Chapter Title: Always a Smile and a Wave
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
Author: Obi the Kid
POV: Dashen (13 years old)
Chapter Summary: Takes place not long after the death of Dashen's little brother, Kossi as Dashen struggles to go on without him.
Series Summary: A series of non-chronological stories taking place in the world of my OC's Dashen and Tannerlin.
Rating: PG
Characters: Dashen Lesedi, Virgil Colton
NOTE: Blame this one on a crappy week at work a few months back. I was in an angsty mood.
Where I went, he followed.
Smiling always. Happy always.
Waving to those he knew and to those who were complete strangers.
He accepted. He loved.
Then he was dead. And I was left.
Alone and empty. My heart breaking in loss. My will to go on, shattered into pieces.
But I do. Go on. For as long as I can.
Maybe that's a week. Maybe it's a month or a year.
I have my job and that's about all. I no longer have what I valued most in the galaxy.
I'd give everything to have him back. I'd give my own soul if it were possible. Just to see that face again. The joy he took from life, even in the face of death.
He never had much. We never had much. But we had parents who loved us. We had each other. Did we really need anything more?
Now I do. I need my little brother. I need that good he saw in everyone. I need that optimism he felt at every turn of every twist in the path ahead.
Eight years old is too young to die. But he did. He died and left me here. I swore to take care of him; to protect him all his life. Our parents died and I re-dedicated myself to that small presence next to me. Same black hair. Same green eyes. His eyes though, they sparkled with life. With joy. Then I failed him and lost him and he's gone.
I miss him.
And I float from day to day with nothing inside but emptiness and misery.
No…I don't think I'll last a year. Maybe a month. I can't deal with what's happened. Not alone, I can't.
I thought he'd be with me forever.
How foolish I was.
The good die young, right? That's what they say.
He was eight.
Too damn young to do anything except be a little brother. Tagging along behind me. Asking a million repetitively annoying questions. Giggling his head off at stupid, silly things like when a fat red spider landed on my head and tried to nest in myhair. Hugging me goodnight when I felt like crap inside.
Maybe a month. I can go a month. I can…but why? He's not coming back. And this pain won't be going away. Not ever. Why the hell do I go even past today? There's not a damn thing waiting for me tomorrow. Why should I even try and keep moving?
Because.
Kossi would have done it. He would have found a way. Eight years old and stronger than his big brother in so many ways.
I loved him. I miss him. And this hurts like hell.
But I'll do it. I'll try again. Tomorrow is a new day. Things can get better. After all, there's no further down I can go than where I am now.
Tomorrow is here. The pain and empty…still there.
I see that big criminal guy, Virgil Colton over there. He's been watching me. I see him a lot in places where I am. I met him once or twice before. He and his giant house were a fascination for me and my school friends when I was younger.
A large hand set down on my shoulder. I jump. Look up. It's Colton. Wasn't he just across the street? How can such a huge man move so quickly? And what does he want? I just want to be left alone.
"You all right, kid?"
Great, now he's talking to me.
I shrug him off.
"Fine."
"Here."
He touched his data pad to mine. I was barely conscious of the fact that I still had mine in my hand.
"My comm number. You call me if you need anything."
What? I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I just need my brother back.
"Okay." I lied instead.
Go away now. Please just go. He didn't. Not yet. Instead he kept talking and pretending to be concerned. About me. Why? Who was he to worry about someone like me? He was a criminal. I was a lost thirteen year old kid.
"I'm sorry about your brother, Dashen."
How did he know my name? How did he know about Kossi? What did he want from me?
"What do you want from me, Mr. Colton?"
I offer up my best steely-eyed stare.
His blonde head lowered and he removed his hand.
"Nothing, Dashen. Just making sure you are…no. Never mind. I'll be on my way."
Good. I don't need you making sure of anything.
"Just…let me be. I'm fine."
"You are many things, boy, but fine is not even close to the top of that list. I know your past. I know your pain. But I won't dig further."
He's gone now. Walking slowly away from me. His tall, broad form is easy to follow in the morning crowd. My datapad is still in my hand. I lift to see. The screen showed his comm number and name. I could just delete it. I should delete it. But…not yet. Some annoying little nag in the back of my head tells me not to. So I don't. But I will. Eventually.
The next tomorrow came. And the next. A month comes too. I toss in a failed attempt to end it all with an overdose of death sticks at some point. Nothing else changes though. I work. I live. I grieve. And every so often, I see that tall, broad form again. Still watching from a distance. And it doesn't matter. He can do whatever the hell makes him happy. Just leave me to my crappy life.
A half a year comes. Or it goes. I don't know which. I don't really care. I work steadily because it's all I have and I need to at least keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach. That Colton guy pesters me still from a distance. He hovers but doesn't get too close, almost as if he's afraid of something. Huh. Maybe he's afraid of me latching on and clinging to him.
Except that I don't cling. Especially I don't cling to people like him.
Today is a pretty crappy day. Exactly six months since Kossi died. I feel it. It affected my work. I screwed up both jobs today. Almost got killed in the process. Not that it mattered. Who was there to miss me? Who was there to care?
There's a quiet park near where I live. My brother always loved it. He enjoyed the insects and the fluffy tree rats. I don't think that's what they're called, but it's what they look like. I sit there now. Thinking about Kossi. Missing the hell out of him. Part of me upset that I hadn't died today…ending this never-ending pain.
In my hand, a small piece of green cloth from my little brother's favorite blanket; the one I buried him in. I kept a piece for me. It reminds me of our time. Those short eight years before fate stole him away from me.
Six months gone.
I can't stop the tears. Not now. I don't even want to. Kossi deserved them. His memory. My arms clutch to my chest. It's how much it hurt. And when I thought I'd cried enough, I got up from the bench. My eyes on the green cloth as strange arms suddenly wrap around me.
I struggle to get free. They don't budge. Long blonde hair fell into my vision. Colton. Again. But in my space now. Intruding where he didn't belong. Where I didn't need him.
Or did I?
I don't struggle for long. Mind, body, emotions all giving into six months of living hell. Instead of pulling away, I fall apart. The arms around me, not wavering. And I cry hard into them.
I suppose I did need Colton. I needed someone. If only for a few minutes. Someone to give a damn about me when I didn't give one about myself.
Eventually I stop blubbering. Pulling free. Colton let me go.
"Your parents were good people, Dashen, even though they didn't always think the best of me. I could never fault them for that. Your brother, he was the best of people. I lost count of the times that kid waved and smiled to me over the years. Always, a smile and a wave. That was your brother. I know that you've lost part of yourself, haven't you?"
I didn't answer. I couldn't. How do I explain to someone who is essentially a stranger that I didn't just lose part of myself; I lost part of my very soul.
Colton continued. "I don't know you well, Dashen, though I've seen you grow up. And I admit that this was not an uncomplicated thing for me to intervene in your life. But I could not simply stand by any longer and watch you suffer and put yourself through this constant hell that you battle. For a moment…at least, you needed someone to give a damn about you when you don't give one about yourself."
My words. In my head. He mirrored them. Odd. But I couldn't argue the point. Still, I had no need to become associated with Virgil Colton. I was having a tough enough time living day to day without plummeting myself off a building. I didn't need someone to stand there day after day to remind me of my grief. I could do that well enough alone, thank you.
I nod towards him. Not sure what to say. So, I say nothing.
"I have work to attend. And you have another day to get through."
Another nod. Then, I surprise myself with actual words. I don't think I meant to say them. They just happen. "It's really hard, you know. He was my little brother." My voice cracks and I turn to walk away.
"You call me, Dashen Lesedi, if you need to. You call me."
It was the last I saw of Virgil Colton for several months. I don't know if he just avoided me, or maybe he was out enjoying his wealthy criminal lifestyle. Whatever it was, he stayed away. I was glad. Or at least part of me was.
Today is nine months. I'm working on that year. Hurts like hell, but I'm trying. For my brother, I'm still trying.
Nine months and a day now. I finally see Colton again. Across the street talking to a couple of seedy looking characters.
He looks over at me. Kossi on my mind; as he almost always is. And I remember the big man's words about my little brother. Always a smile and a wave. He had one for everyone, no matter who you were. It's just who he was.
…The simple life lessons that could be learned from an eight year old boy.
I push back the tormenting memories and smile inwardly. Then the smile forces its way out and I glance back across the way. I offer Colton a small smile and a wave.
He waved back.
Kossi would be proud.
The end.
