that. Friend. Lover. I adore you Marley."

I was smiling now, the anxiety of the money and future talks drifting off my body, replaced by a warm, cosy feeling as I thought of the two of us, together. "I'm so lucky to have found you," I replied. "Now, before we get sidetracked by needing to stop the van for other reasons, did you still want to find the glow worms?"

"Other reasons," he asked, smirking. "Are you feeling my words in a different way?"

"Hangsang oppa," I said, rolling my eyes, "now back to the glow worms."

He laughed. "I don't know why you call them glow worms here, they're not."

"I've never thought about it but we can call them glow bugs if you'd prefer."

"I don't like bugs, I think I can cope with worms. Either way, it sounds like fun. But, it isn't dark yet?"

"It doesn't need to be. The cave is always dark and while we'd see more at night, there will be some visible even now. It's about half an hour from here and when Sophia wakes up, we can all go for a walk to see them. It's not far into the cave system and is well sign posted."

"Sounds perfect aein."

As we continued to drive, I watched the world go by and alternated with watching Tae. His hair had grown to a length where it covered his ears and sat against the top of his t-shirt at the back. I knew it bothered him and he'd talked about getting it cut but without his regular staff around who he trusted to cut his hair, he was reluctant so just put up with it growing. The bonus of while his hair was long was losing my fingers in it while I held onto him and that always made me smile to think about. I liked it but then again I liked everything about Tae, whether his hair was short or long, face smooth or stubbly, when he was smiling or when he was lost in his thoughts like he was now.

"What are you thinking about," I asked, curious at the long silence between us. It didn't feel like there was anything bothering him, it was comfortable like it so often was.

"I was thinking about glow bugs and caves and what they eat and what makes them shine," and I laughed because I was thinking about him and he was thinking about bugs.

"What," he asked, sounding a little defensive. "I didn't study insects at school."

"You're adorable," I answered, leaning over to peck him on the cheek.

"I'll keep being adorable if I earn those," he said, smiling as he focused on the road.

"You don't need to earn those, my lips are all yours," I said quietly.

"Now who is being adorable," he replied, glancing at me with a fond look on his face and my body felt like it was glowing, the warmth from his look settling inside me, making me feel content.

We started popping snacks in our mouths as we drove onwards, making easy conversation about random things, laughing at some of the differences between our cultures. It did feel like we were on a long Summer holiday with nowhere to urgently rush to and I was loving this relaxed time with him.

"If there was something you never had to do ever again, what would it be?" He asked out of the blue, chewing on some fruit bites.

"Clean the house," I answered instantly. " I don't mind vacuuming but I loathe dusting and don't get me started on folding washing. I can clean it but why does folding it seem to take so long?" I rolled my eyes, thinking of how many piles of Mount Washington I had stared at over the years, wanting them to magically fold themselves.

"Right, OK, done," Tae answered and I eyed him.

"What do you mean done?"

"You won't have to, I'll get someone to come in and do those jobs for you."

"Tae, no," I said, frowning.

"But you just said you never want to do it again?"

"I did because you asked a question. I thought it was just curiosity."

"And I have the answer for you. I want to, please let me."

"I'm not ready Tae," I said softly, eyes filling with tears and just like that, the feelings from earlier returned. He glanced away from the road, not asking this time before quickly pulling to the side of the highway when he saw my face. Leaving the engine running to keep Sophia asleep and opening his door, he came round to mine. Leaning in awkwardly over where I was buckled, he held me against himself.

"I don't understand why you're upset aein? Can you tell me?" He pulled back and lightly kissed my nose before reaching to unbuckle my seatbelt so we were moving more freely. I rested against his chest, arms hooked around his back, listening to the steadiness of his heartbeat under my ear.

"I don't know exactly," I started, taking a breath. "I just don't like the idea of being a kept woman."

"A kept woman? Do you mean me buying things for you?"

"Yes." My voice was small but I didn't know how to explain how it made me feel when he offered things like that.

"I always do things like that for those I love. My parents and siblings have access to that as well. It's a small thing I can do when I care about someone. I want to take care of you. Then you are free to do more with Sophia."

My eyes became wetter at his words and I kept my face pressed into his shirt. This kept coming up and I definitely couldn't avoid talking about it properly for as long as I'd like. The logical side of me knew he had money and it possibly wasn't a big deal to him but it just didn't sit right. I loved it when he took care of me with his words and his actions. But not with his money even though I knew he wasn't trying to buy me. I was fighting my independence, the idea of someone coming into my home and doing something I was capable of, maybe even fighting a little against the simple life I'd had with Matty. His arms were holding me close as I processed my thoughts, hand resting on my hair as he gently stroked it.

"Jagiya, can I see you," he asked, pulling back a little and lifting my chin so our eyes met, mine full of unshed tears. "Please don't be sad, I won't if you don't want me to, it was just an idea."

"It's a nice idea Tae, I'm not sad. I think I'm overwhelmed. I think the money stuff is bigger than I really understood."

"Your eyes say you're sad," he said, thumbing where a few tears had overflowed onto my cheek.

"There's so much love I have for you but I still don't know what to do with myself when you say things like that. It was nice of you to offer but I'm not ready. Yet."

"I'll take the yet," he answered. "As long as you know, when we're married, that will definitely be happening. I already have someone who comes to take care of my place. That way you can take care of me in other ways," he said with a small smile, crooked at the corner, almost a smirk. His eyes were beautiful, soft and looked at me with such intense feeling that all I wanted was to be closer to him. I pressed my mouth to his, swallowing my emotions at his casual use of marriage for the second time in an hour, needing to feel him against me, surrendering to him.

"Thank you for trying to understand what I can't even explain," I said as we separated.

"You know I'd do anything for you nae sarang," he answered sweetly and I melted like I did every time he was this gentle with me.

"I know and I do love you Taehyung."

"Full name?"

"To match my full heart oppa," I answered, knowing it sounded corny but it was exactly how I felt.

He pulled me in against his body again, resting his chin on the top of my head and I closed my eyes and just held onto his warmth. Eventually, the rush of a car or two going past us pulled me out of my daze. "Shall we keep driving Tae?"

"Are you ready?"

I nodded and smiled up at him as I put my seatbelt back in place, watching as he walked around the front of the van and climbed in next to me. He reached for my hand over the top of Sophia's carseat, holding it while he started the drive towards our destination. Handing me the bag of snacks and wiggling his eyebrows so I'd know he wanted me to put one in his mouth, I did with a smile. His infinite patience at my up and down emotions made me love him even more, if that was even possible. Surely he was made for me and the more time we spent together, the more I realised it.