Chapter Eight

Forgiveness

"I believe in nothing. Not the end and not the start. I believe in nothing. Not the earth and not the stars..." ~30 Seconds to Mars

"It's time to forget about the past. To wash away what happened last..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do..." ~ Toto

It's been almost a week and I've never felt so confused. A few days ago I thought I knew who I was and now I felt like I had no idea who I was or what I was meant to do with all the information that has come to light. In a matter of a few minutes my whole world was turned upside down. The man I thought I knew turned out to be part of this whole conspiracy. His mother was the one that helped create me, and he knew all of this when he met me. And I thought I knew Ava, but I didn't.

She's my mother, my biological mother. It was all so bizarre. And Damon. I can't even begin to understand. For so long I hated him. I hated him for hurting Ava, for leaving her heartbroken. But, now. Now he turns out to be my father. I share his genes.

I share their genes. How'd it all get so messed up. I was angry at Dave for hiding all this from me. We were married, we didn't have any secrets. Turns out he was hiding one gigantic secret, a secret that was life changing. I didn't know who I was more angry with. Dave or Ava. They both lied, they both were in on this massive secret.

I sat down, running my hands through my hair. I stopped a thought hitting me like a wet fish. So much makes sense now, all these little things that I do. Like running my hands through my hair when I'm nervous or angry or frustrated. It was all Ava.

I thought that I had just picked it up over the years, but it's genetic. I got up and paced again, not that it helped. My mind was a mess. I walked to the bathroom, taking off my clothes. I got into the shower, turned on the faucet and let the water wash over me. I stood in the shower for a long time, just thinking. I washed my body and hair when the water started getting cold, getting out just as the last bit of hot water faded.

In the end it doesn't matter who did what, we were family. That's what it boils down to. They were blood. I loved my parents, but I also loved Ava. She's been there my whole life. She's saved my life twice, and was there for all the good times and all the bad times. She's family. Damon's family. I shook my head, sitting down on the toilet. Whether I liked it or not I had no choice. I had to stand by them. It doesn't mean that I forgive them, it only means that I wasn't going to let my family down because I was mad. And Dave. He was my husband and I loved him. He kept this from me, but I don't for a second think that he doesn't love me. Because I know he does.

He's the love of my life. Maybe this was the bigger picture. Maybe this was my destiny. Oh gosh, I'm starting to sound like Dave. He was always the wise one.

The one who made sense of things. As much as I hate to admit it I have to accept that he's my better half. I have to believe that all of this was done to protect me.

I don't doubt that Ava gave me up because that was what was best.

I got dressed and sat down to dry my hair. Just as I picked up my hairdryer there was a knock on the door. I wrapped a towel around my head and headed to the front door.

I looked out the window on the side of the door and saw Dave standing on the porch.

I sighed and unlocked the door. He couldn't stay at the Salvatores' forever.

I opened the door and saw a scruffy and tired looking Dave.

"I'm a mess without you," he said looking at me sheepishly.

"I'm a mess without you," I said throwing my arms around his neck.

Dave wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against mine. "I know you're mad, but I need to come home," he said in to my hair.

"I'm furious, but I need a decent night's sleep."

I pulled away and looked at Dave. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"We've been together almost ten years and you still can't go a night without me," he said smugly. "Don't piss me off mister," I said hitting him playfully.

"I wouldn't dare," he said wrapping his arm around my waist, ushering me into the house. He kicked the door shut behind him and lead me to our bedroom. We got into bed and I took the towel from my head dropping it on the floor. I was so tired I could sleep for a week. Dave got in next to me and we switched off the light.

He wrapped his arm around me and it wasn't long before I drifted off, catching up on all the sleep I've missed out of.

"So, on a scale from one to ten, how much do you hate us?" Dave asked coming into the living room. I've been up since the crack of dawn, no longer being able to sleep. I went to the living room with a book and a cup of coffee, trying to distract myself. I've been thinking too much the last few days and I just needed to an hour of so where I didn't have to think. With Dave back I started to relax. He was my rock.

"About a nine," I said turning a page. "Really that high?" he asked leaning against the sofa. "Lucky for you love trumps hate," I replied marking my place.

"I don't hate you," I began putting down the book. "I guess I'm just disappointed."

"I wanted to tell you, but I had to respect Ava's wishes," he said lifting my feet, sitting down, and resting my feet on his lap. "I know," I said meeting his gaze.

"What are you going to do?" Dave asked, after a minute's silence.

"I don't really have a choice."

"You always have a choice, Sash."

"Not when it comes to this," I said seriously, sitting up. "Not when it comes to Ava."

"Babe, I know this was all planned and this is your destiny, but if you don't want to do this then you don't have to. I don't think Ava and Damon will blame you if you don't join this fight," Dave said reaching out taking my hand.

"I know, but they are my family," I said squeezing his hand.

"Ava kept you away from this life for a reason. She didn't want you to get hurt."

"And now she needs me, and I need to be there for her. I owe her."

"I don't think she sees it like that."

"My whole life she's been there fighting my battles with me. What type of person will I be if I let her down now?"

"Ava might not be so thrilled if you decide to get involved."

"You think I should stay out of it?"

"I want you to decide what to do, I'm just telling you what I know."

"I know that it isn't expected of me," I paused my mind made up. It took a while but I knew what the right thing was to do. "But I need to do this. If not for Ava then for me. This is my chance to learn who I am, and what the bigger picture is."

"This is important to you?"

"Yes it is."

"I love you," Dave said leaning over taking my face in his hands.

"I love you too," I said kissing him.

After a couple of moments I pulled away, sitting back.

"I can understand Ava, but Damon," I said shaking my head. "I never saw that coming." Dave laughed and sat back picking up the TV remote. "I don't know who was more surprised. You or Damon," Dave said.

"Knowing Damon, it was the last thing he expected." I said picking up my book. "Hell, it was the last thing I expected."

"What a lovely surprise," Dave chuckled switching on the TV for his early morning news fix. "Lovely my ass," I said pulling a face.