The next couple weeks weren't easy.

Well, actually…

That was an understatement.

At first, all my nephew seemed to do was cry for his parents, his screams and pleas shattering my very existence. However, all I could do was hold him, pacing around the house late into the night, holding him so tight, Zander joked once that I might suffocate him. My husband got a gentle snack on the shoulder for that one, because to me, absolutely nothing about any of this was funny. Though just fifteen months old, my nephew was absolutely and wholly traumatized and in those nights, when I felt hopeless myself, when it seemed like nothing I could do would get him to be quiet and calm down, I'd sit in his bedroom floor with him and I'd cry, too. I'd rock with him in my arms, sitting on the floor just crying for him to be okay, that he was okay and that we loved him so much and would make sure he was alright.

Some nights, I wondered if it was his scar that was hurting so I gave him some baby Tylenol and those were the only nights I slept and for so long, I wondered if I was going to go mental from it all. Probably, because when my nephew wasn't keeping the whole house up for hours and hours during the night, he was fussing over something else and if my heart could break anymore for him, I imagine it would simply turn to dust and the dust would scatter all over the house. So young and he'd seen so much already, experienced way too much pain and his life had been torn apart and ripped right out from under him, only to be replaced by stranger after stranger.

I reminded myself though that I could do this. That I loved him enough to do this. Even on the bad days, I would hold him and rock him and love him. Even if occasionally, I handed the reigns over to my husband, because I was so exhausted. It didn't mean I loved him any less!

The sun was just beginning to peek through the trees of the woods around our home, when I looked at the Daily Prophet, about ten days after we'd got my nephew. I sighed with a shake of my head, rubbing my eyes as I sipped a warm cup of morning tea. I was so exhausted, but I knew I could do this. On the paper before me was a ten thousand galleon reward for the capture of Sirius Orion Black and a twenty-five galleon reward to anyone who could tell authorities anything as to the whereabouts of Harry James Potter.

"They're suspected to be together." One Auror stated and another agreed. "Black was Potter's Godfather, so it's suspected the deranged man kidnapped him when he escaped Ministry arrest."

"So they've finally noticed he's missing," said Zander looking over my shoulder at the newspaper and I shoved it across the table with a huff. We knew this would happen, we'd counted on it, but it didn't help my anxiety calm any and I was already stressed with Harry and I think I've been coming down with something lately, so to say the least, I felt like a wreck right now and wanted to cry, laugh, scream and sing all at the same time.

"Good luck to them." I said and my husband snickered. If not even Dumbledore knew where we were at, I honestly felt we were as safe as it got, even though twice already, I'd had nightmares of a group of wizards busting down my door and taking my baby nephew.

Shaking the clouding thoughts from my head, I now turned to said nephew and began trying to feed him, though it wasn't going so well. Harry had seemed to decide that this morning, the wrong side of the bed would be where he'd wake up as no matter what I did, he remained very fussy and content to scream and smack the spoon right out of my hand. "Come on Harry, you need to eat, it's yummy." I said, trying to get the toddler to eat his breakfast. But the dark haired boy just shook his head, swatting at the spoon. Having never had a child before, everything was so new to me when it came to actually parenting, that though I'd had experience with helping friends with their kids, I was taking everything one step at a time with Harry. I was so desperate not to traumatize him. I was so grateful that Harry wasn't breastfeeding anymore, though it didn't mean that he didn't cause quite the commotion at the table whenever we all sat down to eat.

"NO UMMY! NO EAT!"

"Man, I give up, Sirius you come feed him." A few more useless attempts of trying to get Harry to eat, only to get food thrown at me, I was down for the count and now glaring at the spoon in my hand, I stood. I did not feel good today. First, I think I'd slept wrong somehow, because my back was killing me and because of that, I'd developed a nasty migraine and to top of the cake of pain and eternal torment, I felt nauseas, as if I was going to throw up all over the universe.

So, it was a fantastic morning so far.

Sirius, who was sitting on the other side of Harry, grinned, having obviously been getting a twisted kick out of my struggling. "I think he wants to feed himself." he snickered.

"After yesterday, hell no." Remembering last night's dinner, I would rather continue trying to feed him myself. I was already having a rough morning, I didn't need porridge in my hair.

"Aw, come on Rosie, give him one more chance." Zander gave me his famous look of 'come on, what could go wrong?'.

"Yeah and you can't feed him forever." agreed Xayla, as she entered the room.

What was this? Everybody disagree with me day? "Fine," I grumbled, taking Harry's hand and giving him the spoon. It was clear that I had lost this battle and my nephew squealed in delight. He loved it when he won. "I-" I stopped speaking abruptly, and took several deep breaths, my stomach rolling. Oh man, I needed to get to the bathroom. Clapping one hand to my mouth, the world tilted violently beneath me. Standing up, the world rocked more violently, as if it were attempting to throw me off my feet, but determined, I walked quickly into the downstairs bathroom.

As soon as I reached the loo, I leaned against the wall, where I slid down to lean over the toilet. I'd been feeling ill now for some time, but no matter what medication, I took, nothing seemed to help and now, as I bent over the toilet and threw up the minuscule breakfast I'd had while trying to feed my nephew, I couldn't help but try to wonder what in the world was wrong with me.

"Rose!" Zander rushed into the room as I stared down at the toilet contents, my eyes blurry as my head and heart pounded. The world wasn't rocking so violently anymore, but my head and back still hurt and now, I wanted to just sit there and cry. My husband helped me sit comfortably next to the toilet once I'd sat back and refused to leave the room. Grabbing a hair tie off the counter top, Zander helped me tie back my wavy strawberry blonde hair.

"Are you Alright?" Xayla had followed her brother and now leaned against the doorframe as my husband sat by me and wrapped an arm around me. "Rose, you've been sick for weeks now, we need to take you to the doctor."

I could only nod, because no matter how I looked at the situation, I'd definitely need a doctor. I could be sick, yes and I'd thought I was all this time, but now, as I sat here in my husbands arms, his warmth and support steadying my world, and calming my trembling body, I felt deep in my soul that it was more than likely that I was not sick. If I were sick, shouldn't I have a fever? A runny nose? A cough? Something? I had none of those things.

I had back pain and nausea mostly and I'd been so stressed lately that I'd assumed that that was why my cycle was late, but in this moment, I wasn't so sure. I needed to confirm, because if I wasn't sick and continued taking all the medications I had been... I shook my head and looked up at my husband, his worried eyes and beautifully sculpted face, making me shiver with love. He was such a beautiful man and I just loved him so much. "Zander." I said, my words sounding dry and quiet. I wanted my tea, but that would have to wait.

"What is it sweetie?" he responded gently, running his fingers through my pony tail.

"Can you get me my calendar?"

"Your cal..? The special one you keep upstairs?"

"I think I know why I just- um... Please just get it." I looked up at him and when our eyes met, it was like my entire world was wrapped around him. With Zander, I always felt safe, comforted and like nothing could harm me, but right now, I felt so much more than that and it almos5 made me... giddy?

"Is someone going to interpret the entire conversation you two just had with your eyes?" My sister-in-law offered and after a moment, I nodded.

"Give me a moment." I was so scared, I had been wondering for awhile now- Because I was late, I had just assumed that I was simply stressed because of Lily's death- I honestly had no clue as to how he would react. We've never really discussed this. With the Dark Lord in power, Zander hadn't wanted children, had been too nervous about their future, but what about now? Did he still have that view, would he be upset? Oh, I hoped not.

Heart pounding so hard in my chest, I thought I might have a heart attack, I shifted as my husband stood and left the room, returning a moment later with the calendar I'd requested. It was a thickly bound book with moving pictures and facts about the women's body. I loved having it for tracking my body and everything about it. I always did my best to take care of myself and I suppose I did a good job.

I flipped through it until I found what I was looking for- a little vial of pink liquid. When my husband saw it, he suddenly realized why I'd wanted the calendar and he bit his lip, though his expression was unreadable. "Here's to new beginnings." I looked from one to the other of the two in the room with me and though a look of understanding seemed to slowly to dawn Xayla's features, my husbands were still unreadable as I uncorked the potion and downed it.

We waited.

Suddenly, a warmth filled my entire body, like someone had stuck an IV in me and started pumping warm water all throughout me and in that moment, I knew the results. Cold meant I wasn't and hot... well...

"Guys.." I watched my husband and his sister, carefully to gauge their reactions as mouth even dryer than before, I set a hand on my stomach. "Very positive."

"Are you sure?" Zander asked, his stoicism slowly melting away into excitement, though mingled with concern. I knew he'd had things happen in his past that would give him a certain amount of hesitation and fear, but as the news settled in, I felt in my soul that thi# was a wonderful thing, not something scary.

"Well I've been having so much body pain, I haven't had my period this month and the test was hot- not warm, not a maybe, but that heat was a definite yes." I took a deep breath and suddenly, it hit me like a truck. I was going to be a mum.

"Wait," Xayla said suddenly "Rose, it's not like you can go to a hospital or anything, everyone thinks you're dead."

"Oh, yeah." I said softly, in my excitement, I almost forgot about that.

When I was about twenty-five there was a death eater raid in the town where I'd been living. Loads of people had died and in the end so many had passed away that I was able to disappear and be proclaimed dead. Zander and I had been considering going into hiding for some time at that point, my husband getting increasingly paranoid as Voldemort gained power. I had been mostly unsure until the raid, where I'd seen so much horror and pain, it scared me into taking the jump and now, I've been supposedly "dead" for three years now. This of course has made the whole situation with Harry much easier because, who would suspect a dead woman of taking and raising Harry. There were so many benefits to having faked my death, but recently, in the last year, being related in any way to the Potters in the wizarding world was so dangerous that being dead kept me safer than anything.

"We can have a home birth," said Zander, not letting our circumstances give cause for any unnecessary anxiety.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, walking into the room, Harry in his arms. I was so happy to see my baby nephew wasn't covered in food, I gave him a silly smile and wiggled my fingers, causing him to squeal with laughter and mimic me.

"Zander and Rose are going to be a mum and a dad!" Xayla squealed, finally coming to the same excitement that my husband and I felt.

"Really?" Sirius asked excitedly. Harry, seeing everyone else getting worked up, started bouncing, laughing and clapping his hands as I continued to make funny faces at him

"Yeah, I'll make a great mum." Zander laughed, having registered Xayla mixing up her word order. I cackled and as I did, I poked my husbands head.

"Oh yeah, and I'll be the so strong and tough man."

"Girl, you couldn't even help us move the couch last month."

I pouted at Xayla, "To be fair, you all have magic."

The next few months passed very slowly, and it seemed to me as if nine millennia was slowly crawling by as opposed to the nine months I was being forced to wait. Despite my impatience however, I did manage to find ways of tracking time in a more creative way.

I would often find that I enjoyed examining myself, in body and in mind; this meant lots of self care routines and meditation. One day, I'd even managed to get Zander to meditate with me, but seeing my beautiful man there, I'd just ended up cuddling with him on the floor as we talked for hours about our futures with our baby.

Then, there was my morning sickness, which became more and more frequent, then began to slow as my stomach grew out more. All the changes in my body, began to make it hard to bend over and for someone like me, that became a real problem real quick, because I was one who prided myself on a perfectly clean and pristine home which I maintained myself with occasional help from my husband and his sister and more recently Sirius. They honestly did their best, but I was so particular already and now, being pregnant, I lost my cool or just burst into tears if things weren't where I needed them to be.

Eventually, I needed so much help that anxiety poured from me like water from the tap and then there was the fatigue and with those and my emotions- my anxiety about trying to raise my nephew perfectly, about my coming baby and so many other things, several weeks of my pregnancy were just me crying on the couch as my husband and family consoled and comforted me.

Harry wasn't helping anything either as of late, because for reasons completely unknown to any of us, my sweet baby nephew had become even fussier than ever and though we all joked that he might just be entering his 'Terrible Twos' early, it got so bad, that in the end, I caved and sent Zander to a muggle store to buy a television. I'd promised myself for years that I wouldn't raise my kids on the Tube, that it would make them stupid and lazy. I wanted to be an involved parent that gave my children engaging and physical activities that would stimulate their brain and help them grow better.

Luckily for me, Zander was far less anxious about this and once he'd returned, he sat down and consoled me, saying that just because we owned the Television, didn't mean we needed to use it all the time. It could be a treat and used in moderation, it could even be really good for our nephew and even our baby when they were born. With his assurance that things would be okay, that I was still a good parent/guardian and that everything would be alright, I finally accepted things and once that happened, I even noticed that having the Television not only helped Harry, but seemed to brighten everyone's mood, especially Sirius, who'd never watched a tube before and was so enthralled with it.

"Annie Wosie" Harry called as he ran into the room and jumped into my lap. Only about a month had passed since we'd gotten the Television and though my nephew was still seeming to have a rough time, the shows we had him watch seemed to distract him just enough for all of us adults to be able to get stuff done. It was nice, really, but I was still strict about how long he could watch and even more so, what he was watching.

"What is it, Harry?" I asked, shifting him so he wasn't putting too much pressure on my stomach before attacking him with kisses, making him giggle.

"Me Wan bwuder!" He'd stopped giggling now and the way he demanded this, he must've clearly thought he sounded like such a big boy.

My face fell and I stared at him. "What?" I was startled by the randomness of the demand and even more bewildered how he'd found it so easy to communicate this want to me.

"I think he said he wants a brother." Came Sirius' voice as he walked into the room, a smirk on his face.

"Oh, you put him up to this, didn't you?" I pointed an accusatory finger at my friend, my turquoise eyes narrowing in annoyance, but shaking his head, Sirius held up his hands in defense.

"I plead the fifth, ma'am."

"Do I need to get you a map?" I told him. "This isn't the muggle United States."

The dark haired man grinned as he came over now and sat nearby. "He came to me about this earlier and I told him to come to you." He finally explained.

I sighed, taking in and letting out a very deep breath. "Harry pumpkin, you're about to be getting a new baby cousin." I said gently.

"WAN BWUDER WAN BWUDWER! Harry was screaming at the top of his lungs.

I looked at Sirius, who leaned over, and taking Harry into his arms, he tried not to laugh as he screamed in return. "WhY!" He'd failed and halfway through the shout, he'd started laughing, causing myself and my nephew to laugh with him.

Harry, now calmer, smiled up at Sirius and said, "I wan bwuder bes fend." The small boy said.

Sirius looked at him and grinned "We'll see what we can do."

I rubbed my face and stood. I was already having a baby, what did the universe want from me? "I'm going to get some tea." Turning, I left the room, my mind swirling as I went.

That night, after putting Harry to bed, Sirius and I talked to Zander and Xayla to see what they thought. "Well," said Xayla "I don't know about you guys but I like the sound of other little kids running around in here."

"You're just baby hungry." I said and she only grinned in reply and gave a look at Sirius, which caused me to pause for a moment before I dismissed it with a shake of my head.

Sirius though, didn't seem to notice as he nodded "On one hand, we are already about to have two little ones running around. I can see why that might give Rose and Zander a bit of anxiety. However, it would be good for Harry to have other kids, his own age to play with. I mean it's not like we can take him to play at a park or play dates. He's too young to put a bunch of magic on him to disguise him and call me paranoid, but I am terrified of Dumbledore finding out, especially with the trace. If he has a magical accident, the ministry will find him in seconds. They even have the muggles looking for Harry, so we have to be extremely cautious."

I looked at Zander, who nodded slightly. Sirius had made several good points that I hadn't thought of and now that I did, it worried me. If Harry didn't have other kids to play and grow up with, would he grow up to be an awkward shut in? I wanted nothing more than for him to flourish and then there was my own child. They deserved peers, just as much as Harry did and with us being in hiding, I wasn't sure how it would be possible to socialize my child without potentially risking Harry's safety. Even if it was hard, we had to do what's right and one exchanged glance with Zander later and we agreed. "Alright we'll look around, see what we can find. We'll go for as close to Harry's age as we can get. Our little one is due any day now, so he or she won't be that much younger. I think that should be fine right?" My husband wrapped his arms around he, setting his hand on my stomach as he looked at Sirius and Xayla.

No one argued.

"So that's it?" I asked and everyone was just about to nod in agreement when Sirius suddenly looked at all of us, a strange look on his face, as if something important had just occurred to him.

"What is it Sir?" I asked and after a moment, he said.

"I think I know the subconscious reason why Harry wants a brother."

"Because he's lonely?" Xayla tried in a sarcastic attempt at humor but nobody laughed as the light eyed Black shook his head and whispered.

"James told me before he died that Lily was eleven weeks pregnant when she died and I think Harry could feel it."

Dead silence remained in the room, even as everyone then set off for bed, giving halfhearted good nights, all of us were thinking the same thing as we drifted off into our minds, What the bloody hell am I getting myself into?