I wallow in self pity for another day, and then decide enough is enough. I get out of bed and go to my kitchen, deciding to bake some cupcakes. I choose red velvet, and then decide to make them look like ornaments. I pipe carefully on each one, giving them all a different look, and the time passes quickly.

As I work on the last one, my phone chimes with a text.

Can I see you soon, beautiful girl?

I feel bad because I've barely spoken to him since that night. I hope he doesn't think I blame him.

Emmett works until 7 if you want to stop by. I'm not really ready to leave the house yet.

He replies back quickly.

I have one more patient, and then I'll be there. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry.

Shit, maybe he does think I blame him.

It's not your fault, handsome. I'll see you soon. Made cupcakes.

He sends back a heart-eyes emoji, and I smile softly before finishing my last cupcake, and then head upstairs to make myself a little more presentable because, honestly, I look like shit.

I put a little makeup on to cover the dark circles under my eyes and change into leggings and a T-shirt. I still look kind of shitty but not nearly as bad. For some reason, I just can't completely shake the sorrow, but I think I'm doing better since spending the other night with Emmett.

We talked for a while about our parents, about my fears and his, and what the future will look like with a new heart. Of course, I don't mention Edward, but I was honest that night—I am staying in Forks.

It just feels right.

About an hour after he texts, my doorbell rings, and Edward is standing on the porch in scrubs and a jacket. I usually don't see this look, but he must have had a patient in the cath lab.

Still, he's handsome as ever but has a sad expression that breaks my heart.

"Come in," I say, opening the door wider before closing it after him.

Once no one can see us, he quickly pulls me into his arms, holding me close.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he says. "I'd have given you that heart if I could have. I never wanted to hurt you, and I should have prepared you more for the possibility."

"It's not your fault, Edward."

He pulls back, pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead. "I still feel awful. But I promise you will get a heart. This just wasn't the time."

I nod. "I know you're right. I'm sorry for kind of shutting you out. I just felt broken and couldn't do anything. Emmett tried snapping me out of it the other night, but I spent yesterday in bed again. I decided this morning to just get up, so I made red velvet cupcakes."

He presses his lips to mine, smiling. "I'd love to have one."

We spend the afternoon talking about what I'm going through, and he says it's normal—and expected—to be upset or even depressed when a transplant falls through. But he also says I'm lucky in a way. I'm not nearly as sick as I could be, so I have plenty of time for a good heart to come along. Other people are close to death when a transplant falls through.

I don't particularly feel lucky, but I suppose he's right that it could have been worse timing.

He holds me closely as we talk and has two more cupcakes before the clock says six-thirty. It'll still take Emmett more than an hour to get home, but we don't risk anything, and he decides it's time to leave.

I stand on my toes to kiss him goodbye, and he moves his lips against mine passionately.

"I love you," he says, caressing my cheek as I smile.

"I love you too."

I kiss him once more before he leaves.

We were so close to not having to hide anymore.


Thanks to May, Nole, Fran, Brier, and Meg for prereading and Sally for Beta'ing.