Karyn swung, and Thrawn stepped aside, forcing her to narrowly miss him yet again. She set her stick down, sighing. They'd been at this for over a week, Thrawn taking an interest in Karyn's hand to hand abilities- or lack thereof. She was soaked in sweat, her cheeks flushed.
"I'm done for today, Admiral."
He set his stick down. "You've greatly improved, Commodore. I am impressed."
She huffed. "Thank you, Grand Admiral." Although she didn't feel like she had. If anything, she felt her confidence wane as Thrawn continued to flatten her attempts with each passing day.
She set her stick down next to his, wiping her forehead.
"I'll be in my office if you need me." he said, leaving her to catch her breath in peace.
He pulled up art from every corner of the galaxy; sculptures, paintings, sketches, even pottery… with the subject of love. Not just romantic love, familial love, platonic love. The Chiss didn't recognize love. Not because they didn't feel it-they thought it a weak point. Therefore, marriages were often arranged by political advancements. The higher you went up the social ladder, the less evidence of love you would find. When Thrawn was young he thought the Mitth might come to love him once he'd shown how intelligent he was. But that was his naivety rearing its head early. Love didn't exist alongside greed, and in the ruling families, there was enough greed to fuel that of the entire empire.
He studied the work, the passion of each stroke, the embraces of the subjects in each work. Physical touch was the ultimate symbol of love in so many cultures. The gentle caress of one's skin, the holding of one another in their arms… all things the Chiss sneered at. To show affection was to shed the protection of anonymity. You were showing your hand, and to do so was foolish.
The most affection he'd shown in his life was touching one's shoulder. A relationship would entail far more, especially with a human.
Thrawn had never allowed his eyes to wander further than the page, sticking to what he knew, strategy. Relationships were high risk with little reward, and he couldn't afford to humiliate himself any further than he already did on the social field. He never humored a relationship.
Linnia came naturally. They formed a bond, one that had evolved into a relationship Thrawn could see becoming something more. He found himself drifting to thoughts of bringing her to Csilla with him, of her meeting Ar'Alani. He frowned. He was far ahead of himself. Linnia may have no interest in Thrawn beyond friendship. She may be insulted by his admission, ending their relationship there, destroying their friendship. He pinched the bridge of his nose. What was he doing? Why was he wasting his time with such foolishness? She wouldn't leave her life here, she wouldn't want him over another. Why risk their friendship?
Did he love her?
He thought this would help him, seeing the work inspired by others with the same questions, the same feelings. But as always, it escaped him.
"Damn."
He was only doing this because he knew his time to leave was approaching, and couldn't bare to leave without her. Like Eli, he wished to bring her to Csilla with him.
He'd invite her aboard, and try to formulate a plan from there. If only he could ask Eli.
Grand Admiral Thrawn,
I'd love to join you aboard the Chimera for your investigation. I'll be arriving shortly.
Linnia
He knew she was short because of the highly confidential nature of the mission, but he'd still hoped for more. It'd been more than six months since their vacation, and despite his attempts, he'd been craving her presence. When they were apart, he felt himself slowly descending into his own thoughts, allowing his anxieties, his calculations, to drown his perceptions of reality. Her calming presence, her ability to take what Thrawn felt was an extraordinarily complex issue and reduce it to such simplicity continued to ease him, her smile bringing him peace of mind.
Maybe she'd help him find answers in his own heart.
This issue with Krennic and the death star was haunting him. The death star information was what he wanted, it was his self determined ticket home… and that was what bothered him. Once he was there, he would get what he wanted, he would be sure of it. But what would this information mean? For the galaxy, the universe? Would it be a ticket home, or a death sentence? If the death star was the weapon he suspected, he couldn't simply saunter home with the information. He'd have to stay and be sure of its destruction.
This was to be his turning point either way, and he wasn't sure he was ready for any outcome. He'd grown comfortable in the stagnation of his career, and to uproot his entire life again…
He was scared. The idea of returning to the Chiss felt almost as foreign as when he'd left them for the empire.
If only Eli were around.
Linnia arrived two days after her letter. She brought her assistant and some medical supplies to assist if needed. She greeted thrawn and ronan, her hair pulled back in an elaborate braid, keeping hair from her face. She appeared well rested, and thrawn almost felt guilty for dragging her into this absolute mess. Once formalities were said and done, she followed thrawn back to his office, slumping against the closed door.
"You have to explain to me what is going on and who that lunatic is… but not before a drink."
Thrawn smiled. "Agreed." He poured her a glass of amber liquor from his decanter, and she fell into the chair before his desk.
"How do you get yourself wrapped up in these things?"
Thrawn sipped his own glass. "I wonder myself."
She sighed.
Thrawn looked up at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright, as always, as if she held some unknown secret.
"This is your chance."
He closed his eyes. He didn't have to answer, they both already knew what was involved.
"I'm here to help you however I can." She said quietly.
He looked away. "I do not know what this holds for me, for you, for the galaxy."
"No one does. Not even them. We have to simply do what we can as it comes, I guess."
She gave him what Thrawn assumed was a hopeful smile, but there was a touch of fear in her eyes. They were entering uncharted territory for the both of them, they'd have to tread carefully.
There was a knock, and Thrawn buzzed the door open.
A cart rolled in, pushed by a droid. It left the cart beside his desk, zipping quickly back into the hallway.
"I took the liberty of ordering a meal. I assumed you would be famished."
She smirked, lifting the metal cloche over one of the plates. "Always thoughtful."
He smirked in return. "Always."
