As Elizabeth descended the stairs for breakfast, she steeled herself for the conversation to come. She wished with all her heart that Mr. Collins' proposal to marry one of her sisters and her mother's scheming were nothing but a bad dream, soon to be forgotten in the light of day.

Her hopes were swiftly dashed.

"It is fortuitous indeed," Mrs. Bennet declared, her voice echoing around the breakfast hall as Elizabeth poured herself a cup of hot tea. Her words seemed to hang in the air above them like ill-placed mistletoe. "One could hardly believe our good luck!"

Elizabeth frowned into her teacup. "I can hardly believe it myself," she replied dryly.

Mrs. Bennet's face fell at Elizabeth's tone. "Now Lizzy, don't be so sly. Mr. Collins would make any young lady an excellent husband. Why, with his property and living, his choice of a bride is sure to be the envy of the neighborhood!"

Elizabeth glanced warily about to ensure their odious cousin was not within earshot. "Mr. Collins may have his virtues, but being an 'excellent' husband seems quite beyond his capacities," she retorted in a hushed tone.

Mrs. Bennet waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense, he is a perfect gentleman. And in any case, he has gone for a turn about the garden, so he shan't hear our discussion."

Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief. "Mama, not a day ago, you were enthusiastically pairing me with Mr. Darcy," she reminded wryly, trying to infuse some logic into the conversation. "Now you envision an alliance with Mr. Collins. I am truly perplexed by your orchestrations."

Her mother, unfazed, waved an unsteady hand dismissively. "Why my dear Lizzy," she responded airily. "Surely you must see that the world does not stand still for our plans. As a wise woman, I pivot as needed."

A rush of ironic amusement sparked in Elizabeth's chest at her mother's self-attributed wisdom. She pressed her lips together, swallowing a laugh with the delicate sip of her tea.

Lydia chimed in suddenly, "Oh, really now! How are we still discussing such tedious things!" Turning suddenly towards Mary with an impish grin on her face, she said, "We could instead delight ourselves talking about handsome soldiers and their fabulous uniforms. Now that would be some conversation worth investing time into, wouldn't it?" She batted her eyelashes outrageously at her sisters.

Mr. Bennet peered over the top of his newspaper, surveying the scene with a mix of amusement and exasperation. "My dear Mrs. Bennet," he said dryly, "if you insist on matchmaking schemes first thing in the morning, you can hardly blame Lydia for finding the discussion tedious."

Lydia flashed her father a grateful smile. "Well said, Papa!"

Mary frowned in disapproval at Lydia's frivolousness. "Marriage is not a trivial matter. It is a solemn duty, not idle chatter."

"La, Mary, you sound as dull as Mr. Collins himself!" Lydia retorted. Mary pursed her lips but said no more, returning her attention to her egg.

Lydia turned back to her mother in protest. "But truly, Mama, must we discuss that dreadful man again? I vow his name gives me a headache."

"Headache or no, you would do well to accustom yourself to the sound of it," Mrs. Bennet replied impatiently. "For your father has determined that one of you shall marry him!"

"Has he indeed?" Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at her father, who shrugged his shoulders in a show of innocence and disappeared again behind his newspaper.

Lydia pouted in outrage. "Then I shall run off to the militia before I'm forced to marry such a buffoon! There are far more amiable men in their regiment."

"The militia is not your only escape, my dear," said Mr. Bennet, rustling his paper. "You might also join a convent."

Lydia huffed in annoyance while her sisters stifled their laughter. Her father's teasing was too much to bear this early in the day.

Elizabeth brought the topic back to the most urgent matter at hand as she folded her arms. "I wonder whom should I endeavor to attract then according to your grand schemes- would it be Mr. Darcy or Mr. Collins?"

Kitty chimed in. "But a clergyman can't possibly have much money," she said, her brows furrowed in sincere confusion.

Elizabeth sighed at her sister's naivety. "You mistake my meaning, Kitty. I have no intention of attracting either gentleman."

"No intention!" Mrs. Bennet cried. "Lizzy, you must secure your future! If not Mr. Collins, then certainly Mr. Darcy would do very well. Why, with his estate, you would never want for anything material again. And what is more, marrying Mr. Darcy would fulfill the terms of your grandfather's will, so that odious Mr. Collins shall not inherit Longbourn!"

Mr. Bennet chuckled. "You see, Lizzy, you have your choice of fates - either be mistress of the absurd Mr. Collins or attain the glory of Pemberley itself as Mrs. Darcy."

"I thank you for your concern, Papa, but I believe I would sooner join Lydia in the militia than condemn myself to either prospect." Elizabeth replied.

Her mother threw up her hands in despair. "Would that the Good Lord had blessed me with compliant daughters! Must you be so obstinate, Lizzy? Think of your family's future!"

"Our future remains secure as long as Papa lives and the entailment stands," Elizabeth said calmly. "There is no cause to act in haste."

Mr. Bennet beamed at Elizabeth in approval. "Well said, my dear! Since you seem to be the only one exhibiting sense this morning, I shall leave Longbourn's future in your capable hands. Now let us speak of other matters - or better yet, let us not speak at all until lunchtime."

Elizabeth breathed a small sigh of relief as her mother and sisters returned silently to their breakfasts. The discussion was over, at least for now. Her calmness faded quickly, however, as their cousin Mr. Collins strode into the dining room, greeting all with his usual tiresome effusions.

"Good morning, fair cousins!" he boomed, rubbing his hands together briskly. "Is this not a glorious day which the Lord has made?"

Elizabeth glanced worriedly at her sisters, but Mr. Collins seemed oblivious to the tension in the room.

"Are you quite well, Cousin Elizabeth?" he asked jovially. "You seem rather pale this morning."

Her mother, in particular, appeared stricken by his arrival and did her best to avoid meeting Elizabeth's eye, focusing intently on buttering her toast.

"Quite well, thank you," Elizabeth murmured, forcing a smile.

Mr. Collins took his place at the table and launched into a soliloquy about the fineness of the morning and his satisfaction with the accommodations at Longbourn, as was his habit. The Bennet sisters exchanged cautious looks, trying to discern whether he had overheard their previous discussion concerning the entailment.

Elizabeth studied her cousin yet Mr. Collins, it seemed, remained blithely unaware of their scheming to prevent his inheriting Longbourn. She finally allowed herself to relax, judging that they had avoided yet another quarrel - or worse, a renewal of Mr. Collins' absurd proposal.

"Mama, may we walk to Meryton to see if Denny has returned from Town?" Asked Lydia.

Mrs. Bennet smiled at their cousin, dread pooling in Elizabeth at the sight. "Perhaps you would care for a little exercise, Mr. Collins?"

"Indeed, I would, Mrs. Bennet." Said Mr. Collins.

Lydia's face fell and she shared a long look with Kitty.

"It would be my honor and privilege to escort my fair cousins into Meryton," he declared with an obsequious bow. Then he turned to Elizabeth, "Would you do me the great honor of walking with me into town?"

Elizabeth's heart sank at her mother's suggestion and Mr. Collins' ready acquiescence.

As they set out for Meryton, Mr. Collins maneuvered to offer his arm to Elizabeth. She had no choice but to accept with as good a grace as she could muster. His incessant chatter and obsequious compliments grew more intolerable with every step.

"Cousin Elizabeth, your radiant beauty outshines the sun itself today," he effused. "All of Meryton will thrill at the sight of your loveliness on my arm."

Elizabeth cringed inwardly at the thought of how they must appear - Mr. Collins strutting about with an air of consequence, while she endured his attentions in stoic misery.

Upon entering Meryton, they came upon several officers of the local militia. "Lt. Denny, what a pleasant surprise!" Lydia exclaimed, yelling across the busy street.

"Cousins, this behavior is highly improper and unbecoming!" Mr. Collins scolded. "You must not consort with strange men in so casual a manner. Think of your reputations!"

Lydia pouted in annoyance. "But we are doing nothing wrong! We were merely exchanging greetings."

"Your familiarity breeds impropriety!" Mr. Collins replied. "As guardian of your virtue, I cannot allow such indiscretion to stand."

Elizabeth stood by in helpless mortification. "Mr. Collins, I beg you, do not make a scene," she implored under her breath. But her words fell on deaf ears.

The officers, noticing the commotion, strolled over with amused expressions. "Is there some problem here?" asked Lt. Denny.

"We were just saying hello," Lydia insisted.

"And a very pleasant hello it was," said Lt. Denny with a smile, which caused Lydia to blush and giggle.

Mr. Collins frowned. "Young ladies of status do not 'giggle' with strange officers."

Elizabeth flushed in anger and embarrassment at her cousin's ridiculous behavior.

Lt. Denny, after a quick glance at Mr. Collins, motioned towards the handsome man next to him. "I would like to introduce my good friend George Wickham."

The officers bowed politely. The Bennet sisters curtsied in response, but Mr. Collins merely nodded stiffly.

Jane motioned to their cousin with an uneasy smile, "This is our cousin, Mr. Collins."

The officers bowed politely.

Elizabeth, attempting to make amends for her cousin's uncivil greeting, "Do you stay long in Meryton, Mr. Wickham?"

"All winter, I'm happy to say," replied Mr. Wickham. "I've taken a commission in Colonel Forster's regiment."

Upon hearing this, Kitty and Lydia tittered with girlish laughter. "There, Lydia, he will be dressed in regimentals!" exclaimed Kitty.

"And lend them much distinction, I daresay," added Captain Denny with a grin. "Out-swagger us all, eh, Wickham?"

Mr. Wickham's cheeks colored slightly. "Denny, you misrepresent me to these young ladies."

Lydia, emboldened by her sister's antics and wishing to flirt with the handsome officers, asked coquettishly, "Shall you come with us to our Aunt Philips this evening, Mr. Wickham?"

"Oh, yes!" cried Kitty eagerly. "Denny is coming, you know."

Lydia chimed in, "It's only supper and cards, but we shall have some laughs!"

"As rector of Hunsford parish, I frequently entertain guests at the parsonage," Mr. Collins proclaimed loudly. "In fact, Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself often calls on me to provide stimulating discourse and counsel."

At the mention of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Mr. Wickham's attention sharpened abruptly upon Mr. Collins.

"Yes, as a man of the cloth, I consider it my duty to open my doors to all respectable members of the community. No table in Kent is more hospitable than mine, if I may so humbly claim. My dear patroness, Lady Catherine, has even praised the excellence of my claret on numerous occasions."

Mr. Wickham and Lt. Denny struggled to maintain straight faces. Elizabeth wished the ground would swallow her up, so profound was her mortification. As if his previous outburst had not already laid bare his foolish character, her cousin seemed intent on removing any lingering doubt from the officers' minds.

"You see, in my position as parson with Lady Catherine de Bourgh as my patroness, I frequently encounter personages of rank and influence. My responsibilities at both Rosings Park and the parish require proficiency in hospitality as well as management."

Kitty and Lydia had long since abandoned their flirtatious smiles for expressions of sheer disbelief and annoyance.

The officers, bemused, began to make sport of Mr. Collins and his comic vanity, and several townspeople looked on and laughed outright at the absurdity of the scene.

Elizabeth's face burned in humiliation as she realized they had become a public spectacle, all thanks to her ridiculous cousin's antics.

To further compound her dismay, Elizabeth looked up to see Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy riding into Meryton - and gazing with unconcealed curiosity and scornful amusement upon the chaos Mr. Collins had created.

Elizabeth's face burned in humiliation as she realized they had become a public spectacle, all thanks to her ridiculous cousin's antics. That Mr. Darcy should witness such an absurd and mortifying display, with her family at its center, intensified her discomfort tenfold - especially after last evening's encounter at Lucas Lodge, where her mother's foolish interrogations had likewise exposed the family to his contempt.

That Mr. Bingley did not even stop to converse with Jane, Elizabeth took as confirmation of the poor impression they must have made. She longed to flee but could only stand in mortified silence until the officers and onlookers finally dispersed. Only then did Mr. Collins cease his dramatic oration, sublimely oblivious as ever to the discomfort he occasioned.

Elizabeth and Jane were in their rooms preparing for the card party and supper at their Aunt Philips's. Though still mortified by the afternoon's events in Meryton, Elizabeth was determined not to let her embarrassment keep her from the evening's diversions. A few hours of amusement and good company were just the thing she needed to lift her spirits again.

Elizabeth sighed as she fixed her hair in the looking glass. "Honestly, Jane, I do not know how much more of Mr. Collins I can endure. Must Mama continue to throw him in my path at every opportunity?"

Jane gave her sister a sympathetic smile as she clasped a necklace around her neck. "You know how Mama is once she gets an idea in her head. But I am sure if you continue to demur politely but firmly, Mr. Collins will eventually look elsewhere. He seems rather...susceptible to suggestion."

Elizabeth laughed humorlessly. "You have a gift for understatement, dear Jane. I vow, if I have to listen to another of his absurd and pompous discourses over supper tonight, I may just be tempted to dump the entire contents of the soup tureen over that foolish head of his!"

Jane's eyes widened in alarm. "Lizzy, you mustn't! Think of the scandal. And you would surely stain your new gown beyond repair."

Elizabeth sighed. "You are right, of course. I shall do my best to endure the evening with dignity intact. But my patience is wearing thin. If only Mr. Collins had even an ounce of sense or self-awareness, he would realize what a ridiculous spectacle he makes of himself. And of us, by association!" She shook her head in vexation.

Jane took Elizabeth's hand in a comforting clasp. "Hopefully his stay in Hertfordshire will be drawing to an end soon. All we can do is wait, and weather whatever nonsense may come with good humor."

Elizabeth grimaced. "You ask a great deal, Jane!"