Chapter Twenty-Four
von Trapp Home
"I didn't understand it myself," Lida replied. "The anger and the…the pain just overwhelmed me. I felt like a monster, that by my being here I was a reminder to Mama that she had been violated. I convinced myself that Papa lied and covered my parentage because it was his only way to control how Mama felt and…it was ridiculous, it is ridiculous."
Liels nodded, "If you felt like that, it was a real feeling, Lida, to you. I know this for a fact, Lida, Papa and Mama both loved you for you. They lied to you, if you see it that way, but it was to protect you from this. They never wanted you to feel like this!" Liesl motioned to Lida with both hands.
"I realize that," Lida sighed. "Now that the damage has been done. I toured this orphanage when I was in New Haven and the little kids there looked so sad and so lost. I realized that that could have been me. If Papa and Mama, if Papa especially made a different choice. I don't agree with…how things were run…back in Austria, I don't understand that, but I think I found a way to forgive and start to move on. I just don't know how to go to them and ask for their forgiveness."
Liesl smiled softly. "All you have to do is go to them and tell them you love them. Tell them you understand and they will smile. They love you, Father always had a very special place for you. He always cherished all of us, but you…You hurt him, Lida. I won't lie. This cut him deep and it might take a while for it to heal."
"All I want to do is hug him," Lida sighed. "Hug them both and have them tell me everything's okay, like when I was little and had a bad dream. I want it all to be a bad dream."
Liesl reached her hand out and patted Lida's hand. "It isn't, but unlike a dream, this time, you can choose the outcome."
Lida covered Liesl's hand, "Can we go? I would like to see them. I need to see Papa. I won't upset him or Mama, I promise."
"Okay," Liesl nodded. "It's going to be okay. Come on, let's go. Did you eat breakfast?"
Lida shook her head. "I can't, too nervous."
"You have to," Liesl replied. "Too necessary."
Montpelier, Vermont
"Take a deep breath for me," Curtis encouraged as he listened to Georg's chest. "I don't see how you can't hear it "
The new hospital affiliated doctor, Dr. Benson, had just examined Georg and denied that he heard a marked arrhythmia. "It is audible, he has an atrial fibrillation with a ventricular strain. Georg, you are a prime candidate for diagnostic catheterization and with the right balance of medication, exercise, and rest you could live an altered but productive life."
"Unless it is heart failure," Dr. Benson argued. "Then you over-tax him in an exercise regimen and he's dead in six months."
Georg had heard more than enough arguing. He had dismissed Dr. Cain for upsetting Maria and was about to dismiss Dr. Benson for upsetting him. "Wait a minute," Georg spoke up. "I would rather be dead than spend the rest of my life as a cardiac cripple, let's get that straight. What is this atrial nonsense Curtis and how do you fix it? Cut me open?"
"No," Curtis replied. "It is an abnormal heart beat that when left untreated and accompanied by high blood pressure and stress can lead to a stroke. What we can't know without the catheterization is if you have the arrhythmia because of the heart attack or if you had the heart attack because of the arrhythmia. If you have this condition, we can treat it and you can be involved in your life. If Dr. Benson is right and you are going into heart failure, the catheterization will tell us that too. Atrial fibrillation causes blood clots in the heart, we see a clot then we know. If we see arterial blockage, we know the attack came first. If we see the heart is enlarged, which it wasn't on the x-ray, we know you are in real trouble."
Georg closed his eyes, his heart did pound, it pounded often. He was so tired, but the arguing continued. Curtis was always an abrasive personality, but this time Georg appreciated it. "Dr. Benson," Georg said quietly. "I do appreciate your input, but my wife is expecting our 11th child in six months. I can't simply fade off into the sunset, I have a responsibility to her and the baby, never mind my children and grandchildren. I cannot go home and accept a long drawn out death, I won't do that. If all you can offer as a solution is a wheelchair and a hospital bed then I'm sorry, I would like another opinion."
While the arguing continued, Liesl and Lida arrived at the hospital. Several of the older von Trappd were still there. Cathy and Julia had gone to help Rosamaria and Max with babysitting detail. When Brigitta saw Lida she bristled but Liesl held up her hand, "It's all right, Brigitta. We are going to visit Father, then we can talk, okay?"
Liesl took Lida's hand and they continued toward Georg's room. When they approached, they heard Maria's voice permeating the corridor. Lida didn't think she ever heard Maria speak this way, not even when one or more of them was in trouble. Her tone was firm, hard, and unyielding.
"Dr. Benson," Maria said firmly. "My husband has already dismissed you. Your feelings and opinions are noted, but I certainly do not want my husband sentenced to a life in bed because of your stagnation. He doesn't want it, I do not want it, so please, my husband is tired, leave us in peace."
Dr. Benson had been talking over Maria the entire time arguing his old fashioned and unwanted viewpoint. "I am not finished, Mrs von Trapp," Dr. Benson pressed only for Maria to cut him down and stop him in his tracks.
"Oh, yes you are, Doctor!" Maria grated out, her tone and stance startling Curtis, it even put Georg to shame. "Now, please, both of you go. He is tired, please go."
Maria turned her bac, dismissing both men. Liels and Lida pulled back, both knowing that now might not be the best time for a family reunion.
When the other children saw Lida with Liesl enter the hospital they all began to debate the wisdom of her being there. "Medically, I know that Father's heart attack had nothing to do with Lida. Heart incidents are not emotional," Marta rationalized. "But the physical signs of stress can mimic warning signs and maybe if Father didn't explain away the early symptoms…"
"Then he would have for another reason," Gretel interjected. "That doctor in Burlington mother made him see when he got hurt that time put him on those blood pressure pills but he almost never took them. He just did it when Mother got upset at him for not doing it."
"Marta," Fridrich broke in. "I could have just as easily been the one that pushed him over the edge. I ever should have disrespected him the way I did."
Fridrich had put a lot of blame on himself regarding the words he exchanged with Georg over the boys smoking stint. "He's our father and he's always going to act like a "father". I suppose we can all still learn from him."
Louisa nodded, "I know I have. He is always the first one to know what to do for the baby or if one fo the boys is sick. I rely on him too much when Sam is away. I supposed I have blame in this too."
"Excuse me," Brigitta said. "But doesn't a lot of the "blame" go on Father too? I mean Marta just said he had warning signs. We have all seen him not feeiing well and he never spoke up, not even to Marta or Mother, she would have made him see someone. We can't heap blame on our shoulder if Father is unwilling to take care of himself."
"And now we have Mother," Kurt added. "A pregnancy on top of all of this. We had all better figure out how to handle our own lives and Uncle Max and take the burden off of them."
"Wasn't that why you were living in the guest house?" Gretel asked. "To help Mother and Father? It seems though they are babysitting for you and Deborah every chance you two have to go off and do something."
"They like to babysit," Kurt countered. "Father comes and gets the kids from me. He says he's bored when mother is working on a project or down at the church. Julia is in the house, she's old enough to be helping."
"Julia has her education," Louisa defended.
This is the mess Liesl and Lida returned to after stepping away from Georg's room.
"That was fast," Brigitta said looking at both of her sisters.
"We didn't go in," Liesl replied. 'Mother just dismissed another doctor and Father looked like he was tired. Mother looks terrible, she's not eating. We stepped back."
"Mama will be fine when Papa is," Lida offered. "Won't she? How did all this happen so fast?"
Marta bit back a snarky laugh. "Oh, trust me, Lida, this didn't happen fast."
Lida looked down at her shoes. She felt terrible about all of this. She knew this was at least partially her fault. The man she saw in the bed through the glass didn't look like her Papa. He looked drawn, old, pale, and she knew she had caused some of those deep lines around his eyes and mouth to appear. It seemed Marta knew it too.
"This took months," Marta continued. "Months of Papa feeling that he was a terrible father to you and to the rest if us. Months of him making his emotional pain until he didnt know the difference between a heart attack and a broken heart!"
"Marta!" Friedrich, ever the big brother, always the peacemaker tried to intervene. "We all had a part in this, even Mother, though I'm sure she didn't get pregnant on purpose. None of this happened on purpose."
"Mama's pregnant?!" Lida gasped. She felt sick. If anything happened to Maria, Georg would never survive it. They knew that all their lives, except for her. What Lida just witnessed, Maria's fierce protection of Georg told a different story. It was the proof in the pudding that her perception of their parents marriage was somewhat altered.
Marta wasn't finished. "Yes, Mother is pregnant and that has put so much fear on Father. He always was so proud of how we stood together, how we all loved each other. He loved us always, he loved you always, apparently getting nothing but contempt in return. Never asking for anything in return! How dare you even show your face!"
Curtis had come out to give the family and update in Georg's condition. He saw Marta starting to come apart and moved in to try to grab her and stop her before she did irreparable damage.
When Marta broke down and began to cry, Lida surprised Curtis by grabbing Marta by the shoulders and holding her tight. Both girls sobbed as they held each other, each murmuring their "I'm sorry" to one another. If Georg could see this moment, he would be so proud.
Marta pulled back and turned to her husband. Curtis wrapped her in his arms and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Your mother has requested you all go home and she will call for you to come back. They need time alone to think about their options. She is overwhelmed and he is exhausted. I'll keep my eye on them, please respect their wishes "
"What are the options? Is Father going to recover?" Friedrich asked.
"He can, and with time, he will," Curtis assured them. "Please give them time, give them time."
The family slowly began to retreat, each heading home to their respective houses and cities. Marta held back and Curtis gave her another hug, "I'll see you at home. Trust me?"
Marta nodded, "I do," she whispered. "I always do."
A/N: Lida has had a change of heart, and so for now, have Georg and Maria. They need time alone to work through all that has happened. It is hard to think straight healthy with ten children, in-laws, grandkids, and Max…Don't worry, I have a plan for Uncle Max.
Not going to count the number of chapters left right now, as soon as I think I'm going to wrap up something I get another idea, so…This is why I hate to write on the fly, but I love it at the same time.
Enjoy!
