Chapter XIX
One Step at a Time
True to my words, besides a few absences, I stayed at Naruto's bedside all evening and the night that followed. For my own comfort, I fetched a chair and one of my books. Of course, being weakened, I permitted myself to leave to drink, eat and go to the bathroom. Exhausted, I had no choice but to let slumber overtake me. Alert to the gradually improving adolescent state, I slept with one eye open; at the slightest movement, my body was ready to wake up. Luckily, he did not move an inch, allowing me to take a rest, tiny it is. Also, the pain in my arm eased to the point of forgetting it. Once morning rolled around, I immersed myself in reading. According to his atypical sleep cycle, he should sleep until noon.
However, a movement shows otherwise.
Seeing Naruto stir, I put my book away. He winces at first sight of pain and his sluggish eyelids open with difficulty. His blinking eyelashes imply that his mind is still numb and taking a long time to regain its lucidity. It's only when he turns his head towards me that I greet him with a cheerful expression.
"Good morning, Naruto."
I don't show it or think it, but deep down I question my decision to stay until he regains consciousness; a fear that it scares the boy more than anything else. He looks at me for a long moment, as if his brain is taking time to translate the information. His sapphire blue eyes don't sparkle, yet their intensity is as if they've captured the depths of the ocean. I can't help but plunge my dark iris into his; I can't explain this feeling that takes hold of me.
After this visual exchange, Naruto tries to straighten up and sit down. Whimper sounds escape from his lips in response to the twinges that generate tremors.
"Lie down. You are in no condition to get up…"
I'm about to stop him in his progress, but he gives me a dark glare that freezes me in place; I do not insist further.
Did I make a mistake?
Sitting, the teenager brings a hand to his abdomen which makes him suffer; at that, he's panting. I let him calm down. It doesn't take long either since he quickly looks at me, more specifically to my left arm. He seems preoccupied, nervous… I finally understand what he wants when he opens his mouth wide to show me his fangs before running his tongue over them.
He's begging for my chakra.
Something I don't want at all.
So much so that I can't hide it.
"...Can this wait another day..?" I complain in a whisper as I feel a cold sweat beading on my temple.
Naruto lowers his head and extends his palms towards me. Thus motionless, he implores me to accept his request. Sensory sensations come back into memory; this excruciating burn, the unbearable pain and this horrible sensation of my strength leaving me little by little… I knew that I would have to submit to this torture a second time, but not so soon. I notice with horror that he is hungry every day… I will be forced to dig my own grave.
Reluctantly, I surrender with a sigh. Instead of the left—still suffering the consequences of his bite—I hand him the right.
"I'd want you to be gentle, Naruto. My arm is barely recovering from the last time…"
The blond displays a serious pout. He seems to have understood me, although he hardly tells me so. When he takes my arm and his irises light up in the dark, I can't help but stiffen while bracing myself for the inevitable. He will sink his fangs into my skin to pour out his venom, whatever it is, which will burn my flesh. In response to stress, my pulse races. Like his first bite, the teenager notices my apprehension. Instead of last time, he examines and touches my forearm with his fingers whose nails scratch me in spite of themselves. The way he performs, I feel as if he's looking for my nerves and my veins. Then, without warning, he digs his canines in deep, squeezing a flinch and a muffled groan from me. But this time, it is different.
Sure, the pain is stabbing me, not to mention an ember heat seeping into my chakra channels and a similar fire through my flesh, but the excruciating pain is tolerable … sort of. With each suck, twinges pulsate up my spine as my precious energy leaves me; I tire quickly. To my relief, Naruto takes no more and pulls out his overgrown fangs, leaving two non-bleeding holes in their wake. The pain is non-existent if I compare to the one before or the one in my chest which is struggling to stop the race of my organ which caused my breathing to go mad.
Wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, the sapphire-eyed boy watches me intently, as if trying to make sure I'm okay.
"I'm fine, Naruto. You don't have to worry," I reassure him.
Although brief, I glimpse a smile on his face. Then, Naruto lies down again, escaping a barely audible complaint and lets himself sink into Morpheus's arms. His expression conveys a peaceful tranquility. He doesn't seem to be suffering from a fever anymore—something I confirm by gently placing a cautious hand on his forehead. Aside from a frown, the teenager doesn't push me away. Seeing him like this chases away all negative thoughts about my chakra offering.
I make sure Naruto is sound asleep before stepping out of the cage to tend to my wound and have it examined by Godaime.
Unlike his first bite which is the cause of certain waking nightmares, this one did almost no damage; aside from the trauma in my meridian, he didn't cut any veins or nerves. Apart from a small bandage and a cream to prevent infections, I did not need any care. This precision he showed impressed Lady Tsunade and me. Also, he greatly limited the amount of chakra he took from me. If the next meals are similar, I should survive… Nevertheless, this puts me in a delicate situation; this weak position causes Konohagakure to lose one of its most powerful ninjas.
I will not hide that it bothers me, germinates in me this unacknowledged frustration.
Since he drained me of my strength, I imitated my student by crawling under the covers of my hospital bed after taking the medication that is supposed to help me recover my chakra better. As he has done since the beginning of his captivity, Naruto will be fine without me until dusk. I doubt he will wake up or beg for my presence since his body is busy healing his wound. I wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps all day; about me, that's what I'm going to do. Feeding the teenager with my chakra exhausts me just as much as my red eye.
I therefore let the boat of dreams take me on its enchanted rivers where chance and the subconscious merge.
Since my regular visits to the jail, a certain routine has set in. I wake up in the early evening or late afternoon. The nurses bring me my meals and inquire about my physical state when it's not Godaime herself. I noticed that Sakura did not visit me. I was told that witnessing her comrade's new condition left her in shock. I assume she's trying to protect herself by avoiding me, so she doesn't have this unrecognizable image of him in mind.
Before visiting the sapphire-eyed boy, I take a well-deserved enjoyable shower. I don't wear anything other than my dark-blue outfit or bother with my ninja gear. The only difference is the forehead protector which I use to cover my Sharingan. Anyway, where I'm going, I hardly need weapons.
When I take the usual path to the underground, I see that Shikamaru is not in the observation post. Since he is present during these hours, I assume that he must have been absent or that he took leave. Shrugging, I don't really care. I content myself with a simple glance at the screens. Naruto still seems asleep to me, but instead of facing the wall, he's on the other side—something new. Is it random? Hard to know. With him, we can expect anything. The men take advantage of my short visit to give me a glass of water that I will have to offer to the teenager.
I then enter the sinister place plunged into darkness.
Naruto lifted his head to look in my direction as the door was opening. His sleepy little eyes watch me intently. After he recognizes me, he falls back on his pillow to continue his slumber. To see him so exhausted, I am speechless. It is as if he had accumulated fatigue for days on end. Apparently, my student had never really managed to sleep deeply; his fearful temperament and his feeling of insecurity must be to blame. He's been awake almost twenty-four hours recently, though.
Since I don't plan to leave any time soon and the sapphire-eyed boy intends to continue his activity, I sit down at his bedside to read Come Come Paradise. Moreover, my rather reserved nature and the silence that Naruto is a slave to, I hardly know what to do with him. Apart from awkward interactions like the knotting of his headband, no idea sprouts to mind. It is only then that I become aware of his own situation in this cell, alone. I wonder if he has any sense of time or gets bored. I must say that his emotions are difficult to decipher.
Sometimes, the blond changes position emitting incomprehensible mumbles, making him almost normal. He dreams that is understood; a touch of curiosity takes hold of me as to the nature of this said dream. At least he doesn't snore or have restless sleep. A tendency Naruto had when he was particularly tired, especially after a gruelling workout. I won't be sorry. I don't want to find myself in the middle of devastating flames in this narrow and poorly ventilated place if he were to sleepwalk; according to Tenzô, it is a real waking nightmare.
I have time to read several chapters before he opens his eyes. Mechanically, I look at him and him alike. The teenager rubs his eyelids while getting up. Unlike this morning, he's not grimacing or showing any signs of pain. I take advantage of this moment to hand him the beverage.
"Slept well, Naruto?" I ask, my nose in my book, fully aware that he will not answer me.
This one seizes my aqueous offering to bring it to his lips and drinks it only in a few sips. For the time of a breath, Naruto seems to contemplate the void before starting to stare at me, thus making me uncomfortable. Will he beg for my chakra again...? I hope not; I will definitely lose consciousness if it is not death that takes me.
I jump when he suddenly moves. Naruto gets rid of the glass by knocking it to the ground. He lifts the sheets, inspects them thoroughly and even peeks under the bed as if looking for something. I watch him passively with a hint of nervousness until he slips a hand under his pillow to find the object of his desire: his shinobi headband. His face sketches a happy smile as he applies it to his forehead to tie it securely. He seems to laugh with joy, but his voice remains eternally silent; at that, his ebony tail makes a few reels betraying some playful excitement.
What just happened makes me speechless. I just show a visage similar to his. Deep inside me, a feeling of happiness overtake me. I manage to recognize the old Naruto in these expressive behaviours; despite his amnesia, his personality persists and resurfaces when the sapphire-eyed boy is comfortable.
Suddenly, curiosity seizes my student. He observes my book with far too much insistence. When he tries to look inside, mechanically, I hasten to put it out of sight. Immediately, he reaches out his hand to grab it and in response, I don't allow him. My heart races as my cheekbones overheat. I'm willing to bet he still knows how to read and it's not the kind of thing a sixteen-year-old should read, especially one of the late Jiraiya's novels, even if he had already skimmed through a few drafts. Besides, I don't want him to learn exactly my tastes in literature … or anyone else, for that matter. Frustration seizes Naruto who looks at me while beating his rotten tail in displeasure. I too am enamoured with a similar feeling, in no way patient.
"That's enough, Naruto!" I curtly say as I stand up. "I won't leave you my book, whether you like it or not!"
His irises glow for a breath as he lets out a growl as complaints. I don't want to piss him off until I see flames appear, but I don't intend to give in to his whims.
This growing and unstable tension is broken by the sound of the door mechanism. Surprised by this intrusion, I cannot help but be relieved that someone has come to put an end to this nascent argument between me and my student. While I'm particularly curious about the identity of the person and the reason for their visit, as for Naruto, he immediately arches his back. The hairs on his tail ruffle, even those on his blond hair seem thicker to me all of a sudden. His face wears a feral look and throws the room into a din of growls before he steps behind me, staring apprehensively at the unwanted arrival. I note that—instead of taking refuge under the bed—he preferred to hide behind my back. He feels safe with me and that only further confirms the trust he has in me.
From his sluggish gait and jaded visage, I recognize Shikamaru. I return my attention to the teenager to reassure him in the hope that he calms down.
"Easy, Naruto. He's not an enemy."
Of course, the youngster does not try to enter, but nevertheless approaches the gates with caution. Likewise, I come to meet him on the other side of this holey wall. The rumblings behind gradually subside. Looking over my shoulder, Naruto is on guard, glaring at him while remaining close to me.
Obviously, Shikamaru has an idea in mind.
"Relax, I mean you no harm," the teenager clarifies, raising his palms in front of him.
"What are you doing here, Shikamaru?" I ask.
He sighs when Naruto stops his loud vocal complaints and just stares at him with silent hisses.
"I wanted to test his reaction in your presence."
"I suspected so," I say while watching my student. "Although there is a lot of work to be done, seeing it this close is already positive. But I assume you're not here just for that, am I wrong?"
He nods. About to speak, he suddenly scans the room, puzzled.
"Don't you think the air is rather heavy? I mean, more than usual?"
Now that he mentions it, it is true that the air is particularly stuffy … more than usual as he says. I have a vague feeling that the weather is stormy and that it will soon break out despite being inside and the good weather rocks Konohagakure. Maybe the ventilation systems are faulty? Or is the natural heat that Naruto gives off—voluntarily or not—to blame? Unconcerned by this observation, I content myself with a shrug.
"Anyway," he sighs before changing the subject. "I've been thinking about this genjutsu thing for a while. It takes relatively developed intellectual capacities, even for the basics, and we both know that Naruto is dead last in the field. Not to mention he's not the sharpest kunai in the pack."
"I see what you mean," I say, frowning. "To tell you the truth, I was not able to break his technique."
"Seriously?" he wonders before plunging into his thoughts.
"I want to believe that devourers are specialists in the art of illusion, but to reach this level in a month without any training. I find it hard to believe."
"How much?"
"Such level could rival with the Sharingan."
A silence.
While this observation sows an unacknowledged anguish, Naruto pulls me from my thoughts when he clings to my arm. On contact, I jump; not only due to his sudden gesture, but also by a shock of static electricity which did not seem to bother him unlike me. He tilts his head forward slightly to look more closely at the ebony-eyed teenager. His expression is less aggressive, his hair is back to normal, yet his stern and cautious look persists.
Shikamaru notices his atypical reaction, but doesn't dwell on it. Instead, he reaches into one of his pockets to show me an object: the Chinese puzzle I saw the other day.
"I thought we could test his brain with playthings."
"Wouldn't it be more appropriate to start with something simpler?" I sigh.
"Perhaps, but it will keep him busy for a while," the teenager retorts, handing me the diapason. "He must be dead bored in there. Also, I'm too lazy to buy another one…"
Mechanically, I pick it up to examine it carefully, as well as Naruto that mimics me with his deep blue irises. Knowing him, I highly doubt he'll be able to find the solution. However, as Shikamaru aptly pointed out, keeping his mind stimulated could benefit him. It would have been a long time that madness would have taken hold of me between these four walls, having nothing else to do but find myself face to face with myself.
"Why don't you try to solve it, Naruto?" I propose to him, offering him the object.
He does not hesitate to take it in his hands to inspect it from all angles.
"It's a diapason. You have to remove the ring from the gear without breaking the rope or damaging anything," I explain to him.
The teenager frowns while letting out a complaint; he seems unconvinced to me. However, unable to do more, I decide that's time to leave.
"I will be back tomorrow. I need to rest."
When I turn on my heels, I feel something frantically wrap around one of my legs, forcing me to stop so as not to fall. Turning around, I notice that it's Naruto's tail holding me back, tightening its grip on my limb more and more, compressing it until it causes tingles in it. I am amazed at the flexibility and strength of this tail; one thing is certain, it's prehensile and powerful. Obviously, my student refuses that I leave and his face of a disturbing neutrality, but anxious, convinces me of this.
"You have to let me go, Naruto. Otherwise, I won't be able to give you any more of my chakra. Don't worry, I won't be far, okay?"
The boy lowers his head, hesitates. We wait in this long silence, but I don't try to rush him while Shikamaru remains silent. I hope he makes the right decision on his own to avoid having to force him against his will. Fortunately, he ends up freeing my leg, my veins which can once again bring blood to this area. Seeing the veil of sadness on his face, he gave in reluctantly. In order to silence his anxieties, I gently run my hand in his blond hair; doing so, I startle him, but he doesn't push me away.
"It's going to be fine, Naruto. I'll be back, I promise," I say, smiling, before leaving the teenager behind and joining Shikamaru on the other side.
I take one last look before walking away. This insistence that I stay with him, the way he tried to hold me back… Worry eats at my insides and makes my heart ache. I fear that this sudden attachment for me—in addition to trust—will evolve into emotional dependence. I'm not the only one who thinks so as Shikamaru questions me and shares his thoughts on the matter once out of earshot of the feral teenager. I have to be careful. This kind of thing can cause him to disregard other people and throw him into mental distress if he is separated from me, especially considering the traumatic events that have changed him. Moreover, it implies that I will be the only one able to supply him with chakra, thus keeping me captive in this deplorable state of weakness.
The young teen with twinkling azure eyes and wheat hair watched as the only human he trusted left the place with another rather detestable human. Every time he was with the one named Kakashi and that person came, he tore him away from him. He couldn't understand why Kakashi was kindly obeying, agreeing to follow this suspicious individual. The first time, he could get it since—through his own fault—Kakashi was unable to defend himself and push him off. Naruto cursed himself when he did nothing to help him when the other came to take him away; the fear of being hurt had completely paralyzed him. Then, condemned to the silence of this place, the boy was convinced that Kakashi would never return and that he would find himself alone again in this cold and desolate room. A feeling he couldn't translate overwhelmed him the moment he saw the familiar face reappear, driving away all the dark clouds.
Now, at this exact moment, his heart was screeching at him to fight against the damned bars that held him prisoner, to scream louder than he had ever done in the hope of seeing Kakashi come back to his side and better, that Kakashi would take him out to bring him with him he didn't know where, but far away. However, these last words swirled in his mind and refused to give him any mental respite:
I'll be back, I promise.
It was a promise; Kakashi would return as Kakashi had always done. Naruto clung to that thought as if his life depended on it. Abandoned again in the peaceful darkness that calmed his anxieties, he became interested in the strange object that Kakashi had entrusted to him. It seemed to belong to the other before, but it was Kakashi who gave it to him and not the other. He didn't know why Kakashi wanted him to solve what looked like a puzzle and the boy didn't care. If he could please Kakashi by obeying and achieving what Kakashi had ordered him to do, that was all that mattered to the sapphire-eyed teenager. He convinced himself that Kakashi would come back sooner. He was certain that Kakashi would reward him with his visit and his delicious chakra. With Kakashi, there was no fear or pain and Naruto could hardly survive without that comfort now.
Returning to his bunk, Naruto lay down on his back before analyzing the object more closely. He turned it around, touched with curiosity the softness of the wood, the roughness of the rope and the coldness of what was once alive. He inhaled its strange smells that kept the wood alive even after its death. It intrigued him. Subconsciously, he hoped he could recognize Kakashi's delicate scent on it.
With the picture of Kakashi in mind, from his silver mane to his onyx eye and the attire that made him mysterious and special, he set to work. As Kakashi had explained to him, the object should not be destroyed and Kakashi would be upset if he did. For the first time since being sentenced to that cage, Naruto's mind was stimulated and occupied with the puzzle. He gave it all his attention, his time, and a nameless determination seized him.
If he succeeds, Kakashi would be proud of him.
If he succeeds, Kakashi would return.
If he succeeds, Kakashi would silence his hunger.
After a good night's sleep and a day off spent lounging, I head to where Naruto is when dusk is on the horizon. Since a very long time, this is the first time that I have been on time; this sudden punctuality surprises me. I have to say, I don't have the energy to walk to the Memorial Stone to let my old demons haunt me or past the graves of my closest comrades, especially considering I'll have to feed the teenager whom I guess impatient of my arrival. Moreover, a touch of curiosity takes hold of me as to the puzzle; I wonder if he has progressed at least a little.
I will soon find out.
As I pass into the observation room, I greet Shikamaru with a wave of my hand and him with a nod. However, I notice a smirk on his face when he sees me.
"What is it?" I ask as he shrugs and puts his arms behind his head.
Perplexed, I glance at the screens. As usual, Naruto is lying facing the wall, but his tail twirls several times without stopping; I am translating here impatience or discontent or both. Since the youngster is determined to remain silent, I do not insist. Logically, it must concern Naruto.
Could it be that he … managed to solve the puzzle?
Impossible, I mean, not so soon.
Entering the place plunged in darkness, the teenager—once he recognized me—jumps out of bed to meet me, wagging his tail cheerfully. This time, his smile does not leave his lips; no need to say that he's happy to see me. In addition, he's impatient so much that he struggles to hold in place. I also notice that he's hiding something behind his back. Since his forehead protector is still securely attached around his head, I don't know what it could be… My brain forbids me to believe that it is the resolute diapason. Although a few centimetres from the bars, I decide to trust him as he does with me. However, I meticulously observe his body language. We can never be too careful with an element as unpredictable and unstable as him.
Naruto patiently waits for me to step inside before hopping closer.
"What is it, Naruto?"
He lets out a silent chuckle before eagerly handing me what he was hiding. I am flabbergasted. In the hands of the sapphire-eyed boy, I recognize the wooden ring of the Chinese puzzle. Thus frozen in place, I slowly wander my eye around the room and I see it, on the bed, the puzzle intact. It takes me a few seconds to find my posture while my student observes me with intensity and eternal patience.
Mechanically, I seize the said ring. To make sure it's real, I examine it briefly with touch. Knowing the old Naruto, he would have been pissed a long time before complaining and giving up out loud. This Naruto not only did it, but he did it in record time considering the teenager's mental abilities. My first theory is that he thinks differently comparing from the past, with greater and sharper attention to small details. Since this playful object trains the sense of observation, it's logical.
His jovial face and his success… I can only be proud of him. I have the feeling that we have advanced in leaps and bounds recently.
Face radiant in my own way, I slip a hand into his blond mane.
"Well done, Naruto. You can be proud of yourself."
This time, he didn't jump when touched.
On the contrary, he seemed to expect it.
Since in response, he only smiles more.
