Chapter 9

The slight possessive jealousy had been channelled in all the right ways, waking the next day curled against each other, bodies baring the feeling of stretched muscles and marked with tiny kisses. It wasn't that he wanted me to be his possession or belong to him and I knew that. Strangely, it made me feel protected, that he wanted to step in all the time to keep me safe. He knew I didn't need him to and wanted to anyway, expressing love by just wanting to be everything for me. So when we'd walked in from our meal, only seconds passed before he was attached to my body, hands roaming, mouth tracing a path to remind me we belonged together. And I loved him for it.

We hadn't made it to the outdoor baths as planned, rainchecking until later tonight, too caught up in our own tiny bubble to move far from the room. Tae was convinced we should test them out in the day and have another bath at night too but I wanted our first time in them to be when the stars were out. I'd seen photos and it look spectacular.

Now, we were comfortable on our phones, having decided we were going to keep the day low key. Explore some of the local sites but not go too far from our home away from home. We just wanted to relax in each others company while we could. Clicking his phone closed, he turned to face me, catching my attention with his words even as I felt his gaze on my face.

"This is the most relaxed I've felt in years."

"Do you mean being here?" I plugged my phone in and snuggled down into the covers, mirroring his body as we faced each other.

"Yes but this whole trip, all these weeks. It doesn't feel real to have all this time and not have to be doing anything constantly."

He turned away from me, snuggling back, the little spoon in my embrace and I knew something was going on as he was, usually, always the big spoon, cocooning me in his warmth. I scooted so I was comfortable, rubbing his shoulders as he sighed into my touch.

"Your body has been under constant stress for a decade nae sarang. It's good that you can take a break just for you."

"Just for us," he answered, silence flowing through the room as my hands moved over his upper back. Thumbs settling into the groove either side of his spine, I hoped it was making him feel good as I moved them firmly up and down, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. "I worry," he said, into the quiet.

"What about," I asked, continuing to move my hands, hoping to calm his concerns.

"My military service. I don't want to worry you or talk about it. I know you have fears too."

"I'm scared you'll get hurt," I said, hands stilling for a moment as a shiver went through me at the thought before they moved again. I couldn't think like that. He'd be OK.

"I don't worry about that so much. It's just, well, it is a long time. I worry that it will be so hard to be apart since we've spent so much time together." He turned into my arms as he spoke, wrapping his around my body, drawing us together. Resting my head on his chest, I felt his rise quicker than before and then a sniffle as I realised he was crying a little.

"Jagiya?" I looked up to see his eyes scrunched closed, trying to stop his tears from falling but I'd already seen. "Please don't worry."

"I'll miss you too much, I don't really want to go," he said, still not looking, his deep brown depths hidden from me.

"I can't even. I can't think about it," I replied, wiping a drop from his jaw before it fell. "But Tae, you don't have to be the one holding us together. We're in this together now, don't carry all those feelings on your own. You never have to do that anymore."

He lowered his face then, tucking it into my hair as his tears fell a little harder than before and I hugged him as tightly as I could manage, trying to make it a little bit better.

When I felt his breathing even out a little, he pulled away, pinching his nose near his eyes to collect more of the tears.

"It's not like I don't know what to expect, I've had close friends enlist and finish their time. Other actors and idols like me so they talk about what it was like. I don't want people to think of me differently while I'm there."

"I understand, you want to be a soldier when you are there, not someone famous."

"Yes, but people will still think of me differently. Jin talks about it a little, Hobi too. I just want to be Kim Taehyung not V when there and I still want to somehow make music. But more than that, I don't want to be so far away from you."

"This isn't something that can be avoided," I sighed, dreading to think about the reality that would come around too soon. "But I think you will meet some wonderful people and I'll love you even more when you are finished, even with super short hair." I reached up to touch it, loving the feel of my hands running through it. I would definitely miss it, I had memories woven into my hands playing with his hair in all kinds of ways but it would grow back quickly.

"I know you can't go to a studio and record but you can still write some songs?"

He nodded. "Maybe I'll write my first full album."

"Maybe you will. And it will be beautiful."

"I'm sorry aein, I'm just been feeling sad for myself."

"Please don't apologise for having feelings Tae. If anything, I'm glad you shared it with me. I am a little scared too, for me it's a lot of unknowns. But I trust you'll be OK. And I'll send you things to cheer you on."

"What kind of things, candy? I love New Zealand chocolate!"

I laughed. "Not really what I had in mind. I was more thinking pictures of me, wearing, well, whatever I feel like wearing."

He cocked his head to the side, twisting the thought in his head. "You might have to wait on that until I know how close we will all be sleeping to each other. I don't want anyone to see you wearing, well, I am hoping not a lot?"

"I was thinking about jeans and a shirt but sure, we can go with not a lot," I joked.

"That might make it harder," he said and then smirked. "In more ways than one," as he moved his body to press against mine.

"Are you still feeling relaxed oppa," I asked, breathing his air as we looked at each other.

"Not completely," Tae replied, fingers sliding down my hips.

"Let me help you with that," I said and my hands got to work, massaging again before they were caught together above my head, trapped in the warmth of his grasp as we allowed our bodies to relax each other.

Inevitably, we needed to eat, even if staying in bed for the next few days would've been Tae's preference. Sometime while we were enjoying each other, the owners had delivered our breakfast foods to the dining hall and even though it was almost lunchtime, we cooked a late breakfast together, enjoying the slow pace and the fresh ingredients.

"I love food," Tae said, pout eating and I laughed at his cuteness. He was a dichotomy. A sensual, striking man sometimes with a sweet, younger man hiding inside. That sweet man had an air of naivety in the way he approached life. I couldn't get used to it and I didn't want to. The right version of Tae was always there for me when I needed him, making me enjoy life as an adult while reconnecting with the childlike parts of myself that I'd tucked away. He just saw things through a completely different filter and it was refreshing.

"I can see that love," I replied, buttering a piece of freshly cut bread, popping it on a plate between us. Gone were the days when I had food and he had food. It was a free for all that we constantly shared, something I'd noticed he did with his members. I wasn't sure if it was a Korean thing or a BTS thing but it didn't bother me, he was always generous with what was left, offering me the last of everything. If it wasn't for the incredible amount of 'exercise' we were having, I'd definitely have been gaining weight while we travelled.

He took a bite of the bread, offering me one too and we sat for a few minutes in companionable silence. It felt perfect and I wanted this to be the way life was, always. But I knew it couldn't be like this forever. This was just an ideal moment in time, one I would always cherish. Laying my head on his shoulder, I munched away, taking in the view of the valley spread out in front of us and he moved his head slightly to brush a kiss on my temple before we returned to the quiet.

"I could stay like this all day," I said.

"We don't have to go anywhere, there are no rules."

"But you wanted to see the big rocks," I answered with a grin.

"Big rocks? You mean where they filmed some movies? Yes I do! They're some of the things I watched before I came to New Zealand with the members and I always wanted to go where it was filmed. I am interested in movies you know."

"Would you ever act in another Kdrama or a movie?"

"I'd like it. I loved when I did and the Wooga squad are so important to me, that came out of acting. But, I don't know if I will ever really have time."

"Maybe one day," I said, lazily, feeling the sun warm my skin as it flowed through the window.

"There are so many maybes for one day. I'm not sure I will ever really do them all but I like to think about it. Do you have more dreams for one day?"

I was embarrassed to say most of my dreams for the future revolved around him now so I avoided mentioning those. "I might like to do some more study in my field, get better at photography."

"Oh, that's something we could do together," he said, sounded excited. "One of my favourite things are photos. Although most of them are on my phone. I need to print more out."

"Same but I do like being able to look at them anytime I want."

"I like to be able to look at you anytime I want."

"Charmer," I replied, kissing him quickly and he pulled me onto his lap, not allowing my lips to leave his until he'd left me breathless.

"Just charming," he asked as my lips were full from our moment.

"Sexy too. And adorable."

He pouted. "Adorable? Makes me sound like I'm a child."

"You can be," I said, raising an eyebrow at him as he moved his hand as if to spank my butt.

"Oh, just try it," I said, glaring at him.

"I like the sound of that," he said, raising it a little more and then laughing as I growled, lowering his hand to gently cup my face. "There's a time for that and that's not here and now but I'll keep that in mind." My mouth had fallen open, unsure if he was serious, unsure if it was something I wanted him to do although my body was fizzing at the thought. "Big rocks then," he asked, innocently as he held my hand, pulling me to my feet and I followed him into the kitchen in a daze, tidying up as he smirked to himself. He looked like an angel but when the devil came out, I was up for it.

"I miss my members," Tae said softly, gazing out across the inky sky as the water sloshed slightly under him. We had finally made our way out to the twin tubs, filling them as the sky grew dark and stars started to appear, turning the small LED candles on, giggling as we disrobed and sunk into a tub each. We could've tried fitting in one together but this felt perfect, relaxing side by side. "This reminds me how we came to look at the stars a few years back and saw something like this."

"That place is about an hour from here. When I watched that online, I knew I wanted to see those stars with you too."

"It's a memory I treasure, we can't see the sky like that back home. I laid on the ground and just stared for as long as I could."

"Have you been chatting to them lots while we've been travelling?" He had told me things they were talking about in their group chats but not how often they talked. Reception hadn't always been great either in some of the more remote place we were visiting.

"Yes, there is always something going on for one of us. I send through travel pictures, some are talking about their albums. Yoongi is writing a lot for members and others. Jin and Hobi are talking about what they are doing in the military. What they're allowed to say anyway."

"It's nice you can stay connected but I know it's not the same."

"We were together every day for so many years, we shared everything. Well, it felt that way. The last few years we have been living apart but have still been seeing each other all the time. Not being just down the road from them feels different and that will be the next few years too. I wouldn't trade being with them for being here with you right now though."

"You can enjoy being here and still miss your friends."

"And my family too. It will be difficult, the next few years. I'm away from all of you and then after..." His voice trailed away. After felt so undefined. We'd talked about being together long into the future, planning for that to be the case. But whatever country we decided to live in meant huge changes for one of us. Our families were both so important, how could we live away from them? His job locked him to Korea for so much of the time, would I end up being the one to sacrifice the most for love?

"There's still lots of time to talk about after. It's so far away, we can plan the right thing for us both when it's time." That didn't give any clarity to either of us about what that looked like but at least he knew I was OK with waiting and seeing what would happen. The plan was for BTS to come back together after all their military service was complete but by then, some would be married and once children appeared, travelling away was complicated. I could attest to that.

"It's not going to change Marley."

I turned to look at him, artificial candles glowing around us, casting a little light and lots of shadows on his face. "Us," I asked tentatively.

He reached into my bath, taking my hand in his. "I can't picture a world where we're not together. My feelings for you aren't going to change. Unless they get even stronger and I don't know how that will feel. I might explode."

I smiled at his earnest expression, feeling the same. "A year ago," I started to say, gazing out at the night as I couldn't finish my sentence.

"I feel like we were different people back then. We didn't know we'd both find what we weren't even looking for. I was happy but not like this." Bringing my hand up to his lips, he held it there, humming against it as we stared into the black. All above us and around us were pinpricks of light, millions of them clustering into a galaxy that spread as far as we could see in any direction. And that's what it felt like to be with him. Millions of tiny moments, touches, looks that spread all through me, lighting me up. It was a true, pure love given only to each other. And my heart grew a little more as we anchored another memory to our journey.