Disclaimer. I don't own the characters. There is no more gain than the writing practice that is done here

Chapter 17 Preparations for the transfer. - Heartbreak, loneliness - feelings are clarified

Ross's family returned to NY with Phoebe Mike and the children.

Rachel had days of work packing up and taking down the house, work she had always hated, but now she had a totally different motivation.

Both she and the children were fascinated with Honolulu and the possibilities for a different life, probably with less stress.

Phoebe also came back delighted with Honolulu, she realized that it was her place in the world, so she soon convinced Mike to move home and work to that city. Their transfer did not depend on a paid job, they just had to set up a place to present the bands and have drinks.

Mike spoke with his partner and told him his plans, Junior did not want to start something new in another city or join Mike in the adventure, so he bought his part of the business. Mike had already thought about the possibility of something like this, since he knew that Junior was not an adventurer and would not get on his project,

Phoebe and Mike agreed that the probable date of the move could be during July, so Mike decided to travel in May to find a suitable place to install his club, he had many ideas, especially since in the city, in addition to the local inhabitants, there was a lot of tourism. He also wanted Chandler's opinion and help, he would surely know the best locations.

The activity in NY was hectic, stressful, but also anxious for the time to come back.

April and the first days of May passed quickly, and during that time Ross sent Rachel photos of the progress of the renovations, talked about his new job that he really liked, about how much he missed them. -

In Paris things were not so good.

Since they had returned from NY Monica was more convinced than ever that her dream, the dream for which she had left her family and her friends had been a great deception.

She continued to do all the courses possible to get to the apartment as late as possible and as tired as possible so as not to deal with Richard.

But today was May 15, and she felt devastated, during classes she had not been able to concentrate, she ruined one of the preparations, she had not stopped thinking about the fact that today she was celebrating her first year in Paris, and nothing had gone as expected, but the worst after all, today was her wedding anniversary with Chandler... Chandler!... what would he be doing... she knew that he would not ignore this date, he would hate her, he would have some remnant of love for her…?

She remembered how cruel she had been allowing Richard to choose precisely that day to travel to Paris, and she also remembered how selfish and arrogant she had shown herself to her friends when they asked her not to leave on that day... and she now had her punishment.

Paris was a beautiful city, but now for her it was a prison, and the worst thing was that if she left, she didn't know where to do it, she had lost her family, her friends, her true home, because of a stupid dream….

She had realized that she left them not because she had fallen in love with Richard again, now she knew that she had not fallen in love with Richard, she did not love him, as she had written in her diary, now she knew for sure, she loved, she only loved the dream, Paris, the Academy and Richard had always offered it to her, that's why she gave her life to him, believing that he was a knight in armor, but it was nothing like that, he seduced her with old words, deceived her, manipulated her, treated her from taking her away from her children, he was even grumpy and uncomfortable with the children every time he saw them, in truth, he never did anything honest and sincere for her, and that was not a healthy way to love.

And of all that disaster that she had made with her life, the worst, the most serious, the unforgivable thing is that she had hurt, she had destroyed Chandler…. a man who loved her unconditionally, who did everything for her and her children, a man who blindly trusted her, and whom she had betrayed in the worst way.

In the end, her stupid dream had turned into a horrible nightmare that she had to run from.

It was already midnight when she returned to the apartment. Richard was awake waiting for her, and the first thing he said to her was "Monica, we need to talk."

Monica sat on the sofa and answered "Yes, it is necessary to talk, one last conversation"

Richard looked at her at this response, under her gaze, and began to speak "Monica, I am clear that this" pointing to each other "is not going well"

"Monica, I never stopped loving you, but it is clear to me that this feeling has been unilateral"

He continued "I knew you were happy in your marriage, and that you loved your husband, because your father always told me so" "But when I found you again, I went crazy with the desire to get you back, and I tried to win you over and for that I resorted to all the tricks possible, to the old feelings you had for me, and to the expectations of a future together that we had promised each other."

"I assumed that the fire was between you and Chandler, over time it had subsided and that, since the children were not natural children, perhaps you were not so attached to them"

Monica's eyes widened in bewilderment at Richard's nasty comment about both her marriage and her love for her children. She was ready to retort but Richard motioned for her to let him continue.

"Monica, don't say anything, let me continue"

"When I asked you to resolve things, to talk to Chandler, to go to Paris as soon as possible, you made different excuses, obviously you weren't entirely convinced of how you felt about me and about the trip"

"Besides, I knew from your look and your smiles towards me, that your eyes didn't shine like they had the first time, and you didn't vibrate when we made love either, there was no passion in it, at least on your part"

"But I was convinced that once in Paris, away from everyone, it would go back to how it was before."

"When Chandler found out and left without a word, refusing to see you or talk to you, I was happy, it was our chance to go, and he wasn't going to bother."

"And that was my huge mistake, I thought that by leaving in silence, without fights or arguments, it was perfect, but no…. it was the complete opposite…"

You had a good marriage, when we started seeing each other you were not going through any crisis, you had a good relationship, you did not live arguing as marriages that are falling apart do…. So that's the lack of a last big final fight, the lack of words out of tune on Chandler's part, the lack of insults said in the heat of the discussion, they didn't exist, the separation, the divorce was so quiet, so stoic, that they didn't it gave rise to your anger, to your offense, to your encysted anger, it did not dirty your memories or your feelings, on the contrary, they filled you with guilt because nothing had clouded your feelings towards him. On the contrary, he kept winning in all aspects when you compared him with me, since our character and way of life are very different, and obviously you clearly agree with him.."

"Despite coming with me to Paris, you never really separated emotionally from your family, you love your children, and I'm sure you realized a long time ago that you still love Chandler."

Monica silenced him with her hand and began to speak.

"Look, I realized a long time ago that this has been a big mistake, the biggest and most costly mistake of my life… I was blinded by what you offered me, maybe I did it at a time or an age when you want to have new dreams to feel that you are still young for new adventures … but in truth I feel that I was wrapped in a cloud that blinded my intelligence, I floated, and now I fell into the void without a parachute"

"It's true, I loved you the first time, but this time I didn't fall in love again, in the haze I thought I did, you were part in the dream, you were with Paris, with the Academy, it was a combination of everything and I thought that, as I loved the dream I loved you, but it was reality it was all a mirage, a stupid mirage that dragged me to hurt many people "

"And if you really loved me so much, so much, as you say, a good man, as my father told me, knowing that I was in a happy marriage, you should never have meddled like you did, knowing that you were manipulating me into choosing you."

"It is also true that I was an idiot when I fell into the network, I thought I was a mature and intelligent woman, but obviously and unfortunately I am not"

"I was foolish, stubborn, defiant before all those who warned me of my mistake, when they were absolutely right, I had made a decision that I believed was correct and I defended it at the beginning and for some time due to my competitive personality, the terriblie thing is that I lost miserably"

"But anyway, I will never forgive you for manipulate me for trying tricks to get me away from my children, to whom you never gave a death of affection, on the contrary you supported your grandson when he openly mistreated them "

"That's the big difference between a good man, since you're not, as my father was so clear, and Chandler, when the person who thought I was happy with you, walked away, without anything else to say, and behaving like a gentleman, let me go"

Finally, Monica told him "I think you will agree that we have come this far, tomorrow I buy a ticket to return to NY, then I ask you to send the rest of my things to a post office box, I still don't know where I am going to live"

"It's okay Monica, anyway, I want you to know that everything I did, good or bad or wrong, was because I loved you, I still love you, but I know that all this effort was useless. I'm going to a hotel until you're gone, just let me know on my mobile"

"Richard got up, took his jacket, his documents and left"