"Pottah... and the other Pottahs..." said Voldemort to the main cast. "Are you in such dire need that you call upon me? Are you joining my cause?"
"We're no racists, like you, but-" said Ron who just walked in.
"There are muggles invading Hogwarts," said Harry. "I'm no racist either, but we hear you hate them."
"We need any help we can get right now," said Oscar Wilde. It was a mystery to him how people could be racists. It was forbidden by several laws and probably the constitution too. Because the government of the United States of America had not reached the world, he thought, he had allowed to be one.
"I'd murder anyone at the slightest hint they might turn against me, or no hint at all, I once murdered a boggart pretending to be myself for no reason," said the protagonist of the Chinese light novel. "...equally."
"The Chamber of Secrets shall be opened once again... hsst..."
"All our agents are being turned into stone," said someone using walkie-talkies, what copyright agents used to communicate, to Smith, their leader. "I think the cause is a giant basilisk but it's hard to tell since it is a secret."
"Send in more agents, I don't care."
Meanwhile in Thailand, China.
"Damn it," said the overlords that ruled the place. They had failed to send their representative to the portal to Hogwarts to fulfill an ancient prophecy that would turn him into a singularity, by which means they'd advertise Chinese food and rule the world as a result of the advertisement.
This was bigger than the race to the moon.
And they had lost.
"It's time to resort to... that."
"The other agents are dying non-stop," said an agent. "At least I hear this from the walkie-talkie. Lucky, this didn't happen to us."
"Hogwarts is free to be claimed as it's copyright infringement. Hahaha!"
The whole world in fact infringed on copyright laws as it looks like a setting from the book made by J.K. Rowling and the only reason fanfics were allowed to be made was because this world existed, making a loophole as the fiction could be considered to base themselves in this place instead and not the book.
The basilisk had not been in this area.
However, their luck would soon stop.
A shadowy figure blocked their path.
"I am... Neville Longbottom."
"Who is this? Shoot him or something."
"Some time ago, I tried to stop my friends from going into the place where the ancient prophecy of Atlantis would be held. It is now too late. Then I realized that there are other guys I'd have to st-"
He was stopped midway in the monologue.
However, it would seem his development got heavily accelerated once he saw the Chinese person and he figured magic was able to be done in ancient runes and that awakened his true powers as he had affinity for elemental earth runes because he liked botany and from there he got rune magic and transfiguration and the rest just followed from there.
He drew the Sword of Gryffindor and blocked the bullet with a sword which he could also transfigure at will.
"Blocking a gun... with sword. I have nowhere seen this before."
"Hah, bullets are nothing but steel and that is a type of earth."
Suddenly the floor was covered by earth created by earth runes and mad plants that ate the guys.
"I know the specimen and name of these plants," said Hermione who had walked in.
"Okay, so the SCP this time is a basilisk that turns people into stone."
"He's inside this other SCP. SCP... what was it... [REDACTED]."
"What number?"
"[REDACTED]."
"Wait, so how do we name it? What number is left? I forgot."
"C'mon, he's inside SCP-[REDACTED]. So he'd just be SCP-[REDACTED]-1. The next thing we encounter will be SCP-[REDACTED]-2 then three then four and so on, it's not rocket science. Since all these SCPs are inside this SCP, the numbers are not taken."
"SCP what?"
"Time stop," said Stephy turning on the time turners which could do this.
Now they could all use guns really fast on the agents like in the movie.
Soon multiple Harries, Stephies and Wilde took on the SCP agents.
"How... did they pass the basilisk? Well, it's not important."
"Hsst," said the basilisk.
However, he was quickly clawed at by Doctor Claw or what is his name.
The SCP agents would have no more problems, aside from the moving stairs and what not, that they named SCP-[REDACTED]-2. But the agents are not the issue here. Not when Claw itself took time to go on this SCP.
"Not so fast," said a shadowy figure. Neville took the shadowy cape and swung the Gryffindor sword.
"Clack clack," said Claw.
The claw met the sword... but which is mightier?
A great clawsh had begun.
