August 18, 2021
"Mia," she begged, reaching blindly into the darkness, watching her daughter slowly retreating, their outstretched hands too far apart to connect, though they strained, desperately, to grab hold one of another. "Mia, no, Mia, come back, Mia-"
"Liv," a voice said sharply, close at hand, and her eyes flew open and the world surged around her like a vast technicolor sea, and she groaned, her head suddenly spinning.
It was only a dream, that void, Mia drifting away from her. Just a dream, a drug induced nightmare. Real life was hard, and bright, and uncompromising, and it crashed into her all at once, the memory of what had happened to her, the realization of where she was. A hospital room, in the dead of night, she thought, because the fluorescents overhead were as soft as they ever got in a place like this, and beyond the little window the lights of the city after midnight sparkled and shone brighter than the stars. In a hospital, with tubes and wires of all sorts hooked up to her exhausted body, with an ache in her belly that had been dulled some by the meds but would not abate, only lingered, waiting for the moment when it would once again overwhelm her. In a hospital, laid out flat in an uncomfortable bed with the saddest excuse for pillows she'd ever encountered forming an unruly lump beneath her head. In a hospital, with Elliot's hand gently covering hers, Elliot's eyes watching her warily, hopefully.
"You're all right," he told her in a hoarse whisper, and she nearly wept, when she saw the reason he kept his voice so low.
The room was smallish, big enough for the bed and the equipment and one singular chair, and Elliot had pulled that chair up close to her, close enough that he could touch her. Close enough that she could see the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, close enough that she could see clearly the precious burden nestled in his lap.
It was Noah, fast asleep in Elliot's arms. Noah, who was almost too big for her lap now, sprawled comfortably in Elliot's embrace, sucking his thumb the way he had always done when he was little, the way he only did when he was scared now. Elliot, and Noah, and tears stung at the corners of her eyes though she refused to let them fall.
"Mia's ok," Elliot told her. "Brian's in with her now, she's not alone, Liv."
He knew. He knew that mattered to her, that the last thing she'd want was for Mia to be alone in a hospital. But -
"They admitted her? Is she hurt?" Olivia demanded sharply. That wasn't right, she thought, because the last thing she'd done before the medics took her was make sure that Mia was ok, that Elliot had her, that she was safe, so where was she now? Why wasn't she here?
"Liv, you gotta calm down," Elliot said, eyeing the monitor tracking her vitals and the climbing number of her heart rate displayed there. "Mia didn't get hurt. The docs say her liver's getting worse, though, and they wanna take care of her."
"Son of a bitch," Olivia swore softly, and scrubbed at her cheeks. It wasn't fucking fair, that Mia's body was failing her after the nightmare she'd endured at Wheatley's hands; she was just little, just small and scared, and she deserved to be at home safe with her parents, and instead she was stuck in a hospital room, too far away for Olivia to touch.
"I wanna see her," she demanded then, casting about in search of some way to free herself from the lines and tubes running out of her arms, but the movement made the incision in her stomach burn like wildfire and she collapsed back against the pillows, whimpering.
"You just had major surgery, you're not going anywhere," Elliot told her. "Not on your own two feet. I'll talk to the nurses, though. Now that you're awake they might be able to wheel your bed out of here so you can see her. Ok?"
That would be all right, Olivia figured. If all the nurses could do was roll them both into the corridor so they could lay eyes on each other, that would be all right. She just needed to see Mia; Noah was safe, asleep, whole and well and she was so grateful for that, for Elliot's tender care of him, but she needed both her children.
"How bad is it?" she asked next, desperate for information. Not about herself; she hadn't asked what had happened to her, what her own prognosis was, was too worried about Mia to even care about herself. The doctors had tried to prepare Olivia for what liver failure might look like, for the wait to find a donor, had told her all sorts of awful things that kept her up at night, and she needed to know just how bad things were, just how much danger her daughter was in.
"She needs a transplant," Elliot said, just like she'd been so afraid he would.
"They can take mine-"
"Like hell," he said bluntly. "Liv, that'd kill you. They won't go near you."
"And they won't take Brian's." She'd forgiven Brian for it, mostly, the dalliances with the call girls and the stupid fucking decisions he'd made, really she had, but it was hard to remember that she'd forgiven him when she was still, so many years later, having to deal with the consequences of his mistakes.
"They're gonna use mine."
Her heart swooped in her chest, and all she could do for a moment was just stare at Elliot, her mouth hung open in shock. How could he even consider doing such a thing, she wondered; how could she want to hit and kiss him, both at the same time? It was a huge risk for him to take, a risk she could never ask of him, and he'd volunteered as casually as if he were talking about the weather, was just sitting there smiling at her softly, holding on to her son, like he hadn't just turned her whole world upside down.
"Elliot," she breathed his name, still reeling, and he squeezed her hand once, gently, his expression warm, and certain.
"I told you once that I'd give you a kidney," he said. "I guess a liver will have to do."
A startled, strangled sort of laugh escaped her and she covered her mouth quickly, not wanting him to see her cry.
"You'll be out of commission for months," she told him thickly. "You might not ever recover. Elliot this is…I can't ask you to do this."
"I'll be off the job for six weeks," he corrected her gently, "and then I'll be riding a desk for a few months. The kids can go out into the field and I'll run things from the house, it's not gonna be the end of the world if I actually take it easy for a little while. I'm healthy, and the docs explained the whole thing to me, and I'm ready to do this."
But there was still a risk he wouldn't be ok, after. A risk that he'd never be the same again, that he'd never again be this strong, this healthy, this whole. He was trading everything away, just for the chance to save Mia.
"I can't let you do this," she said softly. It chilled her to the bone, thinking about losing him. Thinking about hurting him, wondering if he might some day regret it. But if he didn't, what would happen to Mia? She couldn't let her daughter die, and they were running out of options.
"You're not my CO, Cap," he said gently, his eyes full of something that looked perilously, terrifyingly, like love. "It's my decision, and I've made it. Let me help, Liv. Let me do this for Mia. Let me do this for you."
You really do love me, don't you? She'd asked him hours before, a lifetime before, while they readied themselves to enter the warehouse, to face death for Mia's sake. He'd been taking a risk then, too, had thrown himself headlong into danger to save her child just as he was doing now. And he'd done it, she thought, because he loved her. Because he loved her, the way the Bible said he was supposed to, without artifice or pride, just loved her, with a heart so big it had room enough in it not just for her but for her children, too.
"You're crazy," she said, softly.
"Liv-"
"But I love you, Elliot. I do."
Loved him; loved him for his smile and his smartass mouth, loved him for the strength of his shoulders and the power of his fists, loved him for his tenderness and his rage, loved him for his crazy and for his calm certainty. She just loved him, all of him, every piece of him, the parts that made other people walk away from him and the parts that made her want to walk into fire for him both. She loved him, because he was good, and brave, and strong, and hers. Because wherever she went he followed after, because there was nothing they could not face, so long as they faced it together.
"I know," he said, and she would've slapped his arm, if she could've found the strength, for being so fucking smug when she'd finally found the courage to speak the words she'd been choking on for nearly a quarter century, but he was smiling, and as she looked at him wondering how it was possible to be both infuriated and infatuated with a person at once, he took her hand, the hand he was holding, and lifted it carefully to his lips, and kissed her once there, gently.
The movement roused Noah, though, and as he began to stir they both knew they'd lost the chance to say everything else that was on their minds. The things she had to say to Elliot no child needed to overhear, and he understood that, and turned his attention to her son.
"Hey, buddy," he said as Noah's blue eyes fluttered open. "Mom's awake."
"Mommy!" Noah cried, reaching for her, though Elliot in his wisdom held him back before the child accidentally pulled something loose.
"I'm gonna go talk to the nurses," Elliot told him. "If I put you in the bed with her, can you be real, real careful, and not pull on any of these wires?" He pointed to the hazards, and Noah nodded earnestly. He was a sweet, serious little boy, and he knew how to be careful.
"All right, then," Elliot said, and then he rose to his feet, still holding Noah in his arms, strong and steady, and then he very gently set the boy down on Liv's left side, the side with the least potential for disaster.
Noah snuggled in close to her, and she wrapped her arm around him, and held him tight.
"I'm gonna ask them if you can see Mia," he said. "They're gonna take me back first, and I think it's almost time for me to go. But maybe you can sit with her while they get her ready. It's gonna be a long night."
Olivia had questions about that, about when the doctors were gonna take Elliot away from her and how long he'd be under and when Mia would have to follow and what it was all gonna look like and what the risks really were and somewhere in there she'd need to find out her own status, but Elliot was already starting to walk away, and she'd have time to ask all her questions when he came back with the nurses. Right now, she had her son, and she had a heart full of love, and she had a man who loved her so deep, so strong, so unshakeable that nothing, not a gun to his head or a knife to his belly, could stop it.
"Elliot," she called softly, and he turned on his heel, looked back at her, and he was beautiful, she thought, beautiful because he was familiar, because he was safe, because he was hers.
"Thank you," she said, and meant it.
"Anything for you," he answered, and she knew he meant that, too.
