Qui vit sans folie n'est pas si sage qu'il croit. (Who lives without folly is not as wise as he thinks.)
- La Rochefoucauld
"Link, I have to go check on my gremlins. Let's rendezvous at the outer gatehouse in twenty minutes, OK?"
Link nodded to Zelda but she gave Jon a concerning look.
"And you stay out of trouble," the queen mothered her tall knight.
"Don't worry about me," Jon pleasantly remarked.
"Oh, I do worry. That's why you're still alive. I'll keep worrying about you for that alone…"
Jon watched the queen go, rather puzzled. "You won't tell her about Tanneguy? Weren't you listening? Don't you realize what he did to your father, the former guard captain?"
Link pondered, unsure of how to process the idea of fatherhood much. How much did he think about who his father was? The superseding Great Deku Tree mentioned his mother but never his father.
"You look the sneakier sort, Link. Follow him to where he lives and take him out. The queen likes you, I'm pretty sure she'd never expect it was you."
Link frowned. "You don't understand anything about me."
"Do unto him what he did to your father."
"I do not stand for vengeful murder."
"How can you just stand idly knowing what happened?"
"I never act without thinking." Unless I run off a cliff…
"Sometimes, you don't need to think."
"That's what makes mistakes, Jon."
"That's the point. That's how you correct everything."
Link raised an eyebrow from Jon's reply. The tall knight did not seem to have all his marbles together. "Zelda's just trying to prevent a civil war. So be like Zelda."
"Ah, understandable. Anyways, I'll be off. I have to maintain my equipment, I already hear them crying from lack of attention. And I gotta make sure the old man's alright. See you next time, Link, it was nice meeting you."
Link fought the urge to wave him off, Jon totally untroubled. They parted ways, some royalist and separatist knights watching Jon go. Link noticed some knights' shields had red crosses instead of the Hyrulean insignia, present for both factions. At first he thought it would be only, or mostly, the older knights to be rebellious, though among their ranks were squires and younger knights. The various knights sometimes nodded to Link, he impassive.
A separatist knight briefly raised his cross-emblazoned shield to Link. "Salus per Christum Redemptorem."
Link headed to a certain shop, partly damaged from the riot though relatively intact. He held the doorknob and paused. He turned his head, for a moment seeing a child in green who disappeared amongst passersby. Link cocked his head. "Hm."
The Hero of Time entered the Happy Mask Shop, inside full of unhappy darkness. The door closed and locked by itself, Link looking back. Two beams of crisscrossing lights appeared up ahead, so bright Link raised his hand to cover his eyes, helm still held in his other arm. The various masks flanking the shop glimmered, their faces contorting with grimaces as if possessed. Few by few, the masks tilted towards Link, their eye sockets and mouths slowly dripping blood.
"Aww, boo-hoo, why the sad faces?" a distorted, high-pitched voice teased.
Pupils adjusted, Link lowered his arm. A figure dressed in skintight velvet turned around and sat on the counter, arms crossed, one leg over the other. The lanky figure was within crossbeams of shining lights. The robe accentuated the wearer's womanly features. She wore the Mask of Truth over a purple frame of some sort; a mask over a mask? Two masks? She had immense brown hair, covering everything from either side of the Mask of Truth and hanging to her knees.
Link did his surprised reaction.
The mysterious person levitated, lying sideways mid-air, keeping her arms and legs crossed. She cocked her head, immense hair nearly reaching the floor. "What's with that stupid look on your face?"
She slowly lowered her mask, revealing a pair of gigantic, spherical, orange-reddish eyes around green irises, eyelids acutely diagonal. Her forehead, centrally grooved front to back, had simple tattoos, consisting of two sets of three orange triangles above each eye, a spike-shaped horn above each eye pointing upwards from atop the brow.
An unforgettable face.
Link scowled, gripping his sword hilt. He remembered, so long ago, when he saw his reflection in the water, and how much he screamed at the wooden visage. "You again."
The woman chuckled. "Yes, friend, me again. It was quite a journey, sitting inside the salesman's backpack…all the way from Termina to Hyrule… Your homeland's moon looks so bored! A shame I no longer have the power I used to. Your land hasn't had any renovations since…Din, I believe?"
She tossed the Mask of Truth away, revealing that the iconic, spiky, purple mask was instead a real, heart-shaped (yet oversized) face, though scarred with blue cracks. Her tall body, no longer monstrous, instead quite human save for velvety skin lined with intricate tattoos (and her outlining facial spikes). Her thin lips spread into a toothy smile, revealing a row of perfectly white yet triangular teeth. "I just thought I'd have a little fun. You didn't think we finished playing tag, did you?"
Link unsheathed his sword, neither Master nor magical, yet functional. "Where is he?"
She straightened her head and shrugged. "Not here, that's all I know. I guess he headed to Termina again, but this time, became a Stalfos in the Lost Woods. Looks like I have a lot in common with that forest!"
Unfazed, Link approached his old nemesis.
Majora pushed her hand through her hair. "Oh, come on now! Do you think you can really beat me in this new form? Fool! I remember every move you made last time. And now, I know everything to—"
Link flipped her over one-handed; she thudded against the floor.
Googly-eyed, Majora regained herself. "Ow…"
Link thrust his sword; Majora kneed it aside while extending her other leg into Link and pushing him back. She rolled backwards over her shoulders then sprang to her feet. She leaned over and hissed; Link threw his helm at her face.
She jumped back, holding her bleeding visage while prancing on the spot from sheer pain. "Ow! Ow-ow-ow, ow! Ow! OW!"
Majora gasped as Link raised his sword. The masks flanking the shop flung at Link, some shattering against him. He batted aside a SuperMario Mask and charged Majora. She acutely cocked her head, hair forming into a whippy appendage which lassoed Link's sword arm, preventing its use.
Link grabbed the hair-tentacle with his free hand and yanked, Majora gasping and staggering forwards. "Don't pull my hair!" Regaining footing, Majora grabbed her weaponized hair and pulled, a tug of war ensuing. Contrary to her litheness, she was quite strong in the arms.
Link tossed his sword over and caught it with his right hand, blade shimmering as it cut through the mass of intertwining hair, his arm freed.
Majora watched as the severed end of her hair went limp, still tied around Link's arm. "OK, now it's war..." The rest of her weaponized hair retracted into the back of her head.
She went on all fours, head twitchy as it tilted side to side rhythmically. Several appendages of hair emerged, as if immense spider legs stretching out, tapping against the walls, floor and ceiling. She crawled with spastic movements.
Link kept his sword high, cutting at the whipping appendages until one length spiraled up his sword, wrenching it out his grasp. Majora leapt, catching his legs and pulling them into herself, Link falling backwards. Majora's arachnid appendages unfurled into a web as she twitched over him. He threw punches but, surprisingly, she caught his hands with her own and pushed them against the floor.
Link writhed, Majora hooking her legs under his. She panted heavily but did nothing, her hair curtaining around Link's face. They caught their breath.
A pause.
Majora's spider-appendages went limp, sinking back into her head. Breath held, she cocked her head. "You are very…good-looking." Her massive eyes blinked once, twice. "You look so cute when I hold your wrists out like this."
Link grunted, letting his head hit the floor and the rest of his body to lose tenseness. "Are you going to get off me?"
Majora bit her lip. "Nope."
Link sighed. "Ugh… Second time today…"
Majora's waist snaked up Link's. She lowered until Link felt her fresh breath, his face illuminated by her partly bioluminescent eyes. She grinned, shark-like teeth flashing. Slowly, her long, long tongue slithered out…
"Get off me you crazy bitch!" Link lifted his hips, off-balancing Majora. Her pulled her arm back, causing her to fall forwards as he slipped away.
Majora swung her head around, hair whipping, her face…idiotically surprised with her tongue hanging out like a pendulum, her puppy dog eyes pulsating.
"And this whole time, I thought you were going to try to kill me…" Link sheathed his sword and fetched his helm.
"Wha, whuh… W-wait! Don't go!" She turned, sat on her heels, sucked her tongue back in, and fixed her hair. "I need your sword inside my sheathe!"
Link rattled the locked doorknob; Majora tiptoed after him. Entire body shivering, forearms upwards, she curled her arms around Link, purring into his ear. He ignored her; she surprised him with sudden strength and spun him around, he dropping his helm.
Majora leaned until her forehead touched Link's, then hissed, "I'm burning to get it on with you."
Link pushed her to the floor then tried to unlock the door; an appendage whipped around his neck and reeled him over.
Frustrated, Link growled.
"Oo! I like that! Do it again!" Majora begged.
Link hoisted Majora off the floor, threw her over his shoulder, and charged into the door, using her as a battering ram. The door blasted apart. Unstopped, Link ran across the marketplace, a screaming Majora over him. Various knights and citizens stepped aside as Link threw Majora into the fountain, her screech bubbling underwater until silenced.
Water splashed as knights and guards gathered around, wondering what the hell just happened.
Two spikes poked out the water before Majora's face surfaced, mouth open and gargling bubbles. She caught her breath, eyes narrowing at Link. Majora's eyes slowly widened as she realized she was surrounded by many knights and guards.
She haplessly looked around. "Umm, hi. I'm totally not an evil monster or anything…"
A guard slowly...clapped his hands. "Ten out of ten, my dude. Ten out of ten."
Majora shrugged. She turned her head, a round blue thing bobbing, staring at her with beady black eyes.
"What's a baby Zora doing here?" Link asked.
Majora pulled the round blue thing into a hug. "I don't know but he's mine."
"It appeared recently, actually," a guard remarked.
The baby Zora flipped out Majora's arms, smacking her across the face with his tail, flopped into the water, and swam off.
Link shook his head and walked off.
"Link! Wait!" Majora got up. "WWWWWWAAAIII—" She slipped on the edge of the fountain, splashing back into the water.
Link retrieved his helm and headed out.
Majora popped back up and shook her curtain of hair, flicking water drops everywhere, nearby guards shielding their eyes. She threw all her hair back and stepped out the fountain.
Link couldn't even look at the goofy fool. Majora's wet clothing stuck to her skin, though she appeared lacking in self-awareness. The leaky lady scuttled after Link…
Disguised as a robed pilgrim, the Queen of Hyrule met Link outside the Castle Town gatehouse, currently unbusy as most villagers and townsfolk stayed indoors after the rioting.
Link often pushed Lady Majora off himself though she kept harassing him, more so when his helm fell off.
Zelda unhooded herself. "Who's this? Your girlfriend?"
Link paused right before pushing Majora back, his expression frozen in-between surprise of Zelda and embarrassment by his former nemesis.
Majora momentarily scampered on the spot and put an arm around Link. "Yup! I'm his girlfriend!" Eyes shut, she cocked her head and grinned—he pushed her over.
"What's going on down there?" a guard demanded from the battlements.
"Nothing!" Majora gently clawed Link's legs, purring. He kicked her away but she kept coming at him.
Another guard's head popped into view from the battlements. "Should we help him?"
"Hell no! I'm not going anywhere near that spiky-faced woman!"
"Good point." They receded.
Meanwhile down below, Link kept the forces of darkness at bay. "A little help here?"
"Stop squirming!" Majora whined, trying to stroke Link's face but he rolled to Zelda's safety.
Majora's eyes went up and met Zelda's. "Oh, hai." Majora stood and she fixed her hair.
"Hello." Zelda gestured. "I believe we've never met, Miss…?"
Majora brushed her claws through her hair then posed. "Lady Majora."
Zelda tilted her head and warmly smiled. "Your hair's very pretty!"
Majora held her cheeks, eyes beaming. "Thank you! Thanks so much!" Her grin widened, pointy teeth glistening under sunlight.
"You haven't seen the rest of her hair…" Link grumbled. He picked up his helm.
"Hey? Don't put that ugly thing over your gorgeous face!" Majora tiptoed after Link.
Zelda leaned in Majora's way, stopping her in her tracks. "A real lady can control herself at all times, Majora. Would you kindly show us what you are?"
Majora blinked once, twice. She looked at Link, then at Zelda straightening herself, then spun around and stared at…
Zelda looked back at the drawbridge, where Majora gazed. "There's nobody there."
Majora cocked her head. After the drawbridge, a tall woman was leaning against a wall, minding her own business. Her fiery hair was set in an immense ponytail and she wore silken attire.
"Lady Majora? Are you alright?" Zelda asked.
Tongue hanging out, Majora happily turned.
Link thought hard. Find something to get her mind off you... "Those scars down your face… What happened?"
"Hm? Oh!" Majora sucked her tongue back in and gently clawed along her scars. "When I finally escaped the dimensional gap seeping towards Termina, I was attacked by a horrible man. He did this to me."
"I am sorry to hear that, Lady Majora," Zelda comforted.
"He would have killed me, but an old man on a white horse saved me. He went away before I could thank him. Warned me to not follow him to some sort of big talking tree or something…"
"Did this old man have red eyes?" Zelda asked.
Majora nodded.
"I should have guessed Ira would be mixed up in all this," the queen commented.
Link looked suspicious. "I've fought off the curses and monsters of the Lost Woods for so many years, yet I never saw you even once."
Majora got excited. "I guess you weren't looking hard enough!"
"Maybe. Where did Ira save you, anyways?"
"Hm? Oh! In the forests beyond Termina." Majora winked at him. "Same place where I frightened you off your horse all those years ago."
Link slightly chuckled. "You did catch me off-guard…"
"Wandering the path you left behind wasn't fun, especially when I got lost and fell into another gap between dimensions. I almost got killed twice in there. With all my wrath, I wanted to seal the gap, but…my powers…definitely aren't as strong as they used to be." Majora put her hands together and sweetly smiled. "But I didn't give up. With the help of a pale girl with long white hair, I made my way out the gaps and through the woods of mystery! I knew I'd find my secret best friend. And I did."
Link frowned. "You wanted to kill me, that's it."
Majora's mouth dropped.
Zelda laughed. "Oh, Link, you find the weirdest people!"
"Do I ever."
Majora's eyes fluttered in confusion. "Wait, I'm... I'm not weird, right?"
Zelda gently placed her hand on Majora's shoulder. "Oh no, my dear, you're not weird. Not at all!"
Majora closed her eyes and grinned. She needed a couple seconds to process possible sarcasm, and probably required much more for complete comprehension. When she opened her eyes, Link was frowning again. "What?"
"What you told me back in the mask shop doesn't add up anymore."
Majora cocked her head. "Hunh?"
Link's patience dwindled. "I think we better get moving, Zelda. You're not bringing any guards?"
Zelda walked with Link. "Many guards were injured after an encounter with a monstrous wolf. I would rather not risk their lives again. But, as long as they believe I'm still at the castle, they can serve a small purpose and keep my kids in check. You know how our guards are… I don't even know why we have them."
"Wait, where are you going?" Majora chirped behind.
Link stopped and frowned at Majora. "None of your damn business."
Zelda put a hand on Link's shoulder, calming him; Majora glared at Zelda's gentle touch. Such a simple gesture made jealousy surge throughout Majora's veins.
"We are heading to the Great Deku Tree. Ira intends to accomplish something he never explained. I suppose he requires information only the Great Deku Tree knows."
"Great Deku Tree… Is that at…the mysterious woods?"
"Yes," Link replied. "My home."
Majora leaned into Link, causing him to rear. She tilted her head side to side, spikes audibly shuffling. "Don't go there! The horrible people who almost killed me followed me there! I barely escaped! The old man who saved me said he was going there, too, y'know, weren't you paying attention!? That's why I attacked you! So you don't go where it's dangerous!"
Link sighed. "Seriously, Majora? Seriously?"
She blinked a few times, staring blankly. "What?"
Link held his forehead. "All you do is lie, lie, and lie… You told me you came to Hyrule Castle while inside the Happy Mask Salesman's backpack. Then you said you were almost killed in the Lost Woods but made it here. Now you're saying your intent was to use violence to help me avoid danger… Do you have any idea how abnormally inept your stories are?"
Majora stared stupidly. "No, that was last, last time. I think…"
Link sighed. "I can't trust you. I don't want you around me."
She gasped. "No! Wait! I didn't mean it like that! I was, just, only—"
The Hero of Time leaned into Majora. She reared from his lupine eyes, her spikes wilting in defeat.
"There's something you're not telling me!"
A hand went on Link's shoulder; he stifled a snarl, noticing it was just Zelda's. Her pleading look calmed him down.
Queen Zelda clasped her hands. "Majora, a real lady never lies…unless for the safety of those she loves."
Lady Majora took a slow breath, pushing her claws through her hair.
Link scowled from impatience. "Are the forest folk endangered?"
"Hm? No, I don't think so. They're only after me. One of them warned me that Legion would pursue me for all eternity but he's lost in the forest, I think."
"Whoever this Legion is…"
"They," Zelda corrected.
"Whoever they are… If they trouble you, I will deal with them."
Majora slowly smiled. I want to give you a hug! "I know you can! Oh, and the big guy with the skull head is allied with Legion. Skullhead wants revenge against everyone you interacted with, even me! Good thing he's lost in the forest!"
"He isn't." Link briskly took his leave, his shoulder bumping Majora's. She snarled but then posed like a young girl.
"That kinda felt good, actually…" Majora admitted. She watched Link go. "Why's he so upset?" She gave Zelda a pleading look.
Zelda's pity had some patience. "You have some things to work on."
Major thought for a second. "Oh, um... The cause of your land's problems are of my doing. I was too young to fully understand consequences. I thought I could destroy everything inside the gap between dimensions, but instead it absorbed most of my power."
Zelda raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Hm? Oh, when the gap expands into other worlds, it takes aspects and powers from them, becoming stronger and more complicated. I don't know how, but Legion and Skullhead are like conduits for the gap. Everything they know, so does the gap, their powers adding to it, and vice-versa."
Zelda's face was stern. "Is it possible for others to serve as conduits for this…gap?"
Majora shrugged. "I guess so? The Infernal Engine isn't picky."
"Then we will only find out what's really going on when we find Ira and your enemies."
"Of course! I'll help in any way I can, just you see!"
Zelda nodded.
Up ahead, Link waited. The queen walked towards him but Majora heard soft woody thuds. She turned her head, the footfall stopping halfway across the drawbridge, though Majora saw nobody. She looked back at Link with puppy dog eyes...
