Creation began on 03-24-23

Creation ended on 04-07-23

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Evangelion: A Shift in the Sensations

A/N: Sometimes, there's plenty of displeasure to go around to entice others to get involved in a cause to undo what was done for the right reasons.

It was just a senseless crush, he knew that, but after the last Angel attack she was involved in that rendered her incapacitated, Ryoji Kaji had visited Asuka in the hospital every chance he got to check on her recovery.

"I'm surprised that you come to see her," he heard Misato's voice from behind him, outside the room. "You're usually doing other things."

"I found the time to come down here and see her," he responded. "It doesn't seem like any of this is getting any easier to deal with."

"It was never easy to begin with. No matter how prepared we were to face the Angels, we can't guarantee our success when the people we rely are the ones that suffer more than we do."

"I heard another candidate declined because of what happened to the Fourth and Fifth Children. A girl this time."

"Yeah, Hikari Horaki. She was a candidate…until she declined. Apparently, she's close with the former Fourth Child."

"More people are leaving Tokyo-3 than I care to count. Most of the personnel are even sending their kids to other parts of the country to live with their relatives until it's safe to come back…or they decide to resign. Whichever happens first."

"It doesn't sound like you're optimistic."

"Two kids are in comas, one lost their sibling they were trying to help, and one is maimed for life. How can I be optimistic when…young people like this…that shouldn't be involved in all of this craziness…pay a high price for the sake of the human race? How can I be hopeful…when we don't even know why these Angels keep attacking us? And why it's always this city, nowhere else that could be visited by them?"

Those were questions without answers. They couldn't be answered if the ones being asked didn't know how to answer them.

"You left out one," Misato told him instead. "The missing Third Child."

"I'm starting to doubt that he'll even turn up," Kaji replied. "If he hasn't turned up, it's unlikely that he will ever turn up."

"You think he's dead?"

"Either that or he doesn't want to be found. From what I could understand, he's had no information about virtually anything relating to NERV or the Angels. The last time he was ever seen by anybody was on his ninth birthday, the day he disappeared…at his aunt and uncle's house…and hasn't been since. How is it that someone like that just disappears without a trace…without being seen by anyone?"

-x-

If Shinji hadn't been a victim of the Cenobites, then his prize from them had to have been something he wanted more than anything else in the world he lived in. And if this box was the same box that had been the cause of so much pain and suffering, and the boy had it briefly, what what had been his prize above all else desired? As he and Maya were back in the cafeteria again, carefully turning the puzzle pieces to produce the blade again, Fuyutsuki wondered what Shinji's desire had been that was granted by Leviathan.

Click. A bottom piece locked into place.

"Life, knowledge, love," went Maya.

"Sensation, resurrection, power," Fuyutsuki finished. "What did someone like Shinji want that was one of those desires?"

"It's gotta be right in front of us."

"What do you mean?"

"Who was Shinji Ikari? Why was he designated the Third Child by the Marduk Institute? Before I even heard of him, I didn't know Commander Ikari had a son; the guy never once spoke of him. It's like, there was no relationship between them at all. And when you take into account that he lived with an aunt and uncle that didn't have much to say about him, either, maybe Shinji sought a change that was better than what he had…or rather, what he felt he didn't have and what he was forced to deal with. Therefore, the answer has to be in front of us."

Fuyutsuki looked at the configuration…and had to consider that Maya was right. From Shinji's perspective, the life he had with his relatives, the lack of a relationship with his father, maybe even the lack of recollection of his mother, it could've made him susceptible to longing for something better, and his "something better" was given to him by the Cenobites and Leviathan.

"He chose Laudarant," he realized, setting the puzzle down. "He chose love. That was his desire. He wanted to be loved; if he wanted to be loved, and he wasn't feeling that by any of his relatives, then it was his hope that the Cenobites could and would grant him his desire…because that was what he always wanted."

"And if his desire was pure, it would be given to him, free of pain, of suffering. It wouldn't be perverted or twisted into something hurtful."

But even if they knew now why Shinji disappeared, it didn't mean that they would find him. More than likely, even if they could find him, there was no guarantee that Shinji would even want to help them; someone that had what they wanted the most was likely someone that had or felt no need to do anything else. The happiest person in the world would be content to stay that way until their final days. And if his father were to be told of this revelation, and he believed it to be true, it was likely that Gendo would try to undo his son's desire just to get him to do what he wanted of him, which meant…

"Lieutenant Ibuki," he told Maya, "for now, it's in our best interests if Commander Ikari knows nothing about our suspicions regarding the potential whereabouts of his son."

"But sir, we don't know where his son is. This is only speculation; we have no leads, no witnesses, nothing. We don't know anything. All we know…is what we know."

Click. Another piece of the puzzle locked into place when Maya moved it.

"I mean, even if we did know something, it's not like we'd ever be believed," she continued. "If we can get back Dr. Akagi, we can get her back. I don't want to do anything that interferes in another person's happiness, even if it makes someone else unhappy."

Fuyutsuki suspected that Maya was smarter than she seemed right now, or maybe just desperate to rescue Ritsuko. Either way, it only because of the pinhead Cenobite that they knew what they knew now, and what they did know was that they wouldn't be able to find Shinji because he wasn't anywhere they could go. But they needed more information, and if they could get it from the Cenobites, there would be more understanding as to why and how.

He moved the top portion of the configuration around…and just narrowly avoided the blade for the third time.

"Oh! Oh, I'm getting really tired of these close calls," he expresses.

"Yeah," she agrees with him and sighs. "We should see if we can avoid it by asking."

-x-

Nobody could explain how this was so due to the fact that there were no cameras in or outside the chamber when someone went inside the chamber where the Sixth Angel was kept…and reported it missing. Not even Gendo could understand how the creature could go missing without setting off any alarms; it was crippled, unable to move or project its AT-Field. And then, without any warning, the Seventh Angel up and disappeared four hours later under the same circumstances.

What is going on here? Gendo wondered as he stood in the chamber where the Seventh Angel had been held, seeing no sign of the creature anywhere.

-x-

The holder shall decide who gets offered

Since it was he that opened the box and missed being cut by the blade, it fell on Fuyutsuki to be the one that was left to decide who would be given to the Cenobites before he could obtain his desire from Leviathan. While Maya was willing to take responsibility, the pinhead Cenobite, or rather, the Hell Priest, or Hell Priestess (mostly because neither could tell if they were a man or woman) was as inflexible as any other person was when it came to responsibility and obligation, and stated that the one charged with this responsibility would be the one who opened the box first and began the cycle of blood and pain anew. Even as Maya bandaged his left hand, Fuyutsuki still never realized how much fear he felt when the Cenobite made him cut himself with the blade of the next configuration upon offering the other Angel to them. He had been afraid of dying before when threatened by SEELE, but with the Cenobites, the fear of death was not as bad as the fear of pain had been, because they wouldn't kill you just yet when they had all the time in the world to do so.

"Some will say that when they do something, they will have enough when it becomes too much for them to take," they told Fuyutsuki when Maya stabbed the Seventh Angel with the box. "However, what they fail to realize…is that enough…is nothing more than a myth. There is no such thing as enough."

When the box absorbed the Angel's blood into its shape, it began to reconfigure itself again, becoming an elongated, double-sided form of sorts with a strange and intricate shape. And then, when told to hand the box over to Fuyutsuki, the object closed in onto itself, indicating that it had been solved, simple as that, and its blade pierced him to draw blood, forming a new deal sealed by the two.

"Know that we will not be denied what we deserve by you now," the Cenobite informed Fuyutsuki. "Your blood is our insurance that you honor your end of the pact. Your blood is in our hands now, Kozo Fuyutsuki. Ours to claim whenever we choose, but the box I leave in your hands. Until the last configuration is unlocked, you and you alone will be the one to decide. Choose. If not you, another must be offered. You choose. You and you alone."

And with that, Fuyutsuki had been marked by the box, made an offering for the Cenobites to claim, but only if he didn't offer them someone else to take his place. His blood was their insurance; if he failed to offer them someone, they would come back for him.

"This isn't right," Maya told him as she finished bandaging his hand. "You should've let me do it. I was willing."

"No, you heard them," he replied as he moves his fingers around, not letting his self-inflicted injury hinder him. "I solved the box's initial configuration and missed the blade. It was meant for me, but by missing, I had a choice that I wasn't aware of. If they couldn't get me, they would accept another, a substitute. That's how they got Dr. Akagi. This time, though, no matter how things transpire, or who has the box now, it is in my hands to decide who will be offered to them in place of myself. If not me, another."

But it was because of this pact that the latest configuration of the box, the Liminal Configuration, didn't change when Fuyutsuki's blood was absorbed by the box when his hand was cut by the blade. It wouldn't change until he alone marked someone else as a sacrifice for the Cenobites like he did with the Angels. He wasn't sure how long he had to choose another sacrifice, but he knew that the Cenobites would not be patient with him for long.

"We can't afford to wait for the next Angel," he told Maya. "We need to find another offering that we can use. Preferably, not a person, no matter how awful they may seem or are."

As much as Maya agreed with him, it felt hard to ignore using people as the desired option for the Cenobites when there were bound to be countless people out in the world that were less than principled as they tried to be…and could serve as offerings to the people from this other realm of indivisible pain and pleasure. But as Fuyutsuki himself had claimed, he preferred a world with people in it, no matter how stained with sin it was.

"If you could have something like what the Cenobites offer, free of the suffering," she suggested, "what would you choose?"

"If I wanted something that they could offer me without the suffering?" He responded. "I'd choose either life, knowledge or love. What would you choose?"

"I'd choose love, just like the Third Child."

Putting the covering over the blade, the pair left the chamber before anyone was the wiser to what they were doing.

-x-

Every time she was bathed in Leviathan's black light, Ritsuko kept seeing the very worst things in her past that she had either seen or committed. Her failed relationship with her mother, her inconspicuous relationship with Gendo Ikari, her disdain towards Rei Ayanami, nothing was hidden from this giant being of divinity.

They were right, she thought as she went down a flight of stairs to get away from the light. The price of knowledge is realization. But it's worse this time. I feel the suffering of what I saw or did…and it hurts.

She stopped against a stone wall and dropped to her knees.

"It's a dark blessing to be able to go back to way things were before coming here," she heard someone say to her, "except that nothing can be the same as before, even if you do manage to get out of here."

She looked up and saw a man in black with a tentacle stuck to their head.

"Who…who are you?" She asked him.

"Doctor Phillip Channard," he introduced himself to her, "at your service."

"You…you used to be a doctor?"

"Such practices are meaningless here in the Labyrinth, but Leviathan enjoys my suffering and allows me to wander around, keeping the tortured in line."

Ritsuko looked down in regret.

"Like me?" She asks him.

"No," he answers her. "You're part of a separate faction that is full of people that have fates yet to be decided upon. You didn't open the box, therefore, you won't become a Cenobite unless Leviathan deems you worthy of such an honor. All you may have to look forward to while you're here is the continued suffering that awaits you."

"What led you to become one?"

"The knowledge I sought after…and the one that betrayed me. But in the end, my deepest regret…was that I hesitated."

"You hesitated?"

"Becoming a Cenobite was the best thing that ever happened to me. Oh, my hesitation caused me great pain in the beginning, but upon the realization of what I had become, my pain became replaced with exhilaration."

-x-

If he had been on the verge of death, Fuyutsuki would've chosen life. If he had a drive for greater knowledge, he would've chosen knowledge. And…if he just wanted a companion to spend the rest of his life with, he would've chosen love. But such desires were only possible if the drive behind each was pure and unfettered by anything that could enable the Cenobites or their god, the Leviathan…to pervert the desire into something painful. And even with this knowledge that this is what led to Shinji going missing, there was no way to convince Gendo of any of it without some measure of proof.

"…What?!" He heard Misato say as he walked down the hall with Maya. "When did this happen?! Why?!"

"Commander Ikari issued it ten minutes ago," they heard a personnel member respond to the commanding officer. "For the time being, access to and from the Geo-Front has been restricted."

Fuyutsuki got the impression that this was because the two Angels NERV had managed to capture alive were no longer around the base, and he probably suspected someone within the base to have been the cause of their disappearance.

Ikari, there is such a thing as going too far, he thought, keeping a tight hold on the bag he was using to carry the puzzle box.

-x-

"…Oh, my," Ritsuko gasped as she saw the Sixth Angel in the air over the Labyrinth. "How in the world is it here?!"

"It was chosen," she heard a woman, more than likely the same woman that had been torturing her earlier, say to her. "Marked by the box as a sacrifice."

She turned to her right and saw the partially-skinned, heavily-mutilated Cenobite whose neck was split open to reveal its innards and windpipe.

"You take Angels as offerings?"

"Anyone marked by the blade of the box…is ours to claim whenever we wish. The holder of the box is the one to decide who will belong to us and our god."

Again, the price of knowledge was the pain of realization. Every time she asked a question and received an answer, Ritsuko suffered a little more from knowing what was to be in store for her. Looking down at her hand where the cut from the box's blade resided, the faux-blond ponders how to comprehend her future questions and answers.

"Knowledge is not power," the Cenobite told her. "Knowledge is pain and pleasure; for the sorrow of every question answered is the tears of revelation. To know…is to be hurt by what one has learned. To have possession of such knowledge…is to never be at peace with what is discovered. To realize that the peace comes at a price…is to accept that the pain you wrought must be endured for all time."

"My biggest mystery was never being able to understand what it is about the relationship dynamics between men and women."

"Once the final sacrifice has been made to our god…you will know every question you have…and you will feel everything you can't avoid. When that happens, what you feel now…will feel like a forgotten memory of Heaven."

Ritsuko wasn't sure if this was a threat or a warning, but she felt like she needed to get away from this mutilated person. She turned down a corner and walked away; the Cenobite didn't even try to go after her.

"It doesn't matter where you try to run," she heard their voice. "We have eternity to find you and experience the limits of your endurance."

-x-

"…He can't possibly think that any of us had anything to do with why two Angels held in containment have gone missing!" Hyuga stated on the bridge in Central Dogma later that day. "I mean, it's ludicrous! How could anyone even move them?! It was hard enough just to bring them down here!"

"And it was strenuous on the pilots when we did," Maya added in. "There's no way anyone could've removed them without making a sound or alerting anyone to their attempts. So why did he put us on lockdown?"

"Our only two pilots left are in comas," went Shigeru, "two resigned and there's nobody really signing up to pilot the Evas after what happened over the months since the Angels returned. Can't blame them, honestly. The job is awful."

"Lately, everything we've done has been awful," Hyuga claimed.

Maya couldn't fault him for saying such. The mere fact that NERV was tasked with saving the world of humanity had initially seemed like a noble endeavor, but when the Angels started appearing and the reality of their situation became clearer, it was nothing more than a falsehood belief that they were trying to believe in. And her discovery that there were these people from another world where it was like some forgotten level of Hell…didn't ease her worries that much because of what was needed to be done to obtain a desire their god could fulfill for whoever had this puzzle box. While it seemed possible that this Leviathan could grant humanity a boon that would stop the remaining Angels from attacking, Maya dare not take that chance that it would be for naught, that the puzzle box and Leviathan could only bestow gifts based off of personal pleasures, not to protect or heal what was damaged already.

Of course, saving the world isn't a pleasure, she thought, unless you can receive something that helps you to fight against one's enemies. But I doubt that's possible. If it were possible, someone would've done something about the Angels a long time ago.

-x-

"…And if nobody's responsible?" Fuyutsuki asks Gendo in his office, trying to get some sense of his suspicions of people within the Geo-Front having something to do with the disappearance of the two Angels. "If this is nothing more than simple coincidence?"

"There's no such thing as 'simple coincidence'," Gendo responded, "and someone is responsible for their disappearance…and has to answer for it."

"It is simply impossible for anyone to have infiltrated NERV HQ and capture two Angels that were barely alive because their AT-Fields had been neutralized, preventing any degree of regeneration. If they had been moved, the alarms would've gone off. It is reckless to accuse anyone of something impossible to do, Ikari."

"Unless it's a conspiracy."

"A conspiracy? By who? Against who?"

"NERV. Maybe the old men have lost their faith."

Fuyutsuki then heard the sound of something intricate and like the sound of a music box, only it was loud enough to fill the office with its luring tones. This had to be from the puzzle box; he and Maya had discovered that some of the puzzle boxes that had been made could produce a sound that would compel whoever heard their music to do things; if this was the case with him, it was likely to offer up someone as a sacrifice to the Cenobites. But he couldn't offer up Gendo; no matter how much he detested the man, no matter how much he probably deserved Hell for his own atrocities, the former teacher refused to sully his hands and conscience with this arrogant man's blood. Not when there was something else he could offer the Cenobites in exchange for his own life.

"Since when do they lose faith in anything?" He asks Gendo.

"Since it was learned that the Third Child disappeared and has not been found to pilot the Eva," Gendo answers. "Since NERV has lost four pilots against the Angels."

"Two pilots, you mean; the First and Second Children are in comas, the Fourth Child resigned and the Fifth Child can no longer walk due to loss of function in his legs."

Not that it didn't make him feel any worse than he already did for them, but being in a coma, disabled or resigning was preferable to being dead or piloting the Eva. At least, that's what he hoped…because he couldn't accept that they were being used this way…simply because of a prophecy that was before any of them drew their first breath.

"What is that sound?" Gendo asks him.

"What sound?" Fuyutsuki replies, unsure if they were hearing the same sound coming from the puzzle box.

"It sounds like it's coming from whatever you have in your bag."

Fuyutsuki sighs and responds, "It's nothing more than the box that was believed to be a part of your son's case. It's nothing more than an intricate object that is intriguing to me."

"The box that you and Lt. Ibuki claim that caused Dr. Akagi to disappear?"

"You can believe whatever you want to believe, Ikari, but there are some things that you can't explain without sounding a little crazy…or seeing things that seem like they're from a nightmare. How can you explain Dr. Akagi disappearing? Or your son missing without a trace? How do you explain their disappearances?"

"Stress from overwork resulting in going AWOL and preadolescent rebellion or a kidnapping enterprise looking to make a profit from human trafficking."

"Bull. If she wanted time off, she would've said something. And if he'd been kidnapped for a ransom, why wait years to make a demand for his return? And if he'd run away, where was his plan to go? You can't explain why if there's no information to go on."

"And tinkering around with a toy doesn't help us get any closer to our goal."

"Your goal, Ikari; don't forget that we want different things, which, as of late, I'm losing my faith in ever achieving."

Then, just because he knew he could do it, Fuyutsuki turned and walked away from Gendo. If the man wouldn't believe in what had happened within the last few hours, then he didn't feel compelled to inform him of what he intended to offer up to the Cenobites next based on what he knew. Since the Human Instrumentality Project seemed to be dependent upon several factors, one of which by SEELE included Lilith, who resided within Terminal Dogma, no Lilith meant no means to achieve their grand design, which also meant that Gendo's scenario would be partially ruined, as well. But he decided to let Maya know what he was planning to do; there was no point in keeping her in the dark.

Meanwhile, Gendo thought about what Fuyutsuki told him. Well, only the part where he and Maya explained that Ritsuko had been taken by these…Cenobites. These…otherworldly beings that appeared mutilated beyond the body's ability to withstand. There was no way he could believe in such a thing, and he couldn't believe that they were connected to some toy box that was believed to be connected with his son's disappearance. Still, the fact that the boy disappeared in a way similar to how Dr. Akagi had, it made him wonder a little on what these…Cenobites were capable of.

-x-

"…So, he still doesn't believe any of it?" Maya questions Fuyutsuki as they were in the elevator heading to Terminal Dogma with the box.

"If he does believe, it's not for the reasons he should," he tells her, checking the bag to make sure the blade on the box was still covered to prevent an accidental cutting. "But after everything that has happened since the Angels returned, and everything that yet to happen, some things shouldn't happen at all, no matter what some shady people think."

"And what shouldn't happen at all?"

"The end of the world as we know it."

Ding! The elevator had reached their destination and they stepped out.

They walked down the long hallway and stopped at a door.

"The LCL production facility?" Maya asks. "What are we doing here?"

"There is something here that can be given to the Cenobites. Another hindrance the world knows nothing about and shouldn't have to know about at all."

He swiped his card onto the access panel and the door opened.

"I dream of angels, but I sleep with demons," Maya expresses.

"Yeah," Fuyutsuki agrees with her. "I do, too."

They walked into the chamber…and Maya had to look up. She had to look way up at what was there in front of them.

"Is that…an Evangelion?" She asks, taking in its features. "No. It looks organic. Completely organic. But its lower body is missing. What is this thing?"

"This is the real reason the Angels keep coming to attack Tokyo-3," he reveals. "A keystone to the Human Instrumentality Project and Third Impact. This…is Lilith, the source of all life as we know it that exists on Earth…and I'm going to give her over to the Cenobites."

Maya couldn't believe it! This was the reason the Angels were attacking, the reason why so many people had suffered, why two pilots had been reduced to a comatose state, another had resigned and another losing their ability to walk. And worse was that a handful of people knew about its existence and kept it hidden from the public, for whatever reasons they chose to keep it hidden. But now Fuyutsuki wanted to dispose of it like they had with the other two Angels.

"Just one question: How are we going to cut it if it's all the way up there…and we're down here?" She wonders.

To be continued…

A/N: How goes your interest in this story? I'm hoping the next chapter will detail Gendo's shift that leads him to escalate his own issues that end up putting him in the path of the Cenobites and his eventual downfall. Ritsuko continues to be tormented through knowing things and not just being physically harmed and the discovery of Shinji's desire outcome draws near.