Thank you for all feedback, favs, and follows; it really does keep me going. Here is the next chapter notes are below for those curious.
Hogwarts, November 1981
Sirius paced his rage and anxiety, only increasing his frenzy. While his mind kept jumping back to the memory of James, floating down the stairs practically bloodless, looking more akin to a corpse. The sight had terrified him. Because the thought of losing James was something Sirius couldn't, wouldn't consider.
He'd already lost enough during this blasted war. Euphemia and Fleamont were supposedly killed by dragon pox, except they'd been recovering from the sickness. Yet, after questionable activities occurred at St Mungo's, their condition inauspiciously took a turn for the worst, and they were dead not long after.
Then there was Benjy, killed by a blasting curse meant for Remus; they'd only found pieces of him later. However, they returned what little they could to his family, and well afterward, it was a day he and James got thoroughly sloshed. Dorcas, oh Dorcas, she'd been a spitfire and was on par with himself when it came to dueling, nor had she ever been afraid to use some of the more unorthodox curses. Particularly when it concerned protecting those she cared for. Although it was never specified, he suspected Marlene and Dorcas might have been more than best mates. That's why Dorcas stopped holding back after Marlene's death and why Voldemort killed her. He seemed to delight in effortlessly disarming and killing Dorcas with little effort. Voldemort likely needed to rub it in that even one of the Order's finest was no match for him. Not long after Dorcas's death, Gideon and Fabian were killed; those two had been mentors to himself and James. Teaching them many charms and tricks to use at Hogwarts, officially leaving them to take up their mantle as the Pranking Kings of Hogwarts. It had taken five Death Eaters to kill them.
Lastly, and probably, the hardest to swallow due to his guilt on the matter, was Regulus. There was no proof of what killed his little brother, although Bella was keen to bring it up, like a bloody curse, anytime they traded blows. It hurt a little more each time because Regulus had been his responsibility. He'd promised to always look out for his brother; admittedly, that promise became an afterthought once he started at Hogwarts. It didn't help that after Regulus's sorting, they grew even further apart, Regulus molding himself into the perfect heir while Sirius strived to be anything but. Or that Regulus actually agreed with some of the shite Voldemort and his lot were spewing, pushing the divide between them even further. Yet despite Regulus being a loyal Death Eater, he still ended up dead, his body seemingly lost.
It hurt to think about that ending for his little brother, who used to crawl into his bed when he became scared at night or loved to listen to his stories, always asking for more. They'd spent hours together as children to escape their parents, who expected them to be the perfect Black heirs. Walburga hadn't been pleased when he defied her, and although it became a point of pride for himself, counting with glee every time his mother lost it over one of his actions. His acts of rebellion were likely why Regulus conformed and maintained the façade their mother expected.
Then came that damned prophecy, which put Harry, his precious godson, in the line of fire. Sirius swore if he ever found out who spouted that nonsense off, they'd find themselves at the business end of his wand. But more importantly, after it became known James, Lily, and Harry were placed under the fidelius charm, Sirius gladly volunteered to be the secret keeper. Unfortunately, after making that promise, he was hunted continuously; the last time he came under attack, he barely managed to escape. That Remus was the only reason he'd been in that area, to begin with, increased his suspicion that Remus was the traitor within the Order. James, of course, didn't believe it and felt there had to be another explanation. But since it was no longer safe for him to remain the secret keeper, James, Lily, Peter, and he agreed that Peter would swap to their secret keeper. Not even Dumbledore had known about the swap, so he continued to act as a decoy, thus ensuring Harry would remain safe. It was the only reason James agreed with the proposition.
Yet it hadn't mattered; Peter, not Remus, had been the traitor.
Thinking about that rat, who was the reason so many within the Order were dead and swore that he would die before selling out James and Lily. Had it all been a lie?
Sirius felt his hands begin to shake as the images from the night sprang to mind. James had been little better than a bloody corpse; Lily had been so pale and frightened, tears trailing down her cheeks as Hagrid hugged her. It only increased his rage with Peter, that fucking rat.
Sirius promised himself that he would kill him slowly, painfully. Because he'd seen the bastard and grasped that he'd been there throughout everything, he likely watched as Voldemort attacked and tortured James.
The door to the room he was in jingled before opening. Sirius stopped his internal rant as Remus stepped in. He looked worn, appearing older than his twenty-one years, but this lunatic's war had taken its toll on everyone. However, when their eyes met, Sirius remembered why James might be his best mate, but Remus was the friend that naturally seemed to understand, never needing an explanation. Moony was essentially the rock in their little group. He kept him and James in line before they got too out of hand and encouraged Peter, who often doubted himself. It made him question how he could have considered Moony, the traitor.
The logical part of his mind that wasn't filled with rage reminded him that he didn't peg Peter as the traitor because he didn't believe he possessed the intelligence or cunning to fool everyone within the Order. Least of all his closest friends. Yet, Peter, the boy he befriended more out of pity but later embraced as a dear friend-!
Sirius swiftly shoved down his feelings of betrayal and pain, where he buried every painful memory of his family. Instead, he let his rage with the rat replace the pain, cover it, so he could do what was required and kill the slimy little get. With that firmly set, his mind jumped back to James. He could apologize to Moony later and fix their relationship. Right now, Sirius needed to know if his best mate was still alive.
"Moony is James?"
Remus held up his hand, "Sirius, he's recovering," at Moony's words, Sirius felt his previous tension decrease, "but he hasn't woken up." Moony paused, gaze darting downwards, suddenly uncomfortable, before he took a carefully controlled breath and looked back up, "he's in a coma."
Sirius stiffened, tension returning instantly; James was in a coma!
The boy that had welcomed him with a bright smile that first day on the Hogwarts Express. James, who stood by him through thick or thin, and who may not be blood, but was his brother in every other sense, was in a fucking coma! Moving forward, he bypassed Remus, who didn't question his action or try to stop him. Instead, they both started moving toward the hospital wing. "You've been cleared of all charges, and the Ministry has put an order out to capture Peter." There was a curtness to Remus's words, and Sirius glanced over to his friend, noting the hardness that lined his features—genuinely bringing out the wolf, which slept under his friend's benign surface. Sirius didn't reply, but he promised himself if he found Peter; first, there wouldn't be much left to capture.
Despite its warm familiarity, the sight within did little to ease Remus's mind when they entered the hospital wing. He noted that Dumbledore and Moody had taken their leave, Madam Pomfrey likely having shooed them out. Not even Dumbledore was immune from that relegation or Madam Pomfrey's wrath if he extended his visitation beyond Pomfrey's prescribed time limits.
Madam Pomfrey herself was in the back. He could see she was moving around, likely preparing something for Lily, who looked no better from his earlier visit. She hadn't moved from James's side as her fingers ran along Harry's small frame. Harry had been placed in a small crib beside James's bed and was resting peacefully. Lily paused the tune she was humming and then started another as she silently studied James, whose health Remus could see had improved overall.
There was more color in his cheeks, and no blood was visible on his person, yet somehow his friend seemed smaller. This likely derived from his stillness because James rarely stopped moving or talking. During their youth, he'd been a chatterbox, though that had mellowed as they grew older. Or, as Sirius often stated, when James grew more boring.
However, he paused his observations when he noted Sirius had stiffened, pushing down his feelings on the betrayal and his friends' conditions. Remus looked over and wasn't surprised to see the rush of emotions crossing Sirius's features.
A rushing torrent ranging from rage to love, all flitting across those expressive features that could easily swap to apathy or disdain in a split second. Remus was well familiar with Sirius Black's emotional control. Because his friend never loved in half measures, especially when it came to those he cared for. James had always held a special place in Sirius's heart. Likely seeing him in this state wasn't helping Sirius's temper, nor hair trigger.
There lay the problem when Sirius got in these moods; he tended not to think, instead reacting, often poorly. It's how Snape learned about his 'furry problem.'
However, the rage was concealed when his gaze moved from James to Harry and Lily. Guilt replaced it so swiftly that Remus suspected the only thing that may keep Sirius from reacting rashly was Lily herself. So Remus stepped forward and coughed. When Lily didn't respond, he moved closer, gesturing for Sirius to follow. "Lily," he said gently, care reflected in his tone since he knew she desperately needed a breather.
Though Lily could be obstinate on some issues, bordering on pigheaded. Underneath that fierceness and unwavering loyalty was one of the kindest souls Remus had ever known. After all, despite falling in with the Marauders once they were sorted into their respective dormitory, Lily was the first friend he made on the Hogwarts Express. Their friendship never ended, even with James and Sirius declaring Lily a swot for associating with Snape, Lily asserting they were toerags.
However, Remus suspected James's initial disdain for Lily was more due to Sirius's influence. Because James may not be a follower per se, but when it came to Sirius, James tended to follow and not ask questions.
When Lily finally looked up, blinking at them, Remus could see her eyes were red-rimmed, while the dark circles he'd noted before only looked worse. But when she finally focused on them, the glassiness in her gaze grew as she directed her attention toward Sirius. She stood up hurriedly, causing the chair she was sitting on to wobble and making Harry squirm in agitation, only settling after he received another gentle touch from his mother.
However, throughout this, her gaze never wavered from Sirius, and once Harry was settled, she moved closer, only stopping before them, watery emerald green eyes still locked on Sirius. "Sirius, I'm…."
She then bowed her head, shame crossing her features, which was a completely unnatural state for Lily Evans. Throughout their time in Hogwarts and afterward, Lily was never ashamed; she was a proud woman. She was never afraid to fight for what she believed in. He'd only seen her give up on something after the inevitable split between her and Snape. Mary and himself found her in Hagrid's cottage, crying her eyes out after Snape's insult about her blood status. Thankfully, James kept his mouth shut after the event and said nothing, scathing like 'I told you so.'
Looking at Sirius, he found that his friend's features had softened, truly bringing out the boy that, in some instances, loved too fiercely. Sirius stepped forward and gently wrapped Lily in a warm hug, she stiffened for a second but then melted into his embrace, and he ran his hands along her back. Neither speaking, Remus relaxed somewhat, "I'm so sorry, I just didn't know who to trust and-."
Sirius chuckled and shifted, lifting Lily's chin and making her look up. "I would have done the same, Lily. That was a brilliant use of the body-bind curse. I always knew you wanted to get me on my back." Flashing his trademark grin that had broken many hearts during their time at Hogwarts. However, Sirius's goal of lightening the mood seemed to work. Because Lily smiled, a chuckle erupting at the remark, gaze still watery, but now her green eyes showed relief. Remus's gaze moved to Madam Pomfrey, who'd finished whatever draught she'd been brewing and was waiting, her gaze showing only patience and warmth as she watched the pair.
Lily moved back, looking ready to speak before she stopped dead, eyes growing faint and distant. Her pupils had suddenly dilated, so only thin green lines showed as she stared at the point behind them. Then she began to tremble, stark terror now showing in her gaze, "you…!"
Remus drew his wand and readied himself for battle even as he looked over his shoulder searching for the threat but saw nothing and hurriedly turned back when Lily collapsed. Sirius caught her before her head impacted the floor.
"Mr. Black, move her over here." At Madam Pomfrey's sharp command, Sirius, who began to look frantic once again, nodded before gently repositioning Lily within his arms and moving her towards the indicated bed. Once she was settled, Madam Pomfrey's gaze shifted to them, no leeway showing in her stern gaze, "both of you out."
Neither he nor Sirius had the heart to argue, and they left the medical wing standing outside even as the doors shut behind them. For seconds neither spoke until Sirius turned on his heel, "I'm going out for a bit. Need some fresh air." Those words triggered a warning because it was an excuse for Sirius that could lead to something stupid.
Likely it was revenge driven against Peter, who'd been a friend to them all, so he stepped forward and enunciated his words carefully. "You're not the only one who wants revenge." Desiring to make it clear that Peter's actions, which had led to the death of many friends within the Order and nearly got James, Lily, and Harry killed. Taking him down was not something he'd allow Sirius to tackle alone. Remus felt the betrayal keenly and wanted to be there when Peter was killed or taken into custody. Remus continued when he saw that Sirius was actually listening because he believed this was not something Sirius should handle alone. "Please, promise me you won't face Peter alone."
Sirius didn't reply for seconds, his gray gaze unfathomable, features set into an emotionless mask that made Sirius emanate the perfect Black heir, which he inherently despised. But the front cracked, displaying the rage and pain hidden carefully underneath, "When I find him, I'll notify you."
Looking for a lie, Remus could see none and nodded, recognizing this was all he could expect from Sirius when he was in this state. Not waiting for a response, Sirius nodded and continued. Remus began to rub at his head, the growing headache from earlier worsening. Despite the war being over due to Voldemort's death, he didn't believe the fighting would end. Looking at the closed doors of the hospital wing, Remus expected it could grow worse.
Kushina blinked, ignoring the gumminess caked along the edges of her eyes as she frowned and attempted to focus her scattered thoughts. What happened? The last memory she could actively recall was…
She stiffened, enduring that staggering pain and despair as the Kyubi clawed through her and Minato's torsos, effectively killing them. She was astonished they'd lived long enough to say goodbye to Naruto. The grim reminder of that terrible event and all it entailed left Kushina disconcerted as her breathing sped up, indicating her growing panic.
Kami, the pain had been horrifying, but what left her upset was the knowledge that her- no, their son, Naruto, would grow up alone.
Kushina knew what that entailed—having experienced it after her clan was slaughtered, with the unlucky coincidence that her mother had been in Uzushiogakure when the event occurred. She had lost everything and became an orphan all in one day. It had not been a happy time for her, downright painful most of the time.
Now she firmly pushed down the bitter memories, attempting to focus on where she was and why it looked oddly familiar. "Finally awake." Kushina stiffened at that voice; it used to scream at her. Its hatred and rage were clear as a bell as he promised to tear her mind apart when he finally escaped—swallowing past the anxieties that never abated no matter how much time passed. To Kushina, the Kyubi would always be a nightmare that would haunt her endlessly for the possibilities he presented—losing herself and hurting those she loved.
Taking another deep breath, she opened her eyes and looked towards that hated voice. Still not understanding why the room was oddly familiar, Kushina ignored this and focused on what should be a giant nine-tailed fox but instead resembled a man. One whose face was easily recognizable, igniting her rage, briefly covering her fear as she took in her husband's visage. There were differences; the Kyubi's hair was long and red-orange, matching his fur, while his eyes were red and slitted. When he sneered at her, Kushina could see fangs. He held a cigarette loosely in one hand, but that hand was tipped with sharp claws instead of fingernails. Kyubi wore ripped jeans, a long black leather coat over an off-white shirt, and combat boots.
So it was not a perfect match, but why did he have to use Minato's features and general body structure? She licked her lips, not hiding her loathing for the biju that tormented her throughout her childhood. "Why do you look like Minato?" Itching for a kunai she could bury in him. The Kyubi's sneer grew as he took another puff from his cigarette, merely watching her and seemingly pleased by her reaction.
It only made her loathe the bastard even more.
"Before you do something stupid, Uzumaki, you should note where you are and look at your child and husband."
He leaned forward, and Kushina swallowed again, fear beginning to override her anger. Because the power Kyubi held was reflected clearly in his red-slitted gaze as he watched her with barely contained antipathy. This creature could level entire villages and create tsunamis with a mere flick of his tail, leaving nothing but death and destruction in his wake. He'd promised to do much worse to her throughout her time as his jailer.
Minutes passed as they continued their stare down before the Kyubi finally sighed, now looking more annoyed than angry, and he gestured to her side. Not trusting him but still uncertain about her present location, she turned in the direction he pointed.
Kushina found a baby and a man, her breath caught as she stared at them, and everything surrounding them grew less substantial. Licking her lips, Kushina shifted the covers over her as she moved closer to the pair. She noted the untidy black hair that should be golden and longer, skin paler, not a warm tan from spending hours in the sun. Minato- no, his name was James, and if he opened his eyes, they would be hazel with flecks of green in their depths, not midnight blue.
Her gaze swapped to the baby, who rested peacefully in his crib, unaware of her dilemma and breakdown. He was Harry, not Naruto. Kushina, no, she was Lily. She picked up one of her hair locks and noted it wasn't dark red but more bright, like fire instead of blood. Her gaze snapped to a nearby mirror, and Ku-Lily noted her features remained the same. She still had the same nose, mouth, chin, and everything. Only now, her skin wasn't as pale, and she had freckles along her face, while her eyes were emerald green, not gray-purple.
Turning back to Min-James, Lily was her name. She noted his features were an identical match to his previous appearance. Like herself, only his coloring had shifted. Turning away from James, she looked down at Harry and smiled; it became pained as the memories from the previous night returned.
Her hands began to shake because it almost happened again. Harry, like Naruto before him, had nearly been left an orphan. Ku-Lily's body began to tremble at the possibility. "Thank me for keeping the Yondaime alive, which, intern saved you and your offspring."
Lily's gaze snapped to the Kyubi as he flicked his fag, seemingly now bored. Her gaze moved to the office, where she could see Madam Pomfrey, who wasn't paying attention. "Don't worry, Uzumaki; I set up an illusion; we won't be interrupted." The Kyubi's gaze moved around, faint respect showing in his red-slitted eyes as he took in the halls of Hogwarts.
While he did that, Lily's mind was going through the old memories that were not too much of a hindrance as they mixed with her memories. She could clearly remember both instances of her eighth birthday, making friends with Severus and Mikoto, attending the shinobi academy, and taking classes in Hogwarts. Eventually, falling in love with Minato when he rescued her, and those same feelings returned when James began to act less like a toerag and more like an adult.
Her memories settled into a neat, distinguishable pattern. One set of memories belonged to her when she was Uzumaki Kushina. The other belonged to Lily Evans Potter. Although they were incredibly different in many instances, she could see many similarities. These realizations made the subtle changes in their appearances more natural and less like an alternate reality. Lily would adjust, particularly when the memory of reuniting with Minato in death cleared.
Merlin, her husband, had been so broken; she could see it in his once clear midnight blue eyes that looked ready to shatter, holding none of his previous confidence. Just hopelessness and terror, the Underworld having reduced him to a child, nearly breaking his incredible spirit. She laid one hand upon Harry and looked over to James. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully, but even that could be an illusion, remembering his words pointedly after he killed Voldemort.
'I did it. You're both safe.'
"My father," her gaze snapped to Kyubi; Lord Hagoromo was here? "Made the process easier for restoring your memories and has healed some of the cracks within the Yondaime's mental state." He then flicked his fag to the ground and crushed it under his boot heel. For one instance, Lily could see the concern in his red-slitted gaze as he looked at her husband. That's right, one of the reasons Minato was able to endure the Underworld and its torture was because of the Kyubi. He then looked back to her, and any warmth he'd displayed for her husband evaporated.
Seeing those features reflect a chilling indifference that Minato only displayed towards his enemies and was now directed at herself was disconcerting. Lily had to remind herself it was not James looking at her but a biju that actively despised humanity. "He should be waking up soon, and you and I both know he'll need you." Kyubi then straightened, the black leather coat settling along his frame. "I've been told the person we seek is here and closer than we realize." The deal that allowed them to come to Earth.
Lily's gaze narrowed, "you haven't found them?"
Kyubi's gaze tightened in irritation that became predominant, "in case you didn't notice, the world is filled with you filthy humans, and none of you possess chakra." His gaze then moved to James. "He only stands out because my seal is tied to him." Then Kyubi shrugged, gaze still indifferent, losing the previous irritation. "Magic, as you call it, is different from chakra." Then he paused, showing nothing as his gaze moved to one of the moving portraits located in the hospital wing. "My father theorized chakra likely resembled magic before interference from his bitch of a mother altered it, creating chakra as we know it." This did make sense because, thinking about it, Lily could see the variables between the two sources of energy that empowered humans and other creatures were similar but also very dissimilar. "I'll return later," Kyubi's gaze snapped back to James, "take care of him."
With that, he disappeared, and she could see Madam Pomfrey standing up, her gaze showing concern and confusion when she noticed she was standing up. Lily waved her down but could see the Hogwarts matron moving toward her. However, Lily refocused on her husband and son, giving James a watery smile, as she sat down at the edge of his bed and her hand moved to Harry. Smiling at her dork- no toerag, 'you did it, toerag, you saved us. Thank you!'
1. Regarding calling a cigarette fag, I found the reference in another fic, the Last Enemy; great fic; I'd highly recommend it for Marauder-era fics if that catches your interest. It's posted over on AO3 for those curious to check it out. But I then looked up the reference online and found out cigarettes during the 80s were called fags in various locations worldwide, even here in the US. I wanted to differentiate when Lily remembers she's not Kushina.
2. Lily and Kurama's relationship is not rainbows and sunshine; I want to specify I have never watched Boruto. So I'm not completely clear on how Kurama's attitude changed over each show, but for my fic, I wanted to keep Kurama's perspective the same from the beginning of the Naruto anime. He cares for Minato because they spent a little over a hundred years together, and that's why the former enemies are friends, and Kurama cares dearly for Minato. However, to him, Kushina is still the person that imprisoned him, and to Kushina, Kurama is the biju that inevitably killed and tormented her throughout her time as his jailer.
