I only wake twice overnight from dreams of the land mines exploding beneath me as I wait for the opening countdown to end, so it's one of the better nights of sleep I've gotten since we came to the Capitol. In the morning I can tell that I've slept long past the time we're normally called for breakfast. I roll onto my back and find Peeta already awake next to me. He props himself up on his side and stares down at me. His free hand absent-mindedly rubs the swell of my stomach. Not so long ago the intensity of Peeta's gaze would have made me squirm, but I've gotten better at accepting his affection.
Well, somewhat better. "It's late," I say to him accusingly.
Peeta is unbothered by my tone. "You needed the sleep," he says. Well, I can't argue with that.
"How did you get Effie to leave us alone for this long?" I ask.
"I talked to her last night when I came back in. We had to coordinate our plan for your interview training. You know, since I'm your mentor." I can see a hint of mischief in his eyes, and a smile takes over his face as he explains the plans he and Effie made last night. "We both agreed that Haymitch already knows what to say in an interview, but how he presents himself is terrible. You know how to act in public after all the events we've done, you just need help with what to say once you're out there. So for training today, Haymitch will spend all day with Effie, while you'll spend all day with me."
I can't help but return Peeta's smile as I imagine Haymitch being "coached" by Effie for hours on end. "Is this just an excuse to spend the day with me, or revenge because you're still mad at Haymitch?"
Peeta's smile seems to grow even wider. "Why not both?"
Why not both, indeed.
We make quick work of getting up and preparing for the day. Once we're dressed Peeta says, "Let's get this out of the way: Do you actually want any help with what to say in your interview?"
I consider for a moment. "I already know the basics. Play up the pregnancy and the hope that the Star-Crossed Lovers will go home together as a family. If I try to plan anything out more specific than that I'll just sound awkward and fake." Regardless of the insanity of the rest of his advice, Haymitch was right yesterday when he said that I was no good when I try too hard to act in front of the cameras. I need to stay as natural as possible.
Peeta's nod tells me he agrees. "That's what I thought, too. So, as your mentor, I'm advising you to take the day to relax and clear your head." Then he closes the small distance between us and wraps his arms around me. "As your husband, I have a suggestion or two on ways you can relax and clear your head."
I can't help but smile back at him. "In that case, why did we bother getting dressed?"
…..
It's closer to noon when we decide to get up for the day, again. We're drowsing in the afterglow when my empty stomach reminds me of just how many hours it's been since dinner. I'm so comfortable that I'm prepared to ignore the feeling, but as if he can read my mind Peeta says, "We should get up and get some food into you."
"I don't want to get up," I say with a whine that would embarrass me in any other circumstance, but Peeta is already climbing out of bed. He drags me with him into the shower, then we quickly re-don our clothes.
I glance around our room. The idea of being cooped up in here all day is depressing me, but I don't really want to go out into the suite and have to talk to anyone else. "It's too bad we can't go somewhere," I say wistfully.
"Who says we can't?" Peeta asks. "I know this great place for a picnic. There's a flower garden, and amazing views of the city…" I cut him off with a kiss.
Peeta gathers up some blankets while I order us a bunch of food, and we head up to the roof. A picnic in the rooftop garden that tinkles with wind chimes is just what we needed to ease the stress of the last few days. After eating our fill of lunch, neither of us has any desire to go back inside, so we stay up there for the rest of the afternoon. It's been months since we could just spend a day together like this without training or planning or studying. Ever since the reading of the card we've been working non-stop to ensure my survival. Now I can lay my head in Peeta's lap and take time to enjoy the feel of the sun on my face. The only sounds that intrude on me are the wind chimes above us and the scratching of Peeta's pencil as he sketches. Simply spending time together like this feels like a luxury after the frantic pace of the last few months. I'm so glad I get to have one more day like this before going back into the Games.
We spend the entire day accomplishing nothing but relaxing and enjoying ourselves. I snap off some hanging vines and show off my new skills at tying knots and making nets. Peeta puts down his sketchbook so he can play with my hair, claiming he's practicing his own knots. Later we play a game of catch by bouncing apples off the forcefield that surrounds the roof. I doze off again later in the afternoon, but Peeta wakes me for the sunset. "They're so unique here, I didn't think you'd want to miss it," he says.
I sit up so I can see better, scooting myself back between Peeta's legs and leaning against him. He pulls me against his chest and rests his large, warm hands over my belly. I still prefer watching the sunset from the woods outside Twelve, but the spectacular yellow and orange blaze set behind the skyline of the Capitol does have a beauty all its own.
I sink further into my husband's comforting embrace, feeling his breath ticking my hair with each exhale, still drowsy from my nap, sharing this spectacular display of his favorite color with him, knowing all the while that it may be the last time I experience any of this. "I think this is my moment."
"Hmm?" Peeta doesn't actually articulate his question.
"You said once that you wanted to freeze a moment and live in it forever," I explain. "I think this is my moment."
Peeta makes a noise in the back of his throat as he considers my statement. Then he shakes his head. "No. Not this one."
"No?" I ask. I'm not sure if I'm playfully annoyed or actually annoyed. "And why not?"
"Because we're going to have moments in the future that will be even better," he says with conviction.
I know he's trying to convince himself as much as he is me, and I don't want to put a damper on our wonderful day, so I acquiesce. "Okay."
Nobody comes to summon us to dinner, assuming they even know we're up here. We have enough food left to eat again, so we stay where we are until after the fading light of the sunset is eclipsed by the garish glow of the buildings around us. As comfortable and relaxing as our afternoon up here was, the evening brings with it far too many reminders of the Capitol for my taste – the stars are nearly invisible in the glare from all the artificial lights, and the gentle tinkling of the wind chimes is joined now by the sounds of the raucous Hunger Games parties happening in the streets below us. It's late enough that we decide to just go to bed, and we quietly slip down to our room without encountering anyone.
Once we're safely ensconced in our room, though, Peeta says he needs to check with Effie about something and slips back outside. After a few minutes I'm joined by the redheaded Avox girl, who makes up our bed for the night and replaces the missing linens we used for our picnic. It occurs to me that I've been calling her the redheaded Avox girl for two years now. I feel like I should know her name, this girl whose condemnation I witnessed back in the woods outside District 12. I remember I had the same thought last year, but too late to do anything about it. I can do something now, though, if only I could ask her without getting her in trouble.
"Can you help me in the bathroom with something? I've been having trouble with the shower." There. That's the kind of request one makes of an Avox, isn't it?
The girl gives me a puzzled look, but she follows me into the bathroom. I turn on the shower and sit on the edge of the tub. The redheaded girl stands by the sink, eyeing me warily, but I know she understands what I'm trying to do because she reaches behind her and turns on the faucet there. I take it as a good sign.
I decide there's no point in prevaricating, not that I'm any good at it anyway. "I wanted to ask you, um, I was hoping you would tell me your name."
Her eyes widen slightly, but she makes no other response. "I know we're not supposed to be treating you like you're human anymore, and I don't want to get you in trouble," I say. "But you've been here helping us for two years now, and before…" I don't elaborate; it's obvious she remembers before. "I would really like to know your name. While I still have the chance."
I'm worried she'll just turn and leave, but after a moment she mimes picking up a piece of paper off the counter and reading it. Of course, she's worried about being discovered. She doesn't trust me to destroy the evidence, and why should she? All she knows about me is that I didn't help her and that I'm a killer. My eyes wander the room and land on what I hope will be the solution. I go to the shower controls and pick one of the pumps at random, filling my palm with what turns out to be a lavender-scented gel. "You can write it in soap. Here, in the shower. Write your name with the soap, and then I'll rinse it away and no one will ever know."
I stand holding my palmful of lavender gel out to her. She studies me for a long moment. I don't know what she's looking for, but eventually she steps over and swipes her finger through the gel. I back away to give her space and find a towel to clean my hand. She finds an open space of porcelain outside the spray of the shower and hastily scrawls the name before stepping back and turning to me.
Lavinia.
That's the name of the girl Gale and I saw in the woods. The girl we did nothing to help. The girl who has been working as a servant here in the Training Center ever since.
"Lavinia." I say the name out loud so I can hear how it sounds, and the girl – Lavinia – flinches. How long has it been since she heard someone call her by name? Since the day she was captured? How dangerous must it feel for her to hear it now? "That's a pretty name. Lavinia. Thank you for telling me."
She nods to acknowledge me. After a moment she turns back to the shower. I think she's going to rinse the name away, but instead she gathers more of the gel and writes something else with it. When she steps back again, another name has joined hers on the wall. "Paulus. That's the boy who was with you that day?" She nods. "He was your… brother?" I guess. She shakes her head, and the look of pain there gives me the real answer. "Your boyfriend." She nods.
A girl and her boyfriend, trying to flee the Capitol's control but being caught in their web anyway. The story feels a little too familiar to me, even if Peeta and I were never in a position to literally run away into the woods. The memory of what happened to the boy that day brings a whole new pain with it now.
"I'm sorry, Lavinia. I'm sorry I couldn't help you when you needed it. I'm sorry I didn't try." She shakes her head, pointing at her lips and then at me. Saying that I would have been captured and suffered her own fate, if not Paulus's. She's right, but I'm still sorry.
"Tell Darius I'm sorry too," I add while I have the chance. She looks confused for a moment. I realize I don't really know how much Avoxes communicate with each other. "He's the other Avox on this floor. The other redhead who's new this year?" She nods her understanding. "Darius… He's a friend, from back home. He's here because he tried to help someone. Tell him that Gale's okay, he survived and he made a full recovery. Tell him thank you, and tell him I'm sorry."
She nods at me. After a moment I redirect the shower head to spray down the wall, and soon all that's left of the names is a foamy swirl running down the drain. But they'll live forever in my memory, Lavinia and Paulus, however many days my forever may be at this point.
…..
Really short chapter, far short of my usual goal, but this is the way the story breaks down at this point. I didn't want to split the interview day into two chapters just to pad this one a bit, and I didn't want these scenes to become afterthoughts tacked onto the end of the private session chapter or the front of the interview chapter. So here it is on its own. I promise the next chapter will be out soon.
Next chapter: The interviews!
Preview quote from Chapter 25:
"Remember, girl on fire, I'm still betting on you."
