October 12, 2050

Los Angeles, California, Earth

Marcy noticed Sprig's cheerful mood the minute he and Polly came home. Granted, he's usually in a good mood, but this was a lot even by his standards.

"What's got you looking so giddy, Sprig?" she asked.

"I've got a date!" said Sprig excitedly.

Marcy gasped. "Really!? That's so cool!"

"Yeah, he's had a big crush on Connie Jensen on the basketball team for like six months and he finally worked up the guts to ask her out!" said Polly.

"Apparently she's liked me since sixth grade," said Sprig with an awkward chuckle. "I never noticed."

"I noticed," said Polly.

Sprig gave Polly a look that might be considered a glare if he wasn't so happy. "You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"Your love life is your problem to deal with, not mine," said Polly with a huff.

"Yeah, but you could've—"

"Never mind that now!" Marcy gave Sprig a tight hug. "Besides, it's normal to be oblivious to others' feelings for you. Compared to me and Mæ̀ and Mom, five years isn't that bad."

"I guess so," said Sprig

"Oh, I'm so proud of you! When's your date?" Marcy eagerly asked.

"Tomorrow night at that fast-casual fish and chips place," he said. "It was her suggestion. I was the one that asked her out so I figured she should at least decide where we go."

"That makes sense." Marcy sniffled a little. "Oh, you're growing up so fast. I have to tell Anne and Sasha!"

With that, Marcy ran to another room to go text her wives.

"Do you think she's taking this too seriously?" asked Sprig.

Polly shrugged. "Maybe a little."


Marmar: YOURE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

Sashy: Did you finally get that item you've been grinding for?

Marmar: Ugh I wish

Marmar: anyway

Marmar: Sprig asked a girl out today and she said YES!

Anna Banana: Really?

Sashy: Oh my god we raised a straight boy! What have we done!? /s

Sashy: No but seriously good for him! Our little boy is becoming a man

Anna Banana: He could be bi like you Sash.

Sashy: Maybe but I doubt it

Sashy: We were watching magic mike last spring and he was not digging it

Anna Banana: That doesn't prove it he might just dislike the movie

Marmar: ANYWAY

Marmar: He's dating Connie from his classes and they're going to Britannia's Catch

Marmar: Should we do that thing they do on tv where we drop him off and pretend to leave but actually we're watching them?

Sashy: That never works

Sashy: And britannias catch isn't that big he'd definitely see us

Marmar: Not if we wear disguises

Anna Banana: I learned the hard way in Amphibia that interfering with other peoples dates doesn't end up well

Anna Banana: But we could do it if you want

Anna Banana: Maybe it's fun

Sashy: I guess it'll be an experience whether it goes good or bad

Marmar: that's the spirit


October 13

All three Calamity Moms got in the car when Sasha drove Sprig to Britannia's Catch, claiming the three of them would run an errand during his date before they pick him up.

"Have fun!" said Anne as Sprig got out of the car.

"Text us when you're getting ready to leave," said Marcy.

"Okay, I will," said Sprig.

The moms watched as Sprig approached Connie who stood outside the restaurant. She happily greeted him and they entered.

Sasha drove off and parked close by. "Alright, it's go time."

(Five Minutes Later)

"Okay. We all recognize that what we're about to do is wrong," said Sasha.

Anne and Marcy nodded. "Yes." "Uh huh."

"Are we gonna do it anyway?"

More nods. "Yep." "Absolutely."

"And he'll definitely be mad if he finds out." Sasha emphasized this last point quite a bit, since this whole situation sounds like something the three of them would've done pre-character development.

A third round of nods. "Yes." "For sure."

There was a moment of silence.

"Let's do it," said Anne.

The three of them entered the restaurant with their disguises on. Sasha covered her hair with a hood and had a couple of bandages on her face to hide her mole and scar. Her disguise was the most normal. Marcy's was the most extravagant. Her hair was done up in a bouffant and she traded her normal denim jacket for something that could best be described as a fleece monstrosity. Anne's was somewhere in between. Her hair was relatively normal, being slicked back and in a longer ponytail than she usually has, but her jacket was also somewhat flashy, belonging to a stage production she served as an extra on in college (she would never sing on stage again, but being an extra was fine). All three of them wore sunglasses to hide their eyes— Anne and Sasha's were standard, while Marcy wore her very gaudy pink shades which fit with the rest of her disguise.

Sasha went and ordered while Anne and Marcy got a table positioned in a way that made it easy for them to see Sprig but hard for him to see them.

"It looks like things are going well," said Anne.

"Yeah, I'm glad we didn't give him much dating advice," said Marcy. "He probably would've screwed things up with our help."

Sasha got their food after five or so minutes and they sat there and ate it, occasionally glancing at their son's table. Nothing overly interesting was happening. It was just two people eating dinner and having a fun-sounding conversation.

"Spying on dates seems a lot more fun on TV," said Marcy.

"I think TV writers invent contrived drama that doesn't happen often in real life," said Anne.

"Yeah," Sasha agreed. "We could've actually gotten an errand done."

Anne hummed before her eyes lit up. "Wait, something's happening!"

"Really?" asked Marcy.

"Yeah, I think they're getting ready to leave."

The moms saw Sprig gather all of his and Connie's trash onto a tray while she went to the restroom. He walked over to the trash bin near their table and they tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. However, instead of walking away after he threw everything out, he turned to look at his moms.

"So this is the errand you had to do?"

What? This wasn't supposed to happen!

"I'm sorry, I think you're confusing us with other people," said Sasha in a deep, gruff voice. "My name's Gloria."

"I'm Alia," said Marcy with a vague European accent.

Sasha and Marcy had both chosen aliases to use in case this situation happened. It seemed Anne did not. She didn't even disguise her voice. "And I'm uh… uh…" She noticed a painting of Big Ben on the wall. "London! My name is London."

Sprig raised an eyebrow. "Your name is London?"

"Yep! My parents love the city so much they named me after it." Anne could see her wives mentally facepalming. "Oh, screw this. Sorry, Sprig. We shouldn't have spied on your date."

Marcy nodded. "Yeah. It sounded fun yesterday, but all we did was spend money on a meal."

"I'm sorry too. I agreed 'cause the disguises sounded fun," Sasha admitted. "I thought they were good. How'd you recognize us so easily?"

"Putting on new jackets over the same outfits you wore forty minutes ago aren't the greatest disguises," said Sprig.

All three Calamity Moms looked embarrassed.

"Connie's probably almost finished in there," said Anne through her embarrassment. "We'll continue this conversation when you guys are fully done."

Sprig nodded and walked over to the restroom area where Connie emerged a few minutes later. They headed toward the exit and said their goodbyes. Connie gave Sprig a quick peck on the cheek and then left to walk back to her house. He walked back to his moms' table with a lovestruck smile on his face. If anything, they seemed to be more excited than he was.

"Awww! You got a cheek kiss!" said Anne.

"So adorable!" Marcy cheered.

"I bet you he's already planning their wedding," said Polly.

"Hey!" said Sprig.

Suddenly everyone registered who just spoke. "POLLY!?"

Polly waved. "Hey."

"When did you get here?" asked Sasha incredulously.

Polly shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe twenty minutes ago. I wanted to see what the fuss was about."

"I thought my love life wasn't your business," Sprig complained.

"That was before you had a girlfriend," said Polly. "Now I'm interested."

Sprig grumbled while everyone else chuckled.


Translation: Mæ̀ (mom)

I hope you like the references to the trio's actress' other roles.