CW: Adult situations throughout much of the chapter.


Harper couldn't have asked for better colleagues. They were kind and understanding about her clusters. She had a white noise machine that she would place outside her office door when her clusters would hit, and they were all respectful and kept their distance during those times. The maintenance folks were good about not touching the supplies she kept in her office for her oxygen treatments, and nobody touched her stash of energy drinks in the communal refrigerator. Thanks to the oxygen, she wasn't as out of commission during the day, and only had to reschedule a couple patients. She was lucky that they, too, were flexible.

Perhaps even luckier, James had taken to tending to her at home. It had been uncomfortable at first to accept all of the help, worried questioning, and concerned glances, but she reminded herself that she really could use the extra support. Plus, seeing him beam with happiness at being able to provide for her needs was a constant reminder that taking care of her made him feel good as her partner. It also seemed to ease the distress of seeing her in so much pain.

The pair was in their bedroom, sorting, folding, and putting away some laundry James had done earlier that day. Harper sat on the bed, legs crossed beneath her, folding the clothes and passing them to the former soldier who stood between the foot of the bed and the bureau to put things away. They worked in comfortable silence, enjoying completing the menial task together.

Harper passed James a stack of her undergarments, which he took and opened the corresponding drawer. Something clearly caught his eye, judging by the wicked grin that lifted his lips. He deposited the fresh laundry then pulled out what was easily her most risqué set of underthings – a black thong with forest green lace at the top hem and a matching bra which was cut to leave little to the imagination.

"I've never seen this," he teased, eyebrows raised suggestively.

"It's not comfortable, and certainly not for everyday wear," Harper shrugged.

She could see the gears turning as James was thoughtfully quiet for a moment. Finally, he asked, "Might I see it at some point, though?"

"I'm sure you will eventually."

Now even more clearly there was something he was thinking over. Finally, he asked, "Are you feeling well enough to have a more serious conversation?"

Harper took a deep breath. She had a feeling she knew what he wanted to discuss. "Yeah, we can talk."

James joined her on the bed and held out his flesh hand for her to take. She placed her palm in his and allowed him to lace their fingers. "Darlin', is there something going on? I feel like things have never been better between us, but I've also noticed that this is the least sex we've had since we added that sort of intimacy to our relationship."

Harper sighed. "I've been trying, but I've been having a hard time feeling up to sex, I guess."

"Are you alright?"

The brunette shifted uncomfortably, dropping her gaze to the navy comforter. "A lot of the time when we're together, I feel… guilty?"

"For what?" he asked, surprised.

Harper groaned with frustration at herself. "Well, firstly over putting you in such an unfair situation at Christmas. I know we talked about it a bit, but I still feel awful for doing that to you."

"It's really alright, doll. It was almost two months ago and that's the only time it's ever happened. Drinking a little too much happens to the best of us."

"Still, it shouldn't take being drunk to feel okay enough to come onto you," she admitted with a frown.

"You don't feel like you can initiate when you're sober?"

"Not anymore. Because now I just think about how I was stupid and let some scumbag touch me and…"

James squeezed her fingers and lifted his metal hand to cup her cheek. "Harper, you couldn't have known he wasn't a good guy. And you did nothing wrong trying to be with someone else. I wasn't here, and it looked like we'd never be together again. Do you think you should have been resigned to an entire life of celibacy?"

"But we are together and now you're not the only one who's…"

"That doesn't matter. Or was our first big fight back in Bucharest for nothing?" he asked with a gentle smile. "It doesn't matter to me that you were with someone else in some way. It matters to me that someone hurt you. It matters to me that we're together now."

"I know none of this is rational," Harper mumbled, blinking back the tears forming in her eyes. "I want to have sex with you."

"Is there anything that I've been doing that reminds you of what happened?"

"Not since the time in New York."

He frowned and ventured, "Maybe we just need to work our way back up to it?"

Harper lifted a brow. "What do you mean?"

"We each had a fantasy that had nothing to do with traditional sex, if I recall correctly." It took Harper a moment before her cheeks flushed brightly. James asked, "You remember?"

"Yeah, I do," she confirmed with a nod.

"Would you… still be open to either of those things?"

"As long as you think you'll find it attractive even if I'm totally awkward and blushing the whole time."

James ran his thumb back and forth across her cheek. "You know I think you're sexy, darlin'."

Harper glanced downward for a moment as she thought. Gazing back up into bright blue eyes, she asked, "Wanna try yours now?"

He disguised a groan of anticipation by clearing his throat then quickly assured, "That wasn't the goal of this conversation. We can try whenever you feel ready."

"The longer we wait the more time I have to get nervous about it."

James frowned and took her other hand in the one that previously held her cheek. "We don't need to do it at all if you're nervous about it."

"It's okay. Maybe you're right and doing something different will help me get back into the swing of things." Harper glanced at the pile of folded clothes in front of her. "How about you finish this while I get ready real quick?"

His jaw locked and his eyes shone with growing eagerness. He nodded and Harper stood from the bed and hurried to the bathroom. She quickly divested herself of her clothes, doing a once over to make sure she felt okay with how she looked. Feeling like everything was acceptable, she quickly used the bathroom, redressed, fixed her hair, and returned to the bedroom.

She avoided eye contact with James, instead working her way around the bed to her nightstand and pulling out the drawer. Over her shoulder, she asked, "Anything you're particularly curious to see in action?"

Harper could practically sense the blood rushing south as James all but choked, "Whatever you're in the mood for."

She hummed thoughtfully, debating both what she wanted and what she thought might excite him. Finally, she decided on the studded blue finger vibe and her one modestly sized insertable. She grabbed her bottle of lube as well, setting everything near the pillows. Turning, Harper saw that James's face was flushed and his gaze had zeroed in on the objects on the bedspread.

"Could you kiss me a bit first?" she asked, shyness now creeping in.

"Gladly," he answered, voice low and gruff.

His arms came around her, crushing her against his chest as his lips took hers in a heated kiss. She could feel his hardness trapped between them. Her toys couldn't compare to him, but as soon as the desire struck, unbidden thoughts of a different man's fingers inside her flooded her mind. Harper really hoped this would work.

His tongue slid over hers, his familiar taste drawing warmth upward from her belly to her chest. His hands moved against her back and on her hip, squeezing, pressing, and teasing. She slid her fingers beneath his t-shirt, letting them find the smooth skin stretched over hard muscle. They worked their way along the ridges of his abdomen, traveled upward toward the broad plains of his chest. Her thumbs teased at his nipples for a moment, drawing a shudder from the man. James rolled his hips against her, desperate for friction. The movement sent a wave of need pulsing through her body which settled between her legs.

Pulling away just slightly, she breathed, "I think I'm ready now."

James groaned his acknowledgement, but sealed their lips in another long, hot kiss. His hands palmed her breasts, squeezing and lifting ever so slightly in the way she knew he enjoyed. He flicked her nipples through the plain t-shirt she wore, before pulling back. His face was lightly flushed and his breaths were shallow with want.

Harper felt her own face heat up and hid the renewed blush for a moment by turning and crawling up to the head of the bed. Settling herself against the pillows, she asked, "Where will you be?"

"Foot of the bed?" he asked, seeking her approval.

Harper nodded and watched him get settled. Trying to stay ahead of her nerves, she shed her t-shirt, watching his eyes immediately lock on her chest. His attention always made her wonder at how she had gotten lucky enough that a man as sexy as him found her attractive. Still, she made a little bit of a show of pushing her hair over her shoulders, watching his eyes follow the natural sway of her breasts as she did so.

"Fuck, your tits are perfect," he groaned, chewing his lower lip.

The need throbbed at her core again, prompting her to slip the black leggings she wore down her legs. Seemingly knocked from his trance, James shed his own clothes until they were equally bare. Harper sought his gaze. He gave her a comforting smile when their eyes locked.

"You okay?" he asked. "I know this was my thing, so-"

"It's just a little weird. I usually put in every effort to ignore your eyes on me, since I don't get how…" At his look of disappointment and concern, Harper quickly interrupted herself, "But at the same time, being watched has always been a really enticing thought, and you're the only one I'd trust like that. Like this."

"I am wildly attracted to you, Harper. Clearly." He chuckled and gestured to the swollen organ reaching upward. "I'm glad you trust me so much."

"I love you," she replied. "Of course I trust you."

"I love you, too."

With a steadying breath, Harper leaned back and parted her legs. Dizzying heat rushed to her head as James's gaze dropped to the apex of her thighs. She shyly slipped her hand down to her womanhood, fingers swiping up the wetness there.

She felt compelled to explain, "I always start with my fingers."

James nodded, clearly captivated. Slowly, Harper trailed her index finger up and down her slit before placing it on her clit. She rubbed the nub in slow, gentle circles, enjoying the relief the light pressure provided. When she needed a change in sensation, she took the button between her index and middle fingers, massaging it with her knuckles. Her head dropped back to the pillows for a moment as pleasure zinged through her body.

Lifting her head again, she looked back to James. His crystalline eyes flitted between her womanhood, her breasts, and her face, though admittedly spending more time watching the way her fingers moved on herself. His hands were gripped tightly on his knees. The tip of his erection glistened. Harper flushed deeper with the knowledge that he was getting so turned on by watching her.

With renewed excitement, she slipped the blue vibrator onto her index finger, twisting the power switch. A sigh parted her lips as she danced the trembling nubs up and down over her clit. Her free hand gripped at the comforter and her back arched slightly at the new sensation. Her eyes fell closed against the new wave of pleasure, and she lost her sense of time as her focus honed in on the gem between her thighs.

A strangled moan brought her back to the present. Her eyes opened to see that James had finally given in to his own needs. His cock was caught in his grip, his fingers tight around the shaft. His jaw was tense with the effort of holding himself back. Their eyes met and he managed, "Fuck, Harper, you're so hot. You flick your clit so good. How d'you feel?"

"It feels really good," she breathed, rubbing harder for a moment.

"You're dripping," he observed.

Harper flushed. She could feel how wet she was, but to have it pointed out was both embarrassing and unexplainably sexy. Shakily, she asked, "Should I try the other one?"

James nodded hastily. He tugged at his cock a few more times before holding his hand still at the base. Harper had never seen him try so hard not to orgasm before. She removed the vibrator from her finger and made quick work of applying a small amount of lube to the synthetic phallus. It was probably superfluous, but with her body, she'd rather play it safe.

Harper reached back down between her legs, using the tip to part her lips and probe for her entrance. Slowly, she pressed it upward, feeling the tip slip within her. James choked out a moan, eyes staring unblinkingly at the toy slowly disappearing inside her. Finally, the base pressed against her throbbing clit and Harper let out a sigh.

"Talk to me, doll," James begged, hand moving on his dick again. "Tell me how it feels to fill up that pretty pussy."

"It's good," she sighed. She began sliding the toy in and out, letting out a moan. "Oh shit, I…"

Her free hand took up her vibrator again, pressing it against her clit. She just barely registered his hand flying up and down his shaft. Having lost touch with all shyness, Harper said, "It's not like you, though. You're bigger and fill me up so much better, James. This doesn't stretch me like you do."

A strangled groan rumbled in his chest and escaped through grit teeth as the former soldier came hard. A whine followed as he coaxed a few last spurts of cum from his tip, chasing the last of his orgasm. Harper thrust the toy harder and faster, keeping the vibrator focused on her clit.

Glowing with ecstasy, James crawled up the bed to place a heavy, sloppy kiss on her lips. She gasped, senses already heightened. A vague thought formed in the back of her mind and her body moved on its own. Leaving the phallic item fully sheathed inside her, she reached out, swiping her index and middle fingers up his abdomen to collect the fruits of his pleasure. James froze, blue eyes going wide as they watched her bring the digits to her lips. Without hesitation, her tongue darted out and across her fingers.

The first taste of his release sent her over the edge. The hand between her legs pressed the vibrator tight against her clit, allowing no reprieve from the sensation. Her thighs trembled and her back arched as wave after wave of pleasure shot through her body. Nothing existed outside the delicious feelings. Sound and vision disappeared. She sucked her fingers clean on autopilot.

Slowly, the world began to widen to include more than just her womanhood again. Her fingers had stilled and she became dimly aware of how damp the comforter was beneath her. Her body felt shaky with the aftereffects of such an intense orgasm. The phallic toy had slipped from her body as she had contracted around it and now lay against her thigh. Her eyes finally blinked open to see James's red face panting above her.

Harper giggled and titled her head up to press another kiss to his lips. James returned it breathlessly before pulling away, clearly still needing oxygen. Finally, he shifted and grabbed a tissue from the box on her nightstand.

"Sorry, Harper," he managed, swiping the tissue across her stomach. "As soon as you – with your fingers – holy shit. I just came again."

The brunette blinked blearily. She hadn't even noticed the warm, sticky substance on her skin. She was too dazed. James seemed to be recovering more quickly, making fast work of cleaning them both up.

Gathering her in his arms, he cradled her against his chest. "Are you alright, Harper?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, still foggy. "I just… wow."

His laughter rumbled in his chest and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Wow, indeed. That was amazing, darlin'. You're so sexy, so gorgeous. You came so good…"

He continued showering her with compliments and praise, his low voice lulling Harper to a deep, satisfied sleep.


Bucky woke only a couple hours later, feeling the tension in the warm body he was curled around. Harper jolted awake with a sob. She pushed herself up to a seated position, hands rising to cover her face. Bucky rose alongside her, chest clenching painfully as she began to sob uncontrollably. Aslan also lifted his head, green eyes watching his human with concern.

Carefully, the former soldier reached around Harper, plucking several tissues from the box on her nightstand. Gently, he pulled one of her hands from her face, tucking the bundle of tissues into her palm. Immediately, she pressed the tissues to her cluster eye before covering her face again.

"Oxygen," she gasped between sobs.

Bucky stood, hastily setting up her oxygen in the way she had taught him. Once it was flowing, he handed Harper the mask. She grabbed it and desperately held it in place. He rubbed her back as much to soothe himself as her. Harper took deep breaths of the oxygen, her body trembling. Bucky tried to focus on her smooth skin beneath his palm and the sound of her steady inhales.

After several minutes, her tears had slowed to a trickle. Harper had once asked him if he believed he could handle seeing her clusters for the remainder of their lives. As painful as it was to see Harper suffering, he was still sure of his answer. He could never leave her alone, shaking and crying and helpless with pain. He would always be by her side, a place to lean as he dried her tears. For the woman who had given him so much, he'd give her everything he could.


A/N: I am so sorry for another long hiatus. It's been so, so busy the last several months, and editing and updates fell by the wayside. I won't make any promises, but I am hoping to really push out some updates during the next couple weeks. Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with me through all of the inconsistency. You are truly appreciated!