A/N: Thanks to those who continue to take the time to leave reviews. Y'all are still with me on this slow burn Zade journey, right? I know they're taking their time to get together and it sometimes seems like they never will, but you have to trust me. There will be sweet, sweet Zade... eventually ;)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 11
Maybe it was the Southern heat, or a lack of good quality sleep, or just the company she had been keeping lately, but Zoe was starting to think she might be going crazy. There was no other way to explain why, when her mother talked about her coming home for Thanksgiving and enjoying a good meal in a fancy restaurant, plus some downtime in her favourite city in all the world, she actually said, 'Thanks, but no thanks.'
Staying in Bluebell for the holiday didn't really make sense, except Zoe supposed that perhaps it did. After all, Thanksgiving was a time for family, and Lavon was so much the brother that Zoe always wished she had growing up. Plus, she had real friends around town these days, from George Tucker, who always had a smile ready for her, to Lemon Breeland, who finally seemed to have realised that Zoe was no threat to her relationship after all.
Then there was Brick, who really tried to keep on disliking Zoe, but seemed to fail miserably at every turn, as she worked hard to prove herself an asset to the practice. She also found herself playing older sister to Rose Hattenbarger, when the girl needed help with everything from homework to crushes, and generally being accepted into the warm embrace of all the characters around town. It felt very homely, for a place so far removed from what Zoe had known her whole life. Of course, there might just be a reason for that.
"It is partly you, I guess," she told the headstone at Harley's grave. "I mean, half of me is a New Yorker, on my mom's side, but the rest of my blood and DNA come from you. I'm at least half Alabama girl, right?"
"Used to think it was a stretch to think so," a new voice answered, startling her just a little, but Zoe was soon smiling as she looked up and saw Wade approaching, "but you come to fit into this crazy place almost a little too well, doc. If we didn't know before that you had 'Bama blood in ya, startin' to get real obvious as time passes."
"You know, weird as it sounds," she said, scooching over on the bench to make room for Wade to join her, which he did, "I'm actually happy to hear you say that. Trust me, when I first came here, I did not see me fitting in at all. I wasn't even prepared to try. The plan was to come here, work for a year, and get out, back to my real life. It's so weird how things changed so fast. It's only been a couple of months, and now..."
Her eyes drifted back to the headstone and Harley's name written on it. He was her father, though she never really knew him. She supposed she really must be influenced by him anyway, like she said, through genetics. A person was who they were partly through nature, partly through nurture, that was what the science said. Zoe still wished she had the chance to get both from her real dad as well as her mom.
"Hey," said Wade softly, his hand on her arm getting her attention. "I'm sorry, you know, bustin' in on your quiet time with him," he said, tilting his head towards Harley's grave.
"It's okay," she promised, her hand atop his own and squeezing then. "I'm not mad that you're here. I'm just... It doesn't seem fair sometimes. That I never got to know him."
"Wish I could do some fixin' on that for you, doc, but..." Wade trailed off, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. "Still, you should know that ol' Harley woulda loved the hell outta you, if he got the chance. I just know he'd be real proud to have a daughter like you."
That made Zoe smile, but also brought tears to her eyes. Leaning up, she planted a kiss on Wade's cheek as she softly thanked him for being so kind.
"I should get to work. Brick still loves an excuse to be mad at me, if he can find one," she said, getting up to go.
"Uh, Lavon said I should ask you about the holidays," said Wade behind her. "He reckoned you were plannin' on heading home, that maybe you'd need a ride to the airport or some such?"
Turning back to look at him, Zoe shook her head. "My mom wanted me to go to New York, but I said no. It's weird, but I'm not sure going back would really feel like going home right now. Besides, Thanksgiving in the south has to be fun, right? Lots of food, big family occasion?"
"Ah, yeah, about that," said Wade, his hand at the back of his neck. "In Bluebell, we don't so much do Thanksgiving..."
To her credit, she really got into the spirit of the occasion. Wade had been beyond thrilled to hear that Zoe wouldn't be going away for the holidays, but he had some trouble reconciling the little New York doctor with the idea of Planksgiving. He genuinely expected her to laugh at the Bluebell traditions and think it was stupid, and though she did seem both amused and amazed by the whole concept, she was also willing to give it her all.
"I can be a pirate," she said, shrugging her shoulders like it was no big deal. "I mean, why not? Six months ago, I wouldn't have believed I could be a GP, or the daughter of a Southern gentleman, or the kind of person who deals with tick paralysis and snake bites, but hey, here I am, doing all that," she said with a wide smile. "So, bring on the crazy pirate holiday festivities!"
As good as her word, she really got into the occasion, and for Wade, when she was dressed up in her little outfit, she brought a whole new meaning to the phrase 'pirate booty.' Not that he told her that. He had a million things he did want to tell her, but they were all a hell of a lot more serious than how hot she looked in a flowing shirt and short-shorts.
What Wade felt about Zoe was so much more than how she looked. Of course, he found her more than attractive, but it was that and a million other things about her that drew him in. She was smart and fun, not to mention funny and sassy as all hell. It was something that she was so good at her job too, and the way she cared about people, even though she always said she wasn't so good at that part. She more than proved her community spirit and brought out her caring side to full effect over the holiday, helping the Hilman family and all, especially the little one, who was calling himself Small Cal No Beard for the occasion.
Wade was pretty sure he had fallen hook, line, and sinker for Dr Zoe Hart, and as time went on, it was getting tougher not to tell her so. He knew he was a fool if he went spilling his guts like that, but he wasn't sure he could help it anymore. When she caught him staring at her across town square that night and came over to ask what was wrong, he only shook his head, knowing he couldn't tell her what he wanted to where there were so many folks around. Instead, he asked if she was ready to head home and offered to drive her. Zoe looked a little confused somehow, but easily agreed to the ride.
Maybe he was a little quiet on the way back to the plantation. Wade wasn't sure how to be anything else. It was playing on his mind a lot, how he felt about Zoe, how he needed to tell her about it. Seemed to him, with so many other guys around that could be of interest to her, and with time spinning on and all, he ought to talk to her about these feelings he was having sooner rather than later. Lavon had been encouraging him to. Wade just wasn't quite sure yet if today ought to be the day.
Getting out of the car between their two houses, he said goodnight and headed straight for the porch. He was almost at the top of the steps when he stopped, almost turned back, but didn't quite manage it. He didn't know Zoe had followed him until he felt her hand on her arm.
"Wade? Is everything okay?"
She looked so worried, he felt like a real jerk for causing that. The only answer he could give was an honest one, because to lie to her would be impossible. Wade knew he just had to bite the bullet, rip off the Band Aid, say what needed to be said. It was now or never.
"Yeah, everything's okay. Sure, it is," he promised her with a half a smile. "It's just that... well, I had somethin' that I wanted to tell you," he admitted then, daring to take a hold of her hand and lead her further up onto the porch where they could sit down opposite each other on the two chairs there. "You know, it's funny, when Lavon talked to me before the holidays, about you maybe going back up north for Thanksgiving and needing a ride to the airport and everything, well, he had this idea that I'd be the one to drive you, then I coulda told you there."
Zoe frowned and shook her head. "Okay, I think you lost me. You didn't want me to stay in Bluebell for the holiday?"
"Geez, Zoe, of course I wanted you to stay!" Wade told her too loudly, immediately wishing he hadn't and running a hand over his face as he fought to get his bearings. "Why would I ever want you to be anywhere else when I... C'mon, doc," he said then, meeting her eyes straight on. "You're not blind or stupid. You know how much I like you. You gotta have known that from the start."
She looked a little awkward and glanced away fast, a blush rising in her cheeks as she spoke. "I know you were really stuck on wanting to get me into bed for a while, but hey, that's just the Wade Kinsella way with women, right?"
"Well, you're not wrong," he admitted, knowing he really couldn't do anything else, "'cept... well, maybe you haven't noticed, but this past while, there haven't exactly been a lot of house guests over here," he said, toeing the porch with his boot.
"Oh," said Zoe, getting his attention back on her surprised expression in a second. "I hadn't really thought about it, to be honest. I mean, I was never trying to notice or eavesdrop or whatever when you had... dates," she said carefully, "but I guess you're right. There haven't been so many girls around lately."
"No, there have not," Wade agreed, shifting forward a little in his seat, elbows propped on his knees as he leaned into her some. "See, the thing is, Zoe... and I'm warning you now I'm prob'ly gonna screw this whole thing up, but what the hell, right? You only live once. Zoe, you are just... you are the most confounded woman I ever met my whole life," he admitted, almost amused by the wide-eyed expression that evoked, "but you're also the smartest and kindest and craziest too. I don't know how it happened, doc, I swear I just don't, but you are... you're real special and I... I have just fallen for you in some serious way that I can't even figure out how to describe," he told her at last.
He wasn't sure what reaction he was expecting when he finally confessed to all the feelings he had been holding onto for far too long. At first, Zoe just seemed shocked, and then, at last, she sighed, looking as sad as she did overwhelmed, when she put her hand on his arm and squeezed.
"Oh, Wade. I... I don't know what to say."
"Hey, you're not laughin' in my face, so that's somethin'," he quipped, knowing he probably shouldn't be smirking or making jokes, but this was all new to him, and just about as awkward as anything ever had been in his life.
"I would never laugh," Zoe insisted, almost hurt by the very idea apparently. "Come on, you know I like you. We have chemistry, there's no denying that, and if things were different, then maybe... but they're not," she said regretfully, removing her hand, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Wade. I do understand that this is a big deal for you. It's a big deal for me too, believe me, and that's why I'm saying this. I'm only in Bluebell for a year, you know that. If we started something serious, it could only end badly."
He just couldn't stand to hear anymore. Not that he was blaming Zoe exactly. Wasn't as if Zoe hadn't made it plenty clear that they were only ever going to be friends. Putting himself out there was probably just about the dumbest thing he ever could've done, but hey, he just had to try.
Getting to his feet, he tried to walk away, but could only get so far, hemmed in as he was by her chair and the porch rail. He leaned there, looking out over the darkness of the pond, wishing he was anywhere else.
Before long, Zoe was right there alongside him again. He honestly didn't have the heart to tell her to go, or even to turn away from her.
"Wade, you mean so much to me," she told him, standing right there at his elbow, all big brown eyes and soft, truthful tones. "I've never had a friend like you and I can't stand the idea of losing you. I understand if you can't handle that anymore, given the way you feel, but I just... I'm sorry."
He struck out. Wade ought to have known that was exactly the way things were going to go, but for once, he had let a little hope into his heart. Maybe that made him a fool, but it was done now. At least Zoe wasn't laughing or running or anything. Seemed like she still wanted to be friends or whatever. Now, wasn't that just a funny thing.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too," he told her. "I mean, I'm not sorry that I took my shot," he clarified as he looked her way, "but I half-expected you not to... well, whatever, right?" he concluded, as much to keep the tears shimmering in her eyes from falling as to keep his own feelings from overtaking him. "Least you know now. That's a weight off," he told her with a smile.
"And I'm flattered, Wade, I truly am," she said in such a way he couldn't do anything but believe her. "Like I said, if things were different..."
"Yeah, but they're not." He shrugged, standing up straight, putting on that brave face he spent so much of his life working on, because somebody always needed him to. "Don't look so freaked out, Zoe Hart," he told her then. "I told you a while back, you need somebody to back you in a knife fight, I'll be there. Nothing's changed on that score."
At least that promise brought the smile back to her lips, and then, hesitantly, she reached out to hug him, her arms tight around his middle and her head on his chest.
"You're a good man, Wade Kinsella," she promised him. "Don't ever let anybody tell you any different."
He had no answer for that, except to hug her back, kissing the top of her head, and pointlessly wishing this night had ended just a little different to the way it really had.
To Be Continued...
